{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

Reach home at around 7pm. Went to Bedok to teach William maths. Took 17 there. The journey was long. I nearly fall asleep. SMSed him, ask him where was he. He said he will be late. Decided to drop at Bedok North. Went in to San Qin Gong and bai my grandpas and aunt. I don't know why tears keep rolling down my face.
I promise grandpa before to be strong. No to cry anymore. I promise him to be a brave girl. But somehow I didn't.. I didn't at all.. Told him every single thing that happen.. Those things happen to me and happen at home. Finical not doing good at home. I hope he understand what we've being through. Hope that grandpas and aunt up there will help us to walk through this part. The feelings just too sucks. Hard to describe. I don't know what to do.. Holding onto the joss stick, keep crying and crying. I wet my skirt, I wet my legs.
Went to toilet, wash up my face.. Foundation gone, I look terrible. Reach Bedok at 1415[Suppose to meet 1400] in the end I wait for him less then a minute, he pop out. If he didn't pop out, I'm sure gonna piss off. Meet him 10 times 8 times late, 8 times pang seh me. Just have enough of everything.
He was so surprised when he saw me. I've no idea why. Head towards Long John Silver for lunch, and walked to HangTen. I asked him to help me steal that Shin's stuffs. But he don't want. I also don't know why. And the most wired thing is that usually 1 store only have 4 staffs, but Bedok have 5 staffs. That's not the end. 3 at counter, 2 outside. NO ONE SEE AND LOOK AT US! Why he don't want to take!? =_=" Just feeling dishearted..
I didn't talk about Marc. I didn't told him anything at all. He know I'm not ok. I just keep quiet. He tried to make me laugh with every single thing he do, but I just can't smile.. Went to library after that. Look out for my art books.. Then he looked for table. Saw them putting "Strictly no self-study during weekends" We care? Nope. No one care. Everyone still study.
He just sucks. He walked away without telling me. Putting down his bag[which contains some useless stuffs] then I was still looking for books, he suddenly pop out at the oppsite shelf, and put his hand in to come over to me in between the books. DAMN HELL! I hearly shout out.
He asked me to hurry, took only 1 book, and head towards the table. Sitting down, taught him some basic vectors. He went out for a puff, I sitting down. Continue reading my art book. Trying to figure out what I really want. My eyes were wet, I looked up. Hoping it will not roll down.
Library closing in 30minutes time. Pack our stuffs, planning to leave. Continue looking for my books. Found another one. Grab them, and head towards level 1. Borrowed them. Walking around Bedok, decided to go for pool. I swear I don't know how to play. He just pull me along. Argh.. No choice. Accompany him. He's getting bored when he's playing with me. Keep losing to him. *sigh* what to do? My best friend.
Finish game around 1845. Went down to first floor. Went into Mac's toilet. Saw Roxy Pink. Didn't hi to her. She's damn guai lan. I'm going in, and she's blocking my way. Maybe she didn't do it on purpose, but she just piss me off. Walked out, waiting for William.
Then I told him that I saw her[although he don't know her] then he said he want to see how she look like. Both of us standing outside Mac. William's friends approach us. Chatted awhile.. Roxy Pink came out. Then I told him what she's wearing. He looked into that direction. If I'm not wrong his friends heard what I said. They also turn back.
The most funny thing was that William's friend said "Aiyo, she though she very pretty and she though that we are looking at her, and she ended up walking like...[he show the way she walked]" I was like -___-" Err ok.. Trying to laugh.. Really very funny with the way he acted. I think most likely she saw me? Oh well, who cares?
Walked across the road, they wanted to eat BK, I don't feel like tagging along.. So I just told William that I'm going home. Took MRT home, going to reach Pasir Ris.. Andy SMSed me.. I don't know why too.. No idea what's on his mind. Telling me that he read about my blog and stuffs like that.
Andy: Please do something. Just hate me alright?
Was alone for dinner.. Alone journey home. Waited for bus.. Saw alot of couples. Just making me SICK! I'm tired.. I don't feel like doing anything right now.. My eyes are heavy, I hope I can sleep. I hope tears won't roll down my cheeks.. I hope someone is beside me.. But I'm all alone facing the 4 walls in the room. Facing this lonely house.. *sigh*


Jessica Simpson - For Your Love

You are every part of me
And with every breath I take
Your love will light my way
And for every day I live
The promise that I made
Is I will never let you go babe
I swear I never knew love like this before
And for everything you are
I gotta make you know
For your love

And I'd give anything for your love
Cause baby I'd never make it alone
And forever I'll stand by your side
I just gotta make you see yeah
I lonely live... for your love
When i was running out of faith
You still believed in me
And never let me fall
And the times I lost my way
You're the one who held me up
And brought me through it all

I swear I never saw it like this before
Cause baby with your love you gave me
The reason to go on
And for your love

And I'd give anything for your love
Cause baby I'd never make it alone
And forever I'll stand by your side
I just gotta make you see yeah
I lonely live... for your love
When i was running out of faith
You still believed in me
And never let me fall
And the times I lost my way
You're the one who held me up
And brought me through it all

And everything I am
And all that I could be
Would mean nothing now
If you're not with me
Shining your light on me
When night is closing in
When I was weak
You were the one who made me strong
You gave me faith to carry on

And I'd give anything for your love
Cause baby I'd never make it alone
And forever I'll stand by your side
I just gotta make you see yeah
I lonely live... for your love
When I was running out of faith
You still believed in me
And never let me fall
And the times I lost my way
You're the one who held me up
And brought me through it all


Decided to blog before I go out. Feeling so damn lost right now.. Torn up, shattered heart.. Billions and billions times my heart being smash over and over again.
Yesterday was out with Andy. I thought I will be happy cause I'm meeting him. Those mixed up feelings. Gosh.. I like Andy, but we never get together before. Feeling so damn fuck up when he gone missing. Feeling really happy when I received SMS from him. But everything change after what happen yesterday..
When I reach Tampines I told him that I got a feeling that I will see Marc. We went for movie and Centuary Square. After movie, he wanted to take escalator, but I wanted to take the lift. More faster..
Then when we walk pass archard, I saw Marc. I can't comfirm. I told Andy about it. We walked back.. It's really him.. I don't know what happen to me. Why am I feeling this way? Why am I feeling happy? I don't know why..
I really have no idea why I raise up my hand to wave at him. I don't know why he walked out too.. He approached us, Andy walked away. We chatted. That moment last less then 1 minute thing. I feel so torn up..
I really want to shut Andy up. He kept talking about Marc. Just make me feel so uneasy. Deep down inside my heart, I keep crying and crying.. The tears just never stop rolling down my cheeks.
I really though he's out of my mind, out of my heart, out of my dreams.. But I was wrong.. Totally wrong. I realise that I still cry over him. I've no idea why I cry.. Was it because I've hurt Andy deeply or am I crying cause I still can't forget Marc. *sigh* Just hate those feelings.
No one was by my side yesterday. Its just me alone.. Maybe Nelson was the one listening to all my craps. Then he's trying his best to keep passing tissue to me.. Ong was flooding me in MSN with lyrics of songs.. And he called, I can't control myself, and I still cried..
Yesterday night, I though William will called. But he didn't. He's out with XiaoHui. I called him, he too happy with her. So I didn't talk much. I just hang up the called. I wanted to call hunnie, but I scare she will get worried about me..
Left me alone in my room, hiding at a corner, keep crying and crying.. Tears just can't stop rolling down the cheeks even until now. My eyes are so painful, the dark ring are so dark that I have no other choice but to put foundation on my face.
I hope that I be able to walk through this pain. The feelings so sucks. And I hate it! -out! I don't want to be alone. A SMS from any readers from you will make me smile.


Sentosa pictures.. Now that I receive from XinDai.. Bad mood, don't feel like blogging.. LEAVE ME ALONE!!
Ok, sucky looking me. Yes I know. Fat too..


Me & Bud. Where the fuck is he?


Finally XinDai & me. Some look really funny. I think all?





I think she can't hold the cam well..


Finally..

Taken with Bud HP

Izyan

Izyan & Me

Me & Dong Hui

Leong Sze & Kelvin

Me & Ong

Finally my darling & Me

The art teacher who put alot of damn perfum. Gay? What do you think?

This is my 200 post. Hahaz, time pass so fast. Like that 200 post le. *smile*
Well, enjoy myself in school today. Although I'm still sleepy. :x Alright, first lesson was actually CME. Nothing to do, but everyone discuss about tomorrow entrepreneur fair. So excited about it!
After CME was PE. =D Well, we discuss about entrepreneur fair until we don't even realise the time. By the time we know we're late, everyone rush out of classroom, change and head towards quadrangle. VOLLEYBALL!! *BIG BIG SMILE*
Teams of 4 per group. Muhaha, me, Darren, Kai Sheng and Ong. Verus Gary, Napat, Leong Sze and Marcus. Hahaz, really enjoy ourselves. *big smile* Finally Gary talk to me. Hahaz, after more then 4months of "war" =D I went to look for new ball cause the one that we're using is kinda disfigure. Saw a new one, I bouce it, he finally open his mouth and talk to me. *lol*
First round was horrible. Very horrible. Get trash by them. If I not wrong was actually 0-7? Yeah, we 0 they 7. =X Then second round we won. 7-3. Then last round was 3-3. Then bell ring le. =( Really enjoy myself very much. Although my hand got more blue-black but I really enjoy myself.
Sitting down, with a butterfly shape on the floor. *haha* my ass is damn wet. My hair totally soak with water. Like being caught in the rain. And so does my shirt. Like some siao char bo like that. =X
Went back to class, nua nua nua!! English so sucks. :x Do some corrections and stuffs, 2 periods gone. Social Studies even more nua!  She said "Ok class, I can give you time do discuess about entrepreneur fair, but you must promise me one thing. Is to do this sheet of paper. By next week have to pass up." *bomb* Kelvin's head on the table. Haha, he continue with his dreams, as for me? Staring into space. LOL
Recess time, bitch around with the 2 bitches. Then art lessons. 4 periods of arts. Gosh. By the time I reach the art room, the stupid ass teacher with the stupid strong perfum, switch on the radio to those classical musics. Damn. It is so #&$^@*#(@(# Everyone request to change station to 98.7fm. But he went to switch off. lame is the one word that i can find to describe him =x
After school, got maths self study group. Then stay till aroind 1530. Then KaiSheng, Ong and me went for lunch. Then came home le lor. =X Craps around. Talking about what we gonna be doing after O's. O's havent come and we are discussing about what's gonna happena fter that. Hahaz, extrem lame.
Kinda happy for them. At least they know what to do after O's.. As for me? Only want to find a job. That's it. End of story. Hahaz, with the pay, I will shop for MORE CLOTHES!! =D~ *thumbs up*
Oh well, just got a SMS from Delun daddy.. =( He hospitalize. I called him. Then in the end he said "Aiya, wo mei shi lah. ni si le wo duo hai mei you si." ..... Speechless. What a good daddy he is. =(
Hmm.. Mood is good! Cause tomorrow is FRIDAY!! Repeat after me class, F-R-I-D-A-Y- :x Hur hur, then Saturday will be going out to teach William maths. =/ Hope that I still can remember every thing. At least he bother to mafan me! =_=" If not, I gonna kill him if he fail his O's! I SWEAR! Hmm.. That's all for today. I'm tired. =( Need rest!!
WOO TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!! I LOVE FRIDAYS!!!


Another nuaing day. Oh well, today just simply sucks. =(
Continuous tests. Can't take it. Argh, feeling so damn fuck up. Like having some relay "games" After reccess, Chinese test. Feeling so damn tired. Didn't even write properly. Putting my head on the table, and went to lala-land.. Finish the test at 1235, head back towards class for Social Studies test which started at 1245. Finish at 1330. Cause school finish early today because of some don't know what shity thing. Then head towards Physics lab for another test. =( Finish at around 1440.
Went to Mac after pestering with Darren, KaiSheng and Ong for mac. =X Finally they agree! Head towards Loyang Point for lunch[I shall consider taking lunch at around 3pm] Oh well, reach home at around 4pm? Hmmm.. Chatted with him over the phone till around 5.. Head towards lala-land.. Woke up by him. :x cause I ask him to wake me up. Then nua nua abit, do frienster stuffs, shower and head down towards daddy shop.
Don't know what else to type. I'm just tired..
Anyway, some pictures to share. Taken long ago. *lol*
Taken when I'm in Sec3. =X Me, Michelle and Nattinee[Thai girl]

Some of my real close friends. =D

Ah.. That's it.. Oops, not forgeting my darling XINDAI!! :x

And William.. =D

I still waiting for hunnie to take picture with me..

And my dar dar also..

My darling girl always.. *shY*


That's all folks!! =D~
passerby: Thanks. :) Orginal from ReNxINgER *lol*
lingg: *hugs* Thanks girl.. Thanks for loving me soOOo much. Thanks for not giving up hope on me.. *cries* so touch
tt: Yap. I know. Some thoughts of mine only. Thanks for your concern anyway. =)
i'mDAman:  Yaya. Only you will do those things to make me happy all over again. =)


Feeling much better already. Since William called me. I though him what happen. He was kinda piss off with it. Then in the end he called that fellow up. That asshole don't tell William who he really is. And ended William very angry and he scream at him. *lol* -thumbs up-
William rox.. Cause William told that fellow that I'm his mei, then he protect me as his mei mei ma.. AwW.. so sweet.. Not only that, I also like to thanks Eugene dar for calling him up too. But that ass just don't want to tell them who the HELL is he.. *fan myself*
Right now is 0522.. Hahaz, woke up again at 4am. Kinda tired, already finish with my homework. Still wondering should I be studying for my Social Studies, Chinese and Phyics test? Hmmm.. Or should I study for my Maths for tomorrow paper? Argh, feeling so damn sucks right now. So many things to study. 24 hours is not enough for me!!

Jessica Simpson - For Your Love

You are every part of me
And with every breath I take
Your love will light my way
And for every day I live
The promise that I made
Is I will never let you go babe
 
I swear I never knew love like this before
And for everything you are
I gotta make you know
For your love
 
And I'd give anything for your love
Cause baby I'd never make it alone
And forever I'll stand by your side
I just gotta make you see yeah
I lonely live... for your love
When I was running out of faith
You still believed in me
And never let me fall
And the times I lost my way
You're the one who held me up
And brought me through it all
 
I swear I never saw it like this before
Cause baby with your love you gave me
The reason to go on
And for your love
And I'd give anything for your love
Cause baby I'd never make it alone
And forever I'll stand by your side

I just gotta make you see yeah
I lonely live... for your love
When I was running out of faith
You still believed in me
And never let me fall
And the times I lost my way
You're the one who held me up
And brought me through it all
 
And everything I am
And all that I could be
Would mean nothing now
If you're not with me
Shinin' your light on me
When night is closing in
When I was weak
You were the one who made me strong
You gave me faith to carry on
 
And I'd give anything for your love
Cause baby I'd never make it alone
And forever I'll stand by your side
I just gotta make you see yeah
I lonely live.. for your love
When I was running out of faith
You still believed in me
And never let me fall
And the times i lost my way
You're the one who held me up
And brought me through it all

i'mDAman: Ok, Hi ong. Right?
hunnie: Thanks hunnie.. =)
eThElYn: Oh hi mei nu~ What happen to your blog? Look like being disturb by some boliaos out there? Jealous you for being so pretty? *Muahha*


Got this asshole call from this number. 92967831 Then he said he want make friends. I was like who the fuck that gave him my number. I got so fucking piss off. Noon time my mood really damn down, then he came about to "fuck" my mood up.
DAMN! Then not long ago, receieve SMS from him. Then he said he want make friends. Oh well, I just screw him off! Hello!? Don't treat girls as some TOYS that you guys pass the numbers around just to make your HP number MORE GIRLS NUMBER! So just FUCK OFF!!!!
Anyone really boliao, feel free to call this asshole at 92967831 I care? Doubt so. Call and screw him upside down! AssholEEEEEEEeeeeeeeee



Just reach home not long. Feeling so damn tired. Really.. My eyes are so heavy now, I want to sleep.. I still wonder how long can I be holding on? *sigh* A little bit down, wanna be left alone. Can anyone feel my pain? The pain that I'm feeling?
Woke up at 0645 after a "nap" I can consider, shower and head school. Drag myself there. Surprisly during silent reading I didn't fall asleep. Trying to read my book to maintain my eyes open.. Time pass so fast, recess come. Hate it. No idea what to eat is the most cruel thing I can be doing to my tummy.. Ate 4 pieces of bread during lessons, 1 plate of rice during recess and a pack of rice after school. Not planning to eat during recess but my mouth is itchy.
Ask Michelle what to eat, she suggested Malay store. Head towards there to find Maziah[Bitch] she's buying her food. Bought mine too. Alright, the food not bad, but just abit spicy. =( I hate spicy food.
Kinda lame during Chemistry lesson. Mrs Yeoh keep saying about Reuse, Recycle and Reduce. Not only that, SAVE THE WORLD. -_-" And that's not the end, she said :"If your class having BBQ, first thing invite Mrs Yeoh, 2nd don't use plastic plates. Use paper plates." Then everyone was like -_-"Not only that, she also said about eating Mac. She said ask the person not to wrap the food up. Ok that's lame. She's nice after all, but sometime just don't like her.
Feeling so down. No more afternoon naps for me. Gonna start studying early in the morning. So that I can sleep well at night. I hope I will control it. *sigh* Feeling so empty now..
PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME A FUCKING MISS CALL! YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE!! I just hate it. Called and hang up. So damn dulan. So what if you're looking for me? Since you're looking for me, don't hang up. Damn the fucking person. So what if I call back and giving me those fucking excuess of pressing the damn wrong button. Ass.. Just craps! So fuck off! And kiss your mum's ass. Big fuck with free incoming?
Sorry, just terrible mood swing.. =( Anyway, taken this photo early in the morning.. Look like xiao mei, I'm just tired..

That's me taking my lunch at class with "ta bao"

Trying to smile I guess..

Gosh, where are we looking at?

Darren and KaiSheng having their lunch too..

Oh well, this is Ong's drawing.


lingg: Don't ever talk about that picture.. The one and only picture taken with ah gong.. How I wish that I am by his side right now.. At this moment.. Where his hand is on my head. Telling me not to give up, giving me the warmest hug that I deserve.. I want to find ah gong.. Wanna go to the place where he is now.. ='(
Hunnie: I'm sorry. Just some mood swing. Wanna be left alone. No idea why I cried when I listen to Lin Jun Jie - Hui You Na Mo Yi Tian. Maybe I just miss ah gong too much..


Its raining in my heart, can anyone feel my pain?





Going to bed now. I suppose. Offline le.. *Struggling* The feeling so cold. Didn't switch on air-con. Cause I can live without it. I love my house, cause it's still so cold. Stepping onto the cold floor at 4am. The feeling so great.
Force myself out of the bed to study. Didn't do much. My eyes are so heavy now. Although is like 0510 only. Woke up for 1hr 1omins. I'm feeling sick. How long can I be holding on? I don't know. What tomorrow gonna be? I have no idea too. I only know I'm not well. *Sigh*
Hate tomorrow. I hate wednesday.. Chinese test, Physics test and Social Studies test as well. How can I hold on? Already give up Chinese. Chinese is not in my study time table. And I hope everything still work out there[time table].
Hate myself damn much. For setting myself with "good game" at the end of my life. Giving up Science. Struggling like hell now. I swear, I did give my best. But always can't make it. Some sucky feelings I have now.. *shrug* hate it..



Macfreak (Daniel): Thanks. =)
lingg: Got see my kor before meh? hahaZ~


Feeling so damn tired. Argh, just hate school that much. REAL MUCH! Studies ruin my life. =( Will be missing in action for sometime ba.. Will update blog, but not onto chatting. Anything just give me a call ba. I gonna get my ass down to plan my timetable for August. Time is running SHORT and I'm lost!
Wake up this morning by hunnie. Thanks gurl~ Love you *muacks* Although having more then 1/2 the mind of not going to school. So tired.. Didn't sleep well last night, my neck can't turn to the left. = Stupid pillow.. Keep running away. =(
Went to school, feeling so sucks, so sick. I want to go home!! I hate monday! Monday blue. First period was Maths. Argh, reach class, everyone was copying homework. I was staring at no where. Then Maths teacher keep kpkb. Hate it. Spoilt my day. Getting so pek chek when he teach, and nothing goes into my head. Hate it man..! =(
Didn't pay attention to much things happening in class. Especially Physics. My mind totally empty although it's the 3rd period of the day. History another boring lesson. Although she gave us hints on the topics that will come out for O's, I don't have any interest with it. Feeling so tired.. Really very tired.. Social studies was more worst. Staring into space. Looking at no where. Dreaming of my pillow and my bed. It make me drooL~
After recess was English. Kelvin was the one doing it. I copy his work. Oh well, seriously I hate English. No idea why must put English as the main focus of studies. If can choose, I rather put Maths first. =D Chemistry after English. Doing Science practical. Nothing much happening. Just that I think my experience didn't work out. No reaction for Limewater, lighted spilt or even glowing flame. -.-" My friend's limewater turns chalky. Oh well..
Kelvin suck big time!! =( He just pierce his lips!! I want to have more piercing!! I only have belly and ears done with enlargement.. He got lips and tounge.. I don't care~ Where should I pierce? I really don't know..
Feeling so damn tired right now even though I just took hours of nap without anyone calling/SMS me. I wanna be left alone somehow.. Feeling tired, feeling lost. Already make up my mind being left alone. Hunnie was really shock with it. Oh well, hunnie, I mean what I said here. =) I hope I won't regret with what I said. But I know myself too well. Emotions and stuffs I can't control that well. Although I still need someone to guide me along with the path that I going to take next time..


I wasn't there on that day. I think is kinda long ago de ba. Miss me out. So I paste myself there. Happy family picture. =D

Photocopy out? You decided. =)  
 

sharon: Both of us are just friends. Anyway, I didn't talk about his name here at all. =) So you call just call him, "him" Nothing much will happen anyway. As I've already made up my mind of being single for sometime. A very ren xing decision, but I still go with what my heart says so.
hunnie: I always miss you soooOOooo much. You should know me well.. Inside and outside out.
lingg: As requested. The picture of my brother is up. =)
weiwei: Hey, I though you forget about me le.  Anyway, I'm doing great I suppose. MIA for Sh!n's forums for some time. I think studies is stressing me out. I hate those sucky feelings. Found myself with someone new? I doubt so. I already said I wanna be single.. Till.. I don't know.. When my heart tell me that he's the perfect one. I hate those breaking up and tearing up my heart into millions pieces. He[you should know who] hurt me so damn much, it's hard to get my heart back to where it used to be..

I hate myself for making this decision. Might be unfair to myself or even the people who loves me. I have enough of everything. My heart already numb. Ma mu le.. =l No one can enter anymore. I just wanna be left alone somehow..







Went to my uncle house just now. Being pester by him don't know for how long! Hahaz, but anyway I enjoy myself just now. :D He har, keep asking me to go over to his place. Then said that granny miss me alot. Craps again. -.-"
Took alot of pictures because I'm wearing skirt. Yeah, jeans SKIRT. Very zhi lian :x forgive me wor =P

Group picture. My cousin[back] my sister, my dad and my cousin!

Here are the MJ queens! *lol* My mum[fat fat de] My aunt my granny and my other aunt. Oh well, my uncle block my auntie. :x

My dad trying to rape this fellow. *lol*


My cousin and me *thumbs up*


This taken with my phone.

She's damn tall. That's all I can say. Marc, want to know her? She's 1.8m *LOL* suits you well.. Not like me, shorty =( But she's only 14? :x There, can see!?

Trying to take shot of another cosin, but miss it!

There he goes. =D Another tall fellow. Hitting 1.8m too.. But the girl taller, yet younger. =D

My sucky uncle. -.-"

Oh well, she love Xu Chen Mei too much!

MUAHAHHAHAS! That's what lamers like them will be doing..


That's all folks!! :D
sharon: You like that say I will shy de! But both of us are just friends. =D

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