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ramblings of a young adult

Its been long since I've blog. Pretty tired week, and right now, enjoying myself by sitting here blogging, MSN-ing, and of course, friendster-ing.

What have been going thru this few days other then work? Been enjoying myself these few days. 27th July In-base shop outing. Went to drink at some random pub. And 28th July pay day. Enjoyng at The Reef.

Talking about The Reef. Having so much memories there. Celebrate all my joys, my sadness and of course sweet memories over there. Still remember that talking to close buds [KS & Ong] over there. Celebrating my promotion as a Senior back then in 1st March.

And of course, crying out to Ter over then when I talk about .... The place where I have all the funs, the sadness and everything. Sad to say that Daryn told me The Reef last day of service will be on 30th July 06.

Was there with Ivy yesterday. Snap the last photo yesterday. Drank a jar as usual, and cab home. Its been real long since we last met. After I've transfer out to Parkway this and that. And been hearing alot of things from her. Nasty, fierce blah blah blah. Keep thinking thru my head, "Am I that fierce?" Well, maybe its true, but that's me. Yes I do change, but are you worth me to change for you?

Went out with William today after work. Head down to Raffles Medical, wanted to do a blood test. Cause I've lots of blue-black that doesn't seems to go away. And what's worst is that I don't even remember hitting anything. I'm just scare that I might get into some illness or what-so-ever.

When I reach Raffles Medical, my number was 27. And I've been waiting for close to 30mins to be my turn whereby the number indicate there was 24. And the number 26 was missing. With means, the 24 person & 25 is taking their own sweet time. Whereby I think the checkup for me is only like 5mins? Oh well..

Blood test will be on Monday. I hope company will be paying for it. Talking about company, makes me recall about something. Someone offer me to join another brand in the company. I feel like leaving S&K, but I don't bare to let go. Sigh, I've no idea. Cause the other brand SSM[Senior Shop Manager] is someone whom I've faith with. As in, I trust him truely, cause of the way he handle and teach things. I'm still under consideration right now. I want to go over, but I scare I'm not use to it. Sigh.

I shouldn't be feeling so negative, but, what happen really makes me feel like leaving S&K. There isn't anything about S&K SSM that worth me impress about. Leaving this brand joining another brand will be a new environment, a new start. SIgh. I don't know..

Was at The Reef. Yes again. All thanks to Alan for that "sabo" Actually wasn't really paying attention to what the DJ was talking, until Daryn came up to me and tell me someone dedicate a song to me, but I don't know who the person is! Haha. That's sweet of him, at least he remember me! Left before .... came.

Pretty tired right now, and between them, right now all I can do is wait. When someone better comes, I will never let go.

BMW = Best Man Win

I hope *YOU will win, just because I love you.

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love. Every time you're near I feel like I'm in heaven, feeling high. I don't want to let go, I just need you to know.

I don't wanna run away, baby you're the one I need tonight, no promises. Baby, now I need to hold you tight, I just wanna die in your arms.

Will blog.. Maybe tomorrow..

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I quote all the below from Sze's blog. Something very meaningful that she type out. (:

God knows what is in our hearts. We might as well get right to the point. God won't take away a sin until you give it over to Him. The times when you need God the most are when you don't think you need Him. Don't worry about proving God's existence, because no one can disprove it. Exposing yourself to God's truth is risky, but it's a risk worth taking. Whenever you feel insignificant, remember how important you are to God. Don't make plans and then ask for the Lord's approval. Ask God to direct your planning. God may be using people who disagree with you. You will begin to live when you lose yourself in God's purpose for you. Little is much if God is in it. The person who looks up to God rarely looks down on anyone. Faith does not demand miracles, but often accomplishes them.

It's a good thing to delight in the Lord, but how much better when the Lord delights in you. A bible on the shelf is worthless; a Bible being read is priceless. The next time you take your Bible for granted, remember that in some countries it's illegal to own a Bible. The time to find moments of stillness and quiet is when it's the most difficult to do so.

Prayer changes things. Pray for people who dislike you. Pray for people you dislike. Prayer without effort will be insincere. Effort without prayer will be ineffective. You can't stand up to Satan if you don't kneel before God. Pray with perseverance and expectancy. The next time you feel weak in the knees, try using them to pray. People of God may not talk about their prayer habits, but their lives speak volumes!

The measure of a good sermon is the listerner's response, not the pastor's speech. Every morning you choose your attitude for the day. The first step on the path to commitment is making up your mind. People will be more impressed by what you finish than by what you start. Learn from the mistakes of others. You'll never live long enough to make them all yourself. Once in a while, set a goal that absolutely terrifies you. When you think you've learned enough, you haven't. It's hard to learn from a mistake you don't acknowledge making. Seeing is better than looking. Listening is better than hearing. Doing is better than talking. Run the race to win, even if you don't stand a chance! While the poor dream of having riches, the wealthy long for simplicity. What you are bears little resemblance to what you have.

You can start your day without God, but you'll never really get started. If what you are doing won't make a difference in 5 years, it probably doesn't matter now. Whenever you look to the future, be bold. A good life is of more value than a good living.

If you can't get to sleep at night, check your pillow. If you can't get to sleep for two nights, check your mattress. If you can't get to sleep for three nights, check your conscience. Joy comes from controlling, rather than exercising your passions. Live somewhere between complacency and crisis.

Live longer by worrying less. When you are feeling overwhelmed, remember to take things one at a time-one day at a time. Worrying occurs when God is left out of the process. Worry is a choice. When you choose to worry, you are choosing not to trust God. Best way to stop worrying is to start praying. Prayer changes things; worry changes nothing.

You will learn more from adversity than from prosperity. Resist the natural inclination to hold adversity at arm's length. Embrace it willingly. Convert your failutres into successes by learning from them. God will either protect you from hardships or give you the strength to go through them. You win either way. :)
A thick skin and a short memory are the best weapons against unjust criticism.
Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the ability to act in the presence of fear.

Rather than using God to solve your problems, use your problems to get closer to God.God comforts us is so that we can comfort others. Our ultimate confort is knowing that someday we will be with God. Love first if you long to be loved.

Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth- a sense of humor. Remember the punch line before you tell the joke. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with others. You know you have a good sense of humor if you can laugh when someone tells your joke better than you. Laugh at yourself as much as others do. If someone tells you a joke you've heard, let them finish and laugh anyway. There's a time to be serious and a time to laugh. Learn to tell the difference. Humor works best when it brings joy to others.

With Xindai the whole day. She's at my place right now, at the living room teaching my sister to fold things? Anyway, I've found a new place to tanned. Tampines Swimming Complex. A cool place to chill, plus, got dudes to see. Nice sun today. I'm tanned, and I'm happy, Both of us were so bored, and went to Loyang Point to cut hair. I'm waiting for my pay, so that I can color my hair.. I miss colored hair..


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

Was having supper with Terance the day before. Was on the car. No idea where to go, turn out to be going Reef. Was at the carpark, and I've no idea why I change my mind of going down. Turn out going coffee shop to chill.

Days wasnt fine for me, I broke down yesterday and cried. No idea why, maybe just too tired. Its my off day today, I really hope I'm able to enjoy myself. The sun is waiting for me, so does darling.



What happened? Why didn't I listen to myself? I thought I'd know how to handle it, but I didn't. So confused, where I stand? Do I stand alone? With each individual?

This is not me, I used to be strong now I feel weak. This is not me, I never said it was, I didn't like it because I lost my way. This is not me. You know that it's true and I'd be lying to you just to convince myself.

This is not me you know that it's true and I'd be lying to you just to convince myself this is not me.

It gonna be a shaggggggg week. The shifts I can remember right now.
Mon - Full
Tues - Full
Wed - Off
Thur - Full
Fri - Afternoon
Sat - 1/2Morning
Sun - Afternoon

Power man. I think I will breakdown soon.. All I need is a simple SMS from you to brighten up my day.. To stay with me.. Not physically[I mean I get to see you] but memntally.. Just do me this favour..

Yesterday was out with my family to had dinner at East Coast Park. To celebrate my mum's birthday. Had our dinner at "No Sighboard" Seriously, if your shop name call no sighboard, then why are you putting sighboard that said "no sighboard" Ok, whatever.

The photos taken.








My brother, sister and brother's girlfriend[Elina] was there too. But I'm just the one having fun with my parents. LOL =x Oh no. Tomorrow is SATURDAY!!!

alan: Yeah, you enlist the same date as my brother. But I've no idea why he ORD first. Haha..

I swear, its a boring day today. Though Sze Yin asked me out for bible study, but I choose to stay at home to relax. Its been long since I sleep well.

Woke up at 9+ today, brother went back to camp. Seriously I've no idea why, cause I know he already ORD. Parents head to work. Sister in school. And I'm at home. Blah, as usual, on the computer, chat a little with Matthew.

Chat till about 11am, shower and head down to Downtown East for a tanned. YES, I love the sun today! ITS SO SUNNY! And I'm glad I didn't have burnt. Just tanned. *grinz* There's this lady acting weird, which makes me keep staring at here.

She was in and out of the shade. Smoking at the pool, and of course, removing the padding from her swimsuit! I'm like "WTH!?" What's worst is that she left the padding on the floor, and start kicking it, left it under the sun.

There's this guy that went up to chat with her. I was adjusting my body, that's when I realise that. Not soon later, she left. And THE GUY WAS SITTING BESIDE ME! OH GOSH. We chat a little. Though I wanted to tan more, but I feel real uncomfortable tanning there.

My plan was to tanned till 230pm, then head down to have lunch and head home. But turn out 130pm I left the pool, rush off to shower and head home. Turn out to be, not enough tanned, and forget about the lunch.

Ah, bad day. After that, was at my room packing, till I doze off. That's how tired I am! And seriously, I've lotsa JUNKS! Throw away packs and packs of no-idea-what-stuffs. Dad came home and found out I'm sleeping! And brother was like smacking me telling me that my phone is ringing. Which seriously, I've no idea where I left it. And sister being coming in and out of the room, opening my drawer to look for clothes.

And here I am blogging. Everyone was out still. And now, waiting for brother's call. To fetch me out for dinner with my parents. Its my mum's birthday.. Tomorrow. And Saturday coming soon, I'm afraid that I can't do that better then the one before.. But I know, I will make it thru.. Cause God is right here with me. (:

Something nice to share.

It's best to wait for the one you want than settle for the one available. Best to wait for the one you love than one who's around. Best to wait for the right one because life's too short to be wasted on just someone.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, their flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses, and strengths. You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together.

Neither one of you are perfect, but are you perfect for each other?

Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness, and selfishness are not the ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.


Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong to be in a relationships. What keeps a relationship strong?

* communication
* intimacy
* a sense of humor
* sharing household tasks
* some getaway time without business or children
* daily exchanges (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a note)
* sharing common goals and interests
* giving each other space to grow without feeling insecure
* giving each other a sense of belonging and assurances of commitment

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain replace the passion. "As long as we have memories, yesterday remains. As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits. As long as we have friendship, today is beautiful."

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out that you still care for that person.


If You Are :

MARRIED
Love is not about "it's your fault", but "I'm sorry", not "where are you', but "I'm right here", not "how could you" but "I understand" not "I wish you were", but "I'm thankful you are."

ENGAGED
The true measure of compatibility is not the years spent together but how good you are for each other.

NOT-SO-SINGLE
(Those who have "special someones") Love isn't about becoming somebody else's "perfect person." It's about finding someone who helps you become the best person you can be.

HEARTBROKEN
Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut deep as you allow them to go. The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

NAIVE
How to be in love: Fall but don't stumble, be consistent but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, and get hurt but never keep the pain.

POSSESSIVEIt breaks your heart to see the one you love happy with someone else but it's more painful to know that the one you love is unhappy with you.

AFRAID TO CONFESS
Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

STILL HOLDING ON
A sad thing about life is that when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and we just have to let go.

SINGLE
Love is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you just let it fly, it would come to you when you least expect it. Love can make you happy but often times it hurts, but love's only special when you give it to whom it's worth.

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go! You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it. Everything happens for the best.

If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get beckon the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why.

If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love cause every time we do, we get hurt, then I figured that's why it's called falling in love.

I fought my way through the rush hour trying to make it home just for you
I want to make sure that your dinner will be waiting for you
But when you get there you just tell me you're not hungry at all
You said you'd rather read the paper and you don't want to talk
You're like to think that i'm just crazy when i say that you've changed
I'm convinced I know the problem, you don't love me the same
You're just going through the motions and you're not being fair
I got my pride, i will not cry
Still I can't help but care

Ooh baby, look into the corner of your mind
I'll always be there for you through good and bad times
But I can't be that superwoman that you want me to be
I give my everlasting love if you return love to me

I'm the kind of girl that can treat you so sweet
But you got to realize that you've got to be sweeter to me
I need love, i need trust, your love

Finally able to log onto blogger. Being trying so hard about that. Keep failed to log in. Anyway, here I am updating about Saren's wedding and of course my bro ORD. I know I didn't talk anything about it.

14th July 06'
My brother ORD day. 1/2M that day, rush to meet Elina. Had problems with work before I left shop. All 1st incharge are suppose to help out at Suntec setup on 15th July. Which is my off day and my Saren's wedding. In the end, I'm lucky enough my staff went over to help out.

Meet up with Elina, had our lunch and head off to PS. Went to her school do some doc stuffs, and we rush home. Head home, touch up on make up, and left home. During the hours I spent at his camp, other then take photos, and only take photos. Seriously, I don't like being there, cause there's alot of people, plus its warm!

Had our dinner at Changi Village, and we head home. Wasn't really enjoying myself during dinner time. Anyway, congrats to bro ORD LOR! Was at SzeYin's place overnight that day.

15th July 06'
Woke up at 530am. Whereby I'm really very sleepy. Pack our stuffs, and head down to Saren's place. Had a hard time to seach the unit number. Was there witnessing her make up, the broom opening the door, this and that.

Head to City Harvest Church. Helping them to set up, till helping them to removing everything. Head down to Jeff place after that. Had lunch and head back to Saren's place again. Bring all the stuffs and head back to Jeff place again. Yeah, being rushing here and there. Was at Jeff place, all of us eventually knock off while waiting for one another to shower.

Head down to Harbour Front to help to set up. Yes, again. And I guess, let the photos do all the talking. And seriously, I enjoy myself very much the weekend. (:









Taken at night.


















Yeah, I'm done. Never forget about myself. (:


A few days of not coming to online. Hmmm... Other then too busy, I guess there isn't any reasons to convince.

Saturday coming, I wonder if I'm able to beat last month mid-night sales. I've no idea if I can make it thru. All I know is I'm damn tired, and I wanna give up what I have right now. I don't know lah.

Yeah, get a fcuking warning letter to day, and my mood is DAMN down. and right now, all I know is, I wanna sleep. And I want you to know that I miss you. And I never think that you're not good enough for me. And there shouldn't be any distance between us.

Good night.

Woke up this morning realising that the sun is so "healthy". Wanna go for a sun-tanned. But too lazy to do it. Turn out to be sleeping till now. Wanna go to shop early to do my stuffs, but turn out to be here blogging. Gosh.

Next week roaster. Hmm.. I'm a little sick. I planned myself all afternoon shift. And its like 7days, 1 full shift which is my 2nd man off day, another full on Saturday, which is mid-night sales. Follow by 1/2 day I put myself as 6/c. And the rest, I only have myself 1 morning shift. Only 1. I think I'm out of mind or something. Hmmmm..

And hey daryn, Midnight sales on Saturday, 22nd July. I don't mind if you're coming over to fetch me home. LOL! And yeah, end at about 1am or maybe 2am. And yeah, if you're buying something, will get discount. (: Staff price dude. That's provided if you see something you like.

And her, I don't need anyone to tell me what to do. I really appreciate that if you gonna leave my blog alone. Some thanks. (:


When I'm with you, eternity is a step away, my love continues to grow, with each passing day. This treasure of love, I cherish within my soul, how much I love you, you'll never really know. You bring a joy to my heart, I've never felt before, with each touch of your heart, I love you more and more. Whenever we say goodbye, whenever we part, know I hold you dearly, deep inside my heart. So these seven words, I pray you hold true, "Forever and Always, I will Love You."

Today, on the first day on the journey to the end,
I subject myself to examination.
Did I write enough, did I speak loudly enough,
should & could I perhaps have been able to do more?
Too quiet, too selective, too self-satisfied, I tell myself.
I ought to have done much more.
& what about those who didn't even do that??

All I know is that I'm very, very tired. I'm waiting for my rest day which is on Saturday. But it's Saren's big day so = no off day. Next week gonna be a more shag week, cause Saturday, 22nd July 06' is mid-night sales.. Oh man..

I thought I've forget about you, that's because, I didn't get the chance to see you at all

Now I know how it likes back then. Maybe I shouldn't have force, maybe I shouldn't have appear in you guys life.

Was at DXO a month ago. And one of my friend, A actually interested with my girl friend. Lets name her K. And my friend, A took her number that night. Eventually everything went smooth.

A & B are close bud. Maybe since camp. And eventually because of K they quarrel. B been saying "I will help you get K, don't worry. Cause you're my brother!" But in the end, B & K are together. I'm like "WTH" I thought B been saying he's gonna help you get K? And A answer "Yeah. But turn out they're together."

I withness everything. And I realise, because of 1 girl, lose a brother, is not worth. And right now, though I know how painful it is, but I still wanna let everyone know, I STILL WANNA BE WITH YOU! Though I've saw you at Reef a few days ago, didn't get the courage to go over to say hi. But I just want you to know that, I miss you badly. Real badly..

Anyway, day was fine. Everything were so smooth today. I hope for the next few weeks, till end of my probation, everything will go on smooth. Cause I wanna be promoted. =P Career life is getting smooth, I hope my love life will come soon. Cause I'm dying to be in love. With you. Just you. I'm waiting for you to update your blog. I want to know more.

If you asking me if I love you this much, baby I do..

I've been waiting for this moment for so long. And finally its here. I'm just SO happy ok?

Was at MSQ for 3weeks. And today is my 4th week. Was pretty fine there, love the people there, other then its COLD everything still alright. But things went wrong last week. (I did blog about it)

What's next was that my District Manager(DM) came down and talk to me about that. Asked me about what happen and I told him everything. And after talking about this issue, he came to ask me:

"So Ebel, how long have you been in this company?"
"Err.. In this company for 1year 1month. Around there. Convert to full time last Dec, and Comfirm senior on 1st April."
"So how you find this company?"
"Like that lor. Everything seems fine."
"Hmmm.. Ok. Able to handle stress if I push you? And you should know that I didn't give you any stress at all when you're under me."
"Yeah I know, I'm willingly to take up challengers and stress."
"Ok. With effect from this coming monday[which is today] I will put you in charge of MSQ and you'll be under probation for 1month to get the extra allowance. And I will transfer a second man to you."
"Errr... Ok.." I really shut up for a moment. Cause its such a BIG news.
"Your chance is here, grab it. I want to see things in the shop improving and it will be a little fast, compare to others, but I hope you will do your best. Any other things to share?"
"Other then thank you I don't know what else to say. I will cherish the chance I have right now, and thank you once again."

That's about it, I'M JUST SO HAPPY OK!? Probation I hope it will be a smooth route for me to walk on. Thank You Lord for watching after me, and of course, answering all my prayers. And my last prayer, I'm still waiting for it to happen.

And to the "Him" who tag at my blog. It will be better if you use the real name. And to answer you, I want *Him in my life. And the *Him is acutally the guy who bought me wu guis. (:

I'm done, and now, shower and go to work. It's a new week, everything will be fine. (: Oh yeah, its gonna be a busy week. Brother ORD on Friday, as for Saturday its Saren's big day! I'm just so excited!

I'm so tired.. I need a break.........

If it weren't for that mirror is not like you,
Doesn't hide secrets,
I still won't believe that without you
My smile is more beautiful
On that day, hearing your slightly sorry voice over the phone
Asking how I have been
I press 'Du' to cut off the phone
Even more downright than you saying break up
Washed the clothes that have been wetted by my tears
Dry the memories under the sun light
Fold up the sadness, from tomorrow
I only go out with happiness
Although this love city is quite crowded
If I really bump into you
You don't have to be surprised;
She can not replace my smile

After leaving you
Then I discovered my eyes that love to smile
After tears, it feels like the thunderstorm
That I cannot avoid
I delete the wetted yesterday
After I leaving you I finally find my own
Eyes that love to smile
Bye bye love
I will make sure I let myself decide

So much things being going around my head, spin, spin and spin. It brings me so much pains. Still thinking am I the strong Ebel right now? Or am I the Ebel who gives up without standing at her own rights? I don't know.

Day being fine, other then bloody full shift. Tomorrow is just another off day. Be meeting up with Sze Yin in the evening. Still thinking should I go sun-tanned tomorrow afternoon? Or should I just stay at home and slack?

Was shopping yesterday with XinDai for Saren's big day. Finally bought a dress. (: Some happy please! Been shopping around so many times, but end up empty handed. Its just a plain tube dress. But I'm loving it so badly. Looking forward for the important day.

XinDai being so sweet. Able to listen to all my ^@&#%$&#*(@# the entire day. Complaning all the things that I've been storing right inside my heart for so damn long. I just need someone who can listen and just listen.

Full shift today, and been doing display the entire day. Follow bloody email, but turn up sales pretty bad. Shuffle the whole shop around, at least it feel better. Full shift with Jerry and Shu Wen. Had lunch together. Sharing session with Jerry & Jessie. At least I know where the problems lie in.

And I still insist that I've did nothing wrong. I won't give in. I know people must be cursing and swearing at me all the time, but if I'm not wrong, why must I give in to you? Some people say I'm stubborn. Yes I know. That's me. To change or not to change, I'm still thinking.

Trip to no-where postpone. Due to can't make up our mind of going where. We're still thinking of going to Thailand? Genting? KL? Bintan? Or where-ever. We're still thinking, and thinking..

I can't never be perfect, either you.

I can't be there to help you to buy stud.
I can't be there to help you help you tidy up your bed.
I can't be there who will nag you.
I can't be there to throw my temper around.
I can't be there.. I can't be there anymore..

You can't be here who will put me to bed.
You can't be here looking after wu guis.
You can't be here bringing me out for movies.
You can't be here hearing all my compaints.
You can't be here.. You can't be here anymore..

I wish you are still here, I still wish.. And I'm still wishing..

Day was pretty fine. Though I didnt give much damn about it. Might be leaving, might not leaving. Leave everything to tomorrow. If this goes on, I will leave. If there isn't any solution, I will leave.

I will never find another lover
Sweater than you
Sweater than you
And I will never find another lover
More precious than you
More precious than you
Boy you are..
Close to me you're like my mother,
Close to me you're like my father,
Close to me you're like my sister,
Close to me you're like my brother
And you are the one and ony my everything
And for you this song I sing

I'd send you all that im thinking of baby
Said I promise to never fall in love with a stranger
You're all I'm thinking of
I praise the Lord above
For sending me you're love
I cherish every hug
I really love you

You're all that I ever know
When you smile on my face I'll I see is a glow
You turned my life around
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I ever know
When you smile my face glows
You picked me up when I was down
Say you're all that I ever know
When you smile my face glows
You picked me up when I was down
And I hope that you
Feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too


All my life
I prayed for someone like you
And I thank God
That I finally find you
All my life
I prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too

Day start off pretty well, but at the end of the day, seriously, it just sucks big time.

Went to church. Sze Ying & Wei Jian gave me morning call. Thank you. Service was great, I swear. This is the best service I've attend so far. I feel the present of God, and I cry. Been singing worship songs, trying my best not to cry, and a wind blow, my tears came down for no reason. I feel God present, I feel God's love.

Had a chat with Zhen Ying. It's a great chat even though I won't deny the fact that I didn't open up to her. Then we head down to have lunch together. Been trying hard to keep myself awake. Because these few days being cab home, and finish work at 1130pm. What's worst is that, there isn't any cab around.

I reach shop at close to 4pm, took a nap, and woke up at 5pm. Had my dinner and start work. Work start of kinda well, but turn out, I've mood swing. I swear I'm just tired.

But things been running around my head so much. I asked you nicely how many pannels will there be for men's and ladies, but you reply "Oh, I'm doing it right now." Why can't you tell me what you want? At least I can help. I'm not trying to say that my display layout is damn good, but I want to tell you that I can help.

Like you said I'm the 2nd man of the shop, but why now, I feel so transparent? I was there opening of stocks, and you're there with our part timer doing display. At that moment, I feel like a part-timer. You think is that bond in our shop?

At that moment, I feel like giving up. Even right now. Though I haven't fulfil my dreams, my stable career. I wanna give up. You make me feel so lost right now, and I feel that I don't exist in that shop. I'm just a normal junior to you. Cause I feel that whatever I do, it doesn't please you.

Yes I enjoy myself very much at MSQ, but do you know, I'm feeling so fcuked up whereby I have a very blur incharge? Who always forget things? Even small little things. I don't know how much can I be holding on. But I'm really tired of everything.

Can't get a cab, was walking the entire Nicholle Highway hoping to find a cab. Turn out I cry just because I can't get one. I'm tired of everything, the feeling is like so lost.

Lord, please save me..

I'm pretty upset and angry about what happen today. I believe, it will be a better day tomorrow! And forget about what happen, I just wanna make some NOISE!!!!!!!!

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{/online shopping --

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watch me waste my life away

{/miscellaneous --

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