{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

I guess I'm alright after crying like a baby the whole night.. My eyes are in pain right now.. I guess no one really know what happen.. Things just happen too fast, ended too fast.. And I can't even understand why it happen, why he called and stuffs. *sigh*
I know him last year, when I start working at Giordano, there's this Malay girl I met.. She's my best friend in the whole Taka team. We are the same age, and have alot of things we like to do. And of course we stay near each other. She gave me alot of memories, and now, we being drifted apart because of my fcuking work..
There was once, we went out after work. We went to Far East. And she said she saw her friend. We walked towards KFC and he start talking. I was shock because he speaks to my friend in Malay. There's a girl oppsite her, look like Chinese[in fact she is, and that's his sister].
Was heading home, and she start SMS-ing him. And my friend actually say that SMS is kinda expensive, so instead, she used mine to SMS chat with him. That's how I got his number and eventually we became friends.
There was once, I was walking towards Tampines Mall, and my phone rang. It was him. I'm shock and kinda surprise.. I answer, and he said he saw me. I walk back, and realise that he's with one of the girl friend that I met earlier on..
3 of us, sit down and talk while waiting for my friends to arrive.. Though is just a short day, plus a short conversation, I just love listening to all his craps, and saying those things doesn't make any sense.
Chinese New Year Eve, he came along to pick me up after work. And we walked around Orchard just to find somewhere to have lunch. Finally found a place to eat, and after that we just took train home.. After having dinner at home, I met him up at Tampines. Just to watch him play soccer. I swear this is the first time I kill time by watching people to play soccer.
Have lotsa fun by watching him play soccer and his friends are really sociable and I realise I love hanging out with him and his friends.. After soccer, we went to chill out at Pasir Ris Park, just to enjoy the breeze and everything.. And that's when we came one..
1st day of Chinese New Year, I met up with him, and went over to his place to visit his mum, and aunt. 2nd day of Chinese New Year, he came over to my place, slack around, but didn't have a chance to eat with my parents.
2days of holiday, get back to work. Without fail, he will always be outside Giordano waiting for me. Even if just to send me home, he's always here.. He become my "must-need-item" of my daily life.
7th day of Chinese New Year, he came over to my place to have dinner. Before dinner, my mum wanna play MJ but lack of one person, and I've invited Sean to play with my mum and aunts. And after dinner, he drank with my dad.. To be honest, my parents like him alot. If not, all along, he will never ask him out for dinner..
Most of the time I will always end work late, and he will always give me an angry face. But after giving him a warm hug, the anger no longer on his face.. That's how silly he can be.. Whenever work stess me, I realise he's always the one being here for me. He know very well that I will always laugh when he speaks Chinese, but just to cheer me up, he always speaks Chinese. That's how sweet he can be.
Everyday see him, is a daily routine. And I realise I spend my time with him is more then work.. I love him, I love him alot.. Both of us didn't do well in O level, and I'm the one searching for school. Thanks to Elena again for introducing me a cheap school. Both of us register together and we became classmate.. And this time round, we did spend alot of time together.
I took one week break, and during these 7days, I cherish spending time with him.. Wake up at 7 just to go to school together, have our meal together and go home together at night.. During my break, there was once we went Wild Wild Wet together. [I don't wanna go in details], not just Wild Wild Wet, my last visit to Sentosa was with him. We slack at beach, hoping that I will get tanner, but never.
Usually if I work till closing, we will either go to Aljunied to eat tim-sum if not supper at somewhere near my house.. Every where I go, there will always be memories. I thought by going to the same school, doing the same thing together, having the same goal to do well in O level, will bring this relationship stronger, but instead, things get worst.. And I mean real worst.
Whenever we quarrel, he's always the one cool down, and call me to clear things up. But just that this fcuk up bitch out here, doesn't even bother, doesn't even hear his explaination, doesn't even give him a chance to clear things up.. I always yell and scream at him when things goes wrong. Look like he owe me alot the previous life.
We quarrel more then my working life. And things were keep pilling and pilling up. There were so much unsolve problems, it left there, no one pick up to clear up..
He went drinking that day with our classmates, and I met him up at Simei at night. I really wanna sent him home, but he insist me going home straight. I said that I wanna go his place to collect and take my stuffs, that's how I send him home.
After he get in the house, I close the door and walk out. He chase me all the way till I reach MRT station. I really regret if I think right now.. I shouldn't have just walk away like this.. Not once, but many times. Whenever things were wrong, I'm always the one walking away like this.. He even said "walk away from me like this and you will never get to see me again.."
Scold me stupid, scold me dumb, scold me that I deserve this.. I really walk out from him, and came along a SMS that said "I mean what I said" I realise at that point of time, I lose him..
The moment I reach home, I shut myself inside the room, no one knows what happen except me. Tears never fail to roll down my cheeks.. After some days of crying, I realise that I gonna find out the real reason why he wanna left me..
I went over to his place to take my stuffs, and he left.. I called him when I'm at his house void deck, asking him the real reason why... And he just said everything.. On the way to MRT station, my tears never stop rolling down.. And I realise all along, he's been enduring all my stubborness.
When I reach home, my parents saw me crying like a helpless baby, and they know what happen between us, and my dad even gave me a warm hug.. That's when I realise though I didn't spend much time with my parents, they still love me.. When I need someone the most, nobody is with me, except my parents.
Cry the whole night out, and the next day, my eyes look real horrible, and I went to work.. All my incharge ask me what happen, and I said nothing, and I start crying.. So painful, I can't take it, and I break down and cry.
I expect him to turn back, but instead he didn't. He gave me a good scolding instead. Just because I sms his ex.. And I know I shouldn't have do that, but.. Things just went out of mind.. Yesterday he called, just to ask me to give up. And he explain to me why he didn't give me anymore chances, because he gave me too much chances.. I didn't cherish, I didn't treasure..
I regret, I hate myself.. But will he turn back? He never will.. That's why he ask me to give up, and move on..
My favourite photo. After having dinner at my place, taken at my void deck.


Memories are to be treasure, are to be keep. I will be stronger, I will not cry like a baby anymore..
If you give me one more chance, I will never repeat my mistakes again.. I love you Sean.

Britney Spears - Shadow

Your body's warm
But you are not
You give a little
Not a lot
You coup your love
Until we kiss
You're all I want
But not like this
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

Your body gives
But then holds back
The sun is bright
The sky is black
Can only be another sigh
I cannot keep what isn't mine
You left and it lingers on
But you, you were almost gone

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Filling the room
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon
And leaving too soon

I cannot tell if you mean what you say
You say it so loud, but you sound far away
Maybe I had a glimpse of your soul
Or was that your shadow I saw on the wall
I'm watching you disappear
But you, you were never here

It's only your shadow
Never yourself
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shaodw
Filling the room
Arriving too late
No, no, no
It's only your shadow
It's only your shadow
Nobody else
It's only your shadow
Arriving too late
And leaving too soon

It's only your shadow

he will understand the pains that i gain.. cause he just hurt me again.. tears never fail to roll down my cheeks..

another day.. im really very tired.. sigh, shall do a quick update.
went to school as usual, reach school 15mins late. and he came talking to me, just a short conversation whereby i only reply a sentence? hmmm.. lesson end, went out to meet xindai, took some prints, im lazy to upload, and i've no idea where is my scanner.
head to lab for lesson. got a miss call.. was him. wonder why he called, so i sms him.. in the end he just ask me to help him to mark the attendance, nothing much.. left class early, chill out with the girls for dinner before going to maths.
to my surprise he's there.. sat behind him, as usual, not listening to the thing, just wanna be left alone, and he expect me to do the questions.. i've nothing much to say.. exo met me up after school, was at the bus stop when i saw him. i thought he did saw us, but when he called to check out where am i, i realise he didnt saw us..
still wondering why he called, in the end, he sms me just to tell me something, as in to talk.. and i realise that at that point, i really loss him.. i dont own him anymore.. he's no longer mine, and there's nothing i can do..
i reply with 3pages of sms, whereby he only reply 1/2 page of the sms.. i realise its time to move on, but does my heart telling me thay? nope.. its not.. he gave me alot of sweet memories... shall share the story when my mood getting better.. im tired, i wanna sleep.. wanna let all my tears out, im crying.. im fcuking sad.. but, nobody is here with me..


..i miss you..

i wanna blog. but still thinking what to blog..
this weekend is a terrible weekend. whereby people call and check out if im ok. and need someone to talk to? i really appreciate those who call, but i just wanna be left alone at times. when things are better, i will really open up..
things aint getting any better, things aint moving on.. i found a shadow of him, but, i still cant open up to start a brand new relationship cause of all the pains that i gain in the past relationship.
i wanna move on, that's what my brain say, but my heart is telling me "hey bitch, you know how unfair it gonna be if you accept him?" and everything goes on and on.. im still and the place where i being left alone.
stress up with work recently.. i found out that everyone putting too much hope on me, whereby stress came about, and i deserve to get my $6.50 pay. but, i realise i aint moving, everything happen bring me down, and i've not being performing well these few days, or perhaps week, and i guess, i gonna say bye bye to $6.50
im craving for a break, a long break.. just to make myself spend more time at home, weep like a baby.. but i didnt know they dont approve my leave.. i just wanna make use of these time to do the things that i've been craving to do.. like tanning at wild wild wet, sentosa just to relax, chill out with all my friends, make sure i've enough sleep[enough = 12hours/day], spend more time with family, and of course, make my way down to bedok to find my granny and pray for my grandpa..
sometimes, always wonder if time can turn back.. i know that it will not happen, but why in the first place i didnt treasure? cherish all the friends and surrounding people who care for me..? i dont deserve all these, either do this life of mine deserve all these pains.. *sigh* whatever.. im just sick of the life im having.. [dont worry not gonna do silly things]
work and study.. my daily routine.. im fucking tired with it..


I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've gont no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistake
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

i will stop all my blogging for some time... im feeling terrible.. real terrible...

remember this..

from the heart i'm giving you everything, everything
from the heart i promise you that i be there
i be there to love you
from my soul I'm showing you all i feel
all i feel
from the heart
from the heart

we're still friends, as per normal. nothing much happen actually.. we didnt call each other either did we sms each other.. just normal friends who smile when we see each other. feel hurt? of course i am.. i will move on, cause i know by standing here, there's nothing i gonna get back. so move on with your life..
im still the same old ebel. just that my smile getting more and more. cause i finally know what type of person he is.. he's no longer the person that i know, eith is he the person that i love.. the *he* that i loved had already perish in this world..
i still see him at school at times, we dont talk, with did we sit next to each other.. i know and i believe that i will be better without him by my side. cause i know he treat me as nothing, except a toy for him to play, and throw it away after he's finish playing with it..

alright, time for blogging. another week pass. im actually alright.. i smile more, true from the heart. =)
anyway, i doubt i've did blog about one of the customer actually gave me a box of chocolate.. hmmm.. she's actually my own customer who left down her contact. and i actually update her with the pants of this rare size. that come one in a million time.
anyway, i ring her up to inform her about it. she actually say that she will collect it the next day. so we actually sold the 3pieces to other customer. and we absorb the stock from other outlets whereby my 2nd in charge went to collect it the next day. BUT the other outlet actually transfer the stock thru warehouse which take around 3days to send the stock.
and my customer actually came down.. i apologise to her about my mistake, and she accept it without saying anything. when the stock arrived, she actually came back to take the stock, and gave me a box of chocolate..
well, im really down, and she actually bring some"light" to my life.. i guess,she really motivate me in work, and doesn't bring me down. i really enjoy working now.. though i feel more tired, but im willingly to "chiong" sales. haha..
alot of other personal things happen.. i dont wish to say out.. only my close pals will know.. good night, im tired.. i miss everyone.. especially you.. xD

i will blog... after my shower.. update again.. maybe.. tomorrow? hmmm..

finally get to open the door of my heart, went out for dinner with my parents. but i didnt know i will get to see him.. just got the feeling that i will see him later. but i didnt know i really get to see him..
sat down, only us.. feeling so weird.. and we start chatting and stuffs.. and i realise i still miss him.. sigh, dont wanna blog le..

Elina : i wanna go zouk.. i'll talk to YM when he come back SG. mean while ladies night or something you wanna go club, tag me along.. i jus wanna enjoy myself..
el: this song is right here waiting.



im tired.. really very tired.. tired of every single thing.. i wanna scream, i wanna yell..


Something nice that I found in friendster.

If our love is just a story
I want it to be publish into a book
So that the world will read about us

If our love is perhaps a fairytale
I want it to be flim it up into a movie
So that children will grow up and
Find a love like us

If our love is only a dream
I wish that I will never wake up
So that I will stay with you forever
And never say goodbye


Bon Jovi - Thank You For Loving Me
It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me,
For loving me

i swear i will kill my computer if i can. ii was typing half way, suddenly hang.. then blue screen come out. #^$%#*(&$#
anyway, continue my blogging.. another day.. went to school as usual. was late, as usual. he was late, as per normal.. then he came sitting beside me... cause he was bored sitting at the front all alone.
nothing much happen, still friends, but those who are not close.. sitting so far away from each other.. i dont put too much hope that he will come back, either do i put too much hope that he still loves me.
went to work.. new launch and stuffs.. pretty busy.. 4hours pass so fast.. and i finish work at around 7+. met jovi for some snacks. went to lido to eat and then to borders to find my book! till now i still cant get it. *scream*
anyway, went to meet yan, cat, viven and serene at mac.. then start to q up for enterence.. a good experience, i enjoy myself. though not really high, but i still enjoy myself with the girls.. saw marcus there, and daniel say he's coming over. but when i left around 130am, he still not there.
viven drag us to dance at the platform. lols.. a fun experience, whereby you can see everyone and everyone can see you. i realise got no cute guys.. LOL! this is what all the girls agree.. ahaha..
anyway, music after 130am was terrible.. LOL! went out of chinablack, and slack awhile.. took cab and head home.. shower and sleep. and here i am blogging. and im heading out now.. to no where i guess. :x
ok bye. anything reach thru my phone. =D

another day.. nothing really much happen except that i've met him for lunch... nothing big anyway.. we went to class late, and everyone thought we get back together. but seriously No. we're still friends.
after class met up with Zack for lunch and chill out. didnt eat anything anyway.. then saw irene at bugis, chat awhile and she head off to LP for meeting. then we continue walking.. went to taka at 4pm, meet up with jovi for dinner, and start work. nothing really interesting happen today cause im damn lazy with blogging.
dont expect me to type alot, cause im real tired, and real sleepy.. tomorrow still need to go school, work and chinablack.. *yawns* im really tired.. =((

Another day. Monday seems yucky to me.. And I mean real yucky.. Lesson suppose to start at 12pm, but 12pm I'm at home. -.-" And to my surprise dad came home, at 12pm SHARP, I plan not to go school, but no choice, I gonna go..
Reach school close to 1pm, and lesson end at 145pm. Head out of class, and went to meet Delun daddy.. Had my lunch with him, and head to class. Stupid James called. And I alight the bus in a rush, and I realise I alight at the wrong stop. -.-" What's next is that its raining so heavy, and I'm soak wet while walking.. Reach lab class, I'm freezing...
The boys sit beside me. Everyone went for lab except him. I've no idea why, he never say why, either do I ask why.. Everyone was discussing to go for Maths extra class anot, but in the end, everyone went home.
Went down to Aljunied to meet Victoria, just to had dinner with her.. After that I head back to City Hall to meet Andy. Everything looks ok, everything looks fine.. I did smile, but afterall its a fake smile that hides all tears.. I will be fine, I will walk thru it very soon.. Very fast..
Anyway, I be working today, from 6pm till closing. As for the following days, I be working tomorrow which is Wednesday. From 3pm to 7pm. After that will be going home, and meet up with the girls at ChinaBlack. Hope that I will really enjoy myself.. Thursday won't be working, and I guess I be sleeping like a real pig.. Friday I be working Afternoon shift, which means from 2pm till closing.. Saturday will be 12-9pm.. Sunday as usual Morning shift.. Till 6.30pm..
I guess I'm only free on Thursday, Saturday[Only dinner] and Sunday after 7pm.. A busy lady, yet he's on my mind all the time.. I'm numb..

*Tagboard*
lingg: Thanks for dropping by, I hope to see you and Elena soon..
yanyan: *hugs* a long time since I've really chat with you.. I miss chatting with you..
alan: Ya, life isn't good for me, and I guess I'm not ok.. Book out let me know. I try my best to dig out time for you.. Miss you real lots..
summotay: Not to worry about me.. I will always be the silly and childish ebel when you get to see me.. =) I will be fine..
Huiming: Hi.. I'm still thinking if I know you. Anyway, thanks for dropping by my sucky blog, and thanks for reading all my craps and stuffs. I must leave all those things behind me, cause I know I will have to move on..
Jianmei: I will always keep those happy memories with me, and for those tearful memories, I will take it as a lesson..
bubu: Thanks sis.. Hope to see you soon..

its monday.. again.. another week gone, whereby i've learnt to be independent.. no more anyone sending me home, sending me to work or school.. no more mid-night tim sum at aljunied.. no one putting me to bed at night.. no one nags at me when i'm being lazy..
everything will be out of my mind soon.. very fast.. very soon.. i will be strong, i will move on.. cause i guess he doesnt love me anymore.. if he loves me still, he wont do this type of heart breaking thing to me.. he hurts me, i wont forgive him.. i will hate him but i still miss him.. i will meet better guys, better people, better friends.. time to move on ebel..

i will comfirm my working time.. those with empty slots, feel free to ask me out.. i miss everyone especially Mrs Tan.. =D and of course my silly Xin Dai.. Hope to hear from you guys soon..

Another day.. sales is bad. everyone is in bad mood. maybe because of NKF show, then no one wanna go out shop.. get to change my blog template, but that photobucket is down, so didnt repubish what i've done..
will be doing it tomorrow, provided if i have the time.. tomorrow lesson end at 6.45pm. if i dont go for lab, i will miss out alot of stuffs. i guess i be skipping english class, but i've meet zack for lunch after english.. -.-" i guess i dont have other choice.. haha..
work seems bored. everyone seems to be down when neil came back.. glad that i get a warm hug from him.. nearly cry when he do that.. i'll miss him, cause he's a nice guy to work with.. *sigh* no more chance of high-five with him anymore..
today is also my inchange Irene last day.. she's going to transfer to Bugis Junction. hug her before i left.. she said alot of stuffs to me, and i nearly cry out.. she's just like someone who are close to me. not as a friend but a relative..
i miss him still.. though what he's done to me.. i still miss him.. seriously i felt bad when i'm out with my work friend[who is a guy].. i miss you..

next week gonna be a busy week for me.. be working like 5days out of 7days.. and 4days studying. -.-" is like 4+5 = 9days? certain days will be after school rushing to taka to work. i need to numb myself up with work. make myself more and more busy so that i wont think much about anything. and next month my pocket allowance will be more.
i guess i will be fine with it cause i guess that's what i want. no time for anything just school and work. oh yeah, next week be either going chinablack or zouk with the ladies!! ho ho~ all the staffs from Giordano Junior. those who are close with me i mean.. =D yeah yeah, gonna be a crazy girl i guess.. hope i wont get drunk..
anyway, went shopping with jovi today.. didnt get any stuffs except a new boxer from topshop. that's it. sigh, i wish that the time will stop here, so that tomorrow will never come.. neil is going back to his country and my favourite SM is going Bugis Junction.. =(((

a song that i wish to dedicate to whoever that's inside my heart..

Brian Mcfadden Feat Delta Goodrem- Almost Here

Did I hear you right
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me


Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

i miss him
i miss him
i miss him
i miss him
i miss him
i miss him
i miss him
i miss him
i miss him

seriously, till now im still thinking who am i am to him. i cant believe it, that he actually call me and scold me about if i did sms his ex. i really disappointed with him this time round.. i thought he call me to meet me up or stuffs, but i didnt know things are the other way. fcuk, im really angry and stuffs.
he wanted to know if i did sms his ex, cant he just talk to me in a nicer tone? instead he call and just scream or something over the phone, and i just keep quiet and hang up the call.. then i call back when i think back.. he keep asking me the same question "did you sms my ex?"
im cool with it. i didnt do anything wrong. so what if i did? he sounds like im the one in fault. ok well.. whatever asshole... in the first place i guess, getting together is just a show? oh well......

first thing before i start this post, happy anniversary to myself and.. though 2months back we're happy, but 2months later, one is crying like baby, the other one is thinking about himself.
i now know the real reason for the breaking up. met up with him just now, to my surprise i really open up, and listen to what he said. i realise all along from the start its always my fault. he did give me alot of chances, is just that i didn't really cherish every little thing.
i love him, yes i do. everyone knows im crazy over him. and things look well in between us, but did anyone know what really happen in this relationship? everytime when problems come, i'm still the same old ebel. since marc left me, i didn't learn any lesson.. now sean, and still the same.. problems come i listen, but nothing gets in my head..
sean is selfish whereby he only thinks about his part. but i guess this is the time whereby i should really reflect about what happen in this relationship. the problems still lies in me, not him. ended up he left me to make me a better person...
i asked him straight, is there any chance of getting back? to my surprise, he's very determine with his answer, and the thinking wise, he still stick to it.. he's not coming back.. and he even say that i can find a better person..
say bye bye to the happy and bubbly ebel.. say hi to the sad and with tears ebel.. even if you get to see ebel smiling, behind the smile, there will always be tears.. thanks ong for listening to all my craps just now. cry like some baby when you see me. i guess you're shock, im sorry. and thanks for being there for me..
get "highlighted" from nora and jovi this afternoon about my mood. they know what happen, and they ask me not to bring to work. things are not doing good, i know, and they know.. but will the SM understand? im really not ok with the way i am.. ..
i know very well that since yesterday i will break down just because i didnt ate anything yesterday, and the next thing i know is that today i only had 1 meal outside.. and that's it for the day.. im falling.. and im breaking down into pieces.. can someone out there give me a warm hug? im craving for it..


Bowling for Soup - Almost

I almost got drunk at school at 14
Where I almost made out with the home coming queen
Who almost went on to be miss texas
But lost to a slut with much bigger breastes
I almost dropped out to move to LA
Where I was almost famous for almost a day

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost loved you
I almost wished you would've loved me too

I almost held up a grocery store
Where I almost did 5 years and then 7 more
Cuz I almost got popped for a fight with a thug
Cuz he almost made off with a bunch of the drugs
That I almost got hooked on cuz you ran away
And I wish I woulda had the nerve to ask you to stay

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it
You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
I almost wish you would've loved me too

Here I go thinking about all the things I could've done
I'm gonna need a fork
lift cuz all the baggage weighs a ton
I know we've had our problems
I can't remember one

I almost forgot to say something else
And if I cant fit it in I'll keep it all to myself
I almost wrote a song about you today
But I tore it all open and I threw it away

And I almost had you
But I guess that doesn't cut it
Almost had you
And I didn't even know it

You kept me guessing and now I guess that
I spent my time missing you
And I almost had you

I almost wish you would've loved me too

spend so much hours doing nothing. seriously, im wasting my own time *sigh* i've choice to choose where am i going tonight.. which means later. today is ladies night. andy tag me along to chinablack, but brother going zouk. totally different direction. and is like if i go chinablack with andy, i've to pay for my own transpot. but if i go zouk with brother, i dont have to pay, but i cant drink that much. i just wanna get drunk, and forget everything. i guess.. i'm going no where.. i choose to come home straight and do nothing for the past few hours. and i havent taken any food for the day. and im feeling weak now. im falling apart..

i'm feeling bad.no idea what's wrong actually. reach school on time but have no idea what to do, trying to concentrate but ended up listening to radio + sms-ing. he didn't turn up, and i've no idea why i help him to sign since monday. he didnt ask me to, either did anyone ask me to help him sign.. someone please tell me what am i doing.. why am i doing all these whereby he doesn't even give a fucking care about me..
havent take any proper meal since morning. im hungry, but doesn't feel like eating. i'm moodless.. wanna go for a swim, but God doesn't stands on my side. it rains. or is He trying to pity me by crying along with me? im feeling painful... someone please take along with me.. bring me back to where i used to belong.. the happy ebel..

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long, lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
Does the feeling seem oh, so right?

And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on?
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong

Ooh, what are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of
What are you thinking of

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say I was so wrong

a long time since i've blog. thousands of apology to those who care for me. anyway, im doing good. just that feeling hurt at times, cry at nights, and thinking about him at all times, wondering how's is he doing.. but i know the truth.. always hurts the most.
we are just normal friends now. but he didn't even say hi when we see each other on bus on monday. i guess everything happen for a reason, let everything go, and time will heal my pains, time will heal everything..
my day seems fine, just that miss the time whereby both of us take train to school together. there's a warm hand for me to lean on, and a shoulder for me to sleep on. now i gonna be independent by going to school alone, with all by myself..
woke up at around 10am whereby my lessons starts at 9am. i miss the physics class. reach the class only like 10 person is there? he wasn't there, i sat down alone at the back of the class.. one of my classmate came asking where is he.. i said i've no idea but i don't understand why they don't trust me until i tell them that we broke up? they were shock and i guess they don't expect these type of things to happen..
left the class after an hour, really bored and no mood. met up with ong at tampines, had lunch there and off i go back to daddy's shop.. slack there an hour or so, left the place and head home.
Change to a smaller bag and head back to Bugis to meet.. please guess what happen next because im lazy to blog. good night. stop asking me why we broke up. cause i really dont know what cause him to dump me. stupid ebel.. =((

i wont be blogging for sometimes.. anything just reach thru my HP.. i'm back to where i am 2 months ago.. thanks for giving me this precious 2 months..




i love you...always..




Usher - Burn
I don't understand why
See, it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I love you
I just, I feel like this is coming to an end
And it's better for me to let it go now
Than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's coming from my heart
It's been a long time coming
But we done been fell apart

Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do, but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways

Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting, baby, I ain't happy, baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go
Cause the party ain't jumping like it used to
Even though this might hurt you
Let it burn (Yeah)
Let it burn (Ooh)
Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself, but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know that it's through
Let it burn (Let it burn, whoa)
Let it burn (Let it burn)
Gotta let it burn

Sending pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same
Find myself calling her your name

Ladies tell me do you understand
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain
It's the way I feel, I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late, I know she ain't comingback

What I gotta do now to get my Shorty back, ooh, ooh,ooh, ooh
Man, I don't know what I'm gonna do without my Boo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours,
I'mma be burning till you return, oh...oh...

When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go
Cause the party ain't jumping like it used to
('Causemy party ain't jumping like it used to)
Even though this might hurt you
(Let it burn, let itburn) Let it burn
(You gon' learn) Let it burn
(Gotta let it burn, whoa) Gotta let it burn

Deep down you know it's best for yourself, but you
(Know what's best for yourself, but you)
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
(Someone else but you)
But you know that it's over (Know it's over)
we knowthat it's through (Know it's through)
Let it burn (Let it burn)
Let it burn (Ooh, girl, now)
Gotta let it burn

I'm twisted cause one side of me is telling me that
I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry,
ooh I'm twisted
cause one side of me is telling me that
Ineed to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry, yeah

So many days, so many hours,
I'm still burning till you return

When the feeling ain't the same and
Your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go
Cause the party ain't jumping like it used to
Even though this might hurt you
Let it burn (Let it burn, let it burn)
Let it burnGotta let it burn (Ooh)

Deep down you know it's best for yourself, but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over, we know that it's through
Let it burn (Let it burn, let it burn, let it burn,burn)
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

{/links --

ctrl + left click

{/online shopping --

{/archives --

watch me waste my life away

{/miscellaneous --

my virtual barang