{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

Morning people.. Just wake up not long. Aww.. Hate it! Finally get to bed, then fook, someone called. Not once but 3 times!! ARGH!!! The first time was my brother, but I don't bother to answer. What's next? My fcuking ass sister KEEP SHOUTING FOR ME TO OPEN THE FCUKING DOOR!! SHE HAD THE KEYS BUT SHE KEEP WAKING ME UP!! ^#$*(@#(^@&*$(@#@# Damn.. The second call was from Eugene dar. He told me he at Pasir Ris. I think he's hinting me to go down meet. But I can't be bother? I wanna sleep. Whaha.I hang up the call without talking much. Then next is my bao bei Kelvin. Fook. ASk me how's my paper. Then I said "Wo zai shui jiao" I hang up the call.. *LOL*
Anyway found this Nice flash
And this flash is what I want to tell him.. =]

Title: Missing Rib
A girl in love asked her boyfriend.
Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?
Boy: You, of course!
Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?
Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, "You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam's rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart."
After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.
However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.
All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.
One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, "You don't love me!"
The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, "Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!"
Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.
Before she left the house, "If I'm really not your missing rib, please let me go." She continued, "It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners."
Five years went by...
He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.
In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he was missing her.
One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.
Boy: How are you?
Girl: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?
Boy: No.
Girl: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.
Boy: I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.
With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.
Good bye...
One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York, in the event that shocked the world.
Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.
Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to "think twice and act wisely", it's often easier said than done.
Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.
Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today.

That's the end of the story, and he's my missing rib that I've carelessly broken it..

Bad dAY!!! Now only 1+ I having a BAD BAD DAY!!! *cries* yesterday night was at bed around 10pm. Toss toss toss.. Can't sleep!! ARgh, then my cousin called. Then we chat awhile over the phone. I asked her to help me tape down SHIN!! ARgh!! I miss out. Fook~ *bish* How can I miss out? Pray hard man! Hope that she remember to tape it..
Was at bed tossing since 10. Then I look at the time, it's already 1030. I still cant sleep. My eyes getting heavier and heavier, soon I fall asleep. Guess what? Every 2 hours woke up once to see the time. Damn. I scare I oversleep sia. Nabei. So fark up sia. Pui Pui..
Then this morning woke up by my mum 10 minutes earlier then what I've set at my phone alarm.. AWW!! I hate it. Then I went to shower, dry my hair. And wait for the time to go.. Then I realise I cant find my specs, who knows that my ASS sister drop it behind my bed. Fark sia. Then I have to pull out my bed. *blur blur looking* my mum came into my room to help me with it. Took my specs and head out.
Reach school at 0730. Have my favourite egg sandwich. =D Then sit down talk cock with Jek. aWw.. Went up to hall, realise that I'm the last chinese student and the last student taking O level this year. LOL~ Cause my surname is Yong? And somemore I'm in Sec5 the last class.
Hmmm... Anyway, thanks people for SMS-ing me good luck. But it doesn't help. LOL.. Thanks to Bubu, Jek, Michelle, Eugene DaR :D, Qas, Wei Wei[Someone I met at Shin's forum], Alan kor and the most unexpected, William. Those who I think I will be able to get the SMS I didn't get from them.
Ok enough of craps. I gonna go back to my dreams.. =D

Just reach home from dinner. Was out with my parents to eat at Changi Village. Wah saw alot of shuai shuai.. *drool* but can't snap photo! damn~ My parents beside me how to snap sia. Somemore my phone got sound de.. Lalala~
Those shuai shuai are sunshine type.. Hmmm.. But after "fishing", I still prefer that he's the best eh?
My dad waiting for me to sing song le.. Gonna go now.. =D If not, he gonna kill me. Somemore I need to GIVE AWAY ALL MY STRESS!!!!
OH YEAH, SHIN WILL BE AT CHANNEL U LATER!! REMEMBER TO WATCH OKAY!!!OMG~ Here I go again~ XIAOHUA!!!!
Ok this poem is from Koji. But he not dedicate to me.
A kiss from you freeze me with passion
Stopping all time within the inner me
Holding your hand sealed my destiny??
Chaining my heart with your endless devotions......

A tear from you drown me with sorrow
Soothing the worst of all beast in me
Letting go of your hand which I must
Crushing my heart in every single way I can imagin.....

Now that you're gone
I can only play back those memories in my head
With tears of joy which I still can remember
With tears of sadness which I have lost forever...you


What a boring day. Since I woke up, I didn't step up of the house. Hmmm... Or perhaps since yesterday after I reach home? HahAz.. I'm so tired now. My head.. Full of Chinese words.. Aww.. Hope tomorrow won't get ba..
Hmm.. My brother just cut BOTAK! Whaha.. Or perhaps was yesterday. Didn't get a chance to snap it. He's now at Sentosa enjoy himself. But somehow, it rain? LOL Don't know he's wet by sea water or by rain.. ahAhA..
Right now I'm taking my second break, that's why I'm here to blog. :D My hair now are wet. Just have a hot hot hot shower.. Wow.. So shoik! Lalala~ Kinda bored now. Nothing to do. Somemore MSN & IRC are bored. Hahaz, being idle in IRC don't know how many hours le. Oh yeah, IRC nick change le.. No longer ReNxINgER. Now is XiaOhuA` =D Maybe for sometime ba. Until I find a better nick..
Tomorrow paper. Oh my.. I'm so scare.. My leg becoming jelly.. Then my hand becoming numb. =( First time so scare.. AwWW.. Oh yeah, I'm having 2 MSN account now. The original one is for my friends, family member and people close to me. Then the second one is for people who I know on net. Like Sh!n's fan club, TeensOnline and of course ChilliCrap..
Hmmm... Holiday is coming~~ *jump around* but most of the days have to report to school. Aww.. I'm getting bored of wearing UNIFORM!! If really can't make it to Poly, have to go ITE, I rather don't study le. Cause I don't want to wear uniform! YESH! It's true! I've already make up my mind about it. If one day, you see me down the road wearing ITE uniform, please kill me. *LOL*
Anyway, my art craft.. Whaha.. I think I've already complete 1/5 of it. YESH!! HMmm.. Mostly if provided I everyday do abit, I gonna finish by end of June. The lastest I think by July. And about my 8 boards, I havent even paste anything down! Yappy. That's slow. Cause my friends already start pasting all their works at the black board. But hor, my final compo already got 3 layers le. Muahha, I'm faster in another way. :D
Hmmm.. My mood kinda good. =] Although abit stressful yeah? But.. HEHEHEHEHEHHE~~ =X Is not that I've attach yeah. Don't get the wrong idea. Just feel good that's it. =] Guess I gonna have a good rest tonight. =D Gonna go back to study le. Enough of craps. =D

Ok, have a bad weekend. Staying at home. Woke up at around 11. Then came online, slack around till noon time. Went down for lunch, then came up again. Update yesterday blog stuffs like that.
Went to bed around 3plus. Maziah called. Damn. I sleeping.. Then I realise that I only slept for around 15mins. Trying hard to sleep back. Woke up by a phone call. In the end went out, and came home around 9plus.
Have a terrible headache. Was listening to my HP ringtone. I've no idea what song is this. I have never listen it before. But I don't know why when I listen to it, I start to cry. "Shou Hou Yong He" Nice leh. Must listen.
How I wish I can shut her up. She keep talking about her boyfriend. Sigh, I have alot of stuffs to tell her. But.. I'm feeling so damn bad, but she's not by my side. Although we stay very far away, a phone call or even a SMS mean a lot to me. But everytime I'm the one doing that. So fark sia. What they treat me as? I really don't know. I'm so tired of everything. Every little things.. Argh.. BF like that, she also like that. It's a week since I quarrel with William, but he didn't even bother to SMS me. Don't talk about SMS, what about call? He didn't even call..
Argh.. Don't talk about that.. Make me feel so fark uP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tears are on my eyes, but you don't even bother to wipe it away for me..

Ok. Reach home around 10plus. Kinda tired, have a shower and went to bed. Didn't online. Hmm... Was at Novena till around 7plus. Then took train back to Tampines to meet Maziah and my Baby Boy.. Hmmm... On the way home, was blasting Sh!n's songs. The trip home was long. I'm so bored. I look out of the window when I reach Orchard, the figure look so familiar. I though was him. I break down, I cried. I have no idea why I cried too. Although the tears seems to be little, but I know I'm not ok. I still can't let go. That's the only thing I know. But that guy was not him.
I reach Tampines at about 8pm. Just then, my baby boy said that he was stuck at the expressway. So I shop around myself. Around 830 he called. So I went over to meet him. Then Maziah called. -_-" Oh my, I have no idea what to do. Lucky my baby boy said met for around 10 mins, cause he having soccer training. =D
Then met Maziah. She went to buy contact lens. So~~ Omg. Make me feel like buying. But I still prefer SPECS. Hahaa =X We walk around, went to eat Long John Silver. Then saw my Cousin at Centuary Square. Then Maziah and me was like lost. Making fun with my cousin kept saying "Hey, this is my cousin" Then my cousin will also tell her friend "Hey that's my cousin" Then I added "Hey, that's my cousin's friend" My cousin also copy me.. HahaZ.. -.-" Lame~
So we went to take bus home together cause my cousin was staying near me. Only 3stops away from me? And the stop that she's alighting was actually my school bus stop? HahAz.. Hmmm... was at my house bus stop, then I saw SABARU~ WrX? I think so ba. *drool* MY CAR!!

The lightening abit poor. Sorry.
Hmmm.. Ok. So this is my Baby bOY~

And this is me! I took it when he call me. I didn't know he was taking picture! Oh my, so horrible.. And somemore can see my PIMPLE!! And my messy haiR~ ARgh~


Oh yah, yesterday link abit broken.. Sorry.. my story


It keeps replaying a love that was
For of you I could never get enough
It's hard to lose love
And harder still
When the lost love
Is truly real
Unconditional
I gave to you
You took it away
What am I to do?
You were my lifeline
But you cut the ties
And emotionally
All I do is cry
Since you've been gone
I'm totally lost
I'm completely wracked
I'm a mess
My life has become meaningless
And I'd do anything for your return
For you, my love, I shall eternally yearn

Hmm.. I came home early cause something cropping up at home so I gonna rush out! Now waiting for phone call. *Sigh* Anyway, this are the pictures that I've taken today..

Look at me~ So act cute. -.-" Was having photo session. Kinda fun? Yeah.. Freestyle. I love it. Muahha. No formal de. All free style. Hahaz, then everyone act cute sia.. =D Waiting for that picture to come out! Yeah!!!




Was out with daddy and mummy for dinner.. AWw.. Sitting at the coffee shop joking around. Oh yeah, Happy Anniversary to my parents. 18 years of loves.. =D
Hmmm.. Anyway, was sitting there, looking around. Saw one very tall guy, then was thinking, hey do I know him? I also can't be sure. But I think that I've seen him some where. Look like William's friend. Hmmm... But I not very sure.. So I didn't approach or what.
My xiao shuai shuai just MMS me this picture. HahaZ~

Was checking dictionary wor. Then he snap shot it. I don't even know.. *blush* Oh yah, saw the ear phone..? LOL~ =X

As usual, very tired and sleepy.. *yawns* Have a good sleep during class just now. HahaZ.. Then during the break, have a good chat with the 2 bitches from my class. *LOL* Then after break, I went to AVA room. Then start studying. But actually making a lie yeah? Was there sleeping. =X Didn't even study. My xiao shuai shuai sitting beside me.
Was looking at my phone. Looking at the SMS that he sent. Wanted to delete all the messages, even his number. But.. Read those sms that he sent, tears keep coming out. Why? Why I like that? Ok so what if I still clinging onto him? I can't let go, and I'm forcing myself to do that. It hurts alot. *Sigh*
Anyway, picture that taken today during break.

This is what my shuai shuai take for me. Sucks -_-" Looking tired.

And this is my xiao shuai shuai. He not really shuai, but just that I find him cute. =]

His face no matter what always smile. That's what I love about him. He bright up my day with his smile.

My song.. For him.. The same old him.. Britney Spears - Shadow

Your body's warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss
You're all I want
But not like this
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sign
I cannot keep what isn't mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else

It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had just a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no
It's only your shadow
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It's only your shadow


Ok, as ususal, I'm tired. *LOL* NOthing new. Have a good sleep yesterday. Slept at around 10.. SOMEONE CALLED!! -_-" MAke me can't sleep again. But I hang up.
Hmmm.. Chinese class was fun! Cause I love it! I was sitting behind right at the back studying chen yu.. I've learnt about 51.. MUhahaHAa~ Terrible~ All zao ju was like "XiaOHua XiaOhua XiaOhuA" *LOL*
Then my xiao shuai shuai sitting beside me.. *shY* Sitting together.. Doing nothing but study. I guai guai de okay? :D Then listening to music. SiaNZ, when Jay sing this part "gga feng zhe tian wo shi zhe wo zhe ni shou, dan pian pian..." teacher walking took away my earphone -_-" I try to argue back but.. -.-" Hmmm.. Whatever.
Then I "broke" up with my aiai le.. *LOL* Cause he "jealous" when I sitting with my xiao shuai shuai. LAME sia. He keep saying that I want my xiao shuai shuai don't want him le. MuHAhaa...
Lalala... I was listening to Shin's songs during break, singing in AVA room. Whaha.. I think kinda loud! =X Cause they were like looking at me? SOmemore I cant reach some of the notes because of the BIG BIG~ TONG TONG~ de what's that thing call? *forget* Then can you imaging? Can't reach the note, then that pitch~ *OMG*
My leg got 3 BIG mosquito bite~ =( So red!! Then my aiai said "wah, didn't know last that accident cause your leg to become like that. next time i dont so chu li" LOL that's lame.. Muahha~ I'm use to their craps already so never mind lah.
Talking about yesterday, was talking to Jek one day without studying any thing? Then I accidently rape him~ *LOL*
Hmmm.. I just called him when I was in school. But he didn't answer. I called because I want to ask him how to MMS picture. Cause the phone I don't know how to use. And the phone was actually the one he's using now. LG that one lor. =| Aiya whatever lah. I already block him in MSN le. Starting to hate him. Which something I don't want to do. Fuck lah..
Ok that's all folks for today AS I AM REALLY VERY TIRED!! ='(
Ok that's me! *LOL*
This is Izyan and me. Taken today at school. Aww~~ BorinG!!

Bad day.. Just finish school not long. aWw.. Tired~ Very tired. Somemore yesterday didn't sleep well. SOOOOOOOOOO~ Tired! Imaging having 10hour in school doing nothing but Science and Chinese?
Tomorrow will be a day on Art and Chinese. Yesh~ Just hope that I'll be able to finish soon! Nothing much happen today. Just that I'm TIRED!
Wooo.. Did you guys watch Channel 8 yesterday? SHIN IS THERE OMG!! XIAOHUA!!! *Bish* Mad. Thanks to Victoria and XinDai for telling me that, if not I gonna forget to watch.. *drool*
I'm not okay. =( -offline-

Ok. It's up! Having hours doing it. Ouch! My eyes hurt. our story
I think miss out alot of chapters.. -_-" but I really did my best with it. Kinda simple, but I like it alot!

Have a very BAD day in school. Argh.. Yesterday slept at around 12am? Argh.. Not enough sleep!! Right now my eyes are not heavy! Cause I'm here! *LOL*
Anyway, today is a real BORING day. On the way to school, that pig called. -_-" Pig = Koji. Yah, he's a real Japanese guy that I just met recently. Hmm.. Too bad. Too old le~ *LOL* 27 this year? That's what he claims and I DON'T THINK HE LOOK LIKE 27!! =X And not my type ba. *LOL* Hmmm... Oh yah, I met him at ChilliCrap. That forums. Argh, I kana suan to death by all the crappers man! >.<" Never mind. Don't talk about him. Will vomit blood soon. Then talk more about him I will die soon. Then you guys will be coming for my wake instead of wedding? *LOL*
Ok so was at school. First 2 hours was art? Muahah.. I finally finish my first layer! =D As in cutting *LOL* Then right now I'm still doing on the color skin. Yah yah.. The color skin that I've been talking 1-2months ago? *swear* I must finish it before July.. ARgh~~ Jia you!!!
After art having 1hour of break, then head towards classroom for Chinese. Muahhaa~ Cannot make it sia. Sure die one lor. Everyday got test. Dead meat! :D Ok, after finish Chinese another hour break. That teacher from the other class is so damn cute sia. *LOL* Tan Boon Yeoh or something? He was about to give the class the test paper. Then one of my friends said "Open book test har?" Cause we used to have open book test ma. Then who knows if this is open book test anot. *LOL* Then the teacher reply was "PRELIM KE YI OPEN BOOK DE SHI MA!!" WahahahA.. He shout till very loud. I'm at the next door, and I can hear it. HahAz.. Then that's not it, he came to my class to complain to my CL teacher about that class. *LOL* He said "Wah kao, zhe pan mei xi wang le. hen duo ren na ji dan. zui gao de cai 4fen. zhe more jiao?" *LOL*
Enough of craps. Muahah, think back I can't stop laughing. Then another hour of break. *Sigh* BORING.. Chinses Mock Exam. The paper 1 was easy. Then paper2.. Muahha.. Cannot make it sia. My mind is telling me "Hey Ebel come lets sleep" *LOL*
Head home. And there I am typing all this craps. *Sigh* Felix flying~~ Oh man~ Just called him, he didn't answer. Ok whatever. I'm tired. Gonna do some type out and stuffs for website. =D Yeah.. Miss lots..~ Especially my BITCH AT SYDNEY!!!!!

Hmmm.. Went to Pula Ubin for dinner. Just reach home not long.
Hmmm.. Whoever the fooker in that tag in the blog, please dont mess around with me. I dont have a good temper. :) Grow up kid.
Anyway, dinner was GOOD! Have prawns, then got CRABS!! :D~~ Ate 2 crabs =X aWW~ Please don't envy.. MUhahAhaZ~
Have a good chat with my Bitch just now. Hmmm.. She's doing great in SYDNEY!! OH MY GOD!! I WANT TO GO THERE!!! *Envy* She keep long hair.. I will upload her picture when I'm free. Now I gonna dc le.. watch tv~ Then sleep. Sigh.. Tomorrow is a long day to go. Finish school at 6 =(
Sigh.. More worst. Felix going Taiwan le.. Then I sianz le.. Night time no people talk to me. Not only that, no people will nag at me..
Counting down for 22days for his return!

Hmm... Yesterday was out with William, XinDai and Nelson.
ARgh, so angry over BF~ =( He lah.. Meet me at 4pm at Somerset. Ok, I'm late. Apologise here. I miss that bus, if not, I won't be that da wu gui~ hmpff~~ I reach there around 1605pm. Then we went to Cine to eat Yoshinoya.. He saw his friends, then he talk talk with them, go shk.. I'm standing there to see them shk. I good girl okay!? :X Then, went up to take pictures. Erm, I will upload when I free to scan. Muahha, my brother just format, then haven't install it. =| The worst thing is that, we wore the same polo t~ Argh.. HangTen somemore. I worked at HangTen ma. Then staffs get 50% off. So I buy before I finish my contract with them. =X
Then XiaoHui called him. He went up to 8th storey for billard. HE PROMISE 20MINS ONLY!! In the end, I waited and waited. From romantic songs to techno.. ARgh~ That hurts my head.. Somemore the techno all are very old. I like but my head hurts!! Finally the game finish. Yeah can leave.. Walk out of K pool. He went to open air. Fook. I anti-social. Ask me go entertain them meh? Then I stand there like a fool.. Angry of course lah.. >.< Wait and wait and wait. Till I pek chek. Of course I siam liaoZ.. FRIEND I'M ANGRY!!!!
Just nice XinDai SMS me. So I went down to Bugis to join them. Then, when I reach I called Nelson. I then rememeber that he got free incoming call. So I called him instead of XinDai. =_=" Then met them at Taxi Stand. Then head towards CRC. Lucky didn't saw Recca. If not I sure faint de.. Too long didn't see him le. I think I saw Pan Pan. But that stupid Pan Pan didn't saw me. -_-" Nelson wanted to find his God-Dad. That why we went to CRC.
I don't want to wait outside because was HOT! Then I went in to CRC. Gosh! It's more and more HOT~ -_- And the people there very kp. "Tunnel TUNNEL!!" "HOU MIAN" ARgh.. Make my hand feel itchy. I want to play.. =X
3 of us were thinking what to eat. And of course come out with those stupid thinking. "Oh bay soom" see who decided. Muahah, in the end Nelson decided. So we walk around Bugis. XinDai want to eat V8 again. Actually I don't mind. But no idea why they head towards Simple Thai to eat. -_-" The food there.. Erm.. No comment. LOL~
Then we head to KINOKUYA!! MY SHIN!! YESH YESH YESH!! I FINALLY BOUGHT IT!! WHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!! Yesterday no idea why they are having 20% off on all items. So instead of $20+ I bought it at $16+. MuahHAha :D XiAOHUA!!!! Ok I'm mad, forgive me.
Hmmm.. Went to take pictures with XinDai.. The flip flip one. That's what she called. LOL. Only 2 of us. But in the end we drag Nelson in. HahaZ, but no nice, so we didn't select the picture.
No idea where to go again. "Oh bay soom" again. LOL~ Nelson again. In the end XinDai decide. So we went to Fishermen Village. Sat there, enjoy the breeze. =( Romantic spot. I feel so ODD!! They couple. I.. light bulb. If someone is beside me, at least I'm okay. But I'm not OK!!! =(
Left that place around 11+. Reach bus stop, brother called. Said that where got bus at that time. But lucky we didn't take cab. Planning to take. After waiting for around 5mins, the bus came. hahaZ.. On the bus, they sat together, I was playing with my phone.
So that's it about yesterday. My aiai[Victoria] is sick. Hope that she will take care of herself ba. =D Hmmm... Will be going Pula Ubin later. :D Dinner!! My dad's belated birthday dinner. Suppose to eat last week. But I think my dad was sick. That's why postpone. Or is it rainning? Hmmm.. I can't remember I also don't want remember..
I finally know the truth about both of us. He told me about it. Although I did say that I won't talk about him. But I just want you guys to know about it.
"U know why i'm so reluctant to patch? i feel that we can't communicate at all.." 00:08 23 May 2004
His English I don't understand. And in the end I have to dig out dictionary to find out the meaning of reluctant. And the meaning from my dictionary said "unwillingly" Then his reply was
"..not unwillingly.. more like hesitant.. cos.. i already told u why jus now.." 00:15 23 May 2004
"loving someone a lot isn't everything in a relationship.. if we keep arguing over things.. i dun think any of us will be happy.." 00:21 23 May 2004
"even during the few short conversations that we have after the break up.. we quarrel with one another.. so i dun see the dofference.." 00:33 23 May 2004
I know it's my fault right from the start. We keep arguing with each other. I'm in fault. I don't know how to cherish him and I don't know how to give in. After we broke up, I then realise that I have to learn to give in. But this time round, he didn't even give me any chance to do that..

A Broken Heart And Shattered Dreams
by Kathy Meredith

I'd like to tell you
What is in my heart
I have loved you for so long
I knew it from the start.

Tonight I'll dream of you
And wish you were here with me
I'll wait for you forever
Whatever that might be.

You can have my broken heart
And my shattered dreams
This is all I have left
Or that’s the way it seems.

If wishes could be given to a broken heart
And I was given two
I'd wish that you loved me
The other I'd give to you.

You will always have my heart
I hope you know it too
I will never love anyone
The way that I love you

A Love Once True
by Tanya Terry

My heart was broken in two
I am really going to miss you
Please say you are not leaving me
Without you what would I be

Now what should I do
Being here without you
It is very plain to see
The friends we use to be

Send my love across the miles
No more tears and no more smiles
Wish you have not gone away
Think of you night and day

All the dreams that we have shared
Arms around me showed you cared
The feeling of your gentle touch
That is what I miss so much

Now we drifted far apart
I was left with a broken heart
The love that will always be there
I was told that love is not always fare

Send my love across the miles
No more tears and no more smiles
Wish you have not gone away
Think of you night and day

Hmmm.. Such a boring day. Woke up at around 0645? Then I realise I was late. But still have to go to school. =| My dad force me go. SianZ, somemore not enough pocket money. Si si duo yao qu xue xiao.
SiaNz, another boring day at school. First period was Maths, didn't sleep in class. But I start doing my Chinese revesion for O level. Wow, can imaging? 2 more weeks to O's and I still slacking around. Hmm.. That's great is it? I think mostly won't be doing well. Hope to get a B4 for it. =D Yeah. Jia you! B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 HERE I COME!!
Sigh, next week will be MT intensive week.. Argh, I gonna stay at school the whole day doing nothing but CHINESE, SCIENCE AND ART!!! That will be really bored! Somemore lessons finish at 1730!! That is 530pm!! OMG~ School start at 730.. 10 hours in school? Oh my.. That will make me feel BORED~ Not only that, will make me low batt. Argh, no choice. My B4 is waiting for me.. HahahZ~ Hao lame wor~ =D
Then next next week O level MT paper. Then June holiday. *cry* got holiday like no holiday like that. Timetable is so pack~ Argh.. So pack on the first week of holiday[31st May - 4th June] and on the last week as well.. [21st June - 25th June] Like that how to work? Lucky is that the centre 2 weeks[7th May - 20th May] is kinda empty. Meaning that go to school only on morning. =D At least can work ba.. But only for 2 weeks. Hopefully can find jobs eh? lol~
Hmm.. Found this article from MSN.. About dumping him. But what they define the word of dumping is making sense to me.. Hee heEZ~
Getting dumped is heinous for obvious reasons - the pain of rejection, the impending loss of physical affection, the bummer of not having somebody to hang out with on Sunday night — but cutting the cord is ugly, too. Knowing you're going to hurt someone is awful. Planning out what you're going to say is awful. Going home to an empty apartment after squishing his heart is awful.

Just upload some of Shin's photos. I think not some ba. Its kinda alot..
Ximending

HangTen

Car

Hai Kuo Tian Kong

I miss him alot. Today will be the last day I going to talk about him.. Cause I know that it's time to let him go.
All my bed so cold at night, I miss you more each day. Only you can make it right, no I'm not too proud to say. All I know is I'm lost without you, I'm not gonna lie. How I gonna be strong without you I need you by my side. If we ever say we never be together and we ended with goodbye. Don't know what I'll do. I'm lost without you. I keep trying to my way, but all I know is I'm lost without you. I keep trying to face the day, I'm lost without you. If only I could hold you now, make the pain just go away. Can't stop the tears from running down my face..
What's the point of talking about all this when both of us already part? What's the point of holding on when one of our love has fade away? What's the point of crying when I'm the one in wrong? What's the point of typing all this when I know that he won't read? What's the point of typing out all my feelings when I know that nothing gonna change his mind? What's the point of listening to the songs that he used to send me? What's the point of reading all those sweet memories when he's already gone and will never come back again? He's gone.. He won't come back.. Going a month already, my life is still as dull as before. He never light it up again, he never will color it again. I already know the ending. But why am I still waiting like a fool?
Right now I'm listening to Wang Ren Fu - Sha Gua Qing Ren.. I'm just like what he's singing now. Hao sha hao sha..
"..i will treat u better de okay?..-_-" can u not talk like that?" 11:46 22nd March 2004
"lots and lots?" 11:49 22nd March 2004
"Really sorry... i know i'm not a good bf.. hai.." 12:12 22nd March 2004
"Loving ya forever!" 00:18 24th March 2004
"Jus kidding my beloved, sweet, loving Dearie.." 09:12 29th March 2004
"Who ask u be my laopo.." 00:30 2nd April 2004
"Happy anniversary! =) -mUaCkS-" 10:18 6th April 2004
"Er.. i go loan from bank. wait ah.." 18:16 8th April 2004
"Ah.. i miss ya too.. i still having bbq.." 22:34 17th April 2004
"Orh.. hee.. miss ya too.." 23:21 17th April 2004
"Good mornig..i miss u lots.. hai..hope u'll re think wad u've said ytd.." 05:45 26th April 2004
That's what he sent me last time. And I haven't delete any of it. Even those quarrels SMS that he sent I still keep it. I cut my wrist, I hit myself against the wall, I punch myself.. It hurts, but not as painful as the way he hurt me. I know it was my fault for breaking up in the first place. But why he still need to reconsider about everything? Hao tong.. Yan lei bu ting de liu.. ='(

Its another boring day at school. Sigh. Yesterday really want to sleep early. Rolling at my bed. AwwWW.. Can't sleep. What happen..? *Bish*
Was on my bed after I hang up with William, that stupid GUY!! -_-" Hmmm, kinda miss him =X Too long never see him le. Still like last time keep disturbing me. Sadly, he's taken. HaHaz.. 2years 7months relationship with his girl. Of course ask him how come can maintain such a long time. He said "yin wei wo shi William!" *faint* what a stupid answer.
Waiting for myself to get low batt.. Waited and waited. Someone called. I rejected the call. I don't know why I do that. I don't want to talk to any body.. Not long after I reject that call, another fooker called.. This time was Kelvin. Ask me about if I'm going school today. Fook. So late then call.. Argh.. Not long later, Shawn called. Ask me go la kopi. This time I blur blur go answer. Cause private number. I though was Victoria. *Sigh* Dont know why yesterday so many pigs call..
I know that I have to give up right now. Cause all those hurting and stuffs like that have to go. I need to continue with me own life. Fuck, don't talk big without doing any actions.. Argh~ I hate this life.. Get a life man!! If really O's level fail, where will I be going? I won't be getting my ass to ITE/ITC. I can't enter Poly. I have no money to retake O's level as a private candidate. Then what am I suppose to do?
Right now, I'm known as a part time student in Greenview. *Sigh* Not going to school tomorrow I guess. But mostly. So pek chek... ARGH~
Whoever fuck that keep tagging in my board, who the fuck are you to care about if I'm rude or not rude. Hello? Do I know you in the first place? My friends didn't even care why must you be the one who bother? Go away.. No one needs you to console me or to tell me what the fuck am I suppose to DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I get back all my results already. Hmmm.. I gonna find a place for my ass. ITE? NO WAY. I'm sure Poly I can't get in with this slacking attitude that I'm having now. I fail all my subjects. And I manage to get a just pass for my Chinese. C5. The others all F9 or E8. *Sigh* Studies ruin my life man. I have no idea what the fuck am I doing in school right now. Life is so... Argh..
Everyday goes to school, just like a noob. Sit there, stare at the board, but nothing get in my head. Go to school just to kill my time. *Sigh* Looking for part time jobs now to work on weekend. Get a life man?
This few days didn't go as well. He SMSed me in the morning on 18th May 2004. Lucky he wake me up, if not I also don't want to go to school. Then I get online for around 15mins. I'm late for school.. Rush to school all the way. *Sigh* Online for what? Just to chat with him lor..
My bill came. Surprise. Less then $50? Oh my.. First time man. Maybe that's the time whereby single rox? No lor. My head still have the thinking of "I still want him back to my life" I did tell him again.. But he no respond. If after 48hours of not telling me anything, I guess I really know the answer.. The answer of giving up. The message that I've sent yesterday was at 1108pm. Right now, around 20hours have past. Yet I still haven't get any reply from him..
I have alot to tell him. But when he call, nothing will be spoke from my mouth. Just hang up my call with William, he told me alot. I meeting him this Saturday.. I buying Shin's book. I want to meet him[Marc] yes I want. I really want. No matter what. Even if my parents scream at me or whatever fuck, I want to see him! ITS A MUST!!! But I know, no matter what, I think he won't be meeting me. That's life.. I guess all along is my wishful thinking of everything. My life.. *Sigh*
Whoever fuck out there keep tagging, please don't mess around with me. Dare to post, but don't dare to tell me who the fuck are you. "Someone lor" Who start with the attitude first? Fuck. Don't ever said that I'm rude or what, is because THAT'S THE WAY I AM WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU DO!?

Hmmm... I guess 2 days didn't update blog le ba.. Was busy the whole weekend.. Busy with? SleepinG MuahahA..

Friday night slpt at around 3am? Hmmm.. Watching the VCDs. The show is really nice. Hong Kong lian xu ju.. Don't know how to translate to Chinese. Muahha.. Nice show really nice.. Oh man.. That "Ah Feng" is so yandao.. *drool* That show like "once you watch it, you can't stop it" lOlz.. Hao hao kan.. Wo xi huan.. Then I woke up at around 330pm on Saturday noon.. THAT PIG WAKE ME UP!!! MY BROTHER!! Argh~ He wake me up to go daddy's place to work.. AwwWW... My sleeping time.. Bo pian, drag myself down.. Reach there around 4pm.. Went to buy breakfast cum lunch. My dad.. *Shake head* I asked my mummy to buy, then she rejected me. My next target, my dad!! Muahah.. He said "wo men lai shi dou jian dao bu, shui su shui qu mai" Of course I agree. But then I said "ah bo zhe yang lah, shui yin shui qu mai" *Laugh* HE AGREED!! That piG!! If you guys know me well, I'm very bad at shi dou jian dao bu de.. Always loss one.. Then he bo pian, he go buy my lunch. He bought my favourite, Nasi Lemak.. I saw my zui ai, chicken wing.. But was like, I only manage to have a few bite, then I throw away the rest.. I didn't even touch on the chicken wing.. *Sigh*
Was at the place till around 8+pm. Mummy went to uncle house to play MJ. Then help daddy to close shop. Then head towards Pasir Ris Park, Singa Festa.. Daddy birthday ma. Reach home around 2am. SIANZ is the only word to describe. The DJ damn sucks.. The songs that I want, they don't have. What the hell...!! Not only that, he didn't even apologise lor. That's not it, the English that he talk.. *Shake head* totally don't understand one. He keep swallowing the words. -_-"
My dad drunk on that day.. My brother sent us home. Reach home what's next? VCDs lor.. =D Then my brother came in the room to ask me to go down to fetch daddy. Daddy DRUNK! loL~ Went down to bring my dad up.. Lucky he's okay. =]
I'm mad. I went to SMS him.. Then he called.. =| He called around 4am.. I though will SMSed only.. The first sentence I said when he called was "strange, you will call me." Isn't that crazy!? That's what I tell myself *Sigh*
Less then 5mins I hang up. Why!? I was talking, he didn't even listen, might as well hang up lor. At that point of time, I know that I really lost him. He can't be back anymore. Yes I know.. But at that time I didn't think of the things that will happen later. Regret? Yes I do.. So what? He won't be back. Yes I know that too.. He's feelings fade? I've asked, but he didn't tell me.
I'm really a dumb ass. I go tell him not to entertain me by calling or SMS.. Then in the end quarrel again. *Sigh* I told him about the changes in my life and I added "You don't even notice about the changes in my lfe" What the fook am I doing? I also have no idea.. In the end argue till around 5+ in the morning.. Eyes getting heavier and heavier.. And I went to my dreams..

16th May 2004[Sunday]
9am plus.. Nelson SMSed me.. @_@ Actually not his SMS that woke me up. Is that stupid phonE!! I hate it.. Argh.. That phone low batt when Nelson SMSed me.. Then that phone keep making noise till I pek chek. I wake up and change the batt and went to bed. Not long later, "i'm addicated to you, you're my love and toxic" damn. The phone RANG! TOXIC BRITNEY!! My caller group for danger numbers. -_-" Then drag myself up.. Pick up the call.. And went to shower.. *Sigh* Went to dad place again.. My dad over hang himself.. Not enough sleep!! I'm not fully chargEEE!!! I'm so tired..
Went down to dad place, not forgetting to bring my VCDs. Cause usually Sunday no people de.. Then in the end? Expect the unexpected. Alot of people.. -_-" Keep pausing my SHOW.. See till pek chek. Then I keep bully my mum.. Hahaz, I told her "WAH HEN JING CAI!! NI QU SERVE!!" LOL.. She bo pian, she went to serve. Manage to watch around 6discs.. Wow.. I'm now leading.. Muahah...
Suppose to close shop at around 7pm. In the end, I watch that show till I blur blur.. By the time I finish the 6discs was around 9pm. My mum and I didn't even realise that. I was 1/2 watching the VCD 1/2 reading the newspaper.[wan bao] Then I saw the front page. Really laugh my ass off man. The loan sharks. Whaha.. Having a new way of chasing back money? Hmmm.. Remember that time at Somerset MRT with XinDai & Nelson. Then that photo caught my attention.. I stop and read.. XinDai and Nelson also stop and read. Then more and more people was there reading. Haha.. The loan sharks are cute man! The way that they phrase the sentences. Maybe you guys should go there and see ba.. Reach home around 10plus 11.. Bath hao le, slack around. Take such a long time to fall asleep.
*Sigh* What happen to me man? Usually when I'm on bed I sure fall alsleep. Maybe just because of him ba.. He don't like me to sleep that early. But what's the point of changing now? I mean, everything already over le.. No use of changing. GET A LIFE MAN BITCH I know no point scolding myself. Already over, he's already gone. Yes I know. Will he come back? I doubt so. So many things happen that causing me to loss the faith in him, in this relationship.. *Sigh*
Hmmm... Today woke up at 9am. OMG.. I didn't went to school... I'm so tired.. This few days didn't sleep well.. I really very tired.. After reading so many articles about love? Do I learn to let go? Nope.. Sorry to say that, but I will never let go. Still holding on. Until.. He tell me to do so..

Today wake up at around 9am? Hmmm... Slack around till 11am ba.. Then went to wash my clothes.. Bath le jiu chu men le.. oOo.. Before that, was online awhile. Then I saw him at MSN. But he was away. I message him telling that I be at town area. And I added "If you wanna go out with me, give me a call before 5pm =]" Then I disconnect le..
Was with daddy for lunch. Went to Aljunied for lunch.. Yummy~ Our all time favourite claypot rice.. I swear that the claypot rice there is really very nice!! *DROOL* Then when we reach there, *cry* that store didn't open.. Haiz, no other choice. Ate other stuffs..
Then meet up with my ai ai.. Victoria.. Went to Bugis to buy my art stuffs. *Sigh* Pocket getting lighter and lighter.. =| Went to Kinokuya.. Saw my FAVOURITE!! SHIN!! *DROOL* I bought that magazine.. =D~~ Kinda not worth when I think back. $7++ for only 4 pages? Wow.. Then what they wrote were CRAPS! That's all I know. She bought a chinese novel? HMm.. Not sure what's the title. But the stories are nice. I gonna go back to get it! =P And the second time I went in, cause I not enough money, I asked my brother to transfer money to her bank. So we went down to withdraw the money.. Argh..
I went back. I stop when I just enter.. Guess what I saw? SHIN AGAIN!! SI LE DUO YAO AI!! That XIE ZHEN!! OMG OMG OMG!! I left with $20 inside my pocket which was the money that my brother transfer too.. *Cries* I called my mum, to ask her to transfer money to me.. She scolded me.. ='( She said "Xin yue tuan you bu shi ni de lao gong, ni wei she mo yao mai? ni mai le ta men you bu ren shi ni. he bi yao lang fei zhe zong jian? ba ta shen qi lai ba.." doo.. doo... The line was dead. Damn. I hate it.. It's like I still have $400+++ with them? What the hell?
Then bo pian.. Yen zhen zhen de kan zhe ta men li kai wo.. ='( I WANNA BUY!!! I don't care! I going back to get them once I have my money back from them!
Hmmm.. After that was around 4+ closing to 5.. Went to Coffee Bean with her. Then waiting for XinDai to come. Cause I met XinDai.. *Sigh* Got SMSed. I though was from him, but was from XinDai. Though he will meet me, but he never.
Met XinDai at coffee bean.. Then walk around.. Lame man. Was crossing the road heading towards Bugis Street. Then there were 2 guys approaching us. Selling tickets. -_-" Then Xin Dai said "Oh, hong ten le, yao guo ma lu le" Then she pull me and ran.. *Laugh* Then that guys were like "Har?[blur looking] ni pian wo!!" That's lame.. HahaZ..
Shop around there.. Then head back to Bugis to wait for Nelson.. Went to V8 for dinner. Hmmm.. The food there not bad. Alot of things happen between the 3 of us. Then talk about... Erm.. Never mind.. Shop shop around.. Then went to Orchard.
Hoping to see him.. =| But never saw him at all.. Went to the place where we used to be going.. HMV.. Standing at his favourite spot[Japanese Artist] holding onto his favourite band,Speed CD.. Hoping I will see him.. But I only see him inside my memories..
Hey girl! Are you okay?
Nope. I'm not ok. I still holding onto him. He seems to be a stanger to me now.. He is standing like miles away from me.. He looks like he is standing beside me, but somehow I still can't find him.. I can't hold onto him.. Darling.. Ni zai na li?

ReNxINgER lOvE p3riSh` SiNcE 18tH fEbuArY 2004.. SiNcE tHe dAy wE mEt.. i nEvEr sToP lOviNg yOu aNd nEvEr WiLL.. i'M dEEpLy iN lOvE WiTh yOu bAbY.. cAn yOu cOmE baCk tO mY sIdE? i pRoMiSei WiLL nEvEr lEt yOu gO..

Continue where I stop yesterday..
Is like what he do, really touch me. I know that he care. I finally can sense it. But, I'm the one who smash it. That's what he said.
According to plan, I suppose to meet my friends at 1pm. Then I was stuck at his place until 12? I finally left his house, I head towards bus stop. I check my phone, I saw his SMS. "lets be friends then" that's his last sentence.
Haiz, don't know what's more can I say. Everything is back to where I am.. Then jiu suan le lor. Don't know what's else can I say. Is like everything he already decide, then I will go with the flow.. My eyes, so heavy now..
Reach home after 2 hours of cycling.. Whole body was wet.. Nice cycle. Its so hot, yet I still go crazy.. Hmmm... Bath after that. And I realise that MY STUD GONE MISSING!! I though I drop it when I shower, I look for that little ball all around the toilet, but I can't find it. I tried to call him. To see if I've left it at his place, but.. he never pick up.. *Sigh*
William SMSed me yesterday. Ask me to chat phone. But is like, I rejected? Don't know rejected how many calls.
Wake up this morning. Body ache.. Nothing much happen. Just that my phone is damn quiet. Angelfire down, then I also don't know what the fuck am I doing. For the past few hours, I have no idea what the hell am I doing. Staring at this black thing, trying to change blog here and there, nothing suits me. JUST BECAUSE ANGELFIRE DOWN Sigh. Never mind.
Finally mid year finish le. Results coming out soon. Yeah.. Another mang jiang hong for me. Hmmm.. Today paper is kinda easy? I think I can cope ba. Cause is MCQ questions?
Hmmm.. Tomorrow meeting my stead. :D Yah yah. Attach le.. To this friend of minE~ LOL~ Girl lai de.. Lesbian :D Muahha.. Fetching her from schooL? Travel all the way to Yishun? Hmm... I meeting her to go Bugis to buy all the stuffs for my art. Haiz, pocket gonna be light again.
PimpleSSSS!! There are lots and lots of pimples are on my facE~ AwW~ Face become more and more oily.. I think is because that time mummy don't know let us drink what "liang ca" then all pimples come out. Have to keep washing face, but no use leh. Face still as oily as before and more more more more more pimples come out!!
Hmmm.. I know that you guys will be asking me am I ok? Nope. I'm not okay!! And I never okaY!!! Haiz, actually got good news was that.. My uncle actaully know about us.. Then he said that he will help me tell my dad about it.. =| I mean now already no use. *Sigh* I thought can no need to hide here hide there anymore. Cause my dad will know it sooner or later when my uncle tell him. Then now? Everything gone le.. No point telling him anymore.. If I didn't tell my uncle that we already broke up, he tell my dad. Then if my dad ask me to bring him back. Then who the hell am I going to bring home? Like that hoW? *Sigh*

A song that describe my feelings..

Kelly Clarkson - Before Your Love

I wonder how I ever made it through the day
How did I settle for a world in shades of gray?
When you go in circles all the scenery looks the same
And you don't know how
And I looked into your eyes
With the world stretched out in front of me and I realized
I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living
I never lived before your love

I wanted more than just an ordinary life
All of my dreams seemed like castles in the sky
I stand before you when my heart was in your hands
And I don't know how
I survived without your kiss
Cause you've given me a reason to exist

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living
I never lived
I never lived before your love
I never lived before your love

And I don't know why
Why the sun decides to shine
But you breathed your love into me just in time

I never lived before your love
I never felt before your touch
I never needed anyone to make me feel alive
But then again, I wasn't really living
I never lived
I never lived before your love

Tong.. Hao tong..
Didn't online for the past few days. It's a great thing. I finally can survive without net.. Brother was at chalet, he took the laptop there.. That's why didn't online ba..

-Monday 10th May 2004-

I SMSed him. Asking him will he be free to chat over the phone. He said he will be free, and he will call me when he reach home. Of course I'm happy.. Jumping around.. Every minute that pass by, keep looking at my phone. Hope that I won't miss his call. Finally he called.. Then he talked about his birthday.. Clubbing and stuffs like that.. I keep telling myself that whatever he said was just a lie. I know I can't bluff myself.. But.. *Sigh*
Chatted alot but most of the things that we talked were stuffs that I don't want to hear.. He was surprise that at that time I didn't sleep.. He didn't even notice about my changes.. I tell him that people do changes, but he just don't believe it.
*Sigh* The worst thing is that I actually SMSed him to tell him that I going to forget him and won't be contacting him anymore.. What's worst? I told him to find a better girl.. It hurts.. I know I only will talk but no action.. Hao tong.. In the end, he said that nothing can make me change my mind. I was like going to kill myself at that time.. Haiz..

-Tuesday 11th May 2004-

Art paper. Didn't sleep the whole night. Alot of things are on my heard. I can't get them out. I can't imaging that I'm that blur. Art paper and History paper were on that day. And I went to study Physics after I finish all my art.. Then on the way to school were like talking about Physics with my classmate. In the end, he told me that today was actually History paper. Not Physics. Another RIP[Rest In Peace] subject.. Sianz liaoZ.. I don't know why am I doing those things that can kill myself.. Doing things that are against the odds.. Can someone just wake me up? Mel mel already wash his hands off me.. Haiz, why like that? He lead me to the maze.. Half way through, he left me alone.. In the end, I have to find my way out.. Victoria said that it will be good, cause I will learn a new lesson in love life.. But I don't want..

-Wednesday 12th May 2004-

Yesterday night didn't sleep at all.. Was awake till now.. My eyes were heavy. Is like 2 nights didn't sleep at all? Was studying Physics. Just hope that I will do well for it. Cause he told me about how studies are important and stuffs like that. I'm willingly to change to a new me. But will he be the one accepting my changes? *Sigh* I don't know..
2am he SMSed me.. I was over the phone with Victoria from 11pm to around 2am. Dad came in and scolded me.. No choice, have to off the lights. Were sleeping at my brother's room. His room is great. Very windy, not only that, can see stars.. That make me walk deeper and deeper into the sleep..
Woke up at 530am. Check HP.. 3 SMSed.. 2 were from him.. Of course happy.. He asked me about my studies/exams[2am].. I didn't replied. The second SMS was around 527am. He wished me good luck for my exams.. And asking me to go to his place after my papers. The first question that came up my mind was why.. So I asked.. Sent afew SMS around then in the end he said "I already said u know later. if u duwan then forget it.." And the very next SMS was "..forget it. dun come. dun expect anything from me anymore."
It hurts.. Alot.. I was on the bed sitting up. Have a bad ache all over my body. Was trying hard to concentrate on my Physics.. Phone keep ringing and SMS keep coming in. Make me so piss off.. In the end, everything make me feel so lost.. Trying to have the last hour of revision, in the end, tears keep coming down.. I can't concentrate.. Physics paper was very tough. Nothing is inside my head except HIM HIM HIM!!
Haiz.. Went to his place. Was raining when I alighted from the bus.. Was drizzing at first, then I don't want to run.. The rain getting bigger and bigger. Then I start to run. My shoe totally wet not because I was running. Because the bus stop was flooded. Trying to call him, but he didn't answer..
Finally reach his house. I was totally wet.. Water were dripping from my hairs. Shivering.. Waiting for him to pick up the call.. Finally someone answer, but less then a second, he hang up. I called again, but the line was engage. He called back. I told him to open the door, but he hang up. I don't know if he had heard me, so I SMSed him. I was about to send, he open the door.
Went in his house, he asked me why was I wet. -_-" He don't even know it was raining.. He take a towel from his parents room, find clothes for me to let me shower.. He care.. He told me to take a shower before I get a flu. But it's too late. I'm having flu now.
I sat on his bed, he sat beside me. He stare at his wall, I was drying my hair.
Haiz, don't want to update le..
Hao tonG~ I though will patch, in the end.. Haiz, I'm the one smashing it.. My fault my fault..
Tears can't control.. Will be contining when I feel better..I really love him.. ='(

*Sigh* Don't know what to post about today..
Woke up by a dream.. I wanna continue sleeping, because the dream was sweet.. *sigh* Went to living room watch TV, then head down for lunch cum breakfast. Then reach home blast Shin songs again.. Do art but manage to do 1 piece of a3 with 4 drawings only?
Doing nothing for the rest of the day.. Staring at the ceiling, staring at the TV, staring at Shin[XiaOhua onlY!!] That's my day..
Mel Mel SMSed me finally.. But he didn't scold me.. I suppose that he got nothing much more to talk to me le ba.. I guess he already wash his hand on me le.. =| Tagboard is down, I'm down..
802pm 9th May 2004, ReNxINgER aka Ebel announced dead due to over hoping that he will come back. It's my fault, but he doesn't seems to forgive me..

*My pictures gone because of that stupid Angelfire stuffs.. Will be doing it when I have time. Mean while won't be online for more then 5days*
Yesterday after disconnected, I went to my room.. Dig out all the Shin's CD. Actually got 2 only. First album and the 3rd album.. The 2nd album still waiting for me at the store~ =X Haven't buy it.. Hmm.. Listen non-stop, then turn the volume until maxium! SCREAM!!! ARgH!!! So "Live" at home.. MUahhaA... Then my sister scold me siaO~ What to do? Feeling bad, only Shin can make me feel better..
Anyway, watch the MTV again and again.. Can call me crazy girl if you want.. Actually I don't mind..
After that went to kitchen.. Supposely to keep all the clothes that were hanging on the bamboo.. Then all the bamboo were on the ceiling.. Can imgaging how stupid I went? I take the thing to bring down the bamboo, without holding it well, the bamboo hit on my head~ OUCH! That hurts.. And my head.. *Shake Head* got 1 "baO" there le.. ='(
The most blur thing that I do was, this morning I woke up at 0640AM!! ARGH!! Then I scream at my sister.. Ask her to hurry to school.. She scold me.. Say was Saturday.. =| Omg~ What happen to mEeeeeeeeeeeeee!?
Haiya.. Blur to the core man.. Later all my cousins, uncles, aunts coming my place.. Won't be online ba? Will be at my room doing my art.. Tuesday art paper.. 5 A3 drawing boards.. Omg~ That's too much.. *Sigh* Haven't even start on mind-map.. Or perhaps haven't even think of what topic to do!!! >.<"
Mel meL~~ Where are you!!?? Call me and scold me leh.. If not I can't wake up from my dreams.. I still holding onto him.. I still clinging onto him~ Mel!! Call and scold mEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Hey people. Uploaded some pictures of my zui aI!! SHIN!!! YEAH!!
Shin At Plaza Sing

Shin At Marina Square

Here are the links. Those pictures I taken from Shin Fan Club of Singapore? I think so.. MuahhaA
Shin Fan Club

Oh man!! Xiao hua look so YandaO!! *DrooL* Eh, in case you all don't know who, Xiao Hua is the fat fat de~ =X Yandao woR!!
Hmmm.. The lead singer is Ah Xing.. I think no need intro ba, he's the only one without playing any thing.. BUT HIS VOICE ROX!!!
The guitarist is Chris.. Can't find his photo. That time the visit to Singapore he not here =(
The pianist[keyboard] is Tomi.. Can be easily spotted..
Then the drumist is Michael.. The black guy.. But his Chinese POWERFUL!!!
Then XiaO huA is play base guitar or what? Don't know how to define leh.. >.<" That fat fat de XiaOhUa!! He's hair roX!! MuahhaHaHhaS
I'm CRAZY!!!
Oh yah, their height all over 1.8m.. My dream guy height.. Xiao hua is 1.82.. All around there.. But Michael and Ah Xing is 1.9m.. Same height at Marc.. =|

-=Happy Birthday Marc=-
Today paper was Chinese Paper 2, Social Studies and Chinese Listening.. Hmmm.. Chinese Paper was kinda easy. I think should be able to pass. Then Social Studies? I think should be ok ba. Provided what I wrote can make it lah.. For source based questions.. Surprisly there is only 4 questions? Wrote everything in a foolscap. Front and back! Wow! First time.. I never leave any line at all.. Then for the Essay questions.. I only left around 1/2hour to do? It's impossible to write a full essay.. Somemore got 2 questions.. AWw.. I studied on Switzerland, NOTHING CAME OUT!! In the end got 3 questions, 2 of them about Singapore.. Then the other one is about Verica? Never even studied about it.. Teacher also never teach.. No choice, anyhow write lor.. 1/2hour only can write the introduction of the topic.. Muahha, fail liao lor..
Was out of the school, then RAIN!! aWW.. Caught in the rain.. Kinda heavy, have to wait to get smaller. Was with KS oppsite my house void deck. Then, we ran like hell.. I remember about passing Marc presents, that's why have to run.. =| My whole body was WET!!! Then I reach Blk 484, the rain stopped. @^#%@&*#(* This can be put as "Singapore funniest home video" Lame!!
Reach home, connected to IRC, sign in MSN, check chillicrap mail, MSN mail, friendster.. Then he SMSed me.. Asking if I'm coming a not.. I saw him at MSN, but he is so blur.. Everytime like that de. SMSed le then check MSN if I've online a not. Last time also like that. Asking me what time am I meeting him -_-" SMSed already then I replied at MSN.. Haiz, don't talk about the past..
Just came back from meeting him? Or perhaps just pass him the presents and leave le ba. He invited me to his house, but I rejected. Erm.. Don't ask me why.. Maybe just not in the modd. I know myself well, if I stay abit longer, I know my tears sure come out.. He asked me where am I going, I also don't know where to go, and head home..
Well, I've pass him sodering wire.. Erm, with that I twist and turn into his nick, "PERISH", the other one is "LOVE YOU" and the last one is "MISS U" Hmm.. Using ice-cream stick that painted red[mixture of silver] and pink[mixture of silver] and some alphabets pasting on it.. Hmm.. Written "Happy Sweeth 18th Birthday Marc"[If I never remember wrongly.] And a book.. Inside are those testimonials that we have wrote to each other, and written the first month anniversary card. The words that I've wrote on the card, I rewrote it on the book.. And the movie tickets.[Actually only got 2. Watched "The Haunted Mension on 6th March 2004 and Scooby Doo 2 on 27th March 2004] Then got our pictures.. I actually pasted all the pictures that we taken together.. =| I left with myself nothing? Yah, nothing..
And I also pasted those scrrible words that I wrote on my assignements. I actually tear out my foolscap.. Then my assignment got holes on it.. Then also gave him a HP chain.. This time round not I make one.. I buy one.. Then I asked the person to carve his name on it.. Kinda nice, I like it.. My sister suggested for this de.. She said that Heart shape is nicer.. But is like, we already broke up, no point buying heart shape lor.. Then she say okay. In the end I bought a rectangle shape. Kinda simple looking.. Hmm.. I also gave him something that I like. But his room is pack, no place for him to put that. I gave him Pooh Bear jinglesaw puzzle.. Hmm.. That's it ba.. Hope that he like it can le..
Pass his those stuffs in a bag through his room window. Surprisly that he didn't on his room aircon.. And off the lift I go.. On the way down, I realise that I didn't wish him Happy Birthday.. I SMSed him and wish him. Abit stupid.. But I've forget about it, what to do? Bus came when I just reach the bus stop.. Took the bus. Actually wanted to go out, called Victoria, but she didn't answer before I left home. I think she's sleeping if not with her BF ba..
Looking outside of the window.. Pass by his block, I know this will be the last time I going there.. No idea why tears came out. Sitting at our favourite seat, looking out.. Memories came back.. Trying hard to hold back my tears, but.. Failed..
On expressway, someone SMSed me.. "Where are you? Wanna come out for a walk walk?" I though was him.. Cause he asked me where am I going when I was outside his house.. I really shocked.. I really hope that it was him, I press down, and it was HQ..
*Sigh* Putting too much home in patching.. Ended up hurting myself.. He's someone different.. I know then realise that he's one of the guy only believe in one chance.. And for me? I believe in chances.. Because human do make mistakes.. *Sigh* Guess I gonna be another waiting person on earth.. ='(

*Sigh* Bad day, bad day.. -Just change blog skin. Red is his favourite color-
English Paper 2 first.. I think I going to die soon.. The paper was kinda easy.. But when reach section 2, THE SUMMARY PART KILL ME!! I don't even understand what the hell the question is asking. Somemore I left around 1/2hour to do it? OmG! Rush like hell man.. When I panic, what I do sure CMI de.. Then the handwriting.. aRgh~ So ugly.. I rewrote it.. Just nice, when I finish, time to stop writing..
Break for around 1/2hour.. Study my Maths.. My mind really very empty, somemore haven't hear from him for a day or more.. =/ Didn't study much, just stare at the notes blankly.. When I reach hall, was talking to Jek.. Then sat down, stare at the time..
Paper starting.. 2 hours of "battle" 1 hour over, I only manage to do less then 10 questions!! Of course panic.. Somemore so cold in the hall.. The fans.. Somemore I sitting right at the end, then the fan directly on my face. -_-" Can imaging how messy my hair went?
The paper is another killer.. Set by my Maths teacher. Damn, so TOUGH!! Really!! 80marks for Paper 1. The number of questions I any how do was about 45marks.. 35 marks, no idea if I've any error or mistake in calculating a not. Damn.
Finish paper, everyone left the hall. Everyone was saying "Fuck sia, paper so hard" loL~ At least I'm normal. -_-" Tomorrow Social Studies paper and Chinese Paper 2.. I haven't even study.. Nothing is on my head..
Just went to cut my hair.. Look abit stupid. It's a brand new me.. Why I say that was because I ah ga know what he wanna to say le..brand new renxinger

Happy birthday in advance Marc. =]
Today suppose to be our 2nd month anni.. This stupid ass bitch here is the one who smash it up..

Very long time since I've chatted with Miss Goh.. She's a friend to me, not a teacher. Hmm.. She asked me about my studies. I was like. Erm.. Erm.. *Sigh* Maybe she's right, you don't have to be thinking about what you want in life. Actions prove everything. I just hope that I will do whatever I want.
Got back my Math Mock Paper 1. The results shock me to death.. 29/80 What the fuck am I doing? Yeah yeah.. I also don't know. Tomorrow start paper le.. I just SMSed him asking if he can come out to teach me Math.. Cause what he taught, I still remember inside my head. Actually not just SMSed him, was about this morning ba.. Till now he haven't reply.
Had my 2.4 run again. This time round, I ran all the way? Hmmm.. 17mins at last I pass...
Nothing much else to write.. I only know I'm freaking tired..

Its 2days or more since I update my blog. Guess gonna be MIA[Missing In Action] for some time ba..
Sunday he last minute ask me to go out. Of course I'm happy. Quickly change and rush down to Plaza Sing.. Reach there around 8pm.. Went for dinner. Putting too much hope in it. Ouch.. That hurts. Hoping that we can sort things out. In the end? Never.. =| We didn't even talk about us. Just talking about things that we saw on that day.. Spoke less then 50 sentences? He SMSed his friend, I was also SMS-ing..
*Sigh* Yesterday not much thing happen. But surprisly that he SMSed me.. Asking how am I feeling.. I guess I'm still breathing. If not I won't be typing here le..
I already gave up my pride. What else he want? He can't even comfirm if there's a love in between us.. *Sigh* Wo lei le..

My life.. Just a piece of SHIT! Off to bed.
Fuck off PEOPLE! Don't act as if you really care and don't act as if you really close to me! Fuck ofF BitcheS and fuckeRs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boring day.. Woke up at around 9am by my dad. Realise that I've body ache.. -_-" ARgh~ Shouldn't have play so long yesterday.. Talking about yesterday, was playing 1/2 way, then I realise that the court floor got blood stain!!! My first reaction was "OH MY GOD!" I though was my periods~ But I think was too early.. I asked my friends, that stain when they just reach got already is it? Lucky they said yah.. If not.. *pwee~
Went to living room to slack around.. I realise that it is labor Day, turn on TV.. SAW BRITNEY!! loL~ Finish that don't know what award show, slept at living room. Woke up at 1pm.. Body more and more painful. Hard to move around.. Not only that, my body keep rejecting food.. aRgh~ Hate it man!! =| Like jelly now..
Slack around again.. What else? TV lor. Haiz, what a boring day. I think till down, I only remember I did TV, sleep.. TV, sleep.. TV, sleep.. aRgh~ I hate this LIFE!!!
Gonna have some new hobby after finish my O level.. Hmmm.. Plan it already. After O level, gonna learn how to play GOLF!! Whaha.. I've learnt it before, but gonna brush up my skills~ Then.. Find a job~ But wait! Gonna learn driving~ But jia lat leh. If got licence, then sure lost in Singapore. I don't know the road >.<" Hmmm.. I think that's it ba.. Learn Golf and driving.. Wow! When Poly[Hope that I'll get in] start, drive to school~ WOW~ The feeling is great! :p But provided got car lah. =X Just a dream anyway..
New Pics
Just taken some of the shots of myself..
SMSed Bow this morning.. SMS to Aust.. -_-" Sent her one forward message.. Guess what? She forward me this message back.. "in looking for ur soulmate, please don always compare n hope tat there'll will be a better one. by doing tat, u'll waste ur lifetime, cos remember TIME NEVER GO BACK" *Sigh* Whenever I'm down, this girl always know.. I love her.. I don't have to say anything, she just know..

Brintey Spears - I Run Away

You took your love away
Too fast
Left no chance to say
Look back

Now i know the truth-
It makes it easier,
Maybe when time goes by,
I'll understand

Let's pretend that i've moved on
And i'll tell myself
That life goes on without you-
Open my eyes and look deep inside,
I run away

You threw it all away
So blind
Pushed me far from you and your life
Now i know the tears
Wont relieve the loneliness
Maybe when time goes by
I'll understand it

Let's pretend that i've moved on
And i'll tell myself
That life goes on without you-
Open my eyes and look deep inside,
I run away

{/links --

ctrl + left click

{/online shopping --

{/archives --

watch me waste my life away

{/miscellaneous --

my virtual barang