{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

family gathering..

is it a good thing or a bad thing? seriously, i hate these type of outings, i hate this type of gathering. maybe because i'm lazy.. or perhaps i'm anti social.

today suppose to celebrate my grandma's birthday at my place. i thought that my mum gonna cook, but turn out she order buffet. seriously, i hate buffet. its a waste of money. well, its good that we don't have to cook and prepare everything. but, the number of people who gonna come is it = to the number of people you think will come?

what's next that i hate the most is, everyone coming your place, you gonna clear your room for them. you've no privacy at all, doing anything that you want. as for the poor me, born in the middle among my siblings, i gonna stay at home the entire day to help out. and i hate to do housework!

i'm upset in someway whereby, i thought i can stay at home to relax myself, doing what i always love to do. but the whole house is so pack, so noisy. whereby i cant think, i cant relax..

my aunts and uncles care for me. that's the fact i know, but sometimes, i wanna be left alone. they asked how come i give up my studies? how come i'm no longer in TM outlet?

for a moment, i'm out of words. 3 aunts that came today, 3 aunts asked the same thing. 2 uncle came down today, 1 who always call me, will know what happen, the other uncle saw me, ask me the same questions as my aunts.

the reason why i gave up my educations.. is because.. mum and dad hardly survive with the amount that they earn. and if i quit my job now, to go on a part time work, my pay will be reduce to half the amount, and i think, i can only live with that. and i cant give money to them..

i dont know if i did make a right choice, but i think that's the thing i can do now.. brother going taiwan soon. he's like some businessman. but in fact, he's just a NS guy. oh well..

i dont know what else to post, i'm just so SICK and TIRED... arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

All these precious moments
With you by my side
Must be a gift from heaven
That's holding me all night

I don't know how I found you
I'm thankful that I have
Now that I have a love so true
To hold, to keep, to share

In my heart I can no longer hold inside
All of the love I used to hide
I'll always be with you until the very end
In this world there is no place I'd rather be
You are my life, my soul, my guy
And through it all I know
That you've come to see that you're the one till the end

All my friend around me
Say you'd be gone too soon
Baby I'm gonna make them see
We've found our way back home

We'll always be till the end

its been long since i club.. and went down to MOS yesterday with vivien and her friend. i swear, this will be the last time i gonna get my ass there. its so fcuking pack, some of them even purposly squeeze with us.. i got piss and stand at the door for an hour.

to be frank, i didnt enjoy at all. if i know, i should have go Momo. at least, that's my place, my heaven. and i know i gonna enjoy so much down there. ah.. whatever, don't feel like talking about it......

life is still beautiful after all. at least i did numb myself, do the things i always enjoy doing. but sometimes, i just feel so lonely. work being good, at least, i've something to do.

i've no idea what to blog about, and, i'm still doing good. have tons of things on my mind waiting for me to do.. (: be happy lor.. whatever happen right now, i gonna leave it aside, cause my life, will be colorful soon.. really soon..

tags:
phusion: everything will be fine soon. after the storm, the sun will come out.. real soon..
random hero: uh.. thanks. you too take care. by the way, who is this?
alan: they mean nothing when they're using those words. cause maybe i also used that? haha.. and clubbing, no longer my life.. now. and forever.
elina: yap. you're right. next time, don't be a kpo lor.
phusion: no worries, i will bug you to death if i'm down. (:
bubu: how soon is your soon? i'm dying at there.. i miss YOU so badly!!
annoymous: thank you for dropping by my blog, but i will appreciate if you note down your name. (: some thanks.

how i wish i never online.. its been days since i've online, and i'm sad to say, if i know i wont online. oh well.. it hurts so badly to read on someone's blog. and its a long day for me..

and.. i'll blog.. maybe later.. i'm too tired to blog, to restless to say anything.. all i know is, i'm not happy.. at all...



for a moment, i realise i did change.. for better or worst? i'm not sure.. i'm no longer that clubber, the one being so wild, so mad when i'm at the dance floor. getting myself wasted, throw up, and making my friends take care of me and stuffs.

i used to be a regular clubber, but after joining this company, after getting the position, i've cut down, really alot. yes i still miss the life, whereby whenever i'm down, i will be there at the club with Vivien or even my brother's campmates there. get myself wasted so that i will get myself "escape" for a period of time. getting wasted, gaining concern from friend. to attrach attention? yes, i am. i want people to notice me, to let them know how heartache i feel.. the pains i have within myself is so unbearable..

right now, i didn't club since chinese new year. the first and the last time visit to Ministry Of Sound. memories, always be memories, keep it deep inside, and never let it go. if you ask me to club last time, [4months ago] yes, 100% going with you, but now, Kelvin[my brother's campmate] invite me to his party at Momo.

free entry, under his guest list. free flow of drinks, on him, dance floor all ours, this and that. so much positive things ahead, but right now, i'm very relactant about it. though its MOMO free this and free that. all i need is money for cab home.

friends keep sms me to ask me to club, be it where it is, i did really think. if i did club tonight, tomorrow will i be able to perform? and what if i cant wake up on time to go to work? what if i'm too sleepy and i don't want to turn up for work? this might be small thing in the past, but now, its a major thing that pause me, and stop myself from going.

there's this friend of me, ask me to double o on ladies night. but without thinking i rejected her. this is how the conversation go.
her: "hey, wanna club at dbl o? ladies night. myself, boss, evelyn going."
me: "no thanks. didn't club for long. don't want."
her: "what the fcuk. don't lie. you're a clubber."
me: "its been ages since i've club, i'm not going. count me out."
her: "fcuk you. don't bull shit with me."
me: "if you don't believe i also have nothing to say, but seriously, i'm not going."

that's how the conversation end, is it so unbelieveable that i dont club? and yes, i still miss dancing, miss the music bass that keep "bombing" there. but whatever it is, i did change, for a better me.. (:

clubbing? no more. i love my life right now. and i guess so..

its been long since i've blog. and i didnt even notice about it. its andy who keep pestering me to blog. and seriously, i've no idea what to blog about. or perhaps there's nothing interesting to blog about. i guess, i will try to blog whatever i can think of.

on annual leave last week, seriously, i did nothing at all, other then slack. and, i didnt do much thinking. and within the 4days, always met up with the same people. seriously, i appreciate you guys company. (:

and, i swear i'm bored with singapore. there's nothing to shop, no where to chill, nothing interesting at all. and imaging, you're rich, got tons of money to spend. but think, you've all the time in the world, and you're living in singapore. where the hell can you spend your money at?

4days of leave, and i swear i give up. 1st day was at city hall & bugis. 2nd day was at orchard and somerset. 3rd day, eventually, i was slacking at east area. [Tampines Mall & East Point] and 4th day, PS. i swear, its hell boring!

on the first day, met up with edna, i think i did talk about it from the previous post, and i shall skip it. 2nd day met up with Chloe at town area. seriously, its BORED. we met up at like 5pm, and eventually i left town at about 930pm. i've no idea what to do, where to go. its like so bored. and head to fishermen. yes again.

mood being really down. maybe because Chloe broke news to me. and i believe, whatever that happen right now, will affect me. and eventually, i feel like giving up the current job i have on hand.. i'm bored with what i've now.. cause no one out there seems to recongise me.. whatever i do, it doesn't seem to please them. or maybe, i lean too much on Chloe, and after i got transfer, that's why i fall.. i've no idea why, but i feel weak.

3rd day. was a good friday. met up with xindai. i admit, that day i'm really feeling very fcuked up. i dont know why, i start to show her attitude because i've no idea where to go! we planned to go sentosa for a tanned, but turn out to be, raining. suppose to meet up with alvin, helping him with some stuffs, but last minute cancel. so, i've nothing to do.

turn out to be meeting her in the morning, supposly to have breakfast, but ended up we met up 12pm at TM. had lunch and walk around.. wanted to catch a movie, but realise its weekend + its public holiday. mostly that it will be full-house, long queue or even sucky movies. so we erase our mind of movie.. walk around level 3 i think and i found 2tickets on the floor.

check out the time for the movie, its was 1330. and at that time was 1310. some lucky stuffs. head up to level 4, and bought popcorn and head it. its a nice movie. and i'll rate it 4/5stars. oh yeah, the movie was "firewall" thumb up for it (:

last day of leave. being damn happy about it i swear. cause its finally the last day, and finally, i can go back to work, and finally, i dont have to think what the hell i should do in order to kill time.

met up with chloe. oh yes, again. chill at PS mac, then follow by TCC. and head down to City Hall. met up with Edna and Joyce. was at Cher's birthday party. at Fullerton Hotel. its some funny thing. wear till kinda formal, and turn out to be having a lip stud. everyone keep looking at me.

and at last, finally i know where's Baby Face. but it's not important anymore. anyway, was a chocolate buffet. and she hired cam man. we went there, no one we know. we sit among ourselves, talk and stare among ourselves. time pass, cut cake, and we head home. met up with xindai, yes again to fishermen village.

i remembered there's a party going on there, cause Green Ranger asked me to help him to draw back then. so that's why i rememeber. head down, found a seat, and wait. finally the show start. and seriously, how i wish it never start. seeing someone you know, dancing with someone that you hardly even know. memories flash back.. the last time i club was the first and only time at MOS. at that time. sigh never mind. and someone who i don't really like. argh. i mean i dont know her, but its like, wtf, never mind.

head home after that, shower and slept throughout the night.. work the next day, head home after work, shower and sleep.. these go on and on.. and here i am, blogging..

this post being long, and i still need to carry on blogging. there's so much thigns on my head, giving me tons of loads, and its time to let go something.. maybe something that i might not want to let go.

andy being good to be, he care for me and stuffs. he's nice, he's sweet. but i've no idea why i just cant accept him. maybe i'm not ready for another relatioship, cause the previous one i have, hurt me very badly. and oh yeah, Edward left singapore. Johan starting school so does Jit Hao and the rest of the peeps. and, Xindai working so does Vivien. everyone seems so busy, especially Andy. need to cope with NS and Kimage. as for me, tomorrow off.. mostly, be staying at home, to sleep... and seriously, i need rest..




It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When I start to cry
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever had to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you
I know that we'll meet again
Fate has a place and time
So you can get on with your life

had a good chat yesterday with kaisheng. thanks dude. able to listen to everything that doesn't relates to you. i really appreciate it alot. thanks.

was wondering why am i living in this path that i'm taking. giving up my studies just because i don't want my parents to have another heavy load. and, choose to work in the company whereby, there might not be anyone who recongise me. but i'm thankful enough that i've make good friends.

met up edna at suntec, had our dinner, and we walk around.. its been long since we chill and met up. was thinking what to wear on cher's birthday bash. pretty headache about it. and its like.. kinda formal thing. wanna wear jeans, but i guess we'll make a fool out of ourselves.

met up with kaisheng after that to chill at fishermen. ain't really doing well, but i'm glad there's someone out there listening to all my sorrows. i might be brave in the outer. but not at the inner. i've been down, but i guess, i'm still doing well.

really apprecaite people who always by my side, no matter how dull my life is, or how colorful my life is. sincerly, i really appreciate you guys. i might not appreciate you back then, but now, i hope you know that i've learn to apprecaite people. (:

i've no idea who am i refering to, but.. i just find this so meaningful..

sometimes, i felt like i'm giving up, but you came, and you change my whole world now.. its so unbelieveable, and i dont want to let you go. the sun is so beautiful, flowing down like a water flow. i feel like you always been, for every part of me. and its so unbelieveable, to finally be in love, some out there i never thought will be..

at this point of time, i realise i'm alone. i hate these feelings that lingers around me.. if i know, i wont be clearing my leave... everything was so well planned, and.. sigh.. i'm very disappointed.. with you..

i'm finally on leave! and i'm pretty excited about it. though i go crazy about it today, but things went nasty yesterday. i dont want to talk about it, but i'm still a happy girl.[yah i guess]

was out the evening with him. wanted to catch a movie, but turn out to be, there's nothing to watch. pretty upset about it, cause its been long since i've catch a movie. i enjoy myself alot, though we walk around everywhere, doing nothing..

i don't know what to blog about. at this point of time, i feel lost. maybe because what i expect my plan to be, its all gone..

Clearing Annual Leave from Wed - Sat. Hope I'm able to rest. I'm very tired.. I need a break.. I'm thankful enough that within these 4days, its pack with the programs with the people I love. Thank you my dear friends. :)

i'm so tired recently.. have no idea why. the moment i get home, just shower and head to sleep.. i guess, i overwork myself, and seriously, im not used to working there.. hope that i should be able to overcome it asap..
need to shower now, and head to work, working afternoon shift, but sounds like working 12-cl at tm.. I MISS TM SO BADLY!

2days at the new outlet is killing me. someone please KILL me. freaking left out, freaking bored there, what's worst, NO ONE TALK TO ME!! i'm really feeling very left out. Being a 3rd man there, and is like 2nd in charge keep asking the part timer for suggestion. yes, i might not be that WOW as him, but, as a form of resepecting, i need you to ask me. argh!! hell killer there.

i'm feeling sick recently, no idea is it because not use to the new environment or what. but, i just feel so sick. no idea is it because of some personal thinking or what. i miss TM so badly! :(

rush from my outlet to TM, just to see chloe. the moment i step into there, i feel so weird.. its no longer the shop i've seen. its only 1 day, but.. why turn out to be like that? argh.. whatever.

was sitting with chloe at starbucks. and head home at about 11plus.. to my surprise i saw edward. its been so long since i've last seen him. like about? hmmm.. 3months? right after CNY he went MIA. being busy with his work at studies, as for me? busy finding a new life. whatever.

head home. glad that alan offer me a ride home. but seriously, i just reject. maybe because i'm wearing skirt, and i got a feeling that i'll throw out anytime. that's why i didnt accept the ride. just dont want him to get dirty.. its good to see him again. though we didnt really chat, and he's so into cutting his nails. and i'm like.. didnt even look at him.. oh well..

no idea how to continue, but, please click here

{/links --

ctrl + left click

{/online shopping --

{/archives --

watch me waste my life away

{/miscellaneous --

my virtual barang