{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

aWW~ Tired..
Just have a 3.5hrs of match at CC~ So sonG!! feeling so smelly noW~ =X Play badminton, like siao char bo like that.. Sweat non stop. I think, I gonna loss weight~ :D
Today's paper I think gonna fail.. Cause what I've wrote is totally out of topic.. Actually wanna go down his place to look for him, but he said he was at home, so suan le lor.. =|
TiRED tIRED TiRED tIRED TiRED tIRED TiRED tIRED TiRED tIRED TiRED tIRED TiRED tIRED!!!!
Oh yah, new picture~ Taken during a nap in class. I didn't know my friend took it -_-"

And this is what on Kelvin's pencil case -_-" That's my finger!! :D


Celine Dion - Because You Love Me

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love i found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand i could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and i stood tall
I had your love i had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe i don't know that much
But i know this much is true
I was blessed because i was loved by you

You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak

Hmm.. Glad that it rain! aWw~ Sky is so damn dark out there..
Everyone said that Chemistry teacher didn't came to school because she's on course. Wow, can you imaging how happy we were? Finally can sleep in lessons! Cause its the first 2 periods of the day.. Damn shit. After we have being cheering, she's beside us. What the hell? Worst still, I left my file at class. Ended up having "Bible study" with her. -_-"
Ate alot during recess. *Yummy* I guess all my wei kou come back le ba. If not, I won't be feeling so hungry and decided to eat alot of stuffs.. Hmmm...
During Social Studies class, we were sitted in groups to do the source-based questions. Can you imaging how clever we were? We were talking about the trip back then in Sec3 where the Geography students went. Wow.. We didn't even looked at the question paper.. Happily talking.. *Laugh* Then when teacher asked us questions, luckily we can answer.. If not.. No one know what will happen.. Hahaz.. Oh yah, talking about the trip.. I can't imaging it man.. -_-" My classmate[A guy] actually did that with a girl at the hotel.. It's a 3days 2 night thing and they do that thing on the 2nights.. I was wondering what's good about the girl? *hahaz* She's consider kinda plum to me. I guess not kinda, its plum. Hahaz, then she don't have breast? Hmmm...
What's next? She's the one who make my friend high. lOL~ That's not the end, she do those stuffs that make all the guys bth~ Whaha.. Alot of stories man~ Kaoz, kinda #*&$(#*_@#( with it! I miss out the fun at there! Cause I'm a History student.. :|
After school, there's Maths Mock Exam.. Paper 1.. Usually I can score well with it. Today I was totally knock down. Hmmm.. Anyone wanna have any celebration? If I'm not wrong, there are 21 questions, half of the paper I don't know how to do.. Wow.. Celebrations anyone? Congrats me for failing..
I gonna be crazy soon.. Yesterday night, chat with him in MSN then IRC then phone.. Though can talk things out. Yes we did talk things out, but without any concludsion.. You guys must be hitting the wall or what right? He's waiting for me, I'm waiting for him to ask.. No one gonna take any move.. *Sigh* How long can it last for? I suppose that he's love has been starting to fade..
If it hasn't, he will be the one asking not me. But ended up he telling me that I'm the one who wanted to break up, and I must be the one clearing it.. What type of logic is this? And this is the first time I'm hearing this type of things..
If he still treasure me, he will be asking me.. I know I shouldn't have to do this type of stuffs.. But look, if I'm the one asking for patch, he will think highly of himself ba.. That's my point of view.. And he don't know the real meaning of treasuring someone.. *Sigh* How I wish I remove this in my head.. I don't bother about if he treasure or not treasure me.. I just want him back!! =|

Maybe, I should just let it be.. I should have stop SMS-ing him ba.. Until he SMS me then I reply.. Although I care, but I just feel it's abit irritating.. I mean keep pester him.. Or maybe I should just.. Let it be..
Talk to him just now. Chatted everything except the topic on us.. *Sigh* If really we only can be friends, I just hope that he can tell me. I know I'm the one who want to break, but stuffs like that, can't be having me to tell him that I want him back ma. So many stuffs haven't settle.. aRgh~ Hao tong~

Blogger song change to Shin - Shi Jie Mo Ri

*sigh* feeling very tired.
Exams coming. Won't be online that often. Exams is like this friday? I still slack around. Haven't even touch my books.. :| Will be online just to update blog. That's it ba..
I really wanna be alone.. Pang, yesterday you call me, I wasn't sleeping. I just don't want to talk much. Somemore you're using HP to call me.. I don't want to waste your free outgoing call.. People, anything just SMS me ba. If I can get back to you, I will. I'm still waiting for his call.. So don't make me "happy" just by having the phone to ring..
Oh ya, I change phone with my brother. I know using 7210i. No contact numbers are inside except for him. If you guys were to SMS me, please tell me who are you. Thanks =|
2.4km? How well I did? lOlx.. I finish the whole thing at 18.12mins :D I fail. Neh neh.. I think the route is more then 2.4km.. :| From my school run to DownTown East chalet, and go back to school. To DownTown East is around 4stops. How can it be 1.2km? Hmmmm...
Finish school at 145pm. Reach home about 2pm, took a shower and sleep till around 530pm. Told my brother to wake me up at 4pm, but this idiot didn't.. So long I didn't sleep well le..
Yesterday night.. *Sigh* I really dream about him.. Like another happy time that we spend together.. Shopping as usual, he bought a new T-shirt for him himself.. He bought one for me too.. I wanted the dream to continue, but I wake up crying.. I was about to SMS him, just then, he SMS me asking me if I were asleep.. I told him haven't.. I asked him why. He just said nothing. Just asking.. I though he will called me like last time, but he didn't.. He asked me to go back to sleep..
It's being lng time since he wished me good night. This time he really wish me good night. But it's just a SMS that sent by him. After that, I really have a good sleep.
I know the risk of breaking up. If happen that he just like that be, break le jiu suan le, I gonna lose someone whom I really love, someone whom I care a lot. But on the other hand, if happen that he still loves me, all the doubts and stuffs will be settle nicely.. I miss him alot. I do.. I do..

Just came home not long. Kinda tired.. Still feeling lost. Have no idea what the hell am I doing.. Some friends of mine trying to lead me to the light of my life. But somehow, it's my life. I gonna find my own way to the light all by myself..
Feeling empty now. My life. *Sigh* Everything being smash up by my own hands. I can't believe it.. Allan asked me to find a better guy.. But from my list, he's the top guy that really treat me well.. He pampered me a lot. Just like how he pampered his hair.. He dotes me lots. He spent time with me a lot just like the way he spent time on his games.. Yet I'm still not understanding.. I'm the one who smash this relationship. I'm the one who smash his heart, so does my heart.
I took all my books home today. Hoping someone will help me carried it home. Wanted to ask him to help me. But I realise that he's not mine anymore. I can't expect him to be helping me.. In assembly, received his SMS. Asking me where am I.. I told him that I was at school. I though he will be fetching me home.[He never did that before. How I wish he do that..] But he didn't. I asked him why. He just said, asking only.. *sigh* he's having sore throat, I told him to drink salt water. But I doubt he will drink it. Cause everytime he need people to take care of him..
I feel bad now. Tears going to come down again. I know I shouldn't be crying cause I'm the one asking for a break up. I know I shouldn't have. But somehow, those problems in between us, keep stacking up. It will take a long time to remove all these problems.. Maybe he wanna remove it, but I'm not willingly.. I want to change to a better me, but somehow I know people can't accept the changes..
So many changes happen after all my friends know that I'm attach. They moved away from me.. They scare that he will get jealous or what. Cause most of my friends that I hang out with are guys.. He don't like it, but what to do? That's my life. I'm more to boylish. All my friends didn't treat me as a girl before.
*sigh* tomorrow having my 2.4km run. I don't wanna go school.. ='(
*Miss him lots* But do he know that I still care? I feel like killing myself. I know I still care for him, but.. I keep saying those harsh words to hurt him.. Why am I doing all these? I hate myself.. I really do.. I wish that he can come back to my life.. But.... Xin li de kong ju gan can't take it.. ='(

I will never regret what I've done in the past. But this time round, I do.. I do..
I'm confuse, lost in everything. I've actually let go someone whom I really care and love!
I've smash up every little thing that I've said. All the promises and stuffs that I told him being smash up by me.. I'm the one who cause the dreams to be shattered. It is my fault.. My fault..
I realise that I'm the one whose in fault but not him. Everything that I've said ended up I'm the one who smash it into pieces..
I guess I'm alright after a few nights of sobbing.. I'm the one who asked for a break up in this relationship. Don't ask me why. Cause I have my own personal reasons.. Maybe, this will be better.. I guess the way I am now is the way used to be..
I hope that nothing will bring me down again.. I just hope that my smile will be back.. I miss my laughter a lot.. If I'm giving a chance again, I will never decided the path that I am now.. I rather be alone. At least both of us can be finding our real love..
Marc, thanks for everything. The time that we spend together, I really cherish it.. But somehow, I feel that this will be better. I hope you agree with me.. I hope your smile will appear if happen you've lost it. I don't know this craziness of mine when will go away. But I hope you lead on with the best of your life. =] I have no idea if I will regret the things I've said, but I hope I won't.

I guess everything should be let out from my heart. The actual story of this relationship.
I know him[Marc] at Teensonline. I saw him pictures, those love at first side. But when I saw him album, I realise that he was attach. Some time later, when I click onto "My favourites" I realise that all his pictures that he took with his girlfriend was removed. I guess you all should know what happen.
So, I went to message him. Saying that I wanna be his friend *shY* It was 4days after Valentine Day.. 18th Feb 2004. That's the day I know him. That time he was in hurry to go out.. We chatted at IRC later, and exhcnage contact on the very same day..
We chatted over the phone at night. And some stuffs that I don't want to know he actually told me. He told me he like this girl. This girl was actually someone I know.. My real life friend instead. Because of having some misunderstanding with her group of friends, we became miles apart. That's a great thing. At least I know about the truth about someone I've been waiting for is a jerk.
We met each other on the very first day.. Sunday at DownTown East after my Super Teen course.. He came all the way down.. We chatted alot.. He showed me the picture that they took. Smash my heart.. I just keep quiet somehow. Trying to put on a smile instead. He sent me home.. On the way home, he wanted to help me to carry my stuffs.. But I rejected. I was thinking was he helping me as a friend or what? But when I was thinking about that, I slapped myself hard.. Someone already in his heart, what am I thinking about?
When we reached my house void deck, I went into the lift. When the door was about to close, the look that he gave.. I still remember inside my heart. Those yi yi bu she de gan jue.. I slapped myself hard again. I think too much le.. Those so called "misunderstanding" feelings.. aRgh..
There was once, he called me at 4am in the morning[if you've been reading my testimonial, you should know]. Its okay to wake me up. But those feelings were like something imporatant that he wanted to tell me. In fact, it's important to him.. But not me. =| He told me everything about her again.. Those "knifes" were really sharp.. It really poke through my heart.. Non stop bleeding from my heart..
I tried to make him positive.. Telling him everything.. She might be busy or stuffs like that. But deep down inside my heart, I know that she's advoiding him.. I have no idea why I did that?
On 29th Feb 2004, I finally make up my mind of giving up everything. I block him in MSN, remove him as my friend in friendster, deleted his number from my phone. There's no way that I will contact him.. I was at Orchard that day with one of my classmate. We were on the way home at around 3+pm. Cause I had plans after 4pm. We were walking to MRT station.. Chatting about everything including about him.. When I was talking about him, my phone rang.. I saw the familiar number.. The speed of my heart beating went faster and faster. It was him..
Wondering came up my mind.. Why he called after having a long thought of giving up? I really don't know what to do. Except to pick up that call.. The very first question was "Hello where are you?" That's what he asked.. I told him that I was on the way home. He told me everything about what happen..
The girl that he liked was actually being so called "control" by her group of friends. Which means that, that group of guys were someone that I knew. They were making used of her to play with him.. And that day[29.02.04] they[Marc & her] suppose to go out together to PS.. He met her. But he saw a group of friends. She passed him back everything that she gave..
I was really very angry when I heard this, and I make way down to PS to find him.. I wanted to ask them why were they doing all these childish stuffs. If I'm not wrong, he stopped me.. We chatted awhile at MRT station control, and I really have to go.. I went in again, and he sent me back to Pasir Ris.. On the way home, we chatted alot. About everything.. There's nothing there to hide about. Cause we were just friends.. Those special heart beats that grow inside my heart are still there..
We chatted almost every night after that. Giving hints when I have the chance to.. He told me he still can't forget about her.. That's when I feel like giving up.. But those missing-him-badly-feelings keep adding up till I can't control myself.. My feelings..
Friday[05.03.04] night, Saturday[06.03.04] morning, he called me.. We chatted awhile.. Then his voice became serious.. That's when I feel that he care for me.. He sounded me, but I though it was just a joke. I maintain silence, he told me about it. He's serious..
We might seem to be laughing all about. But deep down, nobody know what the hell really happen in this relationship. At first, this relationship was perfect. But after sometimes, the relationship start to have cracks in between. Getting more and more common.. I hate it, yet I still do nothing to it.. I've never did anything about this relationship. Everytime we quarrel or argue with each other, he's always the one making peace out. Yet I still push him to face the wall till he feel very sorry about it. Even if it's my fault, he still insist saying that it was his fault.
About clubbing, I should have trust him more instead. Let him go to enjoy. Since I trust him. But I didn't. In fact I take it and keep arguing with him.. What's next? About meeting his friends up. I should have joined them. But why I don't want? Have he every though about his? He didn't.. He don't even asked..
After my parents know about him, they became more and more strict. I don't know why. Maybe they just feel that it isn't the right time for relationship.. Which I now then agree.. I have to work at their place once in 2 weeks. That happen to meet him once in 2 weeks.. Which means 14days only can see him for 1 day. Sad right? And I really want to put the whole day on him. Yet he didn't.. He asked me to join his friends.. How to? The truth was actually that, that day, his friends birthday. I only can meet him around evening time. And I have to get myself at home before mid-night. What to do? Have such a stict parents.
He didn't even asked.. He keep pushing me to the wall. Till I have nothing to say but to end it.. Now? He didn't even respect me. Things really change as time go by.. We getting lesser and lesser to talk over the phone. I get easily tired. [I don't know why] When night time come, my eyes are very heavy.. Even now.. Without waiting for his call, I went to bed.. Last time can feel the vibration, but I guess I'm very tired that make me can't feel the vibration.. Like that he also not happy with it. Cause I sleep too much? But did he know about my part? I hate being attach because have to stay up till midnight to talk over the phone. And the very next morning will be very tired. If this continue for a very long time, who will fall ill first? After all I'm going to be the one suffer..
If he really care about it, he should have called me that late.. And if he care, he shouldn't have went home that late.. But he told me was to relax himself.. How can I believe it? One day didn't went out with his classmate can die? I'm sorry for being so rude, but that's the truth..
Last time, when calls came in, I always stand beside him hearing the conversation. But this time round, he walked away. And SMS too.. Usually he will show me, but no more.. I guess there is really a crack in this relationship.
Last time, whatever he do, he will "report" to me by SMS me. But this time, the number of SMS I receive per day is 1/2 of what he used to send. If I didn't SMS him, he won't even SMS me.. Is this call relationship? I don't know..
*Sigh* About SMS thing.. He's the one telling me not to be "rude" to SMS in front of him unless urgent stuffs.. But he himself also did that. I know I'm wrong that I didn't tell him that I don't like.. But from my facial expression he should be able to know..
Everything that happened.. I find it too fast to start this relationship. Maybe if I didn't accept him back then, I won't drop any tears for him.. Maybe if I didn't accept him back then, I will be living all by myself.. But once I accept him back then, I know what's the real meaning of happiness.. I'm farked up right now. I have no idea what the hell am I thinking..
Maybe I'm tired about my life.. I need to take a rest.. Wanna be left alone.. Somehow, let me be ba.. Do I really want to let go? I don't know. I can't sense the loves that he has for me.. Or is it already fading? =| I really don't know..

Saturday went out with him.. Enjoy myself? I doubt so.. There are so many question marks inside my heart.. So many questions to ask him. But somehow I just kept quiet. Bought some stuffs together.. He choose a band, and we shared same key chain. Its a pair.. But I decided to keep it instead of putting as key chain.
Was having a hard time to find him. Didn't know he also met up with Jamie & Nat.. He slept at 9+ in the morning.. I don't even know he went out. At that monent of time, I realise that once he's gone, I start to worry.. He called me around 5pm. He told me he's heading down to Novena to find me.
He saw me with my mum, after I sent my mum to MRT, I met up with him at the VCD shop. Head towards Goldhill Plaza to do the survey and went back to Novena square for dinner..
Head towards Ochard after that. Saw his friends etc.. Wanted to take pictures, but he don't want. After that. Since then, he SMSed someone.. I mean he can do that, but somemore the person he SMSed with is a girl.. I don't like it. Since he, himself also don't like it. What am I suppose to say? My face totally black like shit, he still do that..
Was at Far East, went to 77th Streets find Rod, then he saw his friends. When I was about to walk away, he hold my hands and asked me what's wrong. Since the last incident[Good Friday] he already know that I don't like to say hi to someone I don't know. Yet he still expect me to say hi? Anti Social? Yah, I am. Went to HMV after that then to Cine. Just to have my dinner there.
He helped me to buy my food, and I took his phone to read all the SMSed [Inbox & outbox]. I know I'm rude. But what to do? Nothing to do, so took his phone and read the messages. There's nothing much I can do. Somemore my phone was so quiet that night.
Since then, I didn't talk much to him. I just kept quiet, eat my stuffs.. Didn't finish the food. And head towards home. I asked him not to sent me home. Infact he really did. I didn't show a very good attitude. I know. I keep chasing him off. Cause I hate it.. His cousin called, telling me that he going to join them, so I 'shoo' him off..
Usually he will SMSed me after we part.. But this time round he didn't.. I reach Pasir Ris I start to SMS him.. On the way home, I was wondering when this will stop? Those uncertain feelings and stuffs inside my head, is making me more crazy..
With the decision on my mind, I decided to end it.. Don't ask me why.. Maybe the feelings inside me.. Telling me no point of holding onto it.. I really let go it.. He don't understand what I mean till yesterday.. I told him that I wanted to break. Saturday till Sunday night there isn't any SMS or call from him.. Till I SMS him around 7+..
He SMSed me this moring.. This is the first time in this going 2months relationship that SMS me very early in the morning.. Telling me how much he miss me.. What's the point of saying that? From the start till now, he didn't even tell me "I miss you" until I said it.. And he always said "Me too" that's it.. Love can't be compare. I know.. But he's making me more and more unconfident in this relationship. Making me losing faith in him.. ='(

Hmm... As I said, I went to Plaza to watch Shin with Lionel. Gosh.. He drive.. -_-" My god, can die early. My life is in danger when I was on his car.. *Faint* Reach PS around 6pm. MY GOD! Is full of people. Manage to find some spot to take my pictures of my AH XING!!! :D Lucky is that the digital cam that I borrowed from my cousin can zom in till see his face!! :D~ Ah xing wave at us.. My heart melt~ awW~ But hor, when he wave I wanted to snap a picture at him. But.. This cam LAG de~ -_-" Then only manage to see his face nia.. I wanted to wait for the time when they sign our albums.. But Lionel and me were in hurry.. ='( Then hor, saw my brother's friends. Ask them to help me queue.. But they rejected me.. ='( Will be uploading the pictures when my cousin upload it to her computer.. But it will need some time. Cause she's working nowadays.. AwW~ I want my Ah xINg!! SO yandaO~ *Faint* I was at PS till around 7pm. And Lionel drop me at City Hall MRT.. Although with a heart of disappointment, but at least I mange to see them~ And they sang one of my favourite songs~ ONE NIGHT IN BEIJING!! aWW~ Really enjoy myself!!!
After I alight from Lionel's car, I called him.. He didn't answer.. So I started to SMS him.. Telling him where am I heading to. While SMS-ing, Jamie approach! That da mei nu~ aWW~ Saw her and Nat at City Hall MRT.. I guess they are heading to Orchard ba.. Anyway, after telling him that, I went to Novena.. Hmm.. Went down to CPF Building at Tampines waiting for my cousin to finish work which was around 930pm. But she called saying that she can't leave her place. So I went home myself.. Pass her back the cam and head home.. She was so excited when she saw the pictures!! Omg~ =X
Was on the way to Novena, William called. He know that I'm not doing great. A really good friend. He know that I won't call him without a reason.. He "eat snake" to talk to me awhile. But words were hard to speak out from my mouth.. I decided to hang up the call.. Not long after I hang up, William SMS me.. Saying "hope that you're doing fine. Anything call me k?" A really good friend. Even I didn't tell him what happen, he just know me too well..
Reach home around 1015pm. Have a shower, and went to bed.. Took such a long time to fall asleep. Mel Mel called.. Chatted awhile then hang up le.. After that HC called to check if I'm doing great, also chatted awhile, and fall asleep again.. Not long after that, my sweetie called.. Chatted about 3mins~ But that 3mins are very precious! :D I didn't know he haven't reach home. Have a wonderful dream.. A very nice night.. =)
Meeting him later around evening.. :D Hope that everything will be like last time..
*Miss him lots*

Yesterday night, after disconnect went back to bed.. No idea why tears roll down my cheek.. HC called talk about him.. I can't control myself.. The tears came down non-stop..
Got double line, from unknown number, I though was him, but not.. It was Lionel.. Talk awhile, hang up.. Wait and wait and wait.. Till I fall asleep.. Didn't sleep well.. Wake up very often to check SMS and miss called.. None from him..
I know that I'm the one in fault.. Don't even ask him properly there I am shouting and yelling at him.. I hate to regret.. But this time I really regret.. I know I shouldn't be shouting at him, in fact I should be talking to him nicely.. But.. My anger, my sadness.. I can't overtake it..
Bad day in school.. Jason though I'm sick, but I'm "sick" because my heart being smash.. This time round, he didn't heal it.. Till now, I haven't hear anything from him.. Maybe because of my last sentence that I said.. I told him that I have enough and I disconnected..
I don't know what to do now.. Later going to Plaza Sing for Shin.. And will be at Novena[Don't ask why]. I'm waiting for his call or SMS.. I don't have any courage to SMS or call him.. My life.. Felt so empty now. ='(
He approve the testimonial that I wrote for him yesterday. But the testimonial was written before this incident. I really don't know what to do. So many questions that are with me that I really wanna ask him.. Does he still care about this relationship? Does he still loves me? Is he still angry with me? Why he haven't SMS me? Why didn't he call me yesterday night?
I'm in wrong. I know.. I really know.. Everytime without asking him what really happen and there I am shouting and yelling at him. For no reason wanna be alone. I'm hard to understand. I really don't know who I really am.. So does he.. He don't even know who I really am. *Sigh*
='( Going back to school for oral soon.. But, I guess I don't have the mood to do ba.. I just know that my eyes are filled with tears and my eyes look very terrible now.. ='(

I'm bored.. Surfing net.. Look up blogs to read.. Some how link here link there link to her blog.. Saw those stuffs that I don't want to see..
I didn't know he called her to chat.. I didn't know that he was out with her.. There are so many things out there that I don't know.. *Sigh*
I though things were getting better.. But..... WHY LIKE THAT!!!! Why he didn't tell me about all these stuffs? I asked him yesterday if he got anything else to tell me anot, but he said no.. I feel so backstab.. I have no one to lean on now! And I hate it!!! ARgh!! ='(
My tears.. Can't be control.. Like tap like that.. Once you turn it on, the water keep coming out.. If he told me about it, I won't be that pek chek now.. She can't forget him, I won't be angry or what. Just that this type of things, he called HER and I DON'T EVEN KNOW ANY THING ABOUT IT! Some more yesterday night before I d/c I asked him if he had anything to tell me.. He said no. Then some more after I d/c, we chatted on the phone.. Not like before.. Bye bye means bye bye liao.. Very long didn't hear him wishing me good night.. I suppose.. The ending is coming.. Its approaching..

LEAVE ME ALONE

*Sigh* Another boring day..
Finish school at 3pm.. Reach home around 330pm cause went to Pasir Ris CC to book badminton court for game tomorrow.. But after booking I realise that tomorrow I going to PS to see SHIN!! :D Then won't be going for the game.. Hmm.. Meeting Lionel tomorrow. Hope that he can book out early.. If not.. *Shake head* I'll be alone!! awW~ Still waiting for that Clarence call.. -_-" I want to pass him my sH!n disc.. To help me pass to sh!N for signature =P Hopefully he remember!

*Waiting for Clarence call*

Offline le.. Being here since 4pm? Eyes are getting tired.. Just hope that I can sleep tonight.. Finally the big rock that I have inside my heart, being smash up.. It take time to remove the rocks. Just hope that it will be removed fast.. :|
Miss my Thai friend alot.. How I wish that she didn't leave Singapore.. If not, all my sorrows won't be that much.. *Miss her much* Very much.. She just called Napat.. Telling him that she miss us.. :) A good friend to have.. But somehow I just wish that she come back to Singapore to fill up my emptyness inside my heart.. ='(
*Shattered dreams*

Yesterday night, tried to talk to him. Waited for his call.. My head was in a messy that cause me to have headache.. Tried to pull myself up to go to the kitchen to find pain killer, but ran out of it. Have a cup of water, head to bedroom.. Rest awhile, going to fall asleep.. He called.. Chatted awhile, his background was Lin Jun Jie - Dong Jie. After that there was no sound at all.. I guess I know what he was doing. And I'm right. Gaming again. I hate it.. Even though he told me before the start of the relationship that he will always game at night. After having one night long of thinking to solve the problems with him.. Tried to talk to him nicely, what I've said he don't understand at all. He never even pay attention to me. I hang up the call..
Woke up at 620am this morning. My phone was so quiet. No SMS, no miss call.. It's not like that last time.. No idea what happen. Usually William will give me a good night SMS and Shiver will give me a good morning SMS.. No body did SMS me.. Talking about William, I just give him a "April Fool" joke.. I finally realise that somewhere not far, there's someone out there caring for me after having a though that "Hey, no one is there for me when I'm down." William looked for me yesterday afternoon, I didn't answer his call at all. At night, after I came back from kitchen, I SMSed him. "Ebel was killed on her way home this afternoon. Please turn up for her wake tomorrow at Pasir Ris."
This is the very first time he replied so fast.. He called after I close my phone.. I was shocked. I though he won't even care about it. But he still called. Talk for around 2mins, I then realise that he cared for me.. I told him that it was an "April fool" joke but he joke back saying that I'm slow.. What a friend.. I asked him why called me so fast. Then he told me that "Hello, you're my GF[Good friend]. Next time don't play this type of joke on me, k?"
That makes me feel that when I'm down, there is still someone out there waiting for me to pour all my sadness, my worries at.. =) I'm glad that I have him as my friend.. Thanks BF[Best Friend] :)
Today is our school Sports Day
Yah, I'm running.. 100m get in 4th and 200m get 6th.. What happen? No mood to run. After completed my 200m race, when I was at the ending point, I totally black out. Luckily my classmates were there. I hold on to one of them, the rest supported me. SJAB people, NCC guys surrounded me.. But not her.. Where is she? With someone whom I have quarrel with.. At that point of time, I realise that I'm not as strong as before.. Luckily was just a few seconds black out.. My leg become like jelly. Need people to hold on to me. Everyone was shock about what happen..
I want to see him.. I SMSed him to tell him that I want to meet him, not long after the message was sent, I sent him another SMS saying forget it.. I didn't tell him what happen to me..
Finish at 12pm sharp, head towards East Link Mall.. The last place that I've met him. The feelings ain't the same. Was with my classmates.. Everyone but not her. I called her after the event, she answered. I ask her where was she, she told me she was with her.. Without talking much, I hang up the call.. She didn't even ask me where am I.. Do I still treat her as my friend? I have no idea. After lunch[I didn't even talk how to eat?], they head to Century Square.. My cousin called, I joined her for lunch. Ate Yoshinoya, the 2nd place where we met after his school.. The place where our very first picture took. The memories flooded.. I realise that I still need him by my side. After lunch, I went home.. Sent my cousin back to her office, I went to took bus.. When the bus leave the stop beside the MRT station, I looked back.. Looking at the place where we waited for bus last Friday.. Listening to the same song that I played. My heart beinging to cry. After thinking about letting go, I didn't tell him that I want to.. But now, things are making me more hard and tough to decide what I want..
I'm so silly.. My ear being blasted by Shin songs.. Memories of me and him flooded in my head.. Reach home around 230pm, brother was surprise that I was empty handed.. I didn't talk much and head back to room..
I'm tired..

-=][Playing][=- Bryan Adams - Everything I do, I do it for you

Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you

*Sigh* Yesterday night went to bed at 9pm. Because quarrel with parents. Hate it man.. Over hp.. I like ages didn't use the phone at night, and they still said that I did. What to do? Keep quiet lor. Went to bed. If you guys try to call me yesterday night, I diverted all my calls to voice mail.. Sorry..
Because slept early yesterday, I didn't finish mmy HW.. Woke up at 5am to do.. Finish 1 yin yong wen I knock out. Head back to bedroom and sleep.. My morning was a messy.. During art lesson trying to finish my 2 chinese compos.. *sigh* like that how? Manage to finish before art lessons finish. And because of Chinese, I didn't even touch any single thing on art.. -_-" Hate it man..
Today is better then yesterday, at least I know what am I doing.. =] I manage to find my smile all along, but sometimes, things are not what I think.
Have a wonderful sleep yesterday night, =] Dream about him.. This make me sit down and think.. [More to nightmare then a dream.] I stop and think what I really want in my life.. I want him back to my life like what we did before.. Maybe this point of time, we seldom meet up or call each other, because his exams are around the corner, so am I...
I think I should really "wake" myself up. Like what Kelvin told me in Friendster. I'm cheerful, nothing gonna knock me down.. This thing never gonna knock me down. I shall face to reality and solve this thing NOW!! I don't want to run anymore.. If I not gonna solve my problem, who is gonna solve it? *Haiz*

*Sigh* Mood swing. Terrible mood swing..
Studies can't cope well.. Relationship also so jia lat.. Friendship even more worst. Those pek chek inside my heart.. Can't figure out those stuffs, trying very hard to push myself to concentrate on studies.. But failed.. Deep down inside cried.. What else? Trying to put on a smile like what I always did last time, but failed. This time really break down le.. I really can't take it..
Marc and me.. Sigh, he's not the one having problems.. I'm the one having problems. I can't figure out what I really want.. He's not the one with all the problems. Because of my studies and my own stuffs, I really keeping myself really very busy. Night time really very un-active. I'm tired at night that cause both of us seldom talk.. Which lead to a crack in this relationship. SMS relationship, speechless relationship.. How long can it last? Not only that, both of us are busy with our own stuffs.. I guess that I have no time for him. My heart become numb.. My feelings for him started to fade.. Leads back to the first line.. Terrible mood swing. I really have no idea what happen, but I'm trying my best to "find" back those faded feelings.. I don't want to end this relationship.. He's a good guy, a good boyfriend.. But.. I keep question myself.. Am I worth all these things? I'm not a good girl either a good girlfriend. Do I really deserve all these things?
I'm so useless.. Problems come, I'm the one who is running.. Running away from all those problems that I'm facing. Ended up Marc is the one trying to face all my problems that I'm facing.. That time, he taught me Maths. Was my own problems, why he's the one trying to refresh all those stuffs and teach me? I really have no idea why I can't face the problems myself.
Yesterday night, he called me twice.. I rejected the call.. I didn't sleep well. Trying to "find" back my soul.. I don't know why am I doing all this stuffs to make he think that I already slept. I'm not tired at all, and I always pretend that I am.. I don't know why. I just feel like advoiding him.. Advoiding all my problems that I'm or perhaps both of us are facing.. Like the previous incident, clubbing.. Till now, we haven't even settle it peacefully. Or even more oldest stuffs, quarrel like nobody bussiness. Don't be surprise that we haven't even settle anything yet. And about his ex-gf stuffs.. He's the one telling me about what happen. But I'm the one keep pushing him.. Until he had to face the wall and there's no way out. I'm bad. I'm mean. Just like a bitch with ass attitude.. Yet he still give in. Bitting onto his lips trying to cool me down. Nice guy isn't it? But what about me?
I have no idea if he will read my blog a not. My heart is numb.. Really have no idea what am I doing now. Or what to do.. *Sigh* Perhaps, the only way out is to cry.. Just like a helpless baby. Only know how to cry.. ='(

-=][Playing][=- Zhou Jie Lun - An Jing
-=][Feeling][=- Helpless

*Tired, lost, confuse* Bad day at school..
Early morning really don't want to get up to go to school. Don't have the mood. Sports day coming, I suppose I won't be winning anything ba.. No mood to sort things out..
Feeling very hungry during the lessons, lucky that I have a bite on Jason's bread, if not, I guess I will faint. Watch VCD during History lesson, the show was nice, everyone was laughing out loud. I'm sitting alone, staring at the screen.
No spare money for ice-cream. Hot day I know. Feel like eating in. But this time round, gonna save the money up for my bills. My last month bill came, that was a relief.. $86 still okay. Better then previous month. Round off will be $100. Trying to save up on SMS and MMS. If I didn't reply any SMS or call, please understand. Trying my best to cut down the SMS..
Talking about SMS, my inbox keep flooding by William and Lionel. They are trying their best to "entertain" me but failed. Manage to crack a smile 2 periods before school end. Special thanks to Jason for making that idiotic face, if not, I have no idea when will my smile appear. The unknown feelings inside my tummy making me more and more upset.. More and more depress..
Trying to find a new blog skin now.. But can't find.. *Sigh* Nothing better to do, keep finding new layout. What am I doing? Why am I doing this type of things? I really have no idea. I have tons of homework, but I have no mood to touch. I don't even bother to bring them back home.

Evanescence - My Immontal
These wounds won't seem to heal. This pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase


*Bored*
Woke up at 9+ by Eugene's SMS.. Anyway, Happy 17th Birthday Eugene PaNg~~ :D
Slack around.. Watch television programme till 1pm.. Shower, head towards coffee shop for lunch.. Reach home finish my Chinese compo, then go to TM with my sister.. She bought a new shoe, and me? Nothing.. HahaZ, no money what to do.. Reach home, feeling tired.. Miss him alot.. =( Haven't hear his voice since yesterday night.. He's out to study.. Having Java test tomorrow..
Haiz, I'm bored.. I'm lost.. I'm confuse.. I really don't know what to do.. I really have no idea what am I doing.. I really lost.. So many things came up my mind.. Haven't hear from him for hours. And I really have no idea what he is doing now.. Yesterday night I told him before I went to bed that SMS me when he reach home.. At least I know he's safe.. But he didn't.. He only SMS before he went out.. I really have no idea what am I thinking.. These few days things getting more and more serious.. Seldom chat over the phone.. Even if did, also have nothing to talk about.. Just that holding on to the phone.. The day before we chat over the phone, but he's playing WC.. So I hang up without talking much.. 3days ago, I didn't even speak.. What happen to me? I really don't know.. *Sobs*
I really miss him a lot.. I haven't hear anything from him.. Haiz..

-=][Playing][=- Shin - Si Le Duo Yao Ai
-=][Feeling][=- Very lost

=( I miss him alot alot.. Just hope that he will enjoy himself at his friend BBQ~ ='( I want to hear his voice!!

Its been days since I update blogger.. Being busy with my own stuffs ba..
Hmmm... Art!! Now doing the color skin le.. By right should be next week will be able to finish.. By left.. Erm.. Not sure.. HahaX =X
Yesterday just meet my sweetie after my CIP to Children Home.. The kids there are very naughty.. They are those whose parents can't afford them and being abuse at home that's why they are there.. Like child care like that.. awW~ Met a few cute kids.. Hur huR~ But look like we go there to turn the place upside down.. *Laugh* We teach them to throw stuffs around.. HAhaZ~ Mess up the place.. Have a long time to clear up the things. =X
Hmmm.. Anyway, was with sweetie yesterday night.. Have dinner with him, walk around.. And head home around 9pm.. Then I realise that my parents won't be home that early, so I pack my Maths stuffs, head down again. Lucky he haven't left my house void deck.. Was with him till around 11pm.. He taught me Maths. The great thing is that he didn't vomit blood~ lOL~ =X But he really very pek chek when he taught me the part on Shear and Stretch? Hmmm~ Sorry!! =X
Won't be meeting him this weekend.. Have to work at daddy place. Plus exams are approaching.. Have alot to study.. =( Haiz.. Kinda bored.. Actually I want to study with him every friday.. But this pig say "Friday we are suppose to be like shopping why study?" *faINt* Win le lor~ =|
Will be updating blogger when I free.. Anyway, these are the pictures taken at Children Home..



Our band from our class!! They rox baby!! :D While waiting for school bus at the bus stop, they played alot of songs.. They light up our life!! :D

And this are the pictures taken these few days.. I'm bored, what to do...

He's trying to act cute.. What to do!?

The last picture look rather sick hor? But the fact is that I'm so bored.. lOL~ *PMS cramp* =XxX

aWW~ So tired~
Early morning being wake up by my dad at 0640am.. Gosh! I still sleeping.. He shouted saying that 7am+ why am I still sleeping? *faint* I got shock of course, I look at my phone, 0640 NIA!! Go back to sleep.. 3mins later, he came back again.. Ask me to wake up.. ='( I want to sleep~~ So sleepy~ I usually wake up at 0645am de ma.. =| Woke up 5mins earlier..
Feeling hungry on the way to school. Tried to call John, but didn't answer.. Called Jason also didn't answer.. Last choice, called Napat.. AT HOME SLEEPING!! -_-" Bo pian.. Think again.. Called Kelvin.. Hahaz, he helped me buy breakfast.. Aww.. I want egg sandwich.. He bought tuna de.. =| I don't like the smell of tuna.. *YuckS* So I didn't eat it.. Art lesson... AWw.... Finish the final compo le.. Enlarge.. And I am ready to start cutting for my paper cut!! :D But, I still need to work on the color skin.. dAmN >.<" But sure cut first layer then talk.. Cause I hate coloring? *NodS*
Assembly.. SUCKS man!! We have to sit at the first level in stead of the second level.. Can't SMS, can't sleep, can't do homework.. *Sigh* Hate it...
Yesterday night, talk to that piG~~ He doze off!! >.<" I kept calling him, but he no answer.. I hang up the call without him saying good night to me.. =(
Listening to my winamp of my computer, listen to those old songs that I've download long ago.. Those sad sad songs.. Its wired, that I didn't even bother to think about the past.. Those old memories.. Look like I've totally really let go about everything that happen before.. Lala~ I guess that I am happy the way I really am now! With him.. :D My heart.. Totally taken away by him.. That piG~ Talking about that piG~ I guess I will have to take some time to do some scanning of stuffs that I've done for him~ Hello!? Where's mine? Hmmm.. He said not to call him piG~ But pig is nice ma hoR? If not call you sweetie har? =X Actually erm.. You decide =X HeeZ~
*sigh* kinda tired about my belly.. 3rd month le.. Still will bleed if I pull out abit hard.. And erm, still will have that yellow thing coming out. What's that thing call? Erm.. Hate it.. Feel like removing it, but bu she de~~ =(
Oh yah, these few pictures were taken during Cargo and Jeans day.. 13th Febuary 2004.. Wear home clothes to schooL~ HeeZ~~ All those are my friends.. Interested in which one, please let me know.. :D I guess all are single.. =PpPp [Sorry that I took such along time to upload cause I'm lazy!! =X ]
Here it goes...






1) Ebel & Alan
2) Ebel & Jason
3) Ebel & Johnathan[aka John]
4) Ebel & HC[The guy that I want to keep as my didI cute eh? =X ]
5) Ebel & Izyan & Maziah
6) Ebel & Michelle [Please don't vomit loL]

-=][Playing][=- SHin - Si Le Dou Yao Ai~~~ :D

I hate it man!! I don't know why when I'm with him, she sure SMS him de.. *Sigh* Although he didn't reply, but she SMS him those mushy SMS.. Just now was different SMS.. She SMS him about us? Perhaps? We have to talk things out when things went wrong.. Hello? Hihi? Thanks hor, but I don't need you to tell us what to do.. After all, this thing is our relationship not yours.. And erm, save your SMS on him? =D Sorry for being so frank, I don't like it means I don't like it...
Get to talk to Delun daddy just now.. "Do you still have faith in him?" This question stops me.. I really have no idea.. So much arguments in between us.. Really have no idea what to do.. Hunnie was right.. If I love him, I should just accept it.. After all, we can't stop her from SMSing him.. Everyone have the right to do it. Hope that he will never betray the trust that I have for him.. =)

Yappy baCkiE~ >.<" Now waiting for that pIGgggg to call meeeeeeeeeeeeee.. Wow, just know meet him.. PiG man.. Saw me was like "Who are you?" Gosh~ Angry I walk over~ HahaZ, I was over the phone with Victoria.. But hang up like less then 5mins? Cause that PIG arrived.. LaLala~ Then I saw Keith.. *faint* Was like oh my gosh, look like Keith is short. But the fact is that the PIG is toooooooo taLL~~ =XxX I feel short standing beside that pIGggggggggggg............


Things getting better each day..

Oh yah, I forget to update about Saturday.. =X He slept at 7am on Friday night or perhaps Saturday morning. That night, have a wonderful conversation with him~ awW~~ Both of us like years didn't chat with each other.. Non-stop chatting.. First time hear him want to hang up the call.. lOLx =X This time wasn't me le ma.. Cause his friend, erm, Keith? Is it? Was at his place.. Then like that lor..

Noon time, Xiao Yi called.. Rush to TM to meet her.. Kaox.. -_-" Rush down, sit down drink water.. Bye le.. That pIGgggggggggggg waiting for me.. Went to his place.. Guess what? SEE HIM SLEEP!! >.<" So boreD~~ aRgh~ Then was at living room watching "Shi zi lu kou" with his brother.. He sleep like a pig man~ Till 8? Then dinner~ Go homE~ WOW What an "ENJOYABLE" daY~ =_="

Actually plan to go down to Expo to John Little SaleS~ But didn't.. That piGgggggggggg was having headache. Later he fainted hoW? =X Not he how, is I hoW!! lOL~ Then when I reach my house void deck, I was surprise that my house lights were all on.. I think was my mum.. And I'm right~ HahaZ, all my stupid aunts were at my house.. Do what? "swimming" loR.. -.-" BoRinG~ I saw my brother watching soccer.. Yeah, Man Utd that match.. 1st half sianx 1/2 le.. Cause the score was 1-0~ >.<" Man Utd 0.. Then I go bath.. And doze off =X Forget about my sweetiE~

Hmmm... Sunday.. Was at home.. He went to sao mu again.. Then I was at home slacking.. aRgh~ 9+ wake me up by his stupid SMS >.<" Then walk around the house. Hello!!? I didn't sleep =X Took my lunch.. Went to KS house to take LOTR... That kill my whole evening.. Korx2 joined me with that show.. AND WITH A STUPID ENDING AFTER BURNING THE RING!!! He called.. I off my vibration. I don't know. Until I see miss call from him.. I called back chatted awhile, and he went out.. Meet her.. ARgh~ Cause she want to take back her books from him.. I hate it man~ She keep pester him.. Yah I know cause the need of books.. Saturday was at his place, she SMSed him those mushy SMS.. Yucks, I can't take it~~ Somehow, I think I should just keep quiet..
Watch NKF show after LOTR and went to bed without packing my bag, ironing my uniform.. Lalaa~ I'm lazy, uniform can no need iron de =X I'm honest okay!? Didn't talk to sweetie over the phone~~

Aww~~ later meeting him.. That piGgggggggGGg~~ I'll update again about today.. Cause my sister want to use the laptop NOW and I gonna go bath and get ready!! :D

*muaCkS* Miss him loTS~

-=][Playing][=- Human Nature - Don't Say Goodbye

Teary Eyes

If I have went to Indonesia, I suppose that this type of things won't happen.. *Sigh*

Good Friday suppose to be out with him.. His friend birthday, and I wait for the time to pass.. Finally 5pm~ Change and out I went to Plaza Sing to meet him.. I was at bus stop waiting for bus, he SMSed me.. Telling me that he was on the way to lan shop with his friends.. I though when I reach there, there will be only the 2 of us.. *Sigh* I argue with him again. I I know if I never argue with him, this type of things won't happen.. I really don't want to entertain his friends.. Maybe he's right, walk around with them very xin ku meh? But... *Sigh* In the end, quarrel again.. I was alone at Plaza Sing.. I SMSed hunnie, she told me that she was with Ron at town.. She said that Ron will be fetching me. So that I can joined them.. But I didn't.. She ask me to join them at Sentosa on Saturday, but I told her that I don't have the mood to join them..
Aruge for hours.. I'm not the one with fault. Why should I be the one giving in? And he should be the one giving in.. I mean now a days we seldom meet each other.. I bother to go down and find him at Plaza Sing, and why he can't be the one giving in? He said out what he wanted to say from his heart.. Those things that I never want to hear.. Stuck at Plaza for hours alone.. Waiting for Victoria to come down.. In the end, she also quarrel with her boyfriend.. Both of us trying very hard to console each other.. HATE IT!! I was outside 7-eleven waiting for Victoria to come down.. He make his trip down to find me.. We talk things out.. But things doesn't go well.. I talk sense, but he don't want to listen. Maybe he still have the thinking that it is still my fault..

Delta Goodrem - Lost Without You

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face
Oh

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do ...I'm
lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you


Another 4 days didn't update my blogger..

Just kinda tired of having updating my blogger.. I think gonna MIA for some time ba..
Not going to Indonesia le.. Cause uncle said that things cropping up.. If not, *sigh* have no idea what will I be doing there.. Shopping like mad? Hahaz, I doubt so..
Anyway, this are the pictures that I've taken...


This is what my sweetie gave me as a present of apology? I doubt so.. loL~

I'm so bored. Gosh~ Oh yeah, art design was out!~ Yeah.. Enlarge to A2 soon.. Wow, my measurement now is 12cm by 15cm. Enlarge le sure got alot of holes one. Then gonna fill up those empty places again.. I like doing the same thing over and over again. -_-" I'm lazy!!! DROP ART!! Just kidding.. I already half way through I not gonna give up like that just like not giving up my sweetie? =X
Maths test~~ Whaha.. Remember about the last post that I talked about Kelvin helping me to do? lOlx, I scored higher then him.. Hahaz, I got 45/50 =D Hello? Any treats? Hmmm... Locus got full marks.. And the transformation that he did for me full marks too.. That's what he did. And for his paper, hahaz, 1 point wrong -1 mark and the other one too.. -2 marks.. And the front pages about Locus, he didn't copy mine.. Thats why he only score 38/50 =X Feel proud!!! :D~ Maths taught new topic.. Aww~ A very boring topic!! Hate it man~ >.<" Make me feel like a noob learning fraction? Yah, it's the topic "Probability' argh~ Make me fall asleep in class.. I guess this is the only topic that I feel like not going to school! HAhaz..
Recently my school become like Part-time school.. Can come in to school as and when we like.. But the only subject we can't skip is Maths[Cause form teacher ma -_-" ] My friends.. *Shake head* can be coming to school at 0915am just to attend maths.. After maths go back home sleep.. Hahaz, I wish somehow I also be like them.. Like that good sia! I can sleep more~ =X lOL~ If he see this, he gonna kill me~ =X
Hmmm... Things getting better now.. AT least both of us talk things out.. =X lalaa, yesterday night, talk to him till half I told him that I gonna called him later, cause my dad just reach home ma.. Then I hang up.. Guess what? I woke up at 4am =X I fall asleep.. Then that silly boy waited for my call.. =X Sorry!!!!

-=][Playing][=- My Immontal
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

4 days didn't update blogger? Hmmm... Didn't online for 4 days already.. Today is 4th April.. And my grandpa left me for 6months le.. *sobs*

o1o4o4 April Fool Day
Stupid Kelvin giving me those suggestion to disturb Sweetie. -_-" Telling him that I leaving SG during this weekend. Blah blah blah.. In the end, things was like.. Err.. He know everything? In the end I told him to let me fool. Hahaz, thats lame. He still say ok! -_-" And I finally fool on one people.. Yeah.. Try on Victoria, William.. But none success. *Faint* I so jia lat meh? Then hunnie~~ Sorry! I didn't mean to play this type of things to you.. Sorry!
Having Maths test after school. Last minute things! ARgh~ I hate last minute test. Well, at least Kelvin sitting beside me. For Transfomations at least I still can copy his. And for Locus.. Hahaz, I do that question for him! And he do all the thinking for Transformations. I hate that topic man.. Shear? Stretch? What's that? Hmmmm.... Went to sweetie place after my test.. He was still sleeping when I already on bus! And when I reach there, he still sleeping.. -_-" Checking all my mails there.. Bulk mails flood it.. Hate it man.. Took me such along time to clear it.. When he was taking shower, I still using the computer. I saw his "Favourites" and saw something that I don't want to see. Her blogger site is in his Favourite. I know I shouldn't be doing all these stuffs. But.. Haiz.. Last time, it wasn't there. I suppose that he just added that to his Favourites ba.. After seeing that, I really don't know how to react. I just kept quiet..

o2o4o4
He went clubbing. I was at home. Slacking around. Doing nothing. Laptop not at home. What else can I do? Sleep lor.. Sleep till evening, wake up. Dinner.. Came home. What's next? Sleep again lor.. This type of life I have no idea when I will finally "wake up" and start to face the facts of life.. Argh~ When things went wrong, I won't sit down and think about it. I will only running away from it by sleeping.. Can call me whatever you want, but thats the way I am?

o3o4o4
Went to school this morning with an extremly sleepy look. Sleep duing lesson. Aww... So nice.. Air-con place. So great. Went home stright after lesson. Saw Michelle and ....... I was like? Do I know them? I didn't even bother to approach Michelle and asked her where is she heading.. Things doesn't go well as what I think. I quarrel with ...... and Michelle was with her. What will you do if you were me at that time? Walk away without saying Hi? That's not the first time already. Friday also like that. Ususally both of us will have lunch together. I really don't know what happen to me. After school stright away head towards home. *sigh*
Reach home already. Sleep again till 2pm. Went down to dad shop to slack. Sweetie was out. In the end quarrel with him. Cause he wanna go club again.. If you guys know me well I hate clubbers... Alot.. As a friend, I'm ok with it.. But not my boyfriend.. Is not that I don't trust him or I am anti social about it. I just don't like.. Just like him. He don't like me to do certain things. And I'm agaist him. He feel "pek chek" so am I. Isn't that the same? I really don't like clubbers. I though he will change for me. But.. He turn out to be telling me not to like him then. Isn't he hinting anything? Haiz, why like that?
Slack at daddy place without entertaining my dad.. What he ask me to do, I just do it. Without saying anything much.. When we closed the shop. Went home. Mum took a shower, and we went out again. Have dinner as a family together at 10pm.. After that we head towards Bedok. Where my grandpa is "resting" at. On my bended knees say alot of things to him. About what happened at home. And my own things. I've no idea did he hear what I was trying to say.. Everything was in a mess. I really have no idea what to do.. Feel like crying.. ='( What really happen? I have no idea at all..
Left that place around 0130am. On bended knees again. Just hope that he really can understand me alot. Take away all my sorrows that I have. Forgive all my stubborness that I have. Forgive all those stuffs that I used to make him angry etc. Haiz, I still miss him somehow..
I tried to called him when I reach home. He didn't answer.. I suppose that he still went to clubbing despite so many things that I've told him. I SMSed him telling him to enjoy clubbing and asked him don't bother to call me. I waited, waited and waited till 3am. I'm really tired after 1 day at dad place and the whole night at temple breathing all those smokes coming out from the joss sticks and the smell of the burning joss paper. He called around 4am plus. I already sleep. I didn't answer although I feel the vibration and my phone ringing.. This isn't the first time I'm doing this. I just hate it~ Hate people who do things agaist me. Why things turn out this way? The way that I don't wish to have?

o4o4o4
He SMSed me this morning around 9plus. I being wake up by his SMS. He told me that he is going to temple. I just replied a "k" and he replied back telling me that he chatted at MSN till 7+ this morning and he's so tired.. I didn't know what to reply after so many things happen between me and him.. I just told him don't bother to report what he had done.. *haiz* He asked me to call him when I wake up. And I am here updating my blogger for the past 4 days..

Haiz, the feelings inside me.. So complicated. 2 more days to our first month anniversary. I'm uncertain that will we walk through this hard time.. I'm tired.. What he treat this relationship as? No one know.. Only he know..

Next weekend maybe going to Indonesia. Maybe for me to relax myself ba.. Just hope somehow will smile.. Hungry, but mei you wei kou.. Hao lei haolei.. Zhen de hao xiang ku..

Teary eyes

-=][Playing][=- Simple Plan - Perfect
I never gonna be good enough for you
Can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me
Cause we lost it all
Nothing last forever
Sorry I can't be perfect
Now its just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be perfect

{/links --

ctrl + left click

{/online shopping --

{/archives --

watch me waste my life away

{/miscellaneous --

my virtual barang