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ramblings of a young adult

I'm so tired really. How I wish I've so much more strength to move on. I've been working continous for like 9days. With 1full shift, the rest all afternoon. Later in the day another full shift. Seriously, I've no idea how much more can I hold on. I need a break!

Tomorrow I will be on my own, I've no idea why. But all I know is that its 40% off storewide, and today is the first day, the respond is so good that I almost out of breath. And I hope that tomorrow sales will be the same, but not so much customer compare to today!

Aww.. I'm tired. I wanna sleep now..

Another 33days till I see my baby again!

I know by then, I will be full of strength. (:

I'm always searching, for your figure to appear somewhere.
At a street crossing, in the midst of dreams.
Even though I know you couldn't be at such a place.
If a miracle were to happen here, I would show you right away.
There would be nothing I couldn't do,
I would put everything on the line and hold you tight.

I always end up looking for your smile, to appear somewhere.
At the railroad crossing, waiting for the express to pass.
Even though I know you couldn't be at such a place,

I would want nothing else.
Besides you, nothing else matters.

Simple Plan - Untitled

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight

And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Seriously, this just sucks. YEsterday there's a revised version of roaster out. I thought they will be nicer. But I didnt know, it turn out to be much more nightmare. *SCREAM*

17/5 2pm - 930pm
18/5 2pm - 930pm
19/5 12pm - 6pm (Meeting my agent)
20/5 11am - 5pm (Requested)
21/5 4pm - 930pm
22/5 4pm - 930pm
23/5 4pm - 930pm
24/5 11am - 930pm
25/5 4pm - 930pm
26/5 4pm - 12am (suntec midnight sales)
27/5 Off

freak! ANGRY! ANGRY! ANGRY!
Suppose to be meeting Ben's mum on 26th May, I cant even change my roaster now. damn angry!!

My Shift for the next few days. Including next week. Seriously, it somehow just sucks. I guess you guys will make a big fuss out of it, cause Ben & Xindai already did. HAHA.

17/5 2pm - 930pm
18/5 2pm - 930pm
19/5 12pm - 6pm (Meeting my agent)
20/5 11am - 5pm (Requested)
21/5 3pm - 930pm
22/5 3pm - 930pm
23/5 3pm - 930pm
24/5 2pm - 930pm
25/5 2pm - 930pm
26/5 1pm - 6pm (Meeting Ben's parents for dinner)
27/5 OFF.

I didn't ask why all afternoon shift, either do I care? Or perhaps i'm just too tired to be bother. Whatever. Maybe she has her own reason to "sabo" me or what? But its good for me cause I'm "drying" soon. HAHA! Can save money by working afternoon! =)
Yesterday was like so bored! Shop so clean till I've nothing better to do. Totally no customers(Not alot) and I just stare into space, waiting for people to come in. I keep yawning till I wanna fall asleep.. Boo-hoo...

Anyway

Happy Birthday Fabian!

Its a pleasure knowing you! Haha. Thank you for being with me back then!

HEE HEE! I'm so happy! I rush home for something from Ben. SEriously, thank you baby! And yeah, happy anniversary!! I love it very very much! Thank you!



6months coming.. I can't believe that 6months just pass like that. Though Ben is not with me for like 3months or less,(thats before minus away trip to Brisbane and him coming home.) But through out these coming 6months, everyday of my life is fill with his loves. (:
PS : This post is gonna be kinda mushy.
And yeah, since the very first day he message me, my heart never stop beating fast, and as days go by, I realise that I love him more then the first day I accepted him. Aww.. He's just so sweet, so patience with me, and everything. What's more is that he never fail to stand beside me when things goes wrong.
I can proud to say that through out this 6 months, we never quarrel before. Misunderstanding or getting sensitive over something not so. But getting irritated, yes. A couple of times, but after awhile, he will always find way to meant up everything.
What I learn from him is that, long-distance relationship will never work(in most cases) but ITS NOT TRUE! Take both of us as and example, he left for Brisbane is like gonna be 3months, but we never fail to SMS one another, call, email, MSN, web-camming or even letter exchanges(this sounds kinda old school)!
Love between us still burning, the fire never dies, and of course, it grow stronger! He understand each and every single thing that happen. Though he's not with me physically, but in my heart, he never leave at all.
Back then, I'm being selfish not wanting him to go over there(though we've no other choice) but right now, I'm so glad that he's over there. Cause he has learn how to cook(which means I don't have to cook next time) and yeah, of course, taking care of himself. Which I'm really very proud of him.
Though at times I feel so lonely, and seeing couples working here and there, even boyfriend picking girlfriend thing-ing going on. How I wish that he's here with me. I get depress over it at times, but what to do, this is part of life. I gonna accept it, and who knows that he will be back so soon.
Yeah in another 44days, and I gonna be the happiest woman/girl in the world for like 72days and I gonna be another depress woman/girl again. The feeling ain't good yeah? Seeing someone you love going another country for a couple of months, weeks, days or whatever. This feeling ain't good!
Whatever it is, I'm proud to say and I thank God for Ben. If without him, I won't be the way I am. And yeah, Baby I love you!



It was fascination
I know, and it might've been there, at the start
A passing glance, a brief romance
And I might've gone on my way empty hearted
Empty hearted it was fascination
I know seeing you under the moonlight above
And I touch your hand, and I kiss you
Fascination, I know that it might've been there at the start
My fascination, turns to love, fascination

Was at work yesterday. Pretty bored, lucky IZa came early. And XIndai came over to find me. But a little too late to catch a movie with them.

Went to Pos office, to send things for Ben. 1.4kg that took like 9-12days there cose $35. Blah, but they say, if things lost, wont be covered. I'm like "huh~!?" Just pray hard that the thing will really get there.

Anyway, went for dinner with Ong & Kai Sheng at Changi Village. Have a great time with them, cause its hard for the 3of us to really meet up though we really try at times. Blah, in the end went to CHangi Beach and chat.

Blahhhhh....... Gonna transfer to PWP so soon.. This coming wed. THIS SUCKS

The song that I'm addidiated to right now.

Janice - Never Let You Go


The rain, just never seems to bring
the joy I feel the same. Everlasting pain of my loss remains

My heart can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left your mark
all that I dreamed of now it seems so stark

Though I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now but give in

If you gave me one chance to tell you just how I was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you
I won't live my life without you

If you gave me one chance to tell you just how I was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes
and you know I'd never let you go

The way you left me on the train
I don't know what to say
I remember everything that day
I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance

Sometimes, I wish I could just shut my eyes and go to sleep.. ANd never wake up again.. I'm tired.. Really tired..






But I know, I can't..

To be frank, I should be happy with my life. And be contented. Have such a wonderful boyfriend, a wonderful girlfriend, and surrounding friends. But sometimes, I wonder what's wrong with me.

Out of no reason, I feel that life is so dull. Though Ben tried to call me almost everyday, get to speak to him able to light up myself. But sometimes, I just feel kinda empty. I don't know from when, and since when.

Though me and her clear misunderstanding and I guess we will need some time to get used to it once again. Cause there will be scars in between us. It will be a little weird to pretend nothing went wrong.

Been really moody these few days, or maybe I can say for the past one week. Until now, I still can't figure out what went wrong, or what goes wrong.

I still love God. I still enjoy attending church. And of course, I love my cellgroup mates. But sometimes, perhaps most of the time, I wish to be left alone. Not being contacting with anyone of them. I'm so tired, till almost break down and cry.

Let me put on a smile, and life still moves on afterall..

Seriously, we're really out of mind. Ben and I were having this conversation about our babies. HAHA. When the time comes, we won't worried about what name shall we give. And this is funny.

---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
how bout scoffield ?
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
.......
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
whahahaha
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
Watch too much show liao lah'
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
how about Sara?
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
WHAHAHHAHAHA
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
yeah sara's good
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
sara is a feminine enough name fer a girl
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
haha
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
HOW ABOUT ESTELLA!?
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
prefer estella !
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
OKIES!
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
melanie ?
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
janice ?
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
no
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
in case we get 2 girls
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
ESTELLAAaaaaaaaaaaaa
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
whahaha
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
we gotta have a backup plan
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
Then the other one belina



Then before that we were talking about wedding.

† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
I cant even picture myself in the wedding gown
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
WHAHAHAHAHA
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
SO FUNNY!
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
LOL
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
demure!
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
LMAO
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
then you can get married in your levis and tees then
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
..........
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
If can I will.
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
i'll be in my shorts and tees
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
lets have a LEVIS WEDDING!
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
WHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
.....
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
wth ! whahaha
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
lol
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
might be something unique
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
Maybe bikini party!!
WHAHAHAH
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
someone might start the trend soon
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
might as well be us ! whahaha
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
we'll have wedding gowns and my tux custom made by levis
† im ebel -- I know I ❤ you.. † In God I trust. says:
LMAO
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
and the guests have to be in a strictly dress code
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
*strictly levis



Forgive us, he's trying to entertain me, and we're bored.. Boo-hoo.. We conclude,
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
estella is a lovely name actually
---[B3N ❤ eBeL]--- says:
benedict fer boy ?
At first what I want was, Belinda for girl, and Edward for boy. But now its Estella and Benedict. HAHA. So we still keep the B & E thing going on. And we're going to buy house at TIONG BAHRU! Yeah. This will happen soon.. Real soon.. Haha. 5years from now? lol.

I don't know what went wrong. For this very moment, after reading someone's (who mean so much to me in my life) blog, I weep. Tears just eventually roll down my eyes, I couldn't stop thinking, I couldn't stop weeping, I couldn't stop hating myself for being over-sensitive.

Misunderstanding, quarrels never happen to the both of us, other then the very first time we argue over going Bangkok last September. This is the second time we misunderstood one another. Due to no reason.

Just because unable to meet up, just because when I needed someone, she's not able to be here with me, ended up saying "I'm kinda tired of calling you out." I don't understand why does the word "tired" came out of my mouth. Did I give her up? Did I give up this friendship? Or is it because.. I'm really tired?

You called in the middle of the night, early morning, I'm so dead tired, and I was asleep. I wanna called you in the morning, but I guess you're sleeping. I wanna apologise to you, but I've no guts to say it. I hate my pride that I hate to say sorry. I hate being so stubborn for not able to tell you I'm sorry.

Close to 4years of friendship, just because of unable to be with me when I need you, gonna just go down the drain like this? I know it will NOT be happening. I wanna be your neighbour as time goes by, I want to study the cook book with you and burn down our kitchen when we're living next door. I want both of us to be so proud that we can cook for our husbands without burning the kitchen down.

I wanna have so much more Bangkok trips with you. July is coming. Ben is coming home. We're going Krabi ain't we? End of the year we're going Bangkok again shall we?

No more quarrels, no more misunderstanding. And I pray, pray hard that I won't be over sensitive. And I'm sorry my dear.

I don't like type of feelings that lingers around me. I don't like the way you say "I'll call you again." When will be the again? How long more do I have to wait? How long will that be?

I'm really sick of trying to call. When you're really that free, then give me a ring. No matter when, I will always try my best to meet you up. Because I'm your girlfriend. But have you ever spare a thought for me?

I'm so sick.. Sick of everything..

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watch me waste my life away

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