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ramblings of a young adult

I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dream
Forgive me my weakness but i don't know why
Without you is hard to survive
Cause everytime we touch I get this feeling
And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast I want this to last
Need you by my side
Cause everytime time we touch I feel the static
And everytime we kiss I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat slow I can't let u go
Want you in my life

a new post, wondering how to start. please catch the movie "i'm not stupid too" by jack neo. all i can say is a touching show that bring me to tears. its really touching and the movie content of the movie, shows how parents in singapore treat their child. i'm wondering when was the last time my parents praise me?

i'm running idea of what to blog. maybe too much things to blog, but no idea what to say. sigh.

was wondering how come people come and go in life? who will stay with me, till the day i die?

too long didn't blog. well, maybe busy, maybe too lazy. most likely is lazy. trying to keep myself busy recently, so that i won't think about anything at all. i'm surprise that these few days, i didn't cry at all. maybe i didn't think about him, maybe i enjoy what i've right now, maybe i've let go of him, or maybe.. i'm too tired to cry about it.

been catching up with my friends alot recently. people like irfan, kaisheng, xindai or even vivien. realise that i've so much time to waste, till i've no idea what to do everyday. is this the life that i always want to have? right now i'm having it, why do i really enjoy it?

ah.. out of topic to blog about. anyway, i'm fine. to those who care and concern about me, thanks alot. :) shall blog again if i feel like blogging..

Was talking to mum, telling her how dumb am i waited down stairs for him for 2hours. my mum was like saying "you're so silly my dear girl.."
well, this is what happen, on 16th jan, i was at his void deck waiting for him, hoping that he will come down and talk to me, talk to me as in hoping that things will patch back, and heal the aches.. i was about to leave, he came down. i'm close to tears when i saw him.
but the moment he speak, i regret of waiting for him. he was telling me so much problems in between us, and of course, he talk about the day i was wasted. i dont even know so much things i've done to hurt him, to hurt the both of us, and ended in this state.
well.. i've no idea what will happen next, meanwhile, enjoy what i can, spend as much time as my friends if possible. pass my freaking probation senior soon. i just hope i will make it to what i always want to be.
celebrate my birthday with my lovely classmates! thanks to all the girls who turn up! edna, christine and cheryln buying me a rip curl bag. not forgetting saren who get me a bottle of martell. ah... i'm not suppose to drink anymore! oh well.. leave it at home for it to evaporate.. went to city link, marina square.. bought tons of clothes. haha.. staff price.. :) i believe that edna and christine love me the most. ebase!! anyway, met a new friend on 16th jan. a customer of mine. kinda lame when his friends ask me for number. cause he said "i'm a very nice lady who can alter pants." lol~ not a bad guy after all. :) at least he sang birthday song to me, and bought me my favourite drink. pure chocolate on my birthday. i'm contented still. (:


I watched the walls around me crumble
But its not like I won't build them up again
So here's your last chance for redemption
SO take it while it lasts cause it will end
And my tears are turning into time
I've wasted trying to find a reson for goodbye

I can't live without you
Can't breathe without you
I dream about you
Honestly tell me that its over
Cause if the world is spinning and I'm still living
It won't be right if we're not in it together
Tell me that it's over
And I'llbe the first to go
Don't want to be the last to know

its been such a long journy to get him back. i finally got him back. everything is so sweet, so nice. and i thought, this story between us, will never end.

no more drinking for me, no more clubbing. i swear i never gonna touch them again. just because i'm wasted on my birthday celebration, i made alot of people piss, disappointed and stuffs. moreover, i hurt myself once again.
things are well plan that day. i'm going to shu kai's chalet, then be going to fishermen village to have a wonderful meal with edward, follow by celebration with s&k people. and lastly, go momo to find my GFs.
things went right until s&k people came. i was wasted. i dont blame them, when i'm a little wasted, i should just stop drinking, but i continue to drink, and i start to create a mess around.
well, there's nothing much more to blog about. i'm hurt.. very hurt.

After a long, long post, I realise that my friends approach me for help, maybe because they trust me, they need me. And I shouldn't have complain about it. Instead be thankful that they need me, they need my ear.
A big cry, I guess I've grown up. They're not me, they don't know that I need them. If I don't voice up, who will know that I need them? I'm not like Vivien, being sexy at dance floor, being sucha sweet girls that guys will drool over her. I'm not XinDai, having a good boyfriend, have a stable relationship, job, being so care-free. But I'm Ebel. Be it good or bad, when you need me, I realise I'm always there for them.
I'm too tired to wait for him. Let him go, I guess I will. Someday will bring it up to my parents about us. I guess they gonna be upset, cause they told me to cherish him, is just that I didn't. I guess, he leave for a better reason. He still love me, and of course I love him. But walking different paths of our lifes, is better.. I guess. At least, there isn't so much aching in between us.


I do
Cherish you
For the rest of my life
You don't have to think twice
I will love you still
From the depths of my soul
It's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking do I love you this much
I do

PS: This post is not regarding anyone

Its such a long time since I've blog. And I guess I'm too tired to blog or maybe nothing to be blogging about. Having full shift today, and I'm tired, yet I can't sleep. Too much things bothering in me.
Was wondering why things happen this way? Its not the first time that my GF's ex boyfriend approach me for help. I will listen to his story, and I listen to my GF story, each of them have their own rights and wrongs, all I can do is to listen. Giving them suggestions? Not really. Maybe each of them are too stubborn to listen to me.
Sitting down, listen to their talking, listening to how sad, how depress they are, I begin to wonder. Wonder into my own world. Begin to wonder why am I doing their listening to so much stuffs whereby it doesn't even relate any single thing about me.
Was wondering why whenever things went wrong for their relationship, I'm always the one out their listening to their problems, helping them to solve it, make them back together again. But do they appreciate me in the first place? Why when things turn the other way, I'm the one that's depress, no one is right beside me?
A simple SMS "Darling I miss you. Is everything alright for you?" is it so hard to send to me? I never want to complain, but I feel so unfair. Why am I always there when you need someone the most? A shoulder to lean on and cry, a ear for you to let you voice out your sadness?
Now, I realise, life is never fair. Never fair in the sense that what you give others, they might not return back to you. How much effort I give in a friendship, it never return, but instead the amount I give in, they gave it to their love. And after so long, I realise I'm still alone.
Things keep pilling up within me, everything is still kept in me, no one is out there willingly to listen to me. I can only voice out thru my blog, or keep it inside my heart. There's no way I can let all my sorrows/vexed/anger or whatever out.
Am I a very good listener that willingly to sit there hours and hours just to listen to you? But why can't you girls do the same when I need someone to talk to? If you claim that you don't have time for me, ask yourself, do you have time for your BF? Am I really someone important to you? Or am I someone "extra" in your life that when you need me, you'll call me?


Things between myself & Edward already ended a month plus ago. We still didn't make it. Sometimes I wonder, is it wrong to love too much that cause the both of us to have more frictions in between us?
Does anyone out there know what really happen in between us? I'm sad to say, No. No one out there know what happen between us. Just because I said "I don't wanna talk about it", you guys just leave me alone.
Trying my best to change my attitude towards him, towards work, and towards my staffs. But my effort put into everything, does anyone seen my hard work? Does anyone out there giving me a pat on my shoulder and said "Well done Ebel, keep it up?"


So much things happen to me, till I break down and cry. No once, but twice at work. I'm thankful enough that Chole being that with me when I'm breaking down. I'm sad in some way that not the people who I trust, who I love alot being there with me.
My probation will end in Feb, but I don't think I can make it. Though I'm confident back then, no longer now. Stress are pilling up, I'm breaking down, yet I'm still left alone.
Its gonna be a lonely birthday this year. And I guess, party at Momo will be cancel. Don't ask me why. I just feel that I have to. I'm done with my post.

well, another day. kind of tired right now. didnt really sleep these few days, because promotion ended, so right now, back to normal price. kinda bored at work, there's not really alot of customer, because its all regular prices. well.. everyone chiong for sales. including me. :)
my mind are so dead right now. alot of things been on my mind. shall start with this week. tomorrow is my off day, or perhaps now is my off day. will be staying at home until he call me out. hoping that he will.
how's things between us? still the same. staying as friends. yap, we broke up. like close to a month, we quarrel and stuffs. i didnt tell my parents about it. and they assume that we're still together. i'm wondering how am i suppose to bring it up to them. sigh.
learnt alot of things recently. learnt to control my temper, learnt how to talk to people, learnt how to appreciate others. always fit yourself into other people shoe before assume anything. sigh, i wonder, did he realise about the changes?
anyway, be going to marina square to help out on friday. yeah, s&k will be having another outlet there. just hoping that TM still top shop. haha. pray hard that i'm not going to be transfer there or wisma. is not that the place not good, maybe because of some personal reasons.
my birthday coming. and soon be 19. was wondering is it a good thing or is that a bad thing. good thing that i'm older, bad thing is have i grown up? ah.. maybe i should just change topic.
be celebrating at club momo. yeah yeah~ on 14th jan. not really everyone are invited. cause i be sharing everything with my in-charge chloe. so most likely, all s&k people will be there.
and on the actual day of my birthday, 17th jan[just in case you don't know] be celebrating with my private school friends. maybe just meet up and have a dinner or something. and on 18th jan which i request off day, be staying at home, waiting for his call. just hope that he will call me on that day. i just don't want to be a lonely birthday like last year. i've spend a lonely new year by staying at home to update my profile. sigh.
shall stop blogging now. oh yeah, stuffs i want for my birthday.
1) ipod mini.
2) the ripcurl watch that cost close to $300/-
3) any ripcurl items will please me.
4) the nike shoe that i post about it yesterday.
5) a wonderful day with him.



i just wanna grow old with you..

i'm falling in love with this nike shoe.. :) birthday coming. i'm wearing size 8 :x

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watch me waste my life away

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