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ramblings of a young adult

Hmmm, just came home after a day outside.. Tired wor~ @_@"
Something that I don't expect it will happen, it happen... He called me.. After having alot of thinking to give up right? =( He told me what happen. But I don't wish to share with people reading.. He apologise for hurting such a nice girl~ *faint* I nice meh? Only Ying Yan will say that ba~ Hur hur, then I met him up.. I try to make him smile, yes he did smile.. And his smile is so sweet.. Have a wonderful time with him. Although is less then an hour, but I really enjoy it..
I have no idea if he really healing from the hurts, but I hope he really do.. I don't want him to get hurt again.. I maybe just a simple girl who happen to walk pass his life.. But while I'm walking pass his life, I hope that I can really give him the brightest time of his life.. Really :) I don't want to play an important role.. Just a tiny little role can make me happy..
Well, I guess that's love.. The power of love~ =X

Man~~ Ying Yan really is a sweetie wor~ She SMS me "I miss you sweetie" See~ Get what I mean? Friendster also added testimonial with "I miss you sweetie" Wah~ *faint* A nice girl that I know!! Never going to give up on this friendship! God give her to me!! Don't take it away leh.. >.<"
Hmmm... Just miss him too much.. =( I SMS him, but he no respond lor.. Maybe he just too busy if not, he don't want to contact me le.. *Sigh* Finally found the taste of missing someone.. Its a good thing? Err.. No idea wor~
Haiz, don't know how to continue le~~ =( Maybe I suppose giving up is the best thing on earth? Agree pepole?

Haiz, decided to post another post.. Feeling very vexed.. I know that I'm not the only one feeling sad right now.. Susu MIA for so long, I also didn't bother to find him.. I then realise that he also another sad fellow on earth.. While my classmate also have the same feeling too.. I guess 3 of us are on the same boat.. Well, I suppose that 3 of us should really console one another..
Haiz, life is so wired.. The person whom we want to be with, doesn't loved us.. The person whom really loved us, we don't loved them.. Why can't it be the way whereby both of us are really in love with each other? Isn't that the best thing on earth?
If.. I have a If, God is willingly to give me a chance to do the thing that I really want to do.. I suppose that I want to be with him.. That's the only thing that I really wish for.. Although I suppose that he's happy now.. Why I can't be wishing him all the best? Why am I still holding onto him without letting him go? I'm a bitch am I? Still holding onto someone who doesn't worth me waiting and loving. Haiz, who can really help me? I don't want to let go.. I don't want he to see me pity then give up her over me.. I just want a true love between both of us.. Those things that I've done haven't touch him? Calling me at 4am in the morning I still pick up.. No matter how tired am I.. I still wait for his call everyday.. He don't know.. Does this little things he know? =( I don't think so.. Haiz~~

-=I change my background music as GuiJi by Zhou Jie Lun=- All time favourite song..

Hmmmm... So many days didn't online le.. Miss me anot? Hur hur, if Ying Yan read this, she will always say "I miss you sweetie" right? LoL~ *Thick skin* Hmmm... Kinda busy this few days, somemore laptop not at home, if not sure online de.. =| Cause I miss you guys ma!! Those who are reading this lor~ Especially~~ err... He and my Ying Yan =X
Today the results were out.. Congrats to those who did well.. Well, Best Friend, didn't do well, try harder again okay!? Your Good Friend is always behind you, cheering you to move on!! :D
Last few days, 24th Feb 04' He called me in the middle of the night.. Although he promise not to talk about her, I have no idea why he called me at 4am, to talk about her.. He's vexed yes I know.. But me too.. He don't understand? He called and talk everything about her.. I was there trying my best to console him.. I hate it.. Hate to have 2 faces.. I really want to tell him not to think about her, and not to love her.. But I can't.. Since I like him, I must wish him all the best, right? But I can't.. 2 faces are hard to be. Have to smile in front of him, but deep down I cried..
I met him on 25th Feb 04' Its a last minute thing. I was still in uniform.. We went to Centuary Square. Shop around.. I think I am the biggest fool on Earth.. I trying to be a clown. Saying those jokes which are not funny at all.. =| He did laugh at least, I'm please.. We went to buy clothes for my friend baby.. He choose the colour for me.. I wanted blue, but he say better to have pink, cause for baby girl.. He's a nice guy, sweet wor~ :D Then we went to food court. Hur hur, that stupid DEVIL called me.. Said that he saw me there.. -.-" Hmmm.. After that we went home le.. He sent me to Pasir Ris, then he took 518.. Wah, wait for that stupid bus damn long.. I though I can have 1 day without hearing him talking about her.. Everything was nice.. But when we reach Pasir Ris, he start to talk about her again.. damn~ It hurts~ =(
Haiz, have a feeling to give up everything.. I'm tired~ Really tired..
The picture I taken today.. Trying to act cute.. Not nice lor.. >.<"


Hmmm... Jus reach home from outside.. Kinda tired. =(
Went to Tampines Mall.. Then actually want to eat sushi one, but in the end leh? Ended up at Souel Garden. Promotion ma~ >.<" Then in the end we calaculated, still the same lor.. lOL~ Shop around TM, then took picture with my "darling" Michelle~ Nice picture! I like it!! Abit blur, taken with HP de. Lazy to scan =X Here it is~~ Heez, 2 little girl trying to act cutE :X But I just love it!!!

See teensonline site.. The way they give comments about my picture.. The one that I taken with my grandfather a year ago.. Hurting man~ What to do? Accept it. Say what I seeking pity here.. Nabei. See liao fucking dulan.. =\ Aiya, loser.. Who cares? Just a memory I wish to share with people that I know.. What the fuck? They comment till like that. Nabei~ See liao fucking dulan.. Time pass so fast.. My grandpa is gone for around 5months le.. I'm still learning how to let go, and learning how to accept the fact.. Silly girl right? But the loves that he used to pour to me was alot, no idea how long will I need to pour him back the loves that he pour to me.. I regret.. Of course I did. About the stubbornness that I gave him, the angers that I showed to him.. Haiya, promise not to dig out this pass, why I still do that! =(
Anyway, below are the pictures that I taken during SUPER TEEN :D Not really nice taken, can see that my hair really short?! Cause I hide it inside ma!! Duhz~ Freezing wor~ >.<"


Pictures [1st Row]: Me & Dong Hui, Me & Izwan, Kelvin & Me, Naz & Me
Pictures [2nd Row]: Sha & Me, Sha & Me, YiXiu & Me

Hmmm.. Today didn't went to school. Was sick.. In the end, went to see doctor. Came home around 1pm.. Then change bedsheet.. =( Sick also must change..
*Sigh* Thinking about yesterday.. SuperTeen.. *Cried* Yah, its true.. ReNxINgER cried.. Hur hur, Stupid ERNEST WONG Make me think about my Grandpa.. I not crying over his story.. Just cry over the impact of lossing someone that I haven't told him that I love him.. No one else can replace him in my heart... Grandpa only.. =(
After SuperTeen met up with him.. Walking together, the way I react.. *Shake head* so jia lat.. BLUR~~ Then ended up at Burger King eat.. Then he sent me home till my house void deck. Planning to take bus, then when we reach the bus stop, the bus came.. But the bus don't want to let us take! So in the end we walked home.. Finally reach home le, hard to say goodbye.. But still have to.. He said he will call me later, guess what? He did.. Yeah, he did.. Chatted till 1am.. SMS till I fall asleep.. The sadest thing is that, this is only call one side love.. I just playing an extra role in his life.. He was reading the person he loved blog.. Thats why I decided to update my blog again.. Too long didn't touch on it, feel like writting again, but it's hard to start..
Today, he know I didn't went to school. Thinking of meeting up with him.. Guess what? He made me feel like an idiot.. I'm sick, and I went out. Just to wait for him to SMS me.. I waited for hours. Walking non-stop at mall.. In the end, he said "Err.. Wo bu xiang chu lai le..." He doesn't sound in good mood.. Like I do? I waited for so long, and it ended up like this? =( It hurts.. And he keep on talking about she she she.. But have she ever spare a thought for me? No he didn't.. Yah I know, moreover it's only one side love.. Letting go.. Just letting go..
A song that I have listen the whole day..
Say It Isn't So
Skies are dark
It's time for rain
Final call, you board the train
Heading for tomorrow
I wave goodbye to yesterday
Wipe the tears you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow
How can I be smiling like before
When baby you don't love me anymore

Chorus:
Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know
I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Tempt to find but at least we've tried
We're still alive with hopes this time
As they closed the door behind you
We're so alone and time stands still
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
as I wish I'd never found you
Wohoh
How can I be smiling when you go
Will I be strong enough to carry on

Chorus

Miles, miles to go
Before I can sail
Before I can nail my love for you to sleep
Oh darling
I get miles, miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear me laugh again

Chorus

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