{/profile --

ramblings of a young adult

Daddy be picking me up at 12pm to have our lunch together. Its been long since we had lunch together. I feel that I've neglacted my family alot. Sigh.

Xindai in Thailand now, Bubu[another sis of mine] flying off tomorrow, and you peeps including *HIM be going M'sia tomorrow too. Suddenly, all my good friends left me for a few days. Life gonna be sucks these few days. Argh!

Shall shower now and meet dad up for lunch. It will be a great day ahead, cause its so sunny. It will be a great day, I promise..

When my world was in darness
You spoke your word
Night turned into day
Your beauty filled this place

When my world stood in silence
You filled my heart
With songs that never end
Forever I will praise

To think that the universe
Could not withhold Your glory
You choose to love in me
I'm so amazed

And I worship You Lord
My life in You restored
Here is my heart
Make it Your sanctuary
For nobody else
But Jesus only You

You are faithful and true glorious Lord
All my life
It is You I adore
You've touched my sould
Completed my world I surrendered to You

Been really long since I've really blog. Shall go in details I guess.

Been down these few days, cause the feeling of lost, and I cried to God. I pray, and I've a good a cry. Told God how miserable my life is. And I'm glad that God answer my prayer.

Been in Marina Square for 1week plus, and I'm not use to the life there. Other then its cold, I'm feeling very stress over there. No sales, plus there's so much things to do.

Stock out almost all my stocks, and my top selling items. My sales drop very badly. And I've been facing problem with communicating people, especially my staffs. Had a great sharing session with Jane today.

And before she came, my over all incharge had a chat with me. He's asking how come I've such a dark eye bag at this age. I told him what happen, and to my surprise, he encourage me to walk out of this life I'm having.

He told me to within this 2 weeks, he's been observating me. He said that I've the potential to work well, and he hope that I'll put in more effort with what I have now, and soon, I will be promote.

I've been waiting for all these for so long, and the day finally come. People recongise me. I just want recongisation. I want people to know me for my strength, not my weakness.

I believe with what I believe, one day, I will make it thru. Even if the chance come now, I will still grab, but I know that without much knowledge, I can't make it thru. Right now, everyday is a learning day. I will not give up, without trying. I will still hold on. No matter how tired I get each day, I will not give up.

Changes with my roaster. Been wanting to go to Cell Group meeting so badly. And today there's an email send down, and there's conversation this Sunday! Which means, my sunday shift[2/6] change to Saturday [6/C] Which means, I can go on SATURDAY! *run around* And at least, my shifts not that shiong. But I'm loving it.. Pray hard that Monday its not a bloody full..

Just came back from Vivien's chalet. Though I don't really know her friend, and at least, I've company from the ex-gio friends, and of course, her BF been trying his best to entertain all of us. Guess Vivien's getting wasted now, and not last, called her at 12am just to wish her happy birthday.

Xin Dai's must be enjoying herself at Thailand now, and here I am, feeling lost in Singapore. Though my 2best girlfriends having fun out there, and sincerly, feeling happy for them. Cause what I believe is, as long as my friends around me are happy, I feel happy too. That apply to *HIM too.

He might be having fun out there, be it with whoever, even if the person he's enjoy is his girlfriend, I still want to wish him all the best, but I wanna know the answer from you. The SMS I've sent yesterday night, I want you to tell me.

Mum been strict to me. She set curfew for me. Which I love it. I wanna be control right now, if not I might be some mad girl out there in the street. Been cutting down with clubbings, late nights out, and of course, drinking. Its been so damn long since I've drink.

Yes I won't deny that I miss the life that I used to have, but right now, what's important to me is my parents, and the friends that always stand by my side whenever my worlds seems so dark. I might feel lonely at times, cause what I want is a guy who will stand by my side for me lean on. I'm a girl, I'm a lady, I need someone for me to love, someone who love me. All I want is *YOU..

I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away and I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today. Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right and though I can't be with you tonight you know my heart is by your side.

My mood for now is totally TURN OFF! I don't know why, I'm feeling very fcuked up. Maybe because lack of sleep, plus, I'm physically & mentally tired, yet I can't sleep. Maybe I should get more sleeping pills so I can sleep. ARGH~

Mum been complaining that I've too much slippers. Oh yeah? I think so. Maybe I should stop shopping for that. And, should start to sell away stuffs.. AHHHH~~~

Anyone interested with my accessories? Tops? Bottoms? Bags? Shoes? Heels especially. I don't wear them, cause I'm tall enough. 1.7m is tall enough for a Singaporean girl, and I'm proud of my height. Cause I don't need heels to make me feel taller. Oh whatever.

Maybe I will update soon, and maybe I should get my sister to help me with selling my stuffs. I hate the things that I'm owning now, cause is SO much! My cupboard can't even close, cause I've tons of clothes, and, I'm only wearing the same shit everyday.

I'm done with complaining, maybe its time for me to sleep.. Maybe I should.. Maybe I.. Maybe..

I still miss you.. Very badly..

I miss that town, I can't believe it, so hard to stay, so hard to leave it. If I could relive those days, I know the one thing that would never change. Every memory of looking out the back door, I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor, it's hard to say it, time to say it, good-bye good-bye. Every memory of walking out the front door, I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for, it's hard to say it, time to say it, good-bye good-bye.

Day being fine, work still alright. Tomorrow shop meeting, need to reach MSQ at 830am. Which means I've to wake up at 7am. Anyway, its good to have meeting.

Been at MSQ for 1 week, and I've learn alot of things there. Other then its cold, I still love there. Nora & Siti is there. Though they're at Giordano. Food there is some kind of expensive, what's worst is that its so far! Ended up this week, i ate 3times Mac, 4 times Qi Ji. And as for breakfast, everyday same place, same seat. I'm not complaining, just telling everyone that I have no life.

After work, head home. Reach home close to 12am, and doing nothing. Shower, find things to do, if not read all my books, get myself really tired and doze off. Eye black getting thicker and thicker as days go by.

At this moment, I feel very emo.. I miss him badly.. I SMSed him, telling him that 3words, end up he asked me "are you drunk again?" I'm very lost. I don't know what to do. I'm waiting for my next off day, and counting down to pay day. I'm very broke.


I wanna feel love again..

You mixed me up for someone
Who'd fall apart without you
Yeah you broke my heart for the first time
But I'll get over that too
It's hard to find the reasons
Who can see the rhyme?
I guess that we where seasons out of time
I guess you didn't know me

The story goes on without you
And there's got to be another ending
But yeah you broke my heart it won't be the last time
But I'll get over them too
As a new door opens we close the ones behind
And if you search your soul I know you'll find
You never really knew me

All you said to me
All you promised me
All the mystery never did believe
No I never cry no I never not me not I

If you think love is blind
That I wouldn't see the floors between the lines
Surprised that I caught you out
On every single time that you lied
Did you think that every time I see you I would cry No not I, I won't cry
No not me, not I, not I

Day was fine, work seems fine. Had a talk with DM, finally know what he expect me to be. And the reason why I was transfer to MSQ. This and that.

Met up with XiaoBai today after work. Fetch me up, and we head down to Suntec to catch Omen. Though its a very long and old show, but it seems cool. Nice show, other then freezing over that. Thankful enough that I did bring my jacket along.

Been reading the post over and over again, wondering how come I'm mention in the blog. I miss him, yet I've know nothing about him. To continue the way it is now, or what? Sigh.. I'll just pray. If he's the one, then I be the one for him. If he's not, just let it go.. (:

I miss you dude. You know? You read? You saw? You sense it? Sigh..

Service tomorrow, gonna sleep now, it will be a better day.. I promise..


Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go alone

I've tried to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete

Vivien birthday chalet coming up. Sigh, no idea if my leave approve, mostly yes. Then follow by Xindai going Thailand this 29th of the month. And what's more important event is my darling, Saren, getting married. OH NO!! Gonna find myself a white dress for that big day.. (: It will be a busy month coming up..

I just miss you, don't ask me why..

Day was fine. Work seems fun. Everyday is a new challenge. Always do shifting though everyone knows that MSQ[Marina Square] sales cannot make it. But I believe, with the strength and all the effords you've put in, I believe, sales can make it.

I've been there for 3days, everyone seems so cool. So big like a family. 3main brands with more then 6people who works in the morning, more then 3people having break. I feel so warm, though I've a very bad flu, due to the coldness over there. I've learn so much things though its only the 3rd day. I love there, and that will be my 2nd home..

As I read, tears stream down my face. I don't know why, I feel so much hurts coming all over again.. I miss you.

Been long since I've chat with him. And was chatting with him at MSN. Telling him how I'm doing in Singapore, and for him, how's he doing at China. This and that. Chat alot, and I really appreciate the efforts that he's been putting on me last time when we're still together. Giving me strength when I'm "dying"

He's sweet, very sweet. Still as sweet as before. Dying to say "I miss you" these 3 words to him, but the last time I met him, he told me not to say these 3words to him, cause I've hurt him before. He's a nice guy, a nice BF. Maybe years down the road, we meet again, and we get back together again? Just like what happen last year? I hope it do happen again.

I miss him, I won't lie. I don't wanna lie. I'm dying to hug him again, but he's not in Singapore. He's oversea, and he's on the plane right now. I will pray, pray for everything..

I stand beside you
In everything you do
Whereever you go
Whatever you do
Baby I'll be there
God as my witness
I will carry this through
Till death do us part
I promise you

The plan suppose to be meeting XiaoBai the entire day, cause he's going cell group meeting with me. Turn out, something happen at his home, we didn't meet up. So I meet up with Bubu, to sit at Starbucks to chill. We were there close to 3hours or more, just doing nothing, but slacking. Really slacking. We were so bored that we went up to Toy R Us to buy cards to play.

Then we cabbed home, I was at home doing nothing. Watch some show and head out. Suppose to meet Kelvin & Watson at City Hall MRT at 930pm. Thanks to them, they came at 1015pm. I HATE WAITING!!! Vivien darling didn't came along with us, I've no idea why. I didn't even ask why. Though she said more then 50% coming. Sigh.

Anyway, was pretty bored at DXO. There's these live band thing going on till 11+pm. Kelvin, Watson & me making so much noise that we want R&B so badly. R&B started, dance floor was REAL empty.

I skip the dance floor and went to find Kelvin[Ex-GVSS]. The rest, I'm lazy to blog. I've been down, when Kelvin ask me so sensitive question asking "Hey, where's Wei Qiang? And you know what? When *blah blah blah* told me about you guys get back together, I got a shock in my life." I just keep quiet, and head look down.

At that moment, I remember that Wei Qiang used to be part of my life, and for no reason, I cry.. I don't feel like continue to blog about what happen this morning. Having a very bad sore throat now, and I'm down with flu. Oh yes, I'm sick again.. This is the 4th time of the month..

Sincerly apologise to everyone that I've create a mess with. Sorry if I call/SMS for no reason just hoping that someone will be with me. Cause I'm wasted. Yes again.. I SMS you, and I'm surprise that you know where am I.. Is it because someone told you? Or is it because you read my blog? If you'r reading, I just wanna tell you, "I Miss You."

Photos taken yesterday at DXO & today at Parkway S&K. Last day there. Though I always complain about there, but I'm happy that I'm there, cause I love everyone in the team. Thank you.

Hui Wen & Me

Kelvin & Me


Beautiful babes from GVSS! 6th batch, Oh I'm the 7th. Sorry.

I'm the youngest! Muahha. Kelvin, myself, Michelle & Esther.

Seriously, we can't take photo nicely.



Beautiful team.



And the photos taken when we're chilling at Starbucks.


I want big wu guis, so I can hug them to sleep.. Buy for me pleaseeee...


I'm done, I feel like sleeping now.. Marina Square, here I come. I'm willingly to take up all the challengers. (:

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cause I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you've gone I admit that I was wrong

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I'm so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You're the only thing that's on my mind

Oh my beds so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I'm not too proud to say

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can't stop the tears from running down my face

All I know is I'm lost without you I'm not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we'll never be together
And we ended with goodbye don't know what I'd do
I'm lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I'm lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I'm lost without you

Its been long since I really blog in details, well, I'm fine, I'm still breathing. Being busy with work, stupid shag shifts, though I'm the one who plan. What to do? Just because of their request. Anyway, forget it.

Still coping with wu gui's death, and I'm glad that I'm still doing well. Too numb to do anything about it. Though everyday will walk pass where I bury him, I always will take a look at him, hoping that he's still alive or something, but hey, he's with God. And I believe, wu gui is doing well..

Talk about happy thing. Though I've lost the real wu gui, my 1st in-charge bought me a wu gui toy. HP chain, and she said "though you've lost your wu gui, I believe this will remind you of your wu gui. And this wu gui I've bought, you will never lose him.." That's sweet of her. And today is the last day I gonna see Alexis and Amanda.

Well, when you start to lose something, you will start to cherish them. Be in friends or even loved ones. The message trying to pass through is cherish the loved ones!

DXO tomorrow, I'm excited! I'm so glad that Vivien coming along with me! And guess what, I called Gary to inform him, and he's telling me that he's going Thailand next month, and the best part is Xindai going Thailand with me next month! So, darling, are we gonna go together with my friends? *wink* They're nice peeps. Praise the Lord!

Will be having cell group meeting tomorrow at Zhen Ying's place if I didn't remember wrongly. And I'm glad that XiaoBai coming along. [I think XiaoBai is who, only Xindai know] and, be going Town, then follow by PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY PARTY I'm excited, forgive me. (:



I miss wu gui a little, and I miss you badly..

I'll blog after my shower..

Finally I've endure for so long, tomorrow is the last day of tiring.. 12/C Full follow by Morning shift. TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY AND IT WILL BE A OFF!

I'm proud to say that God answer my prayer. And I'm getting to transfer to Marina Square with effect on 19th June 06' Yes, this coming monday.

I'm tired, time to shower and sleep..


I miss wu gui still, but I cry no more. Cause I'm numb by it..

I tried to control my tears, but I failed. I broke down whenever I'm alone..

Sincerly I just want to apologise. To people who I've hurt back in the past, for causing you to have so much pains over me.. Please accept my apologise. Sorry if I scare the hell out of you.. I don't know what's wrong with me.. Maybe, I just owe too much things to my friends..

I need peace, please, just leave me alone.. I feel so bad about wu-gui's death. I can never forgive myself..

I found wu gui is dead this morning. Maybe I shouldn't have bring them home.. Maybe I shouldn't buy them.. It brings me more miserable.. I cried, I wanna be left alone.. I'm sorry..


Well, I guess I will blog now. Just feel like blogging. Was at Reef yesterday night, yeah, I did saw him. Didn't even say Hi. I don't know why I'm there, just wanna relax myself. Was pretty relactant that if I should go in and sit. Didn't want to go down to Fishermen Village because there's this World Cup thing going on. Maybe in the first place I should be helping out at Bugis for midnight sales. Maybe, I should be at home.

And now, here I am blogging. Should be joining my church friends at Downtown east later, but now, its going to rain. I was thinking if I should stay at home or go out and join them. I really hate raining season. Argh.

Well, stepping into church really makes me think alot. Why this? Why that? How will this happen? Why is it happening? blah blah blah.. I've been enduring for not smoking for 3days. And today is the 4th. Though I've 2sticks yesterday, but I manage to stop myself, not to buy. Think about end of the month, when I'm down with cash, I need to dig from my piggy bank. And gonna save like mad just for cigs? Not worth, indeed not worth.

Though I might be earning alot for my age, and the way I shop and spend money, it will kill me, and at the end of the month I will be starting to have bread for 3meals. Seriously, if I stop smoking, shall do a break down.

1.5day = 1pack = $9.20
1month = 30days.
30days divivde by 1.5days = 20packs/month.
If I club, will be 1pack for that clubbing night. And let say I club 2times per month, which means 2extra pack.
20 + 2 = 22packs/month
22packs X $9.20 = $202.40

If I stop smoking now, I will save $202.40 per month. And, seriously, I can shop for more things, buy more clothes and stuffs. And hey, I must stop right now. Its for my own good, not for anyone sake, but myself.

Drinking? I still drink. 3times a week seems pretty fine. Sometimes even more. And yes, I won't stop drinking. Cause it makes me relax. I'm not trying to say that Ice Cocoa from Starbucks or Pure Chocolate from Coffee Bean doesn't help me to relax. It help me to relax too. But, I think that drinking will help me get out of some place a while. Even if its for a night, I'm glad that I get out of the present me.

Was home at about 130am this morning, saw a note pasted on my parents room door. Was a note from my sister. I keep thinking all these while. Is that the way to communicate between my family members? Yes I did write notes and paste on where-ever they can see. Even the switch for the heater, sometimes even toilet door. This and that. At night, if I'm home late, will be SMS-ing to my dad telling him that I will be home late. Not by phone call, but SMS. I don't know how to continue, I think I will just go shower.

And so, its my off day, and 12hours past, and I've do nothing, other then helping wu gui to "shower" and vacumm the floor.


I still love them, but sometimes I've to learn how to let go. Cause everything its over. Wake up from your idea Miss Ebel. Its time to move on..

My blog template is some kind of lag. Just endure with this one first. Meanwhile, there's nothing for me to blog about. Wait till my next off day then I will do a new blogskin. (:

I think I've numb myself so much that I can't breath.. I need a break.. Someone please get me out of here..

Sigh. I'm tired. Very tired. Today suppose to be a Full shift, but turn out to be a morning shift. Other then being tired, my stomach still hurts badly, and of course, I keep throwing out food that I've been eating.

Been calling all outlets to ask for incharge to lend me for 6/cl. somehow there isn't nayone willingly to lend. I'm devasted by that. Cause whenever there's people who need staffs, be it incharge or junior, if I can extend, I will. But why this time round, there isn't anyone willingly to lend a helping hand?

Now I understand that, people are selfish. What you give, they take for granted, including YOU whom I trust so much, I gave whatever I have to you, and now, you don't even treat me as a friend at all. I'm hurt, very hurt.

There isn't any hints, any call or even SMSes from you. Right now I know, there's nothing I can do other then give up. I hate everything, I hate all the empty promises that you gave, and of course, somehow I've learn how to hate you..

If I'm given a chance, I will hold onto you, and never gonna let you go.

What a day. Suppose to be going Marina Square to learn things about Capital Mall card that give them cash debate. Meet Chloe for breakfast at 8am, went to QiJi to eat breakfast. After that had a really very bad stomach-ache. Head down to toilet turn out to be throwing out everything.

Throughout the course, I've been in and out of toilet alot of times, turn out I learn nothing. How wonderful. Seriously, I don't want this to happen. Took a cab down to Parkway, and head down to toilet and throw out everything.

Called all outlets, but turn out to be no one got any 2-6 shift to lend me. Pretty upset whereby I'm in pain, yet no one willingly to help. I hate it SO much. ARGH. Ok whatever. I'm fine now, so I gonna rest, and stop talking about work. Gonna meet up with CHC friends on Sat. Yeah, its Jo's mum birthday, gonna enjoy myself that day! (:

Oh yeah, I slept at 2am this morning, and was surfing thru my blog, and I found this few pictures. I miss this hair. :( And of course, I love that day, cause its HAZE & CHEE SIANG wedding! And of course, I love the nails. Bloody $40 for only 1 color, and a few blinks blinks, but i just love it lah' (:

And hey, one more. I MISS THIS SKIN COLOR!! :( I miss those beach days.. Aww..


As usual, tired. Slept at 2am this morning, was watching VCD. Yeah, Lost Season 1. I'm slow I know. Nice show that can't be miss. Every series is so damn cool, new things happen. Ahh..

Anyway, was at TM today. Woke up at 9am. ITS BEEN DAMN LONG SINCE I WOKE UP AT THIS HOUR.. I'm just excited about that. *grinz* Shower and head out. Reach TM at 945am. I can't believe it, that's very early. Muhaha.

Work was cool. I enjoy myself very much today, maybe because its TM. And seriously, I miss there badly. Once in awhile relief that its cool. Though was with new staff today, but I enjoy every second that I spend there. (:

Met up with Xindai after work. Just doing nothing. Sitting at Starbucks, as usual, Ice Cocoa and Orea cheesecake.. I'm craving for more.. (:

Went for service today. *thumbs up* It's really nice. I really enjoy the service, and it really touch my heart. More services please. I hope I will be able to get myself time to go for them. Though I'm tired, and half of my mind are "dead" in the morning, but manage to drag myself out of the bed.

Was at Lot1 atrium yesterday. Yes its bloody far. CCK. Was there, had lunch alone, but thankful that Chloe came down to join me awhile. At most 10mins, but it really help. Was pretty boring there, but at least the staffs there are friendly, I'm not bored to death.

Finish work at about 1045pm, took a cab down to Marina Square to help out. The first thing I knew was, get myself into Giordano, give Siti and Nora a big hug. And rush down to In-base to help out. Didn't really do anything. Too much staffs, manage to see people whom I miss alot. People like Jerry, Ivy, Jason.. Blah blah blah..

I don't really feel like blogging now, cause I'm pretty tired. My shift for this week. Which I hate it so much, plus my off days are so near to each other. Right now, I'm so tired. 4more days to off day..

Monday - M (TM)
Tuesday - M
Wednesday - BLOODY FULL
Thursday - Off
Friday - 12/C
Saturday - Off
Sunday - A

M = Morning (1000 - 1900) A = Afternoon (1330 - 2250) Full shift, I guess there's nothing I can say about it. Haha. I'm tired, oh yeah, Happy 1 month old Wu guis.. I gonna buy them NEW HOUSE!! soon..

Seriously, these few days being really sucks on me. Bad things happen, causing me to fall so hard, so pain. Yet I realise, I'm facing all the problems alone. And I believe, I've been a stronger person.

Went to watch Over The Hedge at TM on Wednesday. Yes, I plan to watch alone since no one is free, plus I'm pretty lazy with calling people out. Was at S&K and I saw Christine and her friend. Turn out to be 3of us watching together. Can't get seats together, so I was sitting with her guy friend. Pretty weird, but anyway, I enjoy the show.

Wani came down to meet me. Chill at TM still all the way till night time. Was pretty down that day, though was a off day, but I wish I've spend it much more fun and relax rather then sitting down at where-ever doing nothing. I hate this type of "no-life" day.

Off today. Was pretty upset. I wonder why am I getting so short recently? Is it because what happen to me, or is it because I've get out of control or something? Dad notice my tounge piercing after so long? 2years? All he do was shake head and say nothing? Maybe I'm out of control. A little thing I get nasty and I scream and made a big fuss out of it.

I'm just down, forgive me. Was wondering anyone out there willingly to spare me a pair of ears to listen to whatever craps I wanna say out? Been holding onto the tears for pretty long, and I can't believe it, I broke down and cry today just because Xindai didn't have time for me today, Vivien busy with meeting KW, and Chloe met up with her friend.

I don't know what's wrong, maybe I'm just out of mind until I went to cut away my hair, cut away all my long and pretty nails. And I nearly throw away wu gui today. I guess I need a break. Plan to have a tour with Xindai end of the month to Thailand. I'm short of money, been spending too much on drinks, as well as cabs.

Oh well.. I guess, I gonna ask now, anyone interested with keeping my wu guis? I want them to get out of my sight, right now..

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