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ramblings of a young adult

I was the one planning the outing for the ex-PS team. But turn up, I'm the one who doesn't want to go.. But in the end, I still go ahead. Suppose to meet at 630pm at Suntec, turn out the whole group of us meet up at close to 8pm. Head to convection center for steamboat.. (And it makes me remind me of you.) Anyway, photos shows everything.

Myself, Candy, Ivy & Michelle.


Ivy


Candy


Michelle


My dearest son, Reeve.


And its a little xin fu to sit in between 2guys. Jacky & Reeve.


Group photo.



And the day before, was at Boat Quay with Queenie & Joshua. And I realise its been long since I've been there. The moment I get out of Raffles Place MRT, so much memories flood back..

Queenie.


Joshua.


Them.


My shifts till mid of next month.
01.03 M
02.03 A
03.03 M
04.03 A
05.03 A
06.03 M
07.03 M
08.03 A
09.03 OFF
10.03 OFF
11.03 A
12.03 A
13.03 M
14.03 M
15.03 A
16.03 A
17.03 A
18.03 OFF
19.03 OFF

I think I will die like this. By having 2 off days together, and gonna work for 7-8days straight then off. Thats why I don't having 2off days together. For example today and yesterday, I've been doing nothing. And I'm rotting still

Do you remember? See me as if you never knew. Hold me so you can't let go. Just believe in me I will make you see. All the things that your heart needs to know.

You used to captivate me by your resonating life. Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind your face it haunts. My once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away. All the sainty in me.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, but though you're still with me, I've been alone all along.

The days and nights we knew how much I feel fore you. Time has come for me to see how much your love has meant to me.

Memories I know I felt like this before but now I'm feeling it even more because it came from you.

(:

Pretty surprise that Mr. Nameless gf called. Telling me that "Ebel, I believe you're a nice girl, if not he will not fall for you. And I think you deserve someone better." What's wrong with her? I'm not trying to say she did something wrong, maybe she doesn't know in the way whereby I don't like people teaching me what to do. Oh well..

She drop the hint so big whereby she's trying to tell me not to bother him anymore. And asking me not to end the friendship with him? She can't have a peace of mind. Oh well, what I told her was I'm not the one taking any moves with asking him out or purposly happen to be at the place whereby I can find him. Instead he's the one doing all these. Why can't she really take a look out over him?

Well, I guess.. She got defeated in some way. Got him in a person, but not the heart. (:

I called him to tell him about it. And he's very piss with what she's doing. And to my surprise, I told him that she said she get my number from him. But when I asked him, he say never. Right now, I'm still wondering whose the one that came lying? I rather believe him then her.

What's next? Wanting to call someone to talk about it, and in the end, that guy, whom I think I can trust came telling me "You call me for what?" What's next? "I'm attached, I think it won't be that nice for you to keep calling me.." And I just hang up the call.

Yesterday suppose to be a happy day to drink and chill at Boat Quay. Ended up she start to ruin the night, then Mr Nameless, then that guy.. Oh well.. Life still move on, and I thank God for everything that happen. (:

I'm broken. I hate to leave. I hate changes.

I'm waitin for you. Its amazing how you could take my breath away with a smile. You make me blush in your presence, butterflies in my stomach. Its amazing how much i think of you everyday.. yet you left me hanging on the line. Its a ride on a rollercoaster. You brought me to the heavens and let me plunge without a net to cushion the fal. Stil i miss you the same. I guess you'll never know.. Baby, i love you..




bless the person who did this.


I'm getting tired.

In and out taking care of grandma, taking care of myself, night life, supper and what's more? work? I can't even get enough rest. Sometimes I just wanna numb myself so hard so that I wont think any thing.

Its my off day today, and I'm home. Wonderful huh? Not as if no one ask me out, is just that grandma over my place, I gonna look after her. Off day just burn like that. Sigh.

When I see her, those blur-ness that she has, aches myself alot. She don't dare to sleep alone, want me to sleep with her. I don't mind, but my mum says that she need to learn to be independent (Which is true) so in the end, at the middle of the night, my dad sleep with her.

Right now, she opens up the fridge, looking for ice to eat. Thankful enough I stop her. What's next? Looking for drinking, ICY COLD DRINKS. I've to force myself to stop her from doing that. Its not good for her. Sigh.

I've turn to a stone, with no feelings. I guess.

I weep so badly the night before. Whereby Mr Nameless and I will just let go. I don't understand? Its pretty drama whereby I was around his area, and his at my void deck waiting for me. I don't understand because he's the one who told me to let go, yet his doing all these. I really have enough of everything that he's doing. And right now, I feel nothing. Yes I still feel hurt when I see his nick, but I guess, there's nothing I can do.

I went insane, and start to weep so badly. And what's next? Burn away his photo? The first time we talk was at the park, the last time we star gazing was also at the park.. I burn away the photo, and let those memories fade away.. I guess.. That's about it.




And yes, I'm fine.. Over him. And thanks to grandma, for opening the can of peach tea and drink. For that, it piss me off... ARGH..



Please don't cry, you know I'm leaving here tonight. Before I go I want you to know that there will always be a light.

So many times I'd planned to be much more than who I am and if I let you down I will follow you round until you understand

When the days all seem the same don't feel the cold or wind or rain. Everything will be okay, we will meet again one day. I will shine on, for everyone

That if the moon had to runaway, and all the stars didn't wanna play. Don't waste the sun on a rainy day the wind will soon blow it all away.

Sorry... I am really sorry.
我又一次把你气哭在陌生街头
爱你...我当然爱你
自从第一眼到现在什至没人敢预测的将来
请你相信不是我不愿意改变我自已
而是一再努力又一再放弃那个软弱的自已
其实我恨透了我自已没有认输的勇气
让你受尽了不安和委屈
你是我这一生这一生最最最害怕去伤害到的人
也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人
虽然我并没有并没有并没有一身温纯的灵魂
但是我很愿意很愿意做那个永远照顾你的人
我的爱人请听我有颗不善言语的心
只能够看着你远处的背影

Been down these few days. For whatever reason.. I really appreciate Queenie, Joshua and Winson. For staying with me. Act like an idiot just to cheer me up. And all thanks to YOU ruining my day. But its alright.. Don't have to tell me anymore white lie. Cause, its enough.

Went to Jalan Kayu for prata, then follow by Yishun ??? Winson lost his way. I laugh till I almost cried. Its a great journey though I'm freezing like mad. Sit down there, gazing the stars, with those songs at the background. Think thru alot. Why am I facing all these whereby I know I don't deserve in the first place. Sigh.

Thank you.















I still miss you somehow.. I know I shouldn't, but I do..

Yong Xi called me last night. Telling me that next month will have gathering with the whole gang. Tsk.. KTV + FOOD! I'm so keen with it.. But the KTV will be at JB. JUST BECAUSE JB HAS 4MIC!! I'm like what the!? Should I go?

I'm sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do. Trying to think of something, anything just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind.

I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you. Oh please, baby won't you take my hand, we've got nothing left to prove.

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me. But the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me. You know the holidays are coming up, I don't want to spend them alone. Memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back.

I close the door. Like so many times, so many times before. Filmed like a scene on the cutting room floor, I wanna let you walk away tonight without a word.

I try to sleep, but the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me. A thousand more regrets unraveling. If you were here right now, I swear I'd tell you this

Baby I don't wanna waste another day, keeping it inside, it's killing me. Cause all I ever wanted comes right down to you. I wish that I could find the words to say baby I would tell you, every time you leave I'm inconsolable.

I climb the walls, I can see the edge, but I can't take the fall. I've memorized the number so why can't I make the call. Maybe cause I know you'll always be with me, In the possibility.


如果再见我 你能说什麽 说爱我或只是寂寞 原谅我冷漠选择不联络 因为我担心你会听见我还那麽难过

因为对你我连再见都　说不出口 我想你能懂　爱还在心头

Everyone is happily attached.. Or perhaps my surrounding close friends are.. Perhaps its time to move on huh.. Well..

Been slacking at home for the past 327461974 hours. Now waiting for people to call me out! ARGH. I'm SO BORED!

Was out with Zhong Yue yesterday to TM watched "Ah Long Pte Ltd" funny show, that i almost laugh my ass off. Its a good laugh. Queenie & Joshua suppose to meet us, but.. Sigh, never mind. Went over to Queenie area to have supper at corner, then took a cab home..

When I alight, I saw a figure that walk around my level. Was wondering who is that. I thought was my brother, if not I guess, I've seen "something". Rush up like mad, look down the stairs, there's no one..

Head home, look down to the car park, my brother's car at home, and he's sleeping like pig, and I realise I must have seen someone else.. Which I'm not wrong. Mr Nameless was here..

I was in the shower and randomly just SMS him asking him where is he. He told me he just left, and ask me to pretend that I never see him at all.. Tears just somehow stream down my cheeks.. I wonder why he's doing all these whereby he's the one who disappoint me?

In what way? He get back with his previous GF. I guess someone must be cursing and swearing at him. Oh well. I don't know what to say. I asked him to u turn back. He said its too late to do that.

In the end, he did.

Went down to have a little chat with him. Didn't talk about anything about US. Or perhaps discuss about anything. Just doing some catch up.. And he accidently told me that he was here a couple of days back, but didn't have the time to see me. Its true. Cause the time when he's around, I'm outside with either Queenie, Ong if not Kai Sheng.

When he's there, I just have those feelings that's telling me that he's nearby.. I can sense it, which I've no idea why! Oh well.. He send me up to my level, like before, I stop when I turn into my unit, he just continue his way, and make his way down. I went up to level 6, hoping that he's still there, but instead, he's at level 1 already.. (sounds pretty drama I know.)

And he speed up when he pass by my unit.. I guess, its really time to say goodbye..





But I know I can't.



A 'Love' Story


Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived. Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the sland was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you," Vanity said. "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."

Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.

Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?" Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Happy Valentines' Day


Well, its just another day. I'm still suffering the post wisdom tooth remove sickness. Not as if my face like pig, but I'm just EMO right now. Haha.

Woke up at 10am, together with dad go to SGH. Grandma hospitalise. But thank God that she's fine. Though she doesn't look fine to me. The look on her face, the expression that she give. Hurts so badly. Tears somehow gonna stream down the moment I see her.

Recalling back those time when my grandpa was hospitalise. Those negative thoughts just keep flashing in my head. All I need is someone being with me. And I'm so glad that friends like Kai Sheng, Zhong Yue and Queenie, keep me accompany. I'm contented.

My dad had a bad dream months ago. Dreaming that grandma.. I hope it won't happen because I know that she will get well, and she will discharge real fast. Just some high blood pressure and stuffs, mum joke and say everything is higher then other people.

I know she will get well, I know she will discharge.. I know she will be able to see more things..



And right now, I wanna catch "PS I Love You" when will that be? And I have a boring Valentine Day. Boo-hoo.. Mr Nameless, are you gonna be my Valentine? I know you can't. *Smack* Wake up, and zap back to reality..

Extract my wisdom tooth today. Will be on 5days MC.. Who gonna spend my Valentine Day with? Is it the Mr. Nameless? Or is it someone else? Be waiting for that Mr. Nameless guy's. But I know, he won't..

再給我兩分鐘
讓我把記憶結成冰
別融化了眼淚　
你妝都花了
要我怎麼記得
記得你叫我忘了吧
記得你叫我忘了吧
你說你會哭
不是因為在乎

Dear Santa, can I have this please? (I know its not CHRISMAS, but that's the only person I can dear to. HAHA)









And I miss you, over and over again..

信 - 错了

我沉默了 你沉默了
彼此到底怎么了
变得不快乐
我是懂得 也会懂得
我们都不舍得
可是伤口变得难以愈合
我们曾深爱过 曾一起生活
却忽略幸福在身边默默守侯
爱借的不够 鬼迷心窍还想要更多
以为人生该静静挥霍
我们走到最后
想要更自由
爱借的不够
你一定哭过
在心里的某个角落
天晓得我多么难过

我们曾深爱过 曾一起生活
却忽略幸福在身边默默守侯
爱借的不够
鬼迷心窍还想要更多
以为人生该静静挥霍
不能走到最後　想要更自由
我才发现失去你是一种折磨
我一定哭過　再決定放手的時候
天曉的我多么难过

一無所有才知错了

I wonder why...

Whenever I'm drunk, wasted, high, tipsy, I will always call his number. And he will never fail to pick me up where ever I were. This thing does not happen once, it happen more then 3times.

Summer Breeze, Arena, Double C, Bark Cafe, his area playground.

Whenever the most depress period, he never fail to stand beside me. And I'm thankful for that. Appreciated. What's more, never fail to bring me to supper, never fail to feed me till FAT. Never fail to take care of me whenever I'm sick. Crazy over KTV, food, drinks, star gazing and of course, staying with me.

Perhaps, I guess, you guys must be wondering who is that fellow. Well, shall call him nameless. But I guess a few of you guys know who he is. And right now I guess, we're just strangers..



Blah, whatever.... I've no freaking idea what am I talking about. But I know, I miss you..

Sometimes, it just that the correct person happen to appear at the wrong time. Sigh..



The longest movie, is the sweetest dream..

I'm having such a boring CNY. Well, for both day, not working. Though on standby, but no one called. I'm thankful no one call. Haha.

Wasted, hang-over. Really sucks. Went to meet up with Yong Xi and the gang. Total strength 12 of us. Suppose to be celebrating Chee Siang's birthday, but turn out, they didn't come. So celebrated Yong Xi's belated birthday. Fun crowd to hang out with. Meet up alot of new people.

Rush to Clark Quay Arena after 4hours of KTV, went over to find Miss Chan. She said she's wasted, ended up taking care of 2drunken. Ended up, I'm wasted too. Have no idea why I drank so much, just feel like drinking, feel like dancing all night long. Throw out countless time. The feeling of puking just simply sucks. The feeling of hang over much more sucks.

I didn't know why I get down there. Maybe because I know I want to be there to take care of her, maybe I still care about her and stuffs. I don't know. Sigh.

I'm thankful that he came down to pick me up, and though we said we are not suppose to see each other anymore. I dont know why I called him, I dont know why I cried so badly, I just wanna cry. Thats all I know. And I know I make a big scene over there, things get nasty between Miss Chan and her friends. Oh well..

At least right now, I feel so much better.. And I iknow that it will be the last time I gonna drink till like that, and I promise, I wont get wasted again.. The feeling sucks when martini mixed with beer.. Argh....






I wanna have so much peace.. anyone wanna bring me along?

"听" 轻轻唱了一首歌，是什么旋律又让我想起你？你多么冰冷的嘴唇，你决定真的要放手。每一个夜好长，路走不完，和你去过的地方，多么冷的夜，我习惯这样的生活。

我到底在等什么？总是担心你的那个我到底为什么？这一秒我哭了无法多看你的背影。

"看" 这一幕片刻黄昏，什么记忆让你回头？夜深人静时候我都难过，没有你在身边陪我。多么冷的夜，没有人逗留在街头。

都已经失去了所有，那现在的我还在等什么？一个人纪念听着你最爱的歌，我只能在你电话里留话。

爱你的苦衷没有让你快乐，为了一种感觉停留……

Piss with myself.

Seriously, I don't know what the heck is going on my brain. I know I'm hell tired, yet I wanna get out of the house. Its so much peace at home, but I can't help by wanting to go ut.

Music, memories, every single thing just remind me of us. I really need a break. But whenever I stop making myself busy, memories flash back. Those hurts and pains and whatever.

Finally get out of PS. Get myself in one of the busy shop. Well, busy till I dont even have time for a smoke. At least it better, dont have to think, dont have to bothoer. Just keep numbing myself up. I know one day I will fall.. Which I think I will soon..

argh.. i wanna club..

灯光也暗了 音乐低声了
我的心开始 想你了

灯光也暗了 音乐低声了
口中的棉花糖 也融化了
窗外阴天了 人是无聊了
我的心开始想 你了
电话响起了 你要说话了
还以为你心里 对我又想念了
怎麽你声音 变得冷淡了
是你变了是 你变了
灯光熄灭了音 乐静止了
滴下的眼泪 已停不住了
天下起雨了 人是不快乐
我的心真的受伤了

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watch me waste my life away

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