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ramblings of a young adult

well, another day. was at bugis relief. michelle was on mc.. reach tm to take name tag at about 4plus, met up with chloe & zen for dinner. then slack and head to bugis. reach bugis at about 550pm, and they were like asking "wah, so early?" haha.. went to take 5 with azure, and straight start work.
sales are bad.. really bad.. i mean, no crowd no nothing. wth. ralpha came down with wendy, and im like "wth how am i suppose to react?" thankful enough i'm not under him. =) after work, head to bugis street to find nisa & boss, wah piang eh, reach there boss not there, sian.. then went to buy naval stud.. =D
was at bugis and i call gabriel, he sound so serious, and i realise something happen at home, then i went home lor.. was looking for people to eat with me, im so HUNGRY!! thankful enough at about 1230, he sms me asking me out for supper. ok that's all i think.....

VIVEN DARLING WHERE ARE YOU!

i've been down
now i'm blessed
i felt a revelation coming around

i guess its right
it's so amazing
every time i see you, i'm alive

you're all i've got
you lift me up
the sun and the moonlight
all my dreams arein your eyes

when we touch
when we love
the stars line up, the wrong becomes undone
naturally, my soul surrenders
the sun and moonlight
all my dreams are in your eyes

when minutes turn to days and years
if mountains fall, i'll be here
holding you until the day i die

and i wanna be inside your heaven
take me to the place you cry from
when the storm blows your way
and i wanna be the earth that holds you
every bit of air you're breathing in
a soothing wind
i wanna be inside your heaven

i'm done with my naval, sick of tounge. what's next? one top, one bottom. cool? LOL! im bored, forgive me.. i realise its a longggg time since i've done piercing.. and i can sense the painn..

Sitting in the dark
I silently begin to cry
In my room all alone
I shed a tear for every lie
One for all the bullshit
And the pain you put me through
Another for the time
That you told me it was true
There goes another tear
Streaming down my cheek
All because you lead me on
I just felt so weak
The next few tears
Turn into a few more
And before you know it
Each one hits the floor
The thought came to my mind
Of every time, you said you loved me
I thought that you would be here
You said no one was above me
But what you really meant
Was no one but her
These tears fill my eyes
And my visions a blur
My eyes are red
And now they sting
Im dying inside
From the pain you bring
The tears just keep coming
One after the other they flow
Each one is for you
And that is something you must know
Though the scars will eventually fade
And the tears will someday dry
Your always in the back of my head
With each and every lie


life seems pretty sucky. and i have no idea why. i mean is like things are out of control, the person who i always think that he's right beside me when i need him, seems to be gone.. forever.. he has his own reason why i guess..
anyway, day start up well i guess. woke up at 1230, which class already start, realise i should not go to school, ended up staring at the laptop.. for hours.. wanted to do something, but nothing is in my head.. went to bedok to take signage, and went to PWP to take stock.. total took me 2hours of travelling time. reach tm at 4pm. sign in and work..
sign out and met up with jodan for dinner. met a new friend, jason i suppose his name. lol, pretty fcuk up with the way they tease me.. especially jodan!! *scream* anyway, a nice try, got my anger attention..
ah.. woke up this morning and joyce sms me saying that peter's class cancel. i'm like ok, i go back to sleep. wth sia... ok shall blog later at night if i got the mood, recently being too upset, fcuk up mood.. oh whatever.

Photo taken today with my good pal, gary. that basket who being same class as me from sec1 to sec5. all along sitting beside me. ha. =)

not gonna blog today, dont feel like..

thanks gabriel, for that necklance. =)

I found this from a email. Kinda meaningful.. But after reading, anyone will apply on their own relationship?

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't ever make him feel he is more important than you are even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothingless. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you. All men are not dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage, deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
Dating is fun even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other women and men (just so they know). You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

its a long time since i've post details blog. anyway, will continue blogging, unless i'm busy. =)
shall do some short details about me. recently, great-great grandma pass away. and i took urgent leave.. friday nite went to her wake, showing my last respect for her. praying and stuffs, left there at around 10pm. brother drove me to gabriel chalet. reach there slack till around 230am. thankful enough that his friend, richard, drive me home.
sat, woke up at around 8am, shower and head down to her wake. and finally head off the journey.. by the time everything settle and stuffs, i reach bedok at about 2pm. have our lunch and head home.. shower and straight to gabriel chalet. the moment i reach there, he's not there. so i went to sleep. woke up at about 6pm. i swear im really tired, and all of them know what happen, and they didnt disturb me or whatever.
they BBQ stuffs for me, giving me soft food and whatever. gabriel and the rest play majong, as for me? staring into space, talking cock with wei ming and the rest. taking funny & lame photos & whatever. leave there at about 12am, was at satay village [or whatever you call] to have supper.. they really eat alot.. and thanks to shen jie for driving me home.
working afternoon shift, after work met up with jodan for supper, and head home after that.. reach pasir ris at about 12am, called gabriel up.. giving him a very serious tone.
Myself: "eh, where are you? can chat awhile?"
Gabriel: "on my way home, just alight 88, now waiting for 3, yah what is it?"
"oh nothing lah, just wanna tell you some important things."
"what is it?"
*pause for a few seconds*
"happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday to gabriel happy birthday to you"

lol, i swear its so funny.. and both of us laughing like mad. i actually ask him today that did he expect me to do that? he say no. lol.. funny.. anyway, working 1/2M today, telly with johnson. and he told me that sat night he was at ntuc chalet with ugly ducking.. and i'm like "har? i also there, how come i didnt see you?" and i realise that, we dont have the fate with each other. being together is just another mistake..
met up with him at tampines control station. head down to bugis to pass chloe some stuffs. and head down to sumerset to meet up with his friends.. then we walk around orchard, and i head down to taka gio.. saw nora, giving me the warmest hug.. her ROM on this coming sunday, but still thinking if i should make my way down.. i called ugly ducking along, but he said "erm, i not very close to her" and i'm like wtf?
oh well.. is not that i didnt call him out, just that he dont want. i even call him, but he didnt pick up, i do whatever i can to save a relationship, but i guess, afterall, i'm not being appreciate, then why should i do all these stupid and silly things?
ok, im tired. time for bed.. this week gonna be a shiong week.. gonna chiong shifts.. all the way to sunday. no off day for me.. because im taking long term leave from end of the month all the way to end of nov.. well, i gonna save money!!!!
oh yeah, just finish watching "one more chance" its a good show to catch. please watch it.. it touch me deeply. people do deserve 2nd chance, but why i cant? whatever. gd nite.





...its time to face the truth, i will never be with you...





PS: i wrote you a testimonial, and i guess you deleted it, if not you didnt see it. anyway, that's the things i want you to know.. imu.

if i got down on my knees and i pleaded with you
if i crossed a million oceans just to be with you
would you ever let me down?
if i climbed the highest mountain just to hold you tight
if i said that i would love you every single night
would you ever let me down?
well, i'm sorry if it sounds kinda sad
it's just that worried, so worried
that you let me down
because i love you, love you
love you, so don't let me down
if i swm the longest river just to call your name
if i said the way i feel for you would never change
would you ever food around?
well, i'm sorry if it sounds kinda sad
it's just that worried, so worried
that you let me down

the facts are, im tired, or maybe i mean really tired. i need a rest, really. whenever im on bed, i realise i aint tired anymore. someone out there, please help.. the moment i close my eyes, you're right in front me. i wanna hug you, yet i realise you're no longer with me.. i miss you.. yes, its you.. the guy who i always bite and bully whenever i can, the guy who lend me his shoulder to sleep on when we're on bus/train..

i can't breathe easy
can't sleep at night
till you're by my side
no i can't breathe easy
i can't dream yet another dream
without you lying next to me
there's no air

wont be blogging for some time. will be back soon.. i guess.. im not ok.. so just leave me alone? great-great-grandma just pass away.. gonna go to her wake, anything just reach me thru HP.. tears just fail to stream down my cheeks..




i wanna be inside your heaven
take me to the place you cry from
when the storm blows your way
I wanna be the arm to hold you
every bit of air you breathin in
i'm soothing when
i wanna be inside your heaven

i'll blog, but maybe tomorrow. im kind of tired now..

tell me how am i suppose to live without you
now that i've been loving you so
how am i suppose to live without you
how am i suppose to carry on
when all that i've been living for is gone
i didnt come here for crying
didn't come here to break down
it's just a dream of mine is coming to an end
and how can i blame you
when i build my world around
the hope that one day we'd be so much
more than friends
and i dont wanna know the price i'm
gonna pay for dreaming
when even now it's more than i can take

have a great day outside. went out with ong to chill out at starbuck.. sit down there, sat for close to 2hours.. lol.. talk about the past, talk about the present, talk about the future? what we want in between us? haha.. still a big question mark.. cherish the present, forget the past.. remember the memories, that what we concluded. i mean, certain things must let go.. just like me and sean, already over so long.. so yah, move on.. :) as for me and ugly ducking? i dont know.. oh well..
went to changi village to have our dinner.. met up with gabriel there.. sat down, talk cock again, and his friends send me and ong home.. i guess i going to club this friday. weird sia, friday club.. 4-cl at tm.. den sat 8-cl at bugis.. well, sun not working. oh yeah, be going to dental this wednesday. boring.. dont know what color to put? any suggestion...?

your body gives
but then holds back
the sun is bright
the sky is black
can only be another sign
i cannot keep what isn't mine
you left and it lingers on
but you, you were almost gone

i cannot tell if you mean what you say
you say it so loud, but you sound far away
maybe i had just a glimpse of your soul
or was that your shadow i saw on the wall
i'm watching you disappear
but you, you were never here

ah..... lazy to blog. but hey, i enjoy myself yesterday! :D

i think im suffering from insomnia.. i can be sleeping at 3am in the morning, and wake up at 7am.. the rest of the day are stoning.. that's not important anyway.
well, its a long time since i've club, and i miss clubbing.. tomorrow Full shift at AMK. wtf? but at least got hours. i'm freaking tired right now, but no idea if i can fall asleep. i'm craving for a good sleep.. sigh. =( i dont know what else to blog. im very tired, my leg hurting me, my eyes are closing[soon]..
im very upset with the SuperStar results. wtf? kelvin win? im not saying that he cant sing.. oh man, he didnt performance well today but hey, why he win? im sure kelly is betteR? oh wtf wtf?

I'm desperate!! I WANNA CLUBBBBBB!!!!!!!!!!!!


can everyone hear me? lol?

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