{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

Don't know why am I feeling this way. Things didn't come at the right way. Maybe due to
listening to those damn sad songs ba. Right now listening to Baby - Ai Qing Bu Neng Zuo Bi Jiao.
Some mood swing that I have. Maybe because I just think too much. About yesterday night had a small argument with Andy over the phone. Just because he didn't call me at 93opm? Its a small thing I know, and I don't know why I went screaming at him even until just now.
He finish school at 9pm, and you reach home at 930. And ended up I'm the one calling you at 10pm? And you even ask me about why am I calling you at 10pm when I reach the door of the house? Why are you so unreasonable? Why you cant ask yourself why you didn't call me the moment when you reach home?
Things might be easy to read, but the feelings of fuck up, you can never sense it. I hang up the call because I know if I didn't hang up, I will continue argue with you till don't know when. You ask me why, I thought you know why. Shouldn't be having this way of thinking.
Really fuck up now. The disappointment.. I manage to find time to call you. I call you after my school. That's what you said. I call your house, not once but twice. Ended up you're sleeping? I call your HP, you ask me call your house. I didn't say much things and I didn't call you. You said you will call me when you're having your break today. But did you? Not even a SMS from you.
Tears keep rolling down, not because of you. Because I cant believe that how silly am I to accept you back then. I don't know why am I feeling this way. Things go out well, but not now. Maybe I'm used to be alone, being single. Being independent. Don't ask me why am I feeling this way. I'm not hinting or saying anything.. I just.. Fuck.. Whatever..
I dig out time for you, I travel down to City Hall just for an hour for you. Tomorrow got badminton for 2 hours, you don't even agree to come down. I won't ask much from you anymore. I just have enought that's it.
And I think I need time to cool down or whatever shit. I want to be alone.. Left alone.. And don't TAG at my board either SMS me. Thank you. PS: I'm refering to EVERYONE


Happy Teachers Day
That's the boliao us..




Kelvin

Chun Wai a car lover..

Izwan & Nabil. Gangster..


He being rape. The .... of our class..


Here come the 3 bitches.



No comment.


Alfiyan


Fiziah & Me

Alfiyan & Me

Ong & Me

Actually is a group picture. But look at that Izwan -_-"

Here we go..

Naz & Shirah

Ming Yu, ChunWai & KaiSheng

Muhd, Izwan & Kawrul

STupid Ong & Yong



School was good today, cause there are 3 free periods? Haha.. And I'm sleeping like a real pig in class. Thanks to Gary. Damn, woke me up 3 times!! Si02 how to draw!! =_=" Chemistry~ *shake head* At least I still can remember with those pure BLUR face. Haha..
Anyway, they have those video shooting. For no idea what shit. And was actually shooting during English period. And in fact, we're having test. =_=" Can you imaging that first few questions all of us were discussing? *lol*
After school, head stright home. Took a nap. And I over slept :x By the time I woke up was in fact 1545. Pack my stuff, have a shower and head out.. Pass my craft to KaiSheng. Went to City Hall to meet him. *shY* He's late. I thought I will be the one late. Cause at 1700 I was at Bugis. And he said that his lesson end at 1700. =_="
Then I walk around for 15mins, he called. Went a level down to find him. Head towards MS. By the time we reach MS, its 1730. =_=" And his next lesson starts at 1800. Omg~ 30 mins how to eat.. Trying my best to eat damn fast. :x And yes I did it in 20mins. *lol*
Head back to MRT, send him to school, then I head back to Bugis to meet Gary. AND HE SUCKS!!! Suppose to meet him at 1815 at Bugis MRT. And in the end, he reached there at 1830 and said that he already reach. And he's at the toilet. So I ask which toilet. He said LAVANDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR =_=" Can you imaging the feeling of trying to kill him!?
And he walk DAMN fast until I bth.. Withdraw money and head to Fancy Paper. Then bought the paper for $17.45 Shock man. He actually bought very little yet so ex. *lol* Actually I bought 3times. And the total was around $25. =X
Went to eat after that. Saw 1 group of Ah lians walking. *lol* I can't ta han but keep laughing. Don't ask me why, I just do. And I saw one guy from "FunLand" trying to cross the road, but he so scare. *LoL*
Feeling so damn sucks. Recently headache are getting more and more jia lat. *shake head* then things are not pilling me up, isn't that a great thing? Ha, but no idea why my head still pain.. =(
Perhaps some mood swing here and then ba. *sigh* But I didn't show any attitude to anyone I guess. Oops.. I forget to say that if you just message me to request me for things or ask me things, please fook off. Don't think that I know you very well. Oh well.. Whatever~ Things are not going my way.. WhateveR~ Headache~ Waiting for his call~~ lallalala~~~~
*tagboard*
hunnie: I never hurt myself le.. No longer that silly.. =D
xiang: Hahaz, I thought I always cute? *lol* :x My tounge ar? No pain le, but got mark at there.. Look ugly but no one can see. :x
jasmine: For me to know, for you to find out.
Summo Tay: Thanks man.. :D
joseph: Never mind about it. I already forget about it. And anyway, the age for driving is still 18, until the next batch. Meaning 1988 onwards then 21. =) And I've always visit your blog waiting for you to update. Take care pal~ Oh yah, your medicial check up os on Thursday right? Update me hor..
lingg: Yap. I will. =)
Natalie: I WILL KILL YOU BABY!! Tomorrow upper Sec concert end at 1055.. =( So late. Tmd~


Yesterday was fun. Went out with that Bitch *loL* Planning to go study, in the end we can't stop ourselves from shopping. *haha* then we ended up shopping.. :x Take pictures, then meet Nisa chilling out at Coffee Bean. Chatted alot about school. Cause Nisa quit school..
Before Nisa meet us, we went to Metro to look for gown. *lol* I look REAL sucks in it. And Maziah even took pictures of it. *lame her* And I look REAL fUnnY!! I still think that the pink one look good with my skin! :x *lol* Then both of us keep singing that song~ 1st Ladi - Never Be Replaced. :x


After that we head to take pictures.. Hmm.. Not bad anyway. :x

And I swear that my lips touch her cheek *shY*

These are while waiting for Nisa to come..

She look funny man, cause she's missing her crush~

This is the boliao me, look sucks *lol*

Then head to Pasir Ris Park, Singa Festa. Saw Jek and "gang" on the bus. Chatted alot of craps. Then saw one of his friend who look like 16.HE IS SHUAI, TALL, CUTE. But in fact, he's only 13. I saw his Ez-link. There stated that he's 13. Born in 1991. I can't believe my eyes.. *lol*
Then I went to have my dinner with my dad, then they change place to sit, I walk there, I put my stuffs and head back to find Jek and talk crap. *lol* 2 of us were talking about SEX then the others -_______________-" Cause they're under 17. :x *muahaha*
Reach home around 1+am, shower, and chat over the phone until 2am.. And here I am typing all these craps. Alright gonna go.. =D


Headache man.. Cause I've finally get to pack my messy room! *lol*
Some pictures that I took before and after!! :x [Before is on the left, After is on the right]





Sometimes really hate packing up my room. Not because of the mess, but because of that box that I have.. Left hand side of my cupboard. No one see that box before, but me.. Used to wrote alot of stuffs during lessons or when I'm bored.. It contains alot of emotional stuffs.. *sigh*
I want to get out, get out of this house. I want to get married, get married with someone I love.. Ok whatever. Time to slack and do my art. ANOTHER BORING WEEKEND!! *BOO*


Feeling so headache noW!! -_-" No idea what's wrong with me. Maybe because I rush abit here and there ba..
My toungeeee!! So sucks, cause I've remove it, and its so damn bloody painfuL!! Until I can't endure the pains.. Not only pain, but so ma fan.. How to eat? And I talk like a duck, everyone keep laughing saying that I'm having short tounge. -.-"
Meet my precious boy this afternoon. Head home put my stuffs. He got shock when I carried the big BIG bag, its damn BIG! That's what I can say.. Can actually put my craft, my boards, my file, my everything.. =P We went to Bugis, bought my art stuffs, met William. Talk cock, shop shop.. AND THEY JUST KNOW EACH OTHER AND BOTH OF THEM ARE BULLYING ME!! *CRIES* Anyway, William left at around 4+ cause he's heading town to meet his friend.
As for both of us, head back to Pasir Ris. Cause I've to go for night class so does he.. Then we took MRT to Bedok, and took 17 back home. -_-" He so boliao de.. =X I nearly doze off man. I really very tired, when I was about to sleep, he talk to me. Haha, but in the end also never sleep..
Reach Pasir Ris meet my sister, head to mac, sit down. AWHILE only, then we left. What the helL? Didn't even order any food to eat, she's there complaning and stuffs.. -_-" And on the way home, planning to go back to school, SMS flooded said that school closing at 1830. Is not I didn't want to study, is just that school CLOSED.. *boo*
Hmmm.. Actually tomorrow morning planning to go play badminton with KaiSheng, Darren, Izwan, Johnathan, Chan and Ong. They tried to book the court at Tampines, but got event going on during noon, so we can't book it. Next they tried Pasir Ris. But fully book! Hello!? Its 7am in the morning and its TOTALLY BOOK! @&^#&*&#*^&@# *lOL* But good what, can sleep more.
*Sians* Tomorrow saturday.. Still thinking want to pei him go play tennis anot leh.. With his uncle leh.. =l I don't know how to play leh. :x
Just meet MaySze.. Haha, she's a very cute girl.. =D Nice, i mean someone nice to chat with. I think after period gonna go her house there and SWIM! Sit down, nua nua an hour or so.. Then left le..

*tagboard*
sAm: Hey, I've remove it le.. SO pain!! *cries* I should have believe in you and not to be VAIN to pierce! =(
Natalie: Haha, still having a hard time to find my bloG? *loL*


Feeling so hungry right now. Haha.. =X
Yesterday just pierce my tounge.. Thanks Kelvin. *lol* I guess those who don't like piercing might consider taking knifes and chase him. Haha, he help me pierce during free period which is English. Took less then 5 mins to get it it. *lol* actually not pain at all de..
I think belly is more pain. Haha, cause I took around 1/2 hour to get it pierce my belly... Hmm.. Everyone in class especially MRS SIM laugh at me.. =( The way I talk. Cause I can't pronouce S -______-" Make me feel so funny right now.. Haven't even enlarge the thing. Cause I'm lazy and hungry. :x Puting thumb nail.. =D
Yesterday went to eat the 7th month thing. Wah, eat till half raining.. *Sians* The food sucks lor. All always chicken. Hahaz, is it because now got bird flu, that's why all chicken? So that when chicken ran out, we've the memorable of it..? *lol*
My smile is never wipe of since morning.. *hugs andy* thanks for that..
The very tired face of miine. Taken some days back during night class..

Take yesterday at the dinner.. My sister block it, but I think it's nice taken.. =D

And this is my tounge.. Haha..

Extra one.. ACT CUTE!! *lol*


*tagboard*
hunnie: I so worried.. I thought you don't want me le.. But the moment I saw your tag, I really smile.. *phew*
Rodneyy: Haha, is not the first time you know. I don't teach blog. =P
bubu: Haha, nice one lah sista.. =D


Just came back from school.. Oral.. English. Can you imaging that I was the last person? Which leave the hall at around 1700? And sat there since 1430. Lucky I fall asleep. :x I'm really very tired.. :x
During English, everyone seems to be complaing with the best we can about the Physics teacher. And the things that we don't know was actually that was the ass Principal idea. *damn him* Everyone complain, but he's just too much. For the past 7months, he only teach 3topics? Short topics, and for no reason, throw us a stack of worksheet, and wanted us to complete it by the weekend. *Damn him*
Seriously, he's the most sucky teacher I've ever encounter. Is not that he didn't teach us, just that I'm piss off because he act like Dr. Ernest Wong. The guy who I went for SuperTeen early this year. Keep pushing us, forcing us to face the wall.. Damn him! I'm not refering to Dr. Ernest Wong. He used the wrong way man.. __
Anyway, oral.. *sigh* kinda ok to me. Haha, the passage was acutally about blindfold. The entertainer blindfold and he was acutally blind. And a kid ask him why, he said that he want people to concentrate on what he was performing rather then staring at him..
Picture.. *buang man* The main focus was actually a guy who was about to fall or to step onto a pack of water on the ground, with some balls on his hands. Then the background is SENTOSA!! *lol* I recongise it.. :x
And then, the conversation.. *muhaha* I think I do well, cause is about beach!! xD the question was actually telling them about spending a day at beach.. Then I told them about recent one. Sentosa.. Then the next question was, what plan you make on that day that doesn't go well.[Related to qns 1] Of course blame the stupid weather. Ha.. Cause it rain? Hmmm.. I guess I should be able to do well!! =P Cause I feel that way? *lol*
Oh yah, got back my Maths Mock paper 1.. I got 48/73.. Which was actually a B3.. Some careless mistake!! *BISH* Paper 2 here I come!! *lols* crapS~ Alright, gonna shower and prepare to go back to school..

An article that I saw at ChilliCrap.. :x
I'll be there: If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I miss you: Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply & sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

I respect you: Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

Maybe you're right: This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility of admitting may be "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

Please forgive me: Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

Let me help: The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I thank you: Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

Count on me: A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can count on me."

I understand you: People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.

Go for it: We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."

I love you: Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs - the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words "I love you."

And now, the most important of ALL three little words ...GOD BLESS YOU!
lastly . . . I need You . .

I'm not a perfect person, as many things I wish I didn't do. But I continue learning. I never meant to do those things to you, and so I have to say before I go. I just want you to know, I found a reason for me. To change who I used to be. A reason to start all over new, and the reason is you.


Hmm.. Yesterday all the teachers were having PMS eh? Just assignment didn't do, screaming and yelling at us.. *Sians* The first period was actually Maths. He gave 2 worksheet, but I only manage to do 1. :x And who knows that the one I didn't do, he actually check it.. -_-" Can you imaging how suay am I?
After that was Physics.. -_-" Another lecture session.. He said those who didn't complete it or didn't bring or whatever bull shit you have, get out of the class.. Hahaz, only left 2 classmates in class. 1 is expected one.. Dong Hui. Cause his physics is PRO, and he look and do, just like writting essay like that.. Then Marcus was because he was absent from school..
Hmmm... School like that lor.. =/ After school head home.. Nua awhile, planning to sleep, then bubu ask me to go TM with her.. So I accompany her.. Went to TM, bought her CD, took cab down to Bedok, return my books WHICH ARE OVER DUE -_-" Then head back to TM again just to take pictures. *haha*

Then William came down.. Took pictures again. :x

*lols* GF = Good Friend, BF = Best friend. Don't get misunderstood k? :x Then we walk around TM, looking for stuffs to eat.. Then we went to CS to eat Billy Bomber. Ok, the service is great. But the food.. Errr... No comment.. *lols* Then went to buy boxer with him. Wah piang eh.. Ask me choose. Of course choose white. :x With the word "please" all over the boxer.. Haha, lame him!!
Shop for gown.. Hmmm.. $119. Reasonable price.. Is buy, not rent. Anyway, silver and black.. The other colors are like baby blue? and Pink? Haha, not my type.. I think doesn't suit me too.. =D Can't wait for prom man!! 30Nov~ Hurry come~~ :x
By the time we left Tampines was around 8++ then I head back to school was around 830pm.. Didn't study at all.. Went to accompany Izwan to smoke, sit down, talk cock.. Talk alot of things about Love and Relationship? Yah, I then realise what Marc said is true, cause Izwan also agree with him. "loving someone alot isn't everything in relationship."
They are right, really right.. =) Finally I learn about what Marc said to me. Hahaz, he is he, me is me.. We have no relationship at all.. Get on with my life. Find a new guy that willingly to be mine.. *lols* crapping here..
Anyway taken some pictures from John's GD88..
Kelvin and Me. Haha, he's hugging me. Cause we saw John's wallpaper.. He hugging his GF. Then in the end Kelvin and I disturb him. Then set this picture as wallpaper. *lols*

Ong and me..

Fazil and me.. First time take picture with him after 4years of classmates. :x


*Tagboard*
Hunnie: I miss you alot.. You working, you've no time for me.. ='( Hunnie, I miss you alot!!!
maysze: Yeah, take care too girl.. =D
bubu: Hur hur, I saw the pictures.. I've upload too.. Anyway, I saw this skin before we went out yesterday. Then when I reach home, I change awhile then sleep. :x
lingg: Haha, she's just some ass? :x *OopS* Who doesn't have a nice pair of eyes.. *damn her*

Ok, kinda tired.. Nap nap awhile ba.. ^^v
hao xiang hao hao ai yi ge ren..


Still doing my homework right now, feeling abit tired.. =( Anyway, this weekend spending most of my time doing my art.. Which is great! I finish another board.. Hmm.. So now I have around 5boards instead of 4.. =D
Piss off with one damn ASS HOLE!! This is her link.. She's in my friendster link, I know her from CC, but damn her.. She took MY EYE!! MY PRECIOUS EYES!! ARGH!! http://autumndream.blogdrive.com/

Saw it? Wah lau, never ask from me. Maybe you guys will say just one picture, why so piss off? Piang eh.. My eye lai de leh.. Where can anyhow post. She want to let people know she cry, CRY AND TAKE PICTURE LAH!! -_______________________-" DUlanSsSssSSS

1st Ladi - Never Be Replaced

Baby I love you
And I'll never let you go
But if I have to
Boy I think you should know
All the love we make
Can never be erase
And I promise you
That you will never be replaced

Baby I love you
And I'll never let you go
But if I have to
Boy I think you should know
All the love we make
Can never be erase
And I promise you
That you will never be replaced

I love you
Yes I do
I'll be with youAs
long as you want me too
Until the end of time
From the day I met you
I know we've be together
And now I know
I wanna I be with you forever
I wanna marry you
And I wanna have your kids
Thinking never compare
To feel enough to kisses

I can say I'm truly
Happy to feel the same
You make me think
I'll die and live my life hesitate
There's never been
No doubt in my mind
That I'll regret ever
Having you by my side
But if the day come
That I'll have to let you go
I think that something
I should probadly let you know
With everything
That i spent with you
Then I will miss you
Cause I'm happy that
I have you at all

Baby I love you
And I'll never let you go
But if I have toBoy
I think you should know
All the love we make
Can never be erase
And I promise you
That you will never be replaced

Baby I'll love you
And I never let you go
But if I have to
Boy I think you should know
All the love we make
Can never be erase
And I promise you
That you will never be replaced

I feel for you
Yes i do
I'll be with you
As long as you want me to
Until the end of time

Winter's chill as, cold's wind blow.
Hard to pave, as snowflakes falls.
Days of spring, when will it be.
End this winter, soon for me.
Yet deep inside, I strongly sense.
It'll be over, as pain ceased.
Chimes of bells, heard far away.
Memories of sorrows, flood my head.
Scenes of him, leaving me.
Saying it's over, you and me.
Distance drifts, this far apart.
My world just keep getting dark.
Whisky and brandy, as my accompany.
Hope to see him, in my dreams.
Smell of spring, floats in the air
May it clears, my pain away.

Enjoy the conversation that I've with Samuel yesterday. Realise that both of us still crazy over piercing.. I gonna do my tounge next week.. Gonna do that before end of this month.. We chatted about piercing, relationship[which I've nothing to talk about] and of course our past.. Haha, wrote him a testimonial which sound like I'm his girlfriend.. And what he wrote for me bring me to tear again.. This is what I wrote
I guess I dont have to describe how he is to me, cause I've already said that million times. Sam, you're a really nice guy to hang out with.. But everything seems so far away, we don't chat over the phone late at night, we don't hang out at Town on Saturdays, we don't take picture, acting cute together for a long time, we don't do =P in public, we don't meet each other at our "lao di fang" We have a gap in between us, a really big gap, both of us know, but left it untouch. No one care to close up the gap in between us.. Sam, promise me, after O's we will work together and slack around Town during off-day, and do =P and take pictures and chat over the phone till the next morning.. and.. the list goes on and on.. I'm willingly to give the best to this friendship, I hope you do.. I love you Sameul, as a friend, I hope you do too.. =P FoReVeR eBeL & sAmEuL

This is what he wrote for me
Bored.... Nothing to DO.... so to occupy myself.... I will write a testi for You....Seriously, at a loss of what to say to you.... used to hang out quite often at the end of last year... now... haven seen you for the past six months... Missing all the crap we talked about during late night phone chats.... all the nonsensical things u do to cheer me up... A truly wonderful friend who was always there for me, waiting in the shadows, waiting to be called on, only that i was blind enough not to see.... Seriously, thanks for being there for me, even though i was not there for you...I got carried away by other things, things i placed above friendship, which i now realised was wrong.. Friends will always be there for You, especiall one like you, who's always there for others.. So keep smiling, keep ur chin up, dun be depressed and do that thing u do!!!!!!! :p

Both of us are mad.. Mad over =P Both of us realise that we're miles apart yet we didn't do anything to it.. And he promise that after O's we will be like last year.. =D After chatted with him, I went to bed.. It was around 1250am when I log off.. 2am, one of my friend SMS me.. Guess what, from 1250 - 0200 I didn't sleep at all. I hate this type of feelings..
I know myself well enough that I'm really tired, I sing songs, I count sheeps, I do everything I do trying to sleep, but I can't sleep.. Seriously, can someone tell me what happen? The clock now shows 0645, and I woke up at 0400 to study for my Maths Mock Paper.. And I'm not tired at all.. What the hell is going on with me? Even if I'm not tired, but my body will break down soon.. Can someone just bring me to lala-land? I need to rest, I need to sleep.. I really need a break..
You pick up new sports, you change your classes time until I don't know what time you start class, you didn't send me home Fridays, we don't watch movies on fridays too, you said that when you get your lience, I will be the first to sit on your car, you said that you will send me to school everyday. You also said that you can never live without meeting me.. But 2 weeks gone, you're still alive.. You seems to be more happy then you used to be..
It will be selfish if I keep you in my side. Since the feelings towards me are fading, then let it be, let it fade away.. I'm sure you will find a better person.. Thanks for the short memories that you gave.. I really apprecaite it alot. =)

Avril Lavigne - (So Much For) My Happy Ending

So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh oh oh, oh oh, oh...

*tagboard*
passerby,XiAo ReN: thanks =)
lingg: =) Same here..
Michael99: Thanks, but I hope I will never fall..
-: Now need a longer time to load the site.. Don't know why too..
jacinda: Oh ok.. Thanks for visiting my blog anyway. =)
hunnie: *hugs tight* Hunnie, a very long time since we chat, there's so much things I wanted to tell you..
Natalie: Yah, still staying strong, I hope I'll be able to stand still without falling..


Feeling so tired right now.. I'm falling.. Not the mind, but the body.. *sigh*
Anyway, school was ok today. Just that it sucks at the end of the day. The first period was actually CME, we get to watch video. About marriage. Although I'm falling asleep or so, I get to listen a few parts of it.. To have a stable relationship, passion is not the only imporatant thing, cause passion will die sooner of later. That's why relationship will end after some time. Other then passion, in order to have a stable relationship, you also need communication and commitment.
That's what the video said, and I agree with it.. That's why I plan to let go everything that I have before and start a new life. =) Somehow life goes to goes on. No matter how hard I am holding onto him, he's not mine, he will never be back again. Even he's back, it can never be like the same before..
PE was fun, play badminton as usual, I only know I become some extra siao char bo. =_=" So tired, so seaty.. We actually requested for volly ball, but no idea why he rejected it. Damn. It just sucks..
Hmm.. After recess was art. As usual BORED! Oh well, today is the last day of the teacher. *thumbs up* My teacher will be back tomorrow~ Ho ho Ho!! But abit sian le, Mrs. Sim is so strict, no more discman, no more HP on the table.. Haha.. Actually I doze off during art lesson. Landed on dreamland when I was cutting. I really very tired.. I really need a BREAK!!
After art, I head stright back to classroom to wait for my Maths test which everyone thought lasted for 1/2hour. So waited till 2pm, teacher came in with Math TYS which we just bought. And gave it to us, so the test started at 1405. Then do do do until 1435, I finish the question. Kelvin too. Cause all the way he was copying mine. +_+
Then around he collected the paper, and start to go through the question. Damn it!! I no need to go home.~ And the teacher actually promise us 1 question only and of course it will take the most 1/2 hour or 35mins, in the end, the whole thing last till nearly 4pm..
*sigh* wake up by dad call actually. Planning to wake up at 615 but in the end woke up at around 610pm. Last time, I no need to tell anyone what time to wake me up, he know what time to wake me up. And he will chase me off to take my afternoon nap at around 1539. But things change now. Tomorrow is friday, gonna spend alone mostly. Oh well, perhaps spend my friday with studies.
Very stress up recently. My mood is maintaining, didn't get fa pi qi like last time. At least the smile is there.. Tomorrow plan will be finish school at around 3pm? Then reach home, change and head towards Bedok library to return my books, then might be heading towards Tampines to watch Twins Effect 2. Alone..
No matter what, I want to watch the show. That's it.. Wo hao lei.. Zhen de hao lei..


Its a long time since I've blog. There's nothing much to write actually. Kinda tired, bored with blogging. *Ha*
Anyway, school really sucks. Stressing like hell!! Oh my GODDDDdddd!!!!! Can you feel the pain? Yah, I'm feeling the pain.. So painful.. =( Still standing on my own, anytime can collaspe, hoping someone will come along and hold me tight.. Yah, anyone out there.. If you think you're the one, give me a call.. But make sure that you never walk off.. I'm serious about it.. Its already 4 months, maybe I should give it a try to find a new.. You know? Yah, BF..
School still sucks today. *sigh* finish at around 1805 today! Tamade!! Today I thought only Chemistry, but during Physics lesson he said that everyone are to stay back. "You guys are a piece of SHIT! You better report at 1430 later, if not you're in big trouble tomorrow.." Oh well, who cares?
Then everyone gather at 1430, there the lecture lesson go on and on and on.. Until 1530.. -__-" The teacher was talking to me and I don't even know. Ha! He ask me, after O's where am I going. He asked me this question 3 times, I then answer. :x Cause I didn't know he was talking to me?
Then only accountancy came out my mind. So I just said accountancy.. Then he ask, do you know what's your target? "The cut off point is 18" Then blah blah blah.. And stuff. Damn it, I don't really want to go accountacy, I want to get in Business IT.. Sound cool~ Cause WeiQiang is in :x *lol*
Anyway, after having an hour of lecture, our class went to Chemistry till 5pm!? OH MY GOD!! Then went to canteen sit down until around 530pm, there the lecture goes again.. =_=" Kinda piss off with it, and I'm really hungrY! Cause after school I head home to take my Chemistry file, and by the time I reach school is around 1425, doesn't have much time to eat.. And I didn't know there's no break in between.. =_="
Then rush home, change.. Didn't rest at all, head back to school for night class.. That's the life I'm having now.. *sigh* Hate this life.. Really.. ='( How I wish someone is by my side, accompany me to walk through..


What to do? Smokers~ Hmm.. Actually I'm behind the cig box, he's looking at me.. =$

Today is a hot day, I tie up my hair.. Abit messy..



Taken yesterday. Friendster Primary picture..

EVO 8!!! No back view, cause the lighting abit sucks..

I need a break.. A very long long break.. I'm falling into pieces.. No one will get me back to the way I am.. Cause I'm all alone..

Please don't throw empty promises
Into the air
It's just too much to take
You effect me like no other has
I can't take another break
I know I said I could do this
But to tell you the truth
I don't know

I think I might be in over my head
And my feelings continue to grow
I know you're worrying too
And you're feeling the same way
But you seem to have it
Stuck in your head

That good-bye
Is what we must say
Don't you see
That you are wrong?
That doesn't have to be
We can make long-distance work
We don't have to end
When you leave

But if you've got your mind set
Please don't feed me lines
Don't try to make me fall for you
If you're not planning to be mine
Something tells me
This won't end well
And I'm going to regret it

But you will give me
Lasting memories
I'm never going to forget it
I hate cliches of summer love
Leading to fall heart break
But in this case
I'll compromise as
You'll be my best mistake


Well, I'm kinda tired right now.. Woke up today at around 0620, then iron my clothes, pack my bag and head to school. Then stuffs at school.. =_=" Didn't really pay attention during lessons, more then 1/2 of the time was dreaming. :x
After school, head home, had my lunch and went to bed.. Then woke up by Jia Fang's call.. Hmm.. *happy* all the Primary school mates are still in contact now. :D Hmm.. Having outing with them after O's. Can't wait to finish my O's man!! *jump around* I love my Primary school friends. Cause I do!! And they just rox =p And they are real nice people~ Fun.. Ok whatever. -_-"
Anyway, pictures taken today.. Hmm.. With Nokia 7210i, and it sucks! I want back my GD88!! Taken on Sat..
Oh my? What did we saw? *lol*

Being whack by Ong. -_-"

See my pimple!!

Steamboat.. Yummy~ Bored at dad place. No choice :x

Gek the stupid face!

Oh my.. What am I doing? Can't sleep ba..

What the hell am I doing?

Sharon~ The girl in White. I don't think can really see her ba..

Bored at class.. During lesson.. -.-"

Kelvin.. *lol* Some I think he don't know I took.. :x

Paiseh, I lazy rotate the pictures.. :x

So what am I look at actually?

Ah ha?

Now you know? XIAOHUA!! :X

Ok kinda disappointed with the results.. Maths.. =(

So what I actually got?

Took during Night class. Not long ago.

*tagboard*
i'mDAman: =_=" You love banana man alot?
Xindai: Till now have you collected it? Call me to collect your things from me wor.. =_="
Natalie: Don't worry, I'm back to who I really am..
hunnie: *hugs tight* I'm fine.. Really fine.. Don't worry alright?
valentino: I stay at Pasir Ris.. Then which Nick you talking about? Nick Wong? Nick Fong? Ok who?
irfan: Thanks Ong. But time to let go everything. I suppose he found someone new.. If he really loves her, I will let go everything =) Trust me Ong, one day I'll do it..
emile: Hi. But sorry, my frienster list are for my friends. But not making friends there. =)
boom: Alright loser. Who don't dare to put real name there. Who cares if you're from my school anot? If you're from my school, you better put your real name up instead of being some asshole who don't dare to put the name up!
bubu: Sista, don't worry yeah? If coming back to school, give me a warm hug.. That's the biggest thing I can get from you. =)
Jeremy: Hahaz, but nice ma hor? :x
confused: Thanks wor. xD I'm sure I will work hard to get better grades. xD
sky83: Hey, thanks for that message. =) I'm sure there are more nicer blogs around.. Hees~

A song that describe my feelings..



Didn't blog around 3 days.. Recently mood is 100% off.. No idea why. Maybe because of results ba.. =( Still sobbing over the results. Perhaps I put too much hope on it. But in the end, didn't do well.. *sigh
Didn't went to school on Friday.. Can't wake up. Don't feel like going. Spend around 15hours at home. Didn't step out of block. Went down to collect my craft from Ong. Came home, eat, nua, sleep, stare at no where, look out window, went to school at night.. Didn't study at all. Stare at book, book stare at me. Reach home, net, sleep.. My day..
Saturday woke up at 0620, head towards Bedok Res. for mass run. Didn't run, walking all the way. 4.3km, I've complete it. After that head towards Tampines for lunch. Ate KFC, go my dad shop, rent "School Of Rock" watch it at night. Brother book out, I don't care. Sleep at my own room till this morning.
Woke up at 12plus, eat, slack, online less then 1/2hr, dc, slack, walk around the house, went back to bed. Dad reach home, scream at me. Have my lunch, went back to my room. With Maths worksheet on my left hand, pencil on my right, do until i fall asleep..
Woke up at around 6pm, didn't see anyone at home. I suppose everyone is out. On labtop, here I am blogging. Don't feel like doing anything.. I guess I really suffer from depression. So what's really depression? Something I found on net surfing.. Depression is..
1. Life is meaningless.
2. Nothing will interest you. Even your favourite food is there or there is a naked woman standing right infront of you, you also not interested.
3. Everyday wakes up, is always a gloomy day.
4. Don't feels like communicating, don't like to talk to friends, family and u just keep it to yourself.
5. Don't know what to do for the next day/week/month. you just live life aimlessly.
6. No appetite.
7. Trouble getting to sleep.
8. Thinks alot especially methods to end your life.
9. Don't bother your physical look. Example: hair messy, neber shave...you just dont bother.
10. Keep asking yourself why am i still living on this earth? What is my goal in life?

I hate promises. *sigh* Don't ever say promises to me if you know you can make it last long. Marc broke the promises that he gave, I know he had no choice, and Andy also another one. *sigh* Whatever.. Just makes me upset when anyone broke it..
Fuck the person who think that he know me well. Damn it. Lecture me in the middle of the night. As if he know me well. Damn it. Ask me why me and Marc break. This thing is like fucking long ago, now then ask. Of course I angry, not because he ask, is because when he message me in MSN he said "err... nvm" Fuck might as well don't message me right? Damn it. Then piss me off.. Freak off man..
Not only ask me about why we broke up, and tell me about seeing Marc yesterday. So what. Who cares right now? And who is he to care about it? Lecture me with saying that I seek pityful from anyone out there. Hello? Who the fuck are you man? And he even say that if he see Marc again, gonna congrats Marc for breaking up with me. What the fuck now? Ahh!! Whatever..
Then Andy message me, totally fucking dulan already. Then he came message me at the wrong time. Trying my best to cool down, feeling so fuck up.
And whoever fuck that tag at my board, just shut up and fuck off. boom don't act as if you know me very well. How the fuck you know I didn't study at all? And how the fuck you know I'm lazy? By reading my blog only? Fuck you! Go to my school, find out from my friends what have I been doing during that period of time when O's MT paper was approaching. Don't come and bark here when you know nothing at all. LAMERS ARE ALL AROUND! YOU'RE ONE OF THEM! GO AND DRINK MILK AND STOP BARKING AROUND LIKE A KID! GROW UP, YOU ASSHOLE!!!


Results were out today.. Very disappointed with it. *sigh* Dont feel like talking about it. 10plus, SMS already flooded. Telling me how well they did.. congrats to those who did well..
Art lesson mood really 100% down, I've no idea why. Listening to my discman, blasting songs.. Leong Sze disturb me I just shouted back at him. *sigh* maybe because of the out coming results ba..
Went to hall, hear Mr. Sin talk cock, then showing us results. 5NA[Chinese] only 61% passes. Went down to GO to look for results. John is taller then me, he helped me to look for my results.. He said "...." I stunned, stare blankly.. Walked away, sitting down.. Tears keep caming out.. Rolling and rolling down my cheeks.. I can't take it anymore..
I walked out of school, dad called. Ask for my results, I keep crying and crying over the phone.. Haiz, no mood to continue..


Muhaha... No idea why I keep laughing, keep smiling right now.. *lol* some crazy fellow i am.. :x MuhahhAHAHAHA.. Was chatting with Nat, then *lol* keep forcing her to say that she love me~ *LOL* no idea what happen today, so many people say i not fat. Tmd~ I fat lah!! =_="
Hahaz, Xindai just called me.. Yesterday make specs, today done. WHahaha.. Pro!! *clap clap*
Just now meet my hunnie. Oh yes..! Finally =D Yes 2nd time meeting my hunnie~~ *muaCks* love her sooooo much!!!

*tagboard*
ong: =_=" No lah. Not that.. Maybe got those san wei lor.. :x You should know ma. Everytime I weigh myself.. =(
xiang: *Blahx* I really fat in the tummy~ damn.. HUNNIE WHY GO EAT BK!! I WANT SLIM DOWN =( But xiang, really lor.. Fat le.. -_-" Compare last time picuture and now..
June..

2nd time in June

And yesterday..

Natalie: I so scare~ *shiver* tonight dont know how to sleep le.. Because too happy or results.. MuahHAhah :x


Tomorrow results for GCE "O" Level MT paper will be out. *shiver* I so scare now! What's the point man? -.-" Did I study so hard during June? Haiz~
Next time got nice story or what I won't paste it here to share. Cause when I share, you guys just take and paste at your blogs. ARgh.. Please ask ok! I'm not trying to be bad or what shit. I just hate it.. Somemore as if I very close to you.
And whoever that talk bad behind my friends you also watch out. I just hate people who gossip about my friends WHO ARE REAL CLOSE TO ME!!!
i'mDAman: .... OMG! Tomorrow results!! Must SMS me wor.. =(
Hunnie: September holiday.. I going again.. YEsh! once a month.. :x
bubu: Oh never mind sista.. Just take good care of yourself alright? Study must study, must relax also wor. *hugS*
passerby: Shut the fuck up and mind your own businesses! You have no right to tag at my board. Unless you're my friend. So shut up!


damn it! i hate it!! I fat le!! *cries* got tummy~ no idea is the pants that's too tight or is it I really gain weight! Omg!! WHATEVER!! Gonna start DIET NOW!! YESH NOW!! =( Gonna maintain my weight at 50kG! 1kG down! GO GO GO!!!
Anyway, woke up today at 9am.. Rushing like crazy, in the end the 2 ladies are late! -_-" Hate to wait for people.. Argh~ Reach Sentosa around 11am? Then found 1 spot, start to tannnnnnnn~~~~ -_-~ Didn't really do any tanning.. By around 1plus nearly 2, dark clouds approaching @&^&#*@#^&*@(# Then we went packing, shower and came out. &#*^$*@#* Got sun come out... Ok whatever.. Here are the photos. Look SUCKS cause I'M FAT!! FATTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The only pictures with 3 of us. After that, the cam went FLAT!!!!! Not again. Yeah.. -_-"

This taken with HP

Of course I gonna start with meee! So that fat me!! See my tummy and sorry =( I really fat and gain weight! Gonna cut down on Pizza, Mac, KFC, BK etc!! OMG!! I just ate Mac!! =(




Please talk to my hand, I'm shY!!

The prove!! See!! =( *cries*

Whaha.. My art!! Its says "The 4 bitches ROX!!"

*shY* My chinese words just sucks. :x The way I wrote..

My darling, Michelle~




What she eating man? Duck RicE!! *drooL* I'm hungry now~~ =(

Here come the BitCh!! IzyaN aka Cheena? *lol* Backview only cause she shY!! :x




Her front view! The Roxy gurL! With Roxy bikini, roxy top and roxy pantS!! Envy her man. Got 4 sets of Roxy Bikini!! =X When I go her house sure rape her cupboard.. *lol*


My darling Michelle and me.. Alright the fat ass is me :(







So what the fuck are we trying to do? Quarrel? Nope, bitches don't quarrel! We're talking! *lol*

So this is what Michelle took with her HP!!

Jack~ I'm flyinG~~

While waiting for XinDai to come, both of us so boliaos.. Hur hur~


I'm gonna kiss her!! LOOK AT HER FACE!!

Lala~ Here she goes again -_-"

Went Tampines, take photos~ Xindai make specs.. Just like mine! HahAHaHaHA :x Xindai and me~

Taken before she left me.. ='(

Me and my darlinG~ *loL*


Oh yah, while eating mac I saw my sista!! BuBu!! *MuaCkS* miss ya sOOOOOOO damn much!!That's all. I'm very tired, and I feel so fat too! Tmd!!!
*tagboard*
Natalie: Hee hee~ I too boliao le.. =( Can't go watch. Watch infront of TV lor.. Take pictures, like LIVE ma.. :x
i'mDAman:Oh bi good!! =P
xiang: Too bad, attach le.. 3 months attach.. I 3 months +++ single. *sigh* Still waiting I suppose.. Yah.. =( *ouch* don't pinch me.. =( Pain wor..


Hmm.. Right now I'm talking over the phone with my shuai shuai~ :x a new shuai shuai. I just like his smile that's it. Someone from TP. School of IT. Year 2. That's all I know. =X

Cute? *lolx*
Anyway watch NDP at home. Planning to watch firework with him de.. But *haiz* Damn my parents. -_-" Shouldn't have make the promises to them.. This is what I shot infront of the tV! -_-"

And this what what Eugene dar took de.. =D

Thanks daR!! Ok, continue talking to him over the phone. byE!! =P
*tagboard*
maine: Oh okies. Anyway, thanks for being my reader. =P
dor-: Oh okies.. =) Happy reading then..
jasmine: Hahaz.. No one is a loser.. =) You're good in one thing, but you have negatve things too.. Just like me. Good in sports, but not good in relationship... Ah whatever!!!
i'mDaman: *smack* pigu!! :x


HAPPY HOLIDAY PEOPLE!! Enjoy your holiday! Spend it with your loved ones.
Poor me, gonna stay at home. Waiting for brother to book in then can get my ass out of the house. That will be like erm.. 7-8pm? *Muhaha* Mostly be at home and watch TV!! Singapore Idol leh.. :x Must watch ar!!
*tagboard*
jasmine: Uh huh.. Good in sports also no use.. Loser anyway. *muahah* Sports is nothing. Got a good boyfriend is a better thing! *thumbs up* Envy you and Taka~~ *sobs*


Can this be exchange for cash? If can, I will be rich man! My achievemets since Primary 5..

C' Division Indivdual Champion. =D *thumbs up* I still remember I won 3 gold, 1 silver that year.. Which was 3 years back.. Gold = Long Jump, 100m, 4x100m. Silver was 200m.. The first runner win me by 0.1sec!! *cries* If not record man.. 4gold~ :x

Anyone wants it? I can give it to you. Cause I really have no idea why I kept it.. I've give away some to my friends a few year back.. Hmm...
maine: Yap yap. It's a very nice story! Oh yah, you are? I don't think I know you..
bubu: You better make your way back to school man! If not.. When will I be meeting you? Your N's coming.. Then follow by my O's.. By the time I finish my O's, your results are out, then you will be preparing for school reopen.. Then I will be preparing to get into Poly.. Ha!
Natalie: Yeah!! 5nB always ROX!! :x Last year no 5nB.. Then the year before was yours!! =X
dor-: Err.. You are? I don't think I know you.. Anyway, thanks for visiting my blog. =)
jasmine: *pass jasmine tissue*

A story to share. Source from ChilliCrap. WARNING: Girls please take tissue!

A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world is gone forever. This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe). Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.
I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."
Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.
Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"
After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.
That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."
The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.
I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.
That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.
I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...
I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.
The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me.
That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.
I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.
After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him.
"LD, you are pregnant?"
Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.
Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time; I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?
Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?
He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son, and me, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.
Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."
From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...
The end...
Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you..

I'm so tired right now. -.-"
Anyway, woke up today at 0830. Suppose to meet hunnie at 1015, but she said Ron already book out. And she's not fetching Ron at Tampines, so I didn't met her. Rot at home. Pack my brother's room. Then around 10plus I met Alan kor. =D
Oh well, I'm so blur. I dont even know that's him! Ha, cause most of the time he didn't wear any specs. That's why I didn't notice him at all. Then we have our breakfast together. Then I head back home, nua awhile, then go back to school for Sports Carnival. *thumbs up* Well, really enjoy myself with the game!
Waited for 2pm, and we start the game. Our class with 1 extra from 4e2 VS NCC team. They sucks! That's what I can say. They play rough on us. What to do!? I'm the first to fall, with that ASSHOLE who PUSH me! And I landed on my butt! Somemore is A GUY! Then one of them use the stick and whack my friend's hand. Then ended up he's injured. One more worst, trip onto another friend, and my friend landed on the floor.
7 players, 3 injured. AND WE STILL WON!! *run around* They are really guai lan. That's what I want to say! When we score, we more guai lan. We run around them and shouted GOAL!!! Not once, but twice!!! Ha!!
After the game with them, have a game with the Alumni. Ricardo or something his name? Hand shake with us. He said friendly game only, give them chance. Ha. When my turn to shake with him, he asked: "eh, you which class one? why I didn't see you before in school?" -__-" I was like going to faint. I walked pass him dont know how many times when he came back to Greenview. Ha! Never mind, I'm not someone worth notice, so its okay.
Anyway, when the game start, I was about to siam the ball, I move back my leg. And I whack on Ricardo :x *muuahahA* I swear, I didnt do that on purpose! I scare that his leg will got blue-black! After all, I think he's CUte! :X *shY* But too old for me. *lol* Don't know which batch one. But comfirm before 4th batch.
Anyway, after that game, went up to hall to play badminton. Authur, you SUCKS BIG TIME! Make me run like a clown. And your friend more sucks! The thing just flew by my face. And its RED! =(
Then went to basketball court to see my class for basketball.. Ha, they won! Congrats! So does soccer~ Well.. *run around* 5nB just rox!!! Anyway, this IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops, any Greenviewians have any idea to find Ricardo? Cause he SUCKS! He pronouce my name as Abel? *puI* I wanna COMPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!
*tagboard*
i'mDAman: Dar, cause everytime when I blog finish, I see my blog, then I saw your tag. :x Told you so many times not to bike! Everytime dont want to listen! See lah, now your ass injured, and your head too! Better stop biking before I kill you!!!
hunnIE: *ren kong hu xi* :x
bubu: I will update you about that day then.. =D Cant wait to see you man!!
xIaO rEn: You too. Take care of yourself girl!
Elena: Please MSN/SMS me about your new blog site. Well, they are just boliaos that tag at your board. Too boliao, dont entertain them ba! =D Anyway, you too enjoy the long weekend!!


Hate today SO much, because today date is 6th... *sigh* If we're still together, we will be celebrating our 5th month anniversary. Since it's already over, so let everything go.(Hope I said this from my heart.)
Doesn't really blog much recently. Hmmm.. Maybe just busy with my life ba.. Everyday almost the same things happening in school. Everyone still laughing around, as for me, trying my best to laugh. But thanks to those who cares about me.
Everyday lesson finish at the earliest 3pm, reach home, rest awhile, net a little, change and head back to school for night class. Finish around 9pm, came home, shower, net a little then go sleep. *sigh* I must give my best shot for this time. I really have no idea what to do if I didn't make it to Poly.. Still a long way to go, hope I will still be holding on ba.
Might be cutting down the hours of net. Blog I suppose will be updating about myself. Hopefully will be some good news ba. There are some things meant to be let go, some things are not meant to be let go. Sound crappy, but I hope you guys understand what am I trying to say here. He, belongs to the part where it is a must to let go.
Anyway, just bought Jay's new album. *thumb up* Really very nice. Yap, thanks daddy for it. Pester him for it, he said NO. I cried, he bought! ha! Pester him day and night for it. He can't be buying me things without a reason, I suppose is because I think he saw my hardworking towards studies *self praise* Please support copy right! Do not download!

The front cover of the new album.. Hur hur~ Gonna strike out one of the wish list.. *blahx*
Anyway, school really sucks today. Although all 5NB were in the shade. *lol* Everyone was under the sun. Thanks whoever that place up there this year. Used to be in the middle, but no idea why at the corner. Then everyone was under the sun.. Wah, so squeezy and so hot. Well, I can only feel the heat when we stand up and leave school. *lol*
Performances over, went to eat Mac with Ong. Then chatted a lot.. There were so much questions that I've asked him about it.. I just don't understand. But now I do. =) Thanks Ong.
Anyway, I would like to thanks these people for your SMS, MSN message or even call. Firstly..
Ong: Thanks Irfan. Although most of the time I speak to you in Chinese,you replied in English and making you and Jo having so-called misunderstanding. But I would really like to thank you for being by my side when I'm really down. Called me and hear me cried when you got disconnect in the net/PC hang. Listen to all my sorrows and letting me pour them on you. Wiping away my tears when I cried. Thanks Ong. *Love you so damn much* Ha!
Hunnie: Although you're not by my side, but you understand me the most. You know that I can't forget him right from the start, and you didn't blame me for it. But instead, you're by my side letting me to tell you all my inner feelings that I have. Everything that happen, you will always listen to me. Although you're not the first one that came across my mind[for the thanks list] but Hunnie, I really like to thank you for everything.. When I'm left alone, you're with me. You didn't give up on me, but holding onto me.. *Muacks* Thanks hunnie. Oh yah, happy 9th months anniversary to you and your Ron.
Ben Kor: Kor ar, although both of us are not that close like last time. Since you left GVSS, no one still dotes me that much. Even now, it's like 3 years since you left, in my heart, you're still the most wonderful brother that I've ever encounter. Thanks for everything. If the whole world give up hope on me, you're still right behind me holding onto me. Giving me encouragements when I need to. Thanks for reading my profile, and thanks for sending those 3 pages SMS. Although I've tear for it in school and the feeling just sucks. But I realise that someone out there who is not close to me still care for me. Kor thanks! *huGS*
Michelle: I know you always read in my blog. We are like miles away with each other. Even if both of us still sit together during recess, having no conversations going on in between us. I know that you know what's going on with me. You migh not even voice out anything, but that SMS that you sent last Saturday really make me cried. Not in public of course, crying in my heart. Cause I thought you don't care about me, but in the end you really surprise me in some ways. Thanks!
Alan Kor: Kor, although you're in NS, and didn't read my blog at all. After all when I just need those sweet SMS you're always there to forward one for me without me telling you. You might not be the one that I always pour my sorrows at, but you're always the one messaging me those nice SMS, IRC message, MSN message when I have to. Thanks kor kor for everything. I'm lucky to make you my friend! And I'm lucky for having you as my kor!
Kel: You might be in the same state as the way I am. Both of us just met each other, but you know me too well. Every now and then always received SMS from you asking me how am I doing. Thanks for that. I really appreciate it alot. I met you through his list of friends, you don't even care who I really am and start talking about my feelings towards him. I don't hide myself in front of you. You're a 100% nice guy who I really apprecaite and cherish alot. Thank you for everything.
Natalie: Girl, you're always reading my blog. And even if we know each other so damn long but didn't spoke to each other when you're still in school. But I really appreciate the way you talk to me in blog. Your blog I mean. Then having to console me in some ways of another. Trying your best to make me smile. Not to worry about me, it is really time to let go. So wait for a brand new me to come back alright? Teachers' day please make your trip back to schooL! I can't wait to see you!
Maziah: I would like to thank you. Thanks for every single thing. When I was about to collaspe, you're right beside me, holding onto me so tightly to make sure that I still on on. Console me when I need to. Allowing me to pour all my sorrows, all my sadness on you. Don't blame yourself for not being able to be my side.. Although I might not be the number 1 in your heart, but you're my number 1 in my heart. Thanks for everything.. =) I treasure this friendship alot! One day, both of us will be pure bitches in the world, whereby nothing gonna knock us down especially GUYS! Both of us will be getting over those who ruin our smiles.. =D
Elena: Thanks for that SMS that you sent. It really touch my heart. After 1 year, you still have my number. Or is it you took from people? *lol* But that's not the most important I would like to thank you for that SMS, and it really make me smile. =) Oh yah, your blog, I've read. The part where you talk about me.. One day I will sure walk out of the dark maze that I'm stuck it. My smile will be back. So, don't worry about me..
And lastly Nelson: Thanks for the flash site that you gave. And letting me pour everything down to you. And listening to all my craps. Somehow, both of us no longer CS-ing together, other then CS we can still talk about our lifes. We just click on even you're much older then me. Thanks for not treating me as a xiao mei mei, and listen to all my craps. Giving me "tissues" when I cried. =D
I think that's it.. *tagboard*
passerby: Thanks for that comment that you gave. Just fuck off. And stop tagging at my board. I would appreciate it.
bubu: Sista, don't give a damn about this ass. Just some pest that flying around us to make us piss off. *lol* TEACHERS' DAY YOU BETTER MAKE YOUR TRIP BACK TO GVSS IF NOT I GONNA SMACK YOUR ASS UP SIDE DOWN!
lingg: Some things are meant to be let go. It's not your fault for causing both of them hurts. Something in life we can't control. Just like me and him, he said be by my side forever, but right now what happen? I'm still lost. He's leading a happy life right now. Really happy for him. If someday where you will meet either one of them down the road, holding onto a girl hand, be like me, walk up to him and say: "Hey, your gf har? Good luck to both of you. Hope you guys will last long.." That's what I gonna do if happen I see him anywhere..
Natalie: Yap, yes I know I must stay happy de.. =D Please make your way back to schooL!! :x I can't wait to see you!!
maine: Thanks for viewing my blog.
HuNniE: *hugs real tight* don't want to let you breathe :x
siaogal (jianmei): Hey Jian Mei. Thanks for viewing my blog. Hmmm.. Thanks wor. I will work hard to it and make my way to Poly. Hoping to see you soon!! Teachers' Day please make your way back to school! Haha! :x
xiang: Hey, it's ok about not tagging at my board. Hmmm.. I'm beginning to stand up after another fall.. I will try my best to smile more.. =)
i'mDAman: Dar daR!!!~~~

Lastly, a BIG THANK YOU for everyone who cares!


Photos!! Taken during night class. Taken on 4th August 2004
I'm just bored.

My turn to kiss him now..

She being pester by me for photo!

Bo liao de wo. :x 5th August 2004

Yummy~ Lemon is nice! :x

Zi liaN~ Early morning took one. 6th August 2004

Boring show. -.-"

Ong trying kiss Napat. Look at Napat[Right] blur face. Ha!

SmilE~~

Boliao de us. -.-"

Shahirah and me~

Me and Ong. Haha, look at Ong's blur face. :x

=P

Put your finger into your NOSE!

Stupid Izwan's hand =_="

Success! But with Izwan's foot there. Damn! Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil *lol*

The 3 bitches!

With an extra face there. *lol*

-The end-


Kinda down these few days. I've no idea why. Maybe because my periods are coming. Maybe just mood swing or whatever shit. =(
I've no idea why nowadays "ai xin zao can" meaning love breakfast? are in trend in class. *sigh* I'm the one who start eating during lessons.. But it turn out to be a trend in class. The most thing that make me sad is that, the breakfast is actually their GF/BF made for them. It just shattered my heart.
The next thing that attract my attention was that after night class, their BF/GF will be fetching them from school. Argh.. Damn hell!!! I'm all alone!! Ok whatever shit. I'm crazy.. School stressing me out. Studies forcing me to face the wall. I'm so tired, so stress.. I can't breathe!! Can someone just pour some loves on me so that I will grow better!? =(


A song I would like to dedicate to someone who I really want to spend forever with. But I've no chance to be with him again. Fate is gone, yes I know. Time to let go, I will.. Give me time.


Jay Zhou Jie Lun - Excueses
Flipping through our photographs
Thoughts of [you] are visible yet invisible
Last year winter
We laughed very sweetly
Watching your tearstained face
Telling me goodbye
[I] have yet to hear it when you've already walked
Perhaps you have already given up on me
Perhaps it is already very difficult to turn back
I know it's all my fault
Please give me another reason
Say you don't love me
Even if I don't understand
Can [you] forgive me?
Please don't use parting (breakup) as your request
I know wanting to go is your wound's excuse
[Can] you please turn back
I will accompany you until the very end
Even if there is no conclusion, I can still endure
I know your pain is the promise I gave
You said [you] gave me tolerance
And silence was because of acceptance
If [you] want to go
Please remember me
If [you] feel sad, please forget me

WHO EVER FUCK THAT TAG AT MY BOARD, PLEASE GROW UP! AND GET A FUCKING LIFE! THANKS YOU! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!!!


No idea what to blog today. Nothing interesting happen anyway. Just finish taking a shower, when I was in the toilet, don't know why I just vomit out everything that I ate just now. *sigh* NIGHT CLASS START TOMORROW!! YESH! I WON'T BE AT HOME AT NIGHT TO MSN! Cool isn't? So I won't think that much ba.. *cheers*
fan ong: don't worry about me. You see me almost everyday. I will still be holding on.. I hope I did..
Natalie: Thanks wor. Take good care of yourself. Don't stress up because of exams.
hunnie: A hug from you is the most important thing.
maysze: Smile? My smile? I hope it will come back soon..
relaxingmelody: Yap. Thanks wor.. Hope to see you someday.
bubu: Yap girl, miss ya too! Good luck for your papers.
DaryL: Hahaz, thanks anyway.
woshimomo: I don't have your link wor..
hunnie: *MuaCkS*
lingg: Me too.. Take care wor. Hope that what you did you really make up your mind and don't regret like me..
~Qi: Thanks. Everything need time to heal. Hope that this time, I will be able to walk through again.
Nong Bang: Take good care of yourself in NS. Yah I know you've been reading my blog, so whatever it is, take good care of yourself yah? Free then drop by to give me a call. I know you know my number cause you just SMSed me.
Andy: Stop talking about him. Thanks. That's all I ask from you.

15:33

Right now I'm at my dad place with the laptop on the table without connection to the net. Using documents to type out my blog when I feel like typing anything and all the doubts that I have. I don't need any respond from anyone. Please don't tag at my tagboard. Thanks.
Feeling so tired. *sigh* School still sucks. Having 11 periods of lessons, only attended 3 lessons? The other was free periods. Trying my best to take a nap, but somehow I didn't managed to sleep at all.
I'm really very tired. Putting my head down, hoping to go to lala-land, but I didn't enter at all. The feeling just kills me. I hate those feelings. I wonder when I will be getting back to where I used to be. Where's the smile that I'm longing to have? Where's the smile that I used to have? The bubbly Ebel is gone. The new me, who always frown in front of people, is here.
I really hate the way I am having now. Please chase away all my sorrows and fears that I'm having right now. This moment. I have no idea how long will I still be holding on. I've no idea what will happen next. But I hope that my smile will come back. The doubts and stuffs will go away.

I may made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness cause you pains
And this song I’m sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face will fade away
Every time I tried to fly I fall without my wings
I feel so small, I guess I need you baby
Every time I see you in my dream
I see your face, its haunting me
I guess I need you baby

17:00
Just finish my history revision. Staying at my dad place is so bored. Lucky I did bring out my stuffs for my self study. Well, those missing-him feelings are still here. Tears didn't roll down my cheeks since this morning when I woke up.
I just hope that it won't shed anymore. I don't want to cry over him. I must grow up. Like what Nelson told me. Did it for myself, and be a big girl for the person who loved me. I might not be able to see him, but he's always by my side looking after me.
Sometime later, when I totally grow up, he will sure leave me. I've no idea when will that be, because I still want him to stay by my side. Putting his hand on my head, telling me not to give up. Wiping away my tears to ask me to be strong, hold on. That's how wei da my grandpa was. =(

22:18
Just called hunnie. I sound like a clown. Seriously.
Hunnie: "Yes hunnie?"
Ebel: "Happy birthday hunnie!"
Hunnie: "Xie xie ni wor.."
Ebel sing: "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday happy birthday!! happy birthday to you!!"
Hunnie: speechless.. "thanks hunnie!!"
The conversation continues.. Then she requested me to sing again. -.-" No choice, people older must sing lor.
HUNNIE HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Very ming sian that the finger belongs to Kelvin. And I've no idea why I looked at that.

Forcing myself to smile.

PURE BORED!!!

{/links --

ctrl + left click

{/online shopping --

{/archives --

watch me waste my life away

{/miscellaneous --

my virtual barang