{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

Oh yes, I shop again. Spent $40 at Giordano. Bought 2tops there. 1 top & 1bottom from my own shop. Pay's out, what to do. Sigh. Someone please stop me from shopping!

Anyway, day was cool. Manage to see my 2darlings today. Xindai dropby during my lunch time, and Vivien send me home.[Of course, not her who drive.] I'm pretty tired right now, and my eyes are pretty heavy. Still waiting for someone to reply me at MSN.

Pretty shock that someone message me at MSN whereby I don't even know that someone is online. Anyway, shall name that person someone. Or maybe I shouldn't be talking about that someone. Sigh, I don't know.

Miss that someone, and been talking that I wanna see someone, turn out to be someone message me. Makes my heart skips a little, but I want everything to stop. Be friends still? I don't know. Sometimes, putting too much hope in be it relationship, friendship or even career, when you can't get what you want, you will ended up be very shattered.

Just like that someone. Been putting too much hope in it, turn out to be get back nothing. Give in alot, got back nothing but hurts. Right now, my focus is, heal the wounds, and concentrate on my career. SSA1 I'm on the way, wait for me sweetheart. (:

Though I've been saying that I won't be blogging about that someone but somehow, I miss that someone badly. Its 21days since I last saw you. I miss you, yes I did. I try not to think about those beautiful memories, but I fail. Maybe I should just stop here, if not, lots of emo stuffs gonna come out. Lastly, I miss you, I wanna see you so badly..

The moment I got home, check Wu gui, but they're asleep. Didn't want to wake them up, either I think it's right to feed them. Turn out, I didn't feed them for supper. Ah.. Been putting too much weight recently, maybe wu gui and I should stop having supper. But my stomach are making noises.

I wanna sleep now, feeling very giddy, and my head are still spinning. And I'm having fever. Temperature seems to be a little high. 37.3 degree. I think I'm down with fever. Oh yes, again... :(

And blood hell, Saturday be relief at Lot1 atrium. Yes CCK. Seems to be damn "near" to be. I've nothing to say about it, but I still must go. Unless, I break my leg or whatever, I can't go. Ahhhhhh.....

Seriously, I'm very tired. After resting for 3days, and now, I'm pretty "low batt" and its been long since I online. My next off day will be on wednesday. Argh, freaking tired.

What's worst is that, its peak season. Bloody Great Singapore Sales. Super shag shifts, plus super pack, super stress.. Oh whatever. I just wanna complain. Suppose to be bloody full tomorrow, but I'm glad that they change it to afternoon shift. Tired, I'm tired. Restless, I'm restless. Almost every night went out to have supper. If not, by the time I reach home will be close to 1am.

Friday 26th May 06'
Someone bought me a Astroboy top just to cheer me up. I love the top, and I really appreciate someone care for me so much. Work till 730pm, rush down to Plaza Singapura to handcarry stock. Then rush down to Wisma to help out midnight sales.

Well, own time, own commitment. I believe that if I did help others, when I'm in need, others will will help me back. Though under different manager, but Wisma 1st incharge used to be my incharge, taught me alot of things, and the most important thing is that he did change me to a better person. (: So, a few hours of my day, doesn't kill.

Before I left Wisma, Viven came down. Thanks darling for the big hug. No matter how tired I am, your hug brighten up my day! Head down to Bedok 85 to have supper. And by the time I left Wisma was close to 12am. Reach there, stupid ATM was down. Can't withdraw money, in the end, we only order "ba cho mee" While waiting for food, I saw people queue-ing up to withdraw money, muhaha. Just my day. Went to withdraw and order great food. (:

Saturday 27th May 06'
Nothing much happen. Other then work, there's nothing I do. Walk around Parkway during my break, was hoping that I eye for something, and hopefully can buy something to cheer myself up. Turn up, I finish walking the entire Parkway in 20mins. Nothing caught my attention, nothing worth me buying.

Sunday 28th May 06'
Day was fine at first. Went to TM to collect my stuffs, and head down to work. Raining, but I did remember to bring umbrella. Dinner was at about 330pm, met up with Gary and shop around Parkway. Oh yes, again. Bought myself a necklance. Yeah, some cheap stuffs. $10 only. I love it so much. But I guess, a few days later, I don't love it anymore. I know myself too much.

Had a little misunderstanding with my part timer. And for no reason, she gave me a black face for the entire day. I'm pretty angry and upset about it. I doubt I've done anything wrong. Plus Amanda[My incharge] told me that she's a very sensitive person. My point of view was so what if she's sensitive? A little joke can't take it? I'm damn sick of trying to be who you guys always want me to be.

Xindai came down to give me a big hug, plus just to drop by. I'm glad that she came down, giving me support. Pretty shag and tired. Plus my lef been hurting so badly.. Sigh.

I've gain weight. And I'm happy about it. But, its tummy getting bigger. Xiao Ebel coming out. [I guess only Xindai know what it means] And, getting restless more. Get to see wu gui every day. Change water for them everyday. Though mum ask me to give other people, but no matter what, I still hold onto them, no matter what cause its from YOU* to me. (:

Everyday being so busy, whereby I don't have to SMS anyone. I only type SMS when there's a SMS being receive. Seriously, I guess I've change to those "bo chup" person. I hope, I did change to a better. I guess not. Sigh.. I don't feel like clubbing anymore, cause I want to sleep more... I miss you badly.

I waited for hours for him to get home. But he didn't went home all these while. Waited for close to 6hours at the void deck. Doing nothing, but wait.. He told me to go home, and he'll pass me wu gui within these few days, but I insisted to wait.
Finally a SMS from him, I thought he's home, but turn out to be asking me to go up to his house to take from him mum. Which he's mum left it at the door. I took, and left with a cab.. I hold onto the tears, and right now, I break down.. I swear, this will be the last time I cry.. For him..

Goodbye my love..

I'm going to bring wu gui home with me.. That's the thing I can think of now. The rest, shall leave it to God above. Bless me please..

When the last teardrop falls
I still be holding on to all of our memories
And all of what we used to be
Between you and me
When the last teardrop falls
I will stand tall
And know that you're here with me
In my heart
When the last teardrop falls

Lets see.. From the previous post and now, what I've done..

The list of things I should do during these few days of resting at home.
1) vacumm floor
2) mop floor
3) wash my bedsheets
4) clear my cupboard
5) find my bible
6) keep all my books
7) nothing to be found on the floor of my room

I guess I've done everything except mop floor.. Cause I hate to MOP floor. x_x' Anyway, photos taken while I'm doing house cleaning. Muahha.
Before..
My Cupboard

My table

The floor

A closer look




Da ta~
My cupboard. Though still messy, but better then before. LOL. I've no place to put my clothes, I think its time to buy a new one.. :(

My table

All my books are pack nicely.

Lastly, my disguesting medicine. :(

Oh yeah, realise I've tons of Polo. -_-

Ok I think now.. I should.. Take my medicine, and have some rest. I have enough of packing and stuffs, and perhaps watch some la bi xiao xin. I hate to watch alone..



I miss em..



The list of things I should do during these few days of resting at home.
1) vacumm floor
2) mop floor
3) wash my bedsheets
4) clear my cupboard
5) find my bible
6) keep all my books
7) nothing to be found on the floor of my room

Maybe I should snap photos before and after. lol. Alright, gonna get busy now. Wash bedsheets! Then follow by.. Hmmm? No idea. That's the problem with BORED at home cum sick. ahh... Can someone pleas DATE me out please. I'm BORED!!! I think my mum gonna be happy about it. Ha, no $, nothing to do. Do house work.. Anyone need a part time maid? Lol

When I was just a little girl
My mummy used to tuck me into bed and she read me a story
It always was about a Princess in distress
And how a guy would save her and end up with the glory

I'd lie in bed and think about the person that I wanted to be
Then one day I realized the fairy tale life wasn't for me

I don't wanna be like Cinderella
Sittin' in a dark old dusty cellar
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like Snow White waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me
On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side
Don't want to depend on no-one else
I'd rather rescue myself

Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul, heart and mind
Who's not afraid to show that he loves me
Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am Don't need nobody taking care of me

I will be there for him just as strong as he, will be there for me
When I give myself then it has got to be, an equal thing

I can slay, my own dragon
I can dream, my own dreams
My knight in shining armour is me
So I'm gonna set me free

MC for 2days. today and tomorrow[24th may 06']. 6 different medicine i think i will die by eating all these. i hate eating all those medicines.. argh.. can someone come over to my place and watch la bi xiao xin with me? i hate being alone.. the feelings ain't good. :(

i went to the reef, i wanna see you.. similar place, but different people. i know the fact that you're not there anymore.. i want the memories to flash back.. cause i wanna see you so badly..

I'm sick, but I don't want to see doctor even though its free of charge. And now, I only wish for him to give me a call to ask me to take care, if not a sms.. I believe that will bright up my day. I don't enjoy all these silences..

Its 14days since you've give me a cold shoulder. When are you gonna stop all these?

I hate this feeling right now. Pretty tired, plus my nose and my sore throat is killing me.. Having fever the entire day. I'm glad that Terance send me all the way to Pasir Ris. (:

Suppose to meet Saren for breakfast, but turn out.. She's late. Anyway, was at Pasir Ris MRT station, and I saw Richardo. It's very long since I saw him. Had a little chat with him and rush of to Expo.

Was at Expo MRT station, and I'm pretty shock. Alot of people. It's the first time I saw Expo crowded. Head down to meet Saren's friend. Met a couple of cool & new friends. I thought I might be feeling weird, cause I hate socialising with people. But turn out, I get into the group and talk alot of craps with them. They're just cool peeps.

Service was cool. Enjoying myself alot. I hope that I be able to go more session. I'm trying hard to squeeze out time for more. I can't promise that I can always go, but I will try. Ah, don't pin too much hope on it.

Had lunch with them at Expo, and head home to take a rest. Turn out to be going out again, with Jennifer at TM. Slack there, ate NY PIZZA!!! I swear I'm craving for that.. Aww.. Its been long since I've ate that. After I got transfer to Parkway, seriously, I didn't eat that at all. And I'm also craving for the "Tie Ban Sao" at B1. *drool*

Was waiting for Chloe to knock off. And I heard someone calling my name. Turn around, I saw BUBU! It's been long since I've catch up with her. And I miss her so badly! Gave her a hug. And of course, I hug Ross too. (: I miss you peeps alot. I just enjoy myself so damn much. Oh well.

Took a cab home with Bubu, and I'm home doing nothing. Have a pretty early night yesterday. Slept at about 11pm.

Woke up at 830am today. Head down to work. Realise that I'm having fever and a very bad flu, and of course, sore throat. Argh, hate those sick feelings. And I wish you're here with me. But you're not. Should I go and see doctor? Or should I just leave it?

Tomorrow won't be at Harbour Front. Change of plans. Be staying at Parkway, afternoon shift. As for Wednesday, bloody full!! Arghhhhh.. I guess I should go get some rest now, cause my eyes are tired.. I miss you badly.

My eyes are really heavy right now. Just reach home not long. Less then 6hours, I need to wake up for the very next day. Went for the wedding dinner. Seriously, it's just thumbs up for the food.

Reach the hotel at about 815pm. Everything started at close to 9pm. My first impression was "wtf? its so lok-kok[tear-down]!" It's really very turn off. I think that's only like a 4stars hotel? Or maybe, that isn't a hotel at all? KTV at 1st level and 2nd level. Which both of them are different owner. Plus, the place that they hold the dinner was at 2nd level? Uh..

Seriously, I was really bored. I've nothing to do, no one to talk to, don't really feel like sms-ing. I just stare at everyone that walk pass. Gossip a little. The broom was actually some random brand owner. Or maybe the "Big Boss" So everyone who turn up, was actually the clients or the customer of his. So you can actually see alot of rich uncles and aunties. What's worst? The wife is from some-random-country.. And she look 1/2 of his age only. Ah.. Oh well, shall talk about the food.

First dish, as usual, cold dish. Chop chop, fast fast, everything finish. 2nd dish was wonderful. Shark fin. Seriously, the table got 7 of us, only 6 of us eating. The only one was vegetarian. So each of us manage to have 2.5bowl of shark fin. Its a REAL fin, there isn't any crab meat or whatever. I really love that dish!

3rd dish was fish. And its big & fat. Food seasoning nice, the time of streaming the fish was right, plus, the fish was really fresh. Though I've tried to eat alot, but I'm really full. 4th dish was Bei Jing Ya.[Beijing Duck] Gonna rap it with something and eat. Not really have much comment about it, cause I don't eat that.

5th dish was fried prawns. Nothing special about it, but seriously, the prawns are real freshy. I'm craving for more.. But due to the dental treatment some days ago, my gums hurt so badly that I can't really eat solid food. :(

The rest are not really interesting. I guess I should just skip it. And right now, I'm tired. I wanna sleep.. My shifts for next week, pretty sucks. Though I'm the one who plan it, everyday afternoon shift. How wonderful. Everyone working less then 44hours, and I'm working like, so freaking much. All thanks to that SOMEONE who keep asking me to sigh out early last 2 weeks. And I've total shortage of 5hours. Thank you.

Monday: 1/2M (1030am till 2pm mostly extend, cause not enough hours still)
Tuesday: Full shift(Harbour front READ THIS XINDAI HUNNIE!? )
Wednesday: 12/CL (12pm till closing.)
Thursday: Off (I'm free, anyone wanna date me?)
Friday: M/8 (1030am - 8pm)
Saturday 12/C
Sunday 12/C

Green ranger, maybe you can help me with this.. Was wondering how's wu gui? And did him change water for them? Sigh. If he didn't, maybe you can tell him to ring me up and I just go over to his place to change for them if he want? I miss you

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love.
Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high
I don't want to let go, boy.
I just need you to know boy.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight,
No promises.
Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms

Here tonight

I'm so tired. Finally tomorrow is my off day. Rush home from work, cause gonna attend wedding dinner. I think is some dad's random friend. Uh.. Yesterday full shift, and I'm freaking tired about it.

Stock came in at about 7pm+ and all the way open stock, serve customer and stuffs. But glad that I've my part timer willingly to chiong for me. If not.. I guess I be more shag.

Had supper cum dinner at Changi Village with Terance. Its been long since I went there, and the food there are still that nice. I'm craving for more please..

Its dad birthday today. Though I've wish him, and I guess he won't read it here. But I still wanna say Happy Birthday Daddy. I might not be a good girl, but I will try to be a good girl. Cause I love you. Thank you for the past 19years of enduring my craps and whatever naughty things I've do to hurt you..

Emo I guess. Argh, gonna prepare now. Oh yeah, proud to say I'm going to CHURCH tomorrow! Yeah, service at 9am. Its early, but if you've the heart, you will go even though its 7am in the morning. (:

Are you gonna keep the promise that you made 2weeks ago? Are we gonna catch "Over The Hedge" soon? I miss wu gui.. And of course, I miss you.

Was reading Daryn's blog. And I find his post very meaningful. What an emo-guy.. Hmmm.. This was what he post.

If you're afraid to love a person because of friendship, you have two choices, either tell what you feel and let the love take place or hide the feeling under a friendship full of pretensions. It's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds but when these two worlds collide and become one, that's what you call magic!

Love can never be so beautiful without friendship. One leads to another and the process is irreversible and the best of lovers is the greatest of friends! I like you because you're my friend, and because you are my friend I care, and because I care, I love you. I don't love you because you are my friend; I love you because I do!

Sometimes I've asked myself, what would make me happy? To think that I have everything else, I get what I want then I realized it was YOU, too bad 'cause it's you I can't have. I can't choose who I'm gonna love, but I also can't just love who chooses to love me and you can't blame me in choosing to love you as much as I can't blame you for not learning to love me. I'm sorry if you can't love me the way you loved the one before me, so I'll let you go to find him and hope someday you'll see that the one true love you're looking for was the one who set you free.

"How can I say goodbye to someone I never had? Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine? Why is that I miss someone I was never with and I ask why I love someone who's love was never mine?" Isn't it funny we're trying to catch the attention of the one we think we love; we hardly notice the one we're really looking for was just there. You don't notice them 'till they are in the arms of someone else...

Food for thought, think of this, "Have you really cared for someone more than you expected? Have you ever tried to love him/her despite of all the pain? Will you keep on loving him/her as he/she whispers someone else's name? Will you?".

It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride. When you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be ahead, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits. When you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing. If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using. True love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart.

Love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay the harder it is to leave and you can never go without leaving your prints behind. Don't love a person like a flower, because a flower dies in season. Love them like a river because a river flows forever. Love doesn't have to have a happy ending, because love doesn't have to end at all. Never be afraid to fall in love. It may hurt a lot, it may give you aches and pains, but if you don't follow your heart, in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance. Love may leave your heart like shattered glass, but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again".

Finding the right person is very hard and very wrong. It is best to be the right person for the one you love and start from there. You'll always end up disappointed when you set standards and define a "right person" for you and don't rush things because somewhere somehow God is preparing somebody for you.

Don't be in a hurry to get into a relationship because you can never find love if you insist that you are already into it. Try to find time to really understand your real feelings, to know who you really are, and what you really want in a relationship.

You're right, there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there's a compatible partnership that goes along with it. If you already knew that you're too big to fit into a small sized t-shirt, don't give it a try. You'll probably break it and pay for the damages you have made. If you knew and felt that the relationship will not last, don't go deeper into it. You'll just suffer the consequences and live like hell for the rest of your life. It's really hard to say goodbye though, but you can't make it any better by just pretending you still have the same feelings.

Try to let go and give yourself a chance to live life to the fullest. Give yourself a chance to grow and give your heart a much-needed attention. Then you will find that you have made the right decision and you made it all by yourself.

We call it love when we can't leave someone and see them crying as we try to let go. We are wrong, it's just pity. We call it love when we're too attached and think that losing the one we love will somehow make us weak and unable to face the storms of life. We misunderstood; it's just that we're too much dependent to them.

We call it love when we give our whole life to them, the wholeness of us and imagined that if they leave, no one would accept our past and us. We are mistaken, its just insecurity. But no matter what the definition is, the truth still remains that love isn't something you can buy or beg.

It is real and existing. You can't touch it but you can feel it in your heart. You can't find it, but it will knock before you when you least expect it to come. It can make you the happiest soul in heaven, but don't forget that it can also make you the most miserable person in the whole galaxy.

Sometimes just wonder, why are humans so unpredictable? Why cant they be more transparent in their actions, attitude towards others? Is it so hard to show your true self to others?

I really want to sleep. End of my craps. Time for bed.

I miss you very badly.. I want to see you in my dreams..

Its a really bad day for me. For some reason, I didn't turn up for work. And now, I'm feel very confuse. Should I sue him? Or should I let him go?

Was late for dental appointment. As usual. Was there waiting for an hour. Seriously right now, my gums hurt alot. I hate every treatment, I hate every dental check up. I hate it so much because it hurt so badly. Argh.

Met up with Chloe after I head down to Plaza Sing to hand carry stock. I'm glad to catch up with her after so long. Its been a short time we spent together, but I'm glad that at least we did catching up.

Tomorrow bloody full shift, and I'm freaking tired now. I guess, I should go to bed.. Argh. Good night.

Momo was fun, but music pretty sucks after 2am. Pretty wasted yesterday. And I'm very high, I know. I guess I did scare the shit out of Elina. And nearly fall off the platform this and that. Order as usual, 1jar vodka lime, 2pairs sex on the beach, 1 heienken and I've no idea what's the drink that she drink.

3shots of Sex on the beach was on me. She drank her "no idea what's that drink". I realise its alot, so we have to clear the drinks fast. We play games, and basket, I'm sucks with it, and I drank 3/4 of the jar. And what's worst, we drank Heienken next. Seriously, pretty high.

What's next? The same guy who buy us drink last week, buy us again. This time round, it taste like Orange Juice. And we've no idea what drink is that. Terance bough me Tequila shot. Drank and comfirm wasted.

Went in and out of toilet alot of times. Just wanna pee. Maybe because of the beer. Saw Vivien's friend. The guy I met at MOS the last time I club with her. He hold onto me asking me if I'm fine. lol. I'm pretty awake but I've no idea why where ever I go, people will keep accompany me. Am I that wasted? I know I can't walk straight. That's all I know.

Went back to where we stand, dance floor pretty pack, we decided to dance near the bar. There goes the bartender again.. Keep blowing his what-ever that thing call, and keep using his touch light to shine at us. Some SHY ok? Though I'm half dead by then, I still remember what happen.

Was at the bar, he bought us another drink again. And we've no idea what's that. By then, I'm dead. Was sitting on some shelf. Crew from there keep asking me to come down just in case it fall. But I've been sitting there for so long, together with Elina it doesn't happen at all. Ah, whatever.

I'm happy. Cause all the hard work I've put in my career, finally, after so long, I've been recongise by my District Manager. At least, someone comfirm the strength of my work. And the next transfer list, I be the 2nd man of the shop.

Well, its a good thing for me. For less then 3months of SSA2, I've been promoted to 2nd man of the shop. Sure there will be more stress coming in, but I hope I can take it. From a 5th man, to now, 3rd. And soon, I be the 2nd man. I'm proud of myself, and of course, proud of everyone who used to be my incharges before. And of course, Chloe

Career, at last, I did make myself proud, and stable. As for relationship? Its still in a mess. Everything seems to be so complicated like before. No one gonna solve what's going on, either do anyone of us seems to care. I'm glad that both of you keep the friendship. Whatever-whatever-whatever.

I'm might going to sell away my Adidas bags and watch. Argh, out of cash. Anyone keen on it? Well, it's just a maybe. Perhaps I will just keep it.

Need to prepare now, gonna go for dental appointment.

i miss you..

spot me at momo tonight. argh, gonna work now.. (:

though i said i wont be blogging, but, i dont know why, i just feel like blogging. its a hard week for me whereby sunday is my off day.. i really try to squeeze myself off on weekdays, but cant. argh.

was at junction 8 relief on sunday. though not the first time, but i feel so weird, i dont know why. was there with alex for breakfast at mac. its been long since i had breakfast at mac. cause most of the time i have ya kun, if not, nothing.

head down to shop, was taking keys with baleno, and seriously, the in charge there look like some "ah-lian" maybe i don't know her, that's the impression towards me. she's pretty blur.. maybe i shouldn't share what happen that day. but still i just enjoy myself there.

my eyes got infection. argh, stupid contact lens. right now, i gonna wear specs for the time being. i'm tired, but i feel like blogging. i can't resist myself from missing you..

i want to fall in love.. again.. i want you to hold my hands, and never let me go..

Always said I would know where to find love
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough
But some times I just felt I could give up
But you came and changed my whole world now
I'm somewhere I've never been before
Now I see, what love means

In my heart, it's so clear now
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now
I was lost and you've rescued me some how
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me
And I've never been here before
Now I see, what love means

When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost
I cant help but break down, and cry

It's so unbelievable
And I don't want to let it go
Something so beautiful
Flowing down like a waterfall
I feel like you've always been
Forever a part of me
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be

my 700th post.

a really bad day for me. suppose to be morning shift, but turn out to be extend till closing. full shift. yeah, 2nd in-charge on mc, no choice, cant find anyone to extend or spare my shop staff. so no choice.

i'm really down today. i've no idea why. maybe because.. things been pilling up too much.. i broke down, and cry.. holding onto the tears for so long, finally at last i cry..

tears just stream down my face for no reasons. for sales wise or is it because of him? i've been neglect by 3people on the very same day. by 3 As in their name.. i guess there isn't a need for me to name them. and, this will be the last time i gonna say or blog about this incident..

if you're the one for me, you will come and find me.. i believe you know where i stay, i believe you still have my number. just a simple sms from you, will brighten up my day, and i will still be there whenever you need me. do take care of yourself when you're oversea.

as for the other A, all the best between you and your girlfriend. sincerly wishing you guys all the best. and, don't because of small little thing quarrel with your nigga bro. its not worth. friendship will always come first. (:

andy, i'm sorry that i didnt meet you on tuesday. other then apologising i don't know what to say. if you're gone for good, that will be great. as least, you move on, and i'm not someone worth your love. i believe there are better girls.

will be relief at junction 8 tomorrow. sigh. i wanna see you so badly.. blog will be close for good. i be stop blogging, until someday i feel like blogging again..


Ever since the day you went away and left me lonely and cold
My life just hasn't been the same
When I looked into your eyes the moment that I let you go
I just broke down

Baby if I ever get the chance to be with you
I would sacrifice
Cause the feeling that I feel within
No other man would ever make me feel so right
Its nice to smile when I get your phone call at night
But I'd rather have you here with me, right next to me
I miss the way you hold me tight

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Break it down now I'll tell you what I feel
From the moment that I met you its been so damn real

My heart seems to skip another beat
Every time we speak, I can't believe I feel so weak
Tell me that you really need me and you want me and you miss me
And you love me I'm your lady
I'll be around waiting for you I'll put it down be the woman for you

I'm falling so deep for you crazy over for you
I'm calling, calling out to you what am I going to do?
It's true and no fronting
Its you and no other i can no longer go on without you
I'll just break down

I gotta let you know I feel so weak without your touch
I never thought that I could ever love a man so much
I gotta let you know I think that we are destiny
For you I'd cross the world, for you I'd do anything

Thats right baby I'm going crazy
I need to be your lady
I've been thinking lately
That you and me, yes we can make it
Just ride with me, roll with me I'm in love with you baby


i swear im bored today. that's why i keep blogging. and right now, im still staying here. been eating alot of junk foods today.. tons of chips, tons of unhealthy food. and most importantly, less water. i'm making myself fall sick.. argh..

i've nothing much to do, its raining in the day, and what i do is, tie hair, let it go, comb it. walk around the house, looking for food to eat. see and read everyone's friendster profile. read everyone blog. i swear, im just bored.. and i hate these feelings..

ah.. i think i need to sleep now. sweet dreams..


You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly..

got the news from daddy that one of his friend pass away.. its sad to hear, cause uncle roger always being someone there for daddy, and someone close to daddy. and he's someone who see me grow up. though its years since i last saw him, and i can hardly remember how he look like, but i feel so hurt when i hear all these..

uncle roger had 2 kids. the elder daughter is about 1year younger then me. she's 18. at the age of 17, she gave birth. what's worst is that the boyfriend cum husband, is a ah beng. and, he always steal money from the family.

though uncle roger really dislike that guy, but there's nothing he can do. cause its his own daughter boyfriend. what's worst? the guy run away after taking the family money, and, leaving the uncle roger daughter alone with the child.

uncle roger lost his job a few years ago, since then, the family being surviving with their own savings.. right now, things happen in this way. due to stress, due to depression, uncle roger commit suicide.




depression is something whereby no one wants it to happen to themselve. in USA depression is something very common. just like flu and fever. but why in singapore, singaporeans take it like a AIDS or whatever that will kill one another? leaving the patient all alone..

the mistake that singaporeans make is that, they take depression too seriously, and never seek treatment at all.. i dont understand.. sigh.. i'm just down..


i want all these pains to stop right now..

Laying here in your arms
And you hold me tight
Trying not to watch the clock
Tick, ticking as the time goes by
And I know that you best be on your way
But I'm wishing I could make you stay
Stay with me for a while

Though you're near
Still I wanna make it clear
Love I will always be around

You're leaving
I'm waiting
Forgive me
I'm always missing you
Before the goodbye

Kinda hard for me to let you know
I don't let my feelings show
How much I will miss in you
All the little things that make me weak
Your eyes and the way you speak
Without you baby I'm not me

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow.

2days.. i've been holding onto all these pains for 2 fucking days. was hoping that you gonna stay by my side as a friend. you're the one who say, its good to stay like this, and now, we're not even friends..

i've been enduring all these craps, telling myself everything will end soon.. eventually the sun will shine after the heavy rain. rainbow will shine nicely in the sky.. what's wrong with everything now? no smses from you, trying to stop myself from sms-ing you.. but you're the one i want to see this very moment..







i've no idea why you wanna do this to me. there's nothing that i lie, or hide from you. and about him? i've no idea. cause the moment i ask him about you, he said that "its between you and him, none of my business. you guys settle yourself." he didn't tell me anything, and i don't know anything at all. i don't know if you guys quarrel or what?

i'm sorry that i turn things out to this way. but i dont understand you have a girlfriend, and you're the one who ask me to move on. and i did. now you're telling me that you didnt give up? and why are you doing all these to me whereby you can't give up in the first place? i hate all these, and seriously, its all bullshit.

you made my life so miserable before, and now you did it again. thank you so much. is it so nice by making other people life miserable whereby you cant have them? i didnt do anything that betray you, and who am i to betray you in the first place? you're the one who betray all the trust between both of you.

yes i migh treat you like fc*k back then, but what about later? when i realise about your absent? what type of treatment i get from you? you told me that she's only a fake girlfriend of yours, so that you can get away with you ex-girlfriend. in the end, after you guys get together for long, i then realise that, she's your girlfriend..

do i deserve all these? ask yourself. i'm not angry with you, just disappointed and upset towards you. you want me to be happy, but right now, why things turn out this way? i don't understand.. sigh.







2days i heard nothing from you. you might be down, or you might not feel anything at all. for the past 3 weeks, i enjoy myself very much. i enjoy your company, i enjoy everything.. and thanks for all those precious memories.

though i might not know what's on your mind at times, but even though you're down, you will always smile and try your best to make me smile no matter how irritated you are that day.

i dont expect things to happen in this way, but i'm devasted with all these. you might say its none of your business, but why are you avoiding all the problems? why cant you open up and tell me what's going on between the both of you? i don't know why is this happening.. argh...

wu gui at your place. plan to bring home. i've no idea if you can manage with them.
i hope you can. but i already made up my mind of bringing them home, and even if my mum want to throw them away, i will just leave the house. cause i'm sick of them.







i'm down.. i'm really down.. i want all these to end.. please..

was at momo just now with elina. yeah, just the 2of us. i thought it will be weird,cause its been so long since we last meet up to club. but, who cares? a great company bring alot of fun. and i never regret going momo. (:

met up with her, had dinner at mac, and took cab down to momo. and, i'm freaking scare that i cant get in. but I CAN! whaha :D they did check ID, but i manage to get in, i've no idea why. the door bitch, the bouncer, no one i know. that's when i realise its long since i go Momo.

get in, and i'm surprise that its very EMPTY. and i sigh, "its gonna be another boring night" but, we head to toilet, and came out. get ourself a glass of vodka 7-up. its ladies night by the way. finish it up, elina suggested to drink more.

so we order, 1jar of vodka lime, and 2pairs of sex on the beach, and 2shots of tequila. when the bill came, its only $35. ITS ONLY $35! the jar cost $35, 1 shot of tequila is $10, and 1pair of sex on the beach is $15 i think. and, when the the person place the drink, i'm like "wtf? why you order so much?"

to my surprise again, she only only 2 pairs of sex on the beach, but came in 3pairs. we finish everything, head down to dance floor.. both of us very high. really high.. dancing all night long. get ourselves to the highest platform, and dance.

3guys came in to approach. seriously, IT SUCKS. and i hate it so damn much. they dance so close to us, and seriously, i turn off. argh. the platform can only hold 4people, and its very squeezy. 3 of them just came up and dance. and... argh.. so pack, i hate those feelings.

trying to get away so much, but it ain't nice to just walk away like this. so i just entertain. dance till tired, trying to get away, but they're blocking us from going down. and i told myself "dead. should have leave early"

thank god that my friend, came to pull me down. and told his friends to get away from us. ahaha.. its good to know people at club. but only apply to people who RESPECT ME. (: and i'm glad that i know him. cause he protect us!

get back to bar, didn't order any drinks at all, though its ladies night. the guy who gave us extra shots, give us 2 lychee martini. and we just drank. its cool to be cute. LOL. head down to dance floor again, and get back to bar to relax and deceided to head off at about 245am. but turn out to be, the guy, yes again, gave us 1 long island tea. freaking hell. that's alot, and we're freaking high.. get ourselve cool down outside momo, and head to 7-eleven to buy plain water..

its good that i club tonight.. i'm wasted.. but i'm clear enough about what i'm doing. and i'm glad that i found my "heaven" again. thank you elina.. (:

i'm hungry. i really hungry. been calling pizza hut so much. but they don't want to pick up my call. i call again, after waiting for close to 5mins, they finally answer. i swear, i'm really hungry right now.. and, i'm still waiting for my pizza...

was looking for mum's present, but didn't eye on anything. was wondering if i should get her a ring or a pair of ear rings? mothers' day is coming.. dad birthday coming soon too.. ah.. this month i'm so dry. what's worst, i receive my HP bill. its freaking $359. i'm like WOW when i saw it.

i was wondering why are you making my life miserable again? and find him to quarrel? i don't know what's wrong with you, and i've no idea what the freak that i lie about? and i hate it so much that you make a big fuss out of it. argh, i hate it..

anyway, went to change wu gui water. and seriously, it stinks like HELL. ah.. i love my wu gui still. (: i'm lazy to resize still..




day being fine. relief at HBF today. i'm so glad that hunnie came down with little surprise. gosh, she bought me a RIP CURL WALLET. i just love it sooooo much. i change my wallet the moment she gave it to me. (:

time pass so fast over that, that one shot, its time for lunch, and a little while later, its time for me to go home. being sms-ing everyone in my phonebook, call whoever i can think of that will be free. but somehow, no one seems to be free..

in the end, met up with xiaoyi. suppose to be chilling outside, turn out to be at her place for the entire evening. ate what her mum cook for them.. its been so long since i've ate home-cook food. and i realise, whatever food that we have outside, nothing can be compare with home cook food..

been thinking alot today. maybe because he sms me for no reason. after so long, why for no reason you sms me with all those things? you're the one who left me first. you're attach, we didnt even get to start. now, you're telling me you can't let go? what am i suppose to do?

you're the one who told me to move on with my life, and i did what you say. now you claim that i'm a liar? i didnt lie about anything. is just that, maybe you didnt trust me at all. i didnt make your friends lie. i didnt take any of them away. why are you being so sensitive towards everything?

i dont know what to say about this, you've a choice, you made my world miserable back then.. i finally have colors in my life, i dont want to smash it all over again.. you got her, and i got nothing. what else you want more? argh..

i heard from him nothing today.. i hate these feelings.. i miss our wu gui.. and i miss...

you


i've made a promise last week, that i gonna meet you tomorrow. i'm sorry. i don't think that i be able to meet up.. somehow, i just wanna be left alone.

i just wanna blog.. i just wanna complain.. i just wanna make noise.. i've too little time for anyone out there.. i don't even have time enough for me.. i'm sick, and i'm tired, i just wanna scream..

ever since i got transfer to parkway. yes shop did hit target, yes everyone got extra allowance, met new friends, learn new things.. but seriously, deep down, i'm not happy.

being there, under new people, have to understand the way they work. cause afterall, i'm the only person who went into their team, is not a new team. they've their own working styles, this and that. and for the first week there, seriously, i've been enduring every single thing.

i've change, to a more quiet person. i don't talk crap, i don't joke around there. i just shut up, and do what a $1.1k junior should do. seriously, i'm earning more then that, and i work like a junior.. everything that i wanna do, i've to ask everyone, including the part timer. am i someone so hard to get along with?

i know that tm and parkway are totally different. the layouts, the sales, the table, the type of customers in there. this and that. i'm trying to get used to it, i've put in hard work in it, does anyone even understand that i've try?

was hoping that after work, at least someone being there for me. yes she did. she was only there for me, for 1/2month.. 2 weeks.. she's her own friends, she has her own shop to look after with.. afterall, i'm not her 3rd man anymore.

i always ask myself why good and beautiful things always end so fast? i never even cherish when i'm having it, but when it's gone, i start to cherish.. still remember the times that i've at giordano. the moment that there's a major transfer, i broke down and cry.. that little girl who always love to cry..

right now, even though in a different company, the little girl[who is me] still around. though i've become stronger in controlling emotions, but afterall, i still breakdown, i'm still a human.. the farewell party for everyone who left the team, is such a good memories, though not everyone present, but i really appreciate it.

the words that chloe told me when we're at pub to chill, just bring me tears. from a little demaning girl, to someone who appreciate others. from a stubborn, fcuk up attitude girl, to someone who will say thank you. yes she did change me.. but what happen now? the Ebel die..

afterall, life still move on, i'm still breathing. just that i'm living with memories that used to be so good. sigh.

was walking down the stairs to my level, saw a girl getting wasted, and her friend[guy] was standing beside her seeing her puke out everything.. of course, memories flash back. about the first time i got wasted at william's birthday[chalet] and the last time i got wasted, on my birthday. how i screw everything up.. and of course, smashing everything that i have.

we broke up on my birthday. yes that night, when everything seems so fine. we're so sweet in the day. over at my place, waiting for me to doll up. make our way to shu kai's chalet. have our dinner at fishermen.. waiting for TM staffs to come over to celebrate.

everything was so well plan, after cutting the cake at fishermen, make my way down to Momo to meet up with Vivien and the rest there for my birthday bash. but who knows? wasted at fishermen.. created scene. smack my boyfriend, cry for no reason, dance whenever i feel like, cant sit still.. this and that..

he left me at my void deck, and just left.. i'm hurt.. reach home, got sms from him saying "today is the end of everything.. including us.." 1year relationship just gone like that..

and now, though we still meet up, as a friend. and he's not in Singapore right now. hope everything being good for him. i love him as a friend, and sincerly, wishing him all the best. he might not read, like i say, i just wanna make noise..

close to 2am now, and i guess i should be sleeping soon. morning tomorrow at hbf. it will be relax, at least i can relax myself. think about what i want.. maybe, till the end, i want nothing.. but my smile that i lost long ago..



Bottled up inside are words I never said
The feeling that I hide
The lines you never read
You can see it in my eyes
Read it on my face
Trapped inside are lies of the past I can't replace
With memories that linger
Wont seem to go away
Why cant I be happier?
Today's a brand new day
Yesterdays are over
Even though the hurting's not
Nothing lasts forever
I must cherish what i've got
Don't take my love for granted
For soon it will be gone
All you ever wanted of the love you thought you'd won.
The hurts I'm feeling now
Wont disappear overnight
But someway, somehow, everything will turn out alright
No wishing for the past
It wasn't meant to be
It didn't seem to last
So I set him free



PS : this post, is just a complain to myself, doesn't have the blames on anyone, i just wanna make noise.

im pretty tired right now.. full shift today. but was a happy full shift.. was at parkway for 1/2m then rush down to tm for afternoon shift. pretty happy there, still find it that's my home ground. and, i feel that, that's the place that make me smile. (:

was there for 8hours. pretty happy that friends from baleno, came down to have dinner with me. regular customers who walk pass my shop, came in to say hi, checking me out if i'm fine at parkway, this and that. the feelings that i get from them, feel so touch.. can understand those feelings?

i tie up my hair today, look like another person. maybe its time for me to keep long hair. just wanna have a different look, maybe, a different person..

being pretty disappointed with you today, and of course yesterday. was hoping to get something from you, but turn out to be nothing. those false hopes that you gave, make me break down once again. i'm still holding on, trying to make myself strong, but i hope i did.. no smses from you, no call, nothing from you today.. i'm just upset.. really upset.. if you want to go, just go.. don't bring me more pains, i can't endure...



i wanna smile more..

daryn: thanks. (:
summotay: i'm too lazy to blog in details, plus, i don't wish to blog about what happen.. shall catch up soon..

im too tired to blog.. i just hate today so much.. so much truth from everybody.. i fcuking hate this world...........

oh yeah. darling, happy anniversary... MUHAHAHA.



a long day. finally get my WU GUI!!! muhaha.. (: meet up with someone yesterday afternoon. bought the wu gui, and head to someone house to settle them. who knows that someone fall asleep. trying so hard to wake someone up.

more or less, skip a little. pretty lazy to bored. anyway, went to PS to watch "When A Stranger Call" seriously, I WANT THAT HOUSE SO BADLY. its so nice.. i love it.. Ah.. everything there is alto, can you imaging that when you walk, everything will turn out itself? plus, the toilet, is so damn cool. maybe i should just zap myself back to reality. (:

was at PS, and I'VE SKIP GOING INTO FLASH & SPLASH. how can that be!? was rushing for movie, and dinner. by the time we came out from the hall, its 930pm. flash & splash already closed. ah..

anyway, went down to the reef. and to my surprise, they change the color of the light. from red, to green. seriously, though its my favourite color, but i think it look sucks on it.

here's the shot, and, oops, ignore my wet tissue & the tomato sauce.. [i think it gonna be big, and i'm lazy with resizing.]



green ranger came down to join us.. we sat down, they talk, i listen. pretty tired and restless yesterday. mostly because of drinks. didnt really drink much, but they're just making me more tired. i know i'm a big bully. i just bite whenever i want to. i'm pretty sorry, and making you carry me throughout the way out to take cab. girls deserve to be pampered right? (:

off to work. shag..


BROTHER IS LEAVING SINGAPOREEEEEE


elina: Comfirm again through SMS. (:
daryn: yap, but hard to find the lyrics. sad song. i'm not sad, so cannot listen. lol.

The rain just never seems to bring
The joy I feel the same
Everlasting pain of my loss remains

My heart can't seem to learn to part
The hold you left your mark
All that I dreamed of now it seems so stark

Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
A part of me was dying
There is nothing left for me to do now but give in?
If you gave me one chance to tell you just how I was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't
Live my life without you
If you gave me one chance to tell you just how I was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes
And ya know I'd never let you go?

The way you left me on the train
I don't know what to say
I remember everything of that day

I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
To share the sunset our one last romance

its been long since i really enjoy. and seriously, i need a break. urgenyly. i wanna go sentosa.. i wanna get myself tanned, i wanna get myself soak in the sea water.. i wanna see cute guys[of course] and i just need a break!!! someone PLEASE bring me go.. ah..

tomorrow off day. and, meeting someone tomorrow. and he's being forcing me to go to see doctor, so does CHLOE. and the worst thing is that Chloe know that i'm meeting that someone tomorrow, and she took that someone number. saying that she will call that someone tomorrow to check if i did went to the doctor. argh, that's kinda.. extream, but at least i feel some love. (: thanks babe.

and... seriously, i'm having headaches. real headaches. i throw out whatever went it, i took panadol, i took painkiller. whatever can stop the aches, i just took. but nothing seems to work. and it pain kill me since the night i went MOS. something happen to the drink? lol. and i hate those pains.. cause its killing me so badly.. and its affecting my work perfomance.

the reason why i dont want to go to see doctor, beacuse i'm scare of medication, and seriously, i dont want to eat anymore medicine. i'm really scare of it.. and i'm scare that i find out more illness about me.. maybe i've been low blood pressure all along? i'm scare... and i dont want to die that early..

and, talking about work. seriously.. the new uniforms.. the top is cool, but not the bottom. cause my size, only suitable for 808. which is a 4inches below naval, slim cut. BUT now, there's only 803. 2inches below naval, straight cut. and seriously, i look damn funny with it. cause it just look funny to me. and i purposely took size 27, cause its more hipster. and, omg! its just so funny!! though i've wait for very long for it, but, i still prefer old uniforms!!! i'm stilll waiting for 808!!!

nel: seriously, wass up between me and robin? lol..
Xindai: yappie, i know you'll always stay by my side.. till the day i die.. (:
huihui: mummy, i'm fine don't worry.
a.s.h.: momo is momo, mos will always be mos. but seriously, i still prefer momo. (: now, and always.
summotay: if i get the chance to have peace, seriously, i will.. i just want a day to stay and home, relax, feel the warmth within, and stay peace.. but sometimes i just can't..
annoymous: yap. i love the right guy, at the wrong time. i agree with you. maybe, both of us shouldnt be together in the first place. and now, i'm glad that he has a girlfriend whom love him more then i do, and seriously, wishing them all the best, cause i, myself, will be living well too.
Kensh|nX: uh.. i'm not at tampines mall outlet. and seriously, discount, no. (:

woke up very early today, thought i'm hell tired. i've no idea why i'm so tired. finish work at close to 1am yesterday. went down to TM to join TM team for supper.. cause i'm hell hungry.. this is the first time i'm so shag..

when i reach there, to my surprise i saw kelvin.. my super super in-charge... its been long since i really smile.. these guys from TM really make me laugh.. i cherish the moments i have with them.. but sometimes, good things end very fast.. argh..

i'm happy cause yesterday is the last day to wear camo color. and now, JEANS!! wee~ i love jeans. (: wasn't feeling well yesterday, no idea why body keep rejecting food, and my body are so weak. conversation yesterday, impossible to go home early, in the end, stay at store, open close to 40cartoons of stocks. basically, just new arrivals.

open the entire day, around 940pm, i finish everything. its a hell killer, whereby have to telly, and make sure that the price is correct, and of course, whatever the plastic or the paper inside, must be remove. some killer, yet i enjoy myself so much. its been long since i've open stock, maybe this time, will cherish more.

well, gonna run along now. need to go shop to clear yesterday messy. (:

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watch me waste my life away

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my virtual barang