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ramblings of a young adult

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
Cause you know,
You know, you know

That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
And you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

One my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
Cause you know,
You know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
Cause I'm not leaving
Hold on to me and, never let me go

im here to blog. and i guess, its a very long time since i really blog in details. getting too tired recent. of course its all about work. at least the little efforts i put in it, someone recongise it. and i'm glad i'm still holding on.

well, probation extend again. i'm disappointed with it, but i'm waiting for the day when i see my in-charge giving me her own reasons to convince me. i won't let anything to push me down again. cause i believe, she wants more from me then anyone else wants.

miss joanne ong. the lady who i appreciate giving me the chance to get into this company, giving me the chance to become who i am right now. she's leaving this company. and 28th feb 06 is her last day. of course i'm pretty sad about it, and i guess, she left for the better.

seriously, i really appreciate her. she did change my life for the better. she bring the whole team sprit up, she bring joy to everyone of us. and u can't bare to let go her. though this thing strike me alot, but i guess, she has her own dreams to goal for. wishing her all the best.

recently being doing nothing. nothing much really happen.. and i guess, i've to go now. its monday again. and i've to do my report. (:

i'm going tanning tomorrow!! and its pay day! (:

I'll blog. Maybe tomorrow.

never cry. because crying admit defeated.. no matter how difficult this path will be, i will walk thru it. be strong.. and never shed a tear for anything. its hard, but i will try..

Here I am on the phone again and.
Awkward silence is on the other end
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice
But right now all I feel
Is the pain of the fighting starting up again

All the things we talk about you know they stay on my mind
All the things we laugh about will bring us through it every time
After time

Don't say a word, I know you feel the same
Just give me a sign, say anything
Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay
If you just give me a sign, say anything

Some say that time changes, best friends can become strangers
But I don't want that, no not for you
If you just stay with me we can make it through

Now I'm wondering if they ever change
When will you laugh again, laugh like you did back when
We'd make noise til 3:00 AM
And the neighbors would complain
I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling down

its late. and i'm not sleeping yet. just finish doing my report. and later gonna wake up early cause there's a shop meeting later on. i'm really tired as these few days, didn't really sleep well.

grandma being in hospital for a week. and almost everyday, i visit her. very tired. indeed tired. rushing here and there.. glad that she's doing better and better each day. and i'm glad that she's gonna discharge soon..

and right now, i gonna concentrate on my probation senior. a week more before the probation end. and a few days ago, my in-charge sat down with me for about 2hours chat.

chatted very long, telling me what i've done correct, what i've done wrong. in other words, about my performance. i'm really very happy that she told me i'm doing well. and really up to her expection. i really don't expect her to say that. cause i always think i'm not doing well.

what's more? she's telling me that i've become stronger as days go by. she recalled whenever she talked to me, i will always be in tears, if not, eyes will be red. but this time round, i didn't. well, i guess.. as days go by, i'm getting more and more numb. my heart, is so heart right now. nothing makes me feel warm again.

anyway, i've made up my mind.. of giving up something in my life. right now, what i gonna give up is my studies. yeah. and i'm glad that mum is standing by my side, which really shock me. gonna give up my education for the time being. and i'm glad that my job is doing well.

though i know mum is kinda disappointed with what i've told her. but she never give up on me before. i asked her if she's feeling "throw face" about having me as her daughter. her reply was "so what if you can't study? i'm glad that you're learning to earn money yourself, even without help from us[my parents] you can survive yourself. you make me proud this way.."

i don't know if this will be the correct path of my life. but i hope i won't regret as time goes by. if i can make it to poly to the course i want, i will never give up. if i didn't get in, well.. i'm sorry. i gonna give up on my education. when i save enough, i will then study private diploma. that's later part of the story.

right now, i will make my way up to senior(SSA1) then i wanna make my way up to SSA1. then all the way to ASM.(Assistant Shop Manager). i don't know if i will be able to do it, but i will try.

well, a nice phrase to share "the biggest failur in life is when you give up without trying."

i'm off to bed now. (:

i'm tired.. will blog soon..

was out the whole day.. went to SP first, then head down to TP. sigh. tired plus a long day. was working afternoon shift. after briefing, my junior told me that someone was looking for me. i'm shocked, and was wondering who was it..

to my surprise, its Vivien. :) she bought me a cake, its a heart shape cake. so nice of her. she came down my shop yesterday, but i wasn't working. aww.. she's really a nice lady. and of course, i love her.

was complaing to my guy friend that i didn't receive any roses at all. and, he bought me one stalk! i'm close to tears to receive it and i've no idea why i scolded him.

day was fine i guess. but right now, i've no idea why i start to dwell about the past. was wondering about how i spend my valentine day with him.. ok, i shall shut up right now and go to bed. morning tomorrow. i'm TIRED!!

was out the whole day. went to TP with edna and xiaoyi. its early to me, but when i reach there, its full of students. and while waiting, the queue was so long, and waited for a very long time. i'm very pissed with that.

head down to TM to have our lunch, and i head home. was doing report the whole day, till someone called me out. i think i did disappointed with YOU. you said we will spend together, but you're working. and hmmm... i've nothing much to say. and lucky, we didn't meet up.

after finish my report, head down to shop. and chloe said that's a present from me. when i head to my locker, i saw the adidas watch! ahhh!! i'm so happy, and i'm close to tears. though its from a friend, but i really love itt!! in love with it so much!! :D thanks dennis.

planned to catch a movie, but ended up heading down to novena. my mum called and told me that grandma was at tan tock seng hospital. i dont feel like going into details with that.

results were out. i didnt do really well. but ok enough to get myself into poly. that's all i want to say. as for now, the main focus i gonna have, is to get my emotions settle.. the rest, leave it to God.

was talking over the phone with dennis just now. telling me about his grandma. i'm here to pray for her, praying for her recovering.. hope things won't turn worst.

was talking about it, and somehow, i recall about my late grandpa. its close to 3years that he left me.. till now, i'm still trying to accept the fact that he's gone.

grandpa dotes my family and me alot. he do makes me a better person. but somehow, being pampered, its not really a good thing. but he gave me beautiful childhood which i really appreciate it.

still remember that time, when i was 15years old. i quarrel with my parents over a HP which i really want to have. instead they bought it for my sister. back then, i'm a very rebellious girl. the moment i realised that they didnt bought for me, i packed my stuffs and head out of the house.

was crying all the way. when i reach my grandpa's place, i hugged him.. and cried so badly. my eyes were really red, when he knew about what happen, he called my dad and gave him a good scolding. a week later, i received a call from grandpa.

the voice of him seems so excited. telling me that he bought me a new phone. asking me to go down to his place to collect it. i'm closed to tears when i knew about it. that's how grandpa pampered me.

tears are streaming down my cheeks right now. i miss my grandpa of course. i miss those time that i've spend with him. spending most of my weekends at his place with my cousins, and of course, all my aunts were there.

i want my grandpa to come back. though i know its impossible. if God able to give me 1day more to spend with him, i promise, i won't be that rebellious like the past, i will be a good grand-daughter. i will give him the best of what i have, just because i love him..

just reach home not long. suppose to be clubbing at momo now, but i'm glad that i resist it, and head out with my s&k team mates. having a shop gathering together, its the first gathering of the team, and its the last gathering. sigh.

i'm wondering why things end so fast. trying to cherish things, but realise its too late. shop gathering was great, though spend alot of money. met up at cine, went to watch movie. REAL. not really a nice show if you don't watch soccer.

after that, we went to Taka to walk around. waited for Zen to come, and we head down to Far East to eat Sakura. yummy. my favourite. spend like $40 on it. head down to Rip Curl at Pacific Plaza. bought my slippers. cause i'm going to SENTOSA tomorrow! oh, i mean later.

head to far east shopping centre to play pool. slack around and head back to cine to Kbox to sing all the way. the moment when winson sang "yi sheng ai ni yi ge" i'm close to tears.

sigh, its okay. i don't know what else to be blogging about.. all i know is, i'm not ok..

suddenly i feel like blogging. i've no idea why. maybe because he talk to me in msn. dwelling about the past, and makes me feel so bad. and somehow i cried again. didnt cry for so long, and the moment i cried, i realise.. i miss him still..

i guess, he really move on with his life. talking about the girl he met, talking about is it possible to get along with her and stuffs. as for me, those simple reply from me. but does he know that i'm hurt with what he said?

he apologise when for no reason, we talked about our past. the things that i bought for him, is still at my place. i guess, he doesnt have any time for me. maybe, i should just leave it aside, or perhaps, throw it away.

talking about the past, learning what i've done wrong back then. overcome the weakness of mine, changing to a better me. but who is out there appreciating what i've done? only myself. i'm glad that God create all these things to make me a better person, a stronger me. but deep down, anyone knows that i'm unhappy?

i miss him.. of course i miss him. dying to get back with him again. if God able to give me a chance again, i will cherish him, keep quiet for every single little thing, even if we quarrel, i will just be the one who's giving in. just because i want him back.

i dont know what else to blog.. sigh..




all i want is you to be by my side..

I love this video clip..



was reading andrinna aka my boss blog. how true about what she blog.

Love is just like a drug. When you are in "love" you get hook on to it. The result of having "love" is sweet. Constant happiness, gigglings, smiling when you are sleeping, thinking of a certain person, talking about a certain person all the time, missing his or her smell all the time, can't wait to be with him or her all the time and starts to hallucinates "futures" with him/her.

When you ran out of "love". The withdrawal symtoms comes as pain in the gut. Feels like heart has been stab a million times, some feels the heart dropping into a valley of darkness and drops non-stops, some tears all the time, some goes hysterical crying and screaming all the time, some would go sleepless all the time,
some will starts to talk to oneself, some would just pick up themself and go into the world jus to find another Dick to suck on so tat he/she can give up on the old "love" drug.

The withdrawal symtoms to "love" depends on individual. Some gets back to normal very fast, some takes some time but will get back, some eventually gives up love forever. For they strongly believes. Loves Hurts too much.

Alot of things happen recently. Things happen around the shop. Transfer list is out, Alot of people come and go. Those who are being very dear to me, are left. But I'm glad that people like Chloe, Winson and Eunice stay with me.

Congrats to Chloe, get promoted to ASM, Ron and Winson comfirm Senior. As for me? Still under probation. Seriously, I'm not ok about my probation. I didnt do a good job, and my probation extend. I'm not proud of it, but instead, I feel very disappointed with what my in-charge told me. Somehow, it breaks my heart, and at that point of time, tears are roll down my cheeks.. Thosands of knives being stab at my heart.

Currently on leave till Thursday. Actually Friday too. But due to the O level resutls, man-power down. I need to go back to work. Sigh. Though its 3days, but its not enough for me I guess. To think about what I really want.

Be meeting XinDai on Thursday to go Sentosa to get myself tanned, and of course relax. Think about what I really want. These few days being so hard on me, things ain't going well for myself. Getting involve in some things that I should have stop myself be doing. And of course, get my feelings sort out.

Career is what I should face, and focus on. Relationship, studies, whatever.. Leave it a side. I wanna pass my probation, I wanna make it thru, I wanna prove to others that I'm not as dumb as what you think I am.

The determination is there, maybe someone will stay with me till the very last breath, maybe I'm alone throughout the whole process. But I believe, whatever it is, it will make me stronger, make me a better person. Have more patients to everyone. Not to be short with anyone, or any little things. I just want to be a better person, a better me for YOU to love.

Anyway, pictures taken on my birthday. Though its long ago, and I don't like my birthday. Sigh, but I'm thankful that these girls are here with me. :)

Taken at Sakae. Seriously, I look sucks.


My girlfriend, Saren.


Tofu girls. Edna and Christine.


Cher, Edna and Christine


Group picture.


After Sakae, we head to take neo prints.







Our dinner.


I enjoy that day alot, though I'm down for some reasons. Thank you girls for lighting up my life, and feel loved once again. :)

I'll blog. But maybe later.

For a moment, I pause. Was wondering what to blog about. Maybe I should blog about my day? Hmmm.. ITs been long that I really talk about my day in details. Anyway, today is just another boring plus busy day. Sigh.

Suppose to be taking bus to work, waking up early, rush and head out. Forget to bring HP, head home again to collect, and went out again. This time round I was at void deck, and I forget about my R&B CD which I've left at the door. Head home again to bring out.

Was on my way to bus stop, and I miss my BUS! *scream* purposely take my time to take bus to MRT station. Missed 3buses, but I've no idea why today the bus was so fast. And less then 5mins, the next bus came. Ususally it will take close to 15mins of waiting.

Reach MRT station, purposely miss the train. The upcoming train, I board it, and less then 3mins, it depart. I'm like "what the fcuk?" Reach Tampines early. I mean very early. Had my breakfast, and wait for my junior to come. I'm to lazy to stand outside waiting for her. So I just head in to do my stuffs.

Message book was full with messages. 8 things to be complete. I rush like hell, start up the computer, this and that.. By the time I finish my task, it was close to lunch break. I was altering a pair of pants, and to my surpise, someone called my name. I look out, and I saw Denise standing there.

He waited awhile and we had lunch together. Head back to work after that, tons of work to do again. Joanne Ong came down, ain't please with the display and stuffs. Change over and over again. So much things to do, eventually I finish work at close to 8pm.

Head down to Kbox to meet up with Denise and his friends, doze off there till 915pm. And I head home. What a boring day. Tomorrow OFF!! Wee... Was wondering how come this week shift so relax? Haha. Monday Chinese New Year. Tuesday Afternoon shift. Wednesday MC, Thursday Morning. Friday Off. Saturday Afternoon, and Sunday, 1/2Morning. Haha.

Might be going Pula Ubin on Sunday. Hmmm.. Hopefully mum's get better. If not, most likely, be staying at home the whole day. Pretty tired, should get more rest. And next week.. Be clearing my replacement off. Wednesday be shop gathering, and thursday be going SENTOSA with XinDai I'm dying to get TANNED!!!

Alright, time to relax, play mahjong. (:

i'm feeling so sleepy right now.. yawns.. thanks to the medicine..

i love this song played at my blog background

its been long since i've blog. too busy to blog recently. trying to make myself feel busy so that i won't think about anything.

i'm down with flu, fever and sore throat right now. was thinking about the past when i'm having fever. so sweet.. but right now, i realise i'm alone. did alot of thinking recently, wondering if he's still the right one for me. and i realise that maybe he's not the one for me.. getting together might be a mistake right from the start. maybe that's why 5years ago, we broke up.

was wondering how to tell my parents about it, been thinking about it alot. all my parents know was that the fact that we quarrel, but not broke up. wondering what they gonna say? same old things that a year ago when i just broke up with sean?

shall talk about chinese new year. chinese new year eve was with alan, alvin and their friends at MOS. i won't say i enjoy there, either will i say i didn't enjoy. maybe that's not the place i should go. too many malays, too many ang mos. WHERE ARE THE CHINESE!!!

anyway, the music and the crowd there are not really cool. or maybe i'm too use to Momo? i guess so. though i said no more clubbing, but, i can't resist myself from clubbing, and of course, dancing.

was home pretty early that day. the music really bored me, and i reach home before 3am. surprise huh? johan called a little too late, asking me to go momo. i already on my way home. hmmm.. next time please be earlier.

1st day of new year was waking up early, and have breakfast with my parents. and wait till 12pm. while waiting, i doze off while reading my book. and i'm surprise that uncle was home late. went to my uncle's place to pai nian with my grandma, and we left there about 1pm. didn't have much things to say to them, either they say to me.

head to my mum's side, granny's place. was there till 4pm+. when i was there, i'm doze off again. i don't know why i'm so restless recently. didn't do much talking with any of the aunts or even my granny. just lying on bed, and sleep.

met up with alan after that. was at cine watching movie. Fearless. its a nice show. i will rate it 4 out of 5. :) one star out for the digusting part. haha. other then that, everything seems fine for that show. must really concentrate, if not, i guess you won't get what the show mean.

head to chin mei's place after that. met up with william and xiu ping. was there staying till close to 1am. head down to TM to meet him. suppose to go to Denise's place,but in the end, due to him leaving early, and i realise there isn't any need of going his place.

watch "i'm not stupid too" again. though its a nice show that worth catching, but i realise watching the 2nd time, will bored me. cause i know the story line. i'm not blaming him or anyone out there. but to tell everyone that watching the same show again will bored you sometime.

though i love him, but after meeting up with him that day, i realise he's a stranger to me. maybe he's just too tired, but in between us, i feel that there's a big gap. that no matter how long it takes, it doesn't close up the gap.. not even 1cm.. he claims that i think too much, but after so long, why am i always the one who wants to meet up? why he can't make the move? sigh. don't wanna talk about it.

2nd day of chinese new year was even more crap. was home the whole day till around 7pm+ when Denise ask me out. was at home, all my aunts and uncles came over my place. ladies got mahjong to play, gentlemen got cards to play, as for the kids, got their own cards to play with. as for me? was on the bed, reading.. and head to lala-land..

went to denise friend's place to do nothing. and was there till close to 130am. head down to coffee shop to entertain his friend's father till 2am. what's worst was that, was at Denise void deck sitting down, waiting for him to smoke finish till close to 3am. i'm so damn tired.

as for today, was working. and i'm sick! tomorrow suppose to be 1/2M but turn out to be M shift. and tomorrow is conversation day. which means, must sigh in very early. is not because of the conversation thing i'm on mc. is because my back really hurts. and whatever i'm doing is really slow.. really slow..

sometimes i wonder, what do i really want in my life? a guy who i love, or a guy who love me? being in love is good, being single also good. sigh. the green light is on, i hope i'm able to forget everything before the new guy come.. lastly, i miss him very badly..

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watch me waste my life away

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