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ramblings of a young adult

I guess this post gonna be long, and I guess, a little dry.



I give up trying..



I've been strong, trying so hard to be a better person, a better in charge, a better shop mangaer, a better friend, the list just goes on..


Recently didn't sleep well, eat well. Just get tired so easily. Friends being telling me that I look real horrible. Comparing to the past, its not like the me that they know back then.


Its been a stressful week, I guess.

I put so much effort with the shop, perhaps get recongise by Country Manager, people recongise my hard work, respect me, things and task get done within time frame. I train up a good team. From zero team work, right now, everyone work as a team.


I'm still hoping that I'm thinking too much.


Team mates birthday, I went down to celebrate with them though I'm REAL tired, real restless. After full shift head down to attend, midnight head home. No matter how broke am I, will always figure ways to buy them present. Though I'm not working on Sunday, I bought them cake, to celebrate etc.

I'm not saying all these impress everyone whose reading.

One of them actually wanted to resign. Which I did ask why, and what cause he/she to resign. The reason stop me and I wonder. Did I behave like that when I was around that age? No time for myself due to work, friends, family, hobby(back then was clubbing.)

I fight for that person to stay, which my regional doesn't allow me to. Her point of view was why must I have someone who does care about the distance travel, and someone who doesn't really commit alot of shifts? Or perhaps, at times, telling me the shifts that he/she want?

I didn't agree with her. (Though back then I will agree with my regional, I rather hire someone new, and train up all over again.)

I argue with her, this and that. I back my staff up. Which I've zero idea why. Perhaps I'm just being too protective towards all of them. Every single mistake they made, I will try to cover them up. Including, latness. Which I can never stand that back then, over shot break time etc.

Right now, I stop, and question myself. Have I change?


Tears just stream down when I know about some stuffs.

The staff that I've been protecting all this while,(the one who wanna resign) did organise an outing. Everyone was invited. Except me.





I'm upset not because of not inviting me. I'm upset, because I wonder, all these while, I've been protecting you, is this what I should do? Just like a mother protecting her children? Is this how you take me for granted?



Another staff came telling me that I wasn't invited was because I was being roster that day.

And I choose to keep everything to myself. Weep last night, and I hope I did feel better. I wish that time will stop, and at least that makes me feel better, and when I did, time continues to move.



-------------------------------

Cotton On has this news letter that being pass around world wide. Which looks something like this.

This section is about super star and stuffs that the regional wrote.



I'm real close to tears when I found out that my name was there!



I hope its true, and I hope I really did a great job.

-------------------------------

Is there anything or something that can makes me feel so much better?

My leg is getting so much better. Right now, I guess have to wait till the scar gets better.

Its gonna be a busy week ahead. 2meetings in a row, and lucky I get my weekend off. And it will great that Dec have so much PH. Christmas, Hari Raya, and of course, New Year, which is up coming January.

Right now, my shopping list is MacBook and Sony Ericsson X1. Anyone wanna bless me with that. (:



Gonna prepare for work, and there goes my day..

im just tired.. i wish i could sleep forever..

Last Christmas I spent with you at Double C, last New Year I spent with you at my house.

This year, who am I gonna spend with? Will I be a loner at home? Or will I be hanging around Boat Quay with my friends or who-so-ever?


I'm sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do. Trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me. But the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me. You know the holidays are coming up I don't want to spend them alone. Memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own

I know it's not the smartest thing to do we just can't seem to get it right. But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight one more chance tonight.

I'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar. But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you, oh please, baby won't you take my hand we've got nothing left to prove.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did, and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids. And I didn't mean to give you chills, the way that I kiss. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did.

The first time I heard this song, I weep very badly.

你的回话凌乱着 在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽 甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯 我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌 假装没事了

时间过了 走了 爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了 我哭了
离开时的不快乐 你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了 你累了
说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了
爱淡了 梦远了
(我都还记得)
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了
放手了 后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

You've been in my life and I never plan, growing old without you.

Shadows bleeding through the light, where a love once shine so bright, came without a reason.

Don't let us go tonight, love's always not black and white, bruised and battered by your words, dazed and shattered and it hurts, haven't I always love you?

I would have change the world, if I have the chance, you won't let me. Treat me like a child, throw your arms around me, please protect me.

When I need you, you're almost here and I know that's not enough. And when I'm with you, I'm closed to tears.


Cause you're only almost here.

Was reading my post, and realise that I didnt share about how I fall. I fall down, not from bike. Alot of people ask me how come I accident, was it from bike? I repeat, its from a fall.

Went to work that day. 7th Nov 08, morning shift. Pretty tired due to Queenie's chalet. As usual, doing opening alone, opening of stocks alone etc.. 11am+ saw one of the rack was empty, went in to dig for stocks. Got the stocks, walk out of the store room, and I hit a tub, and I fall.

I landed on top of it, at the edge of the tub it crack, and cut my skin. There's this lady that rush over to help me up, asking me if she can do anything. Blood just stream down, and I felt so helpless. She help me up, and hold me towards the counter, and I call my regional manager.

Eddie heard me crying, rush down. Candy heard Eddie's conversation, chat with me over the phone until Eddie came down. At that point of time, my mind just went empty, and dumb me still continue with opening of stocks etc.

Eddie reached, ask me to go toilet to wash the wounds. Without knowing anything I just walk towards the toilet. Tons of people saw the cut, NONE OF THEM HELP ME UP. This is how mean Singaporeans are. Some even point at my leg, and start shaking head etc.

Went to hospital after that, did basic dressing, and head home.

And thats all..



Just a photo. Nothing to said/type.

雨淋湿了天空 灰得很讲究
你说你不懂 为何在这时牵手
我晒干了沉默 灰得很冲动
就算这是做错 也只是怕错过

在一起走 分开了走
是不是说 没有做完的梦最痛
迷路的过后 我能承受
这最后的出口 在爱过了才有

你说我不该 不该
不该在这时候说了我爱你
要怎么证明我没有说谎的力气
请告诉我暂停算不算放弃
我只有一天的回忆

能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的怀里你不用太多失眠
如果你想忘记我也能失忆
能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见
你送我的眼泪 让它留在雨天
越过你划的线 我定了勇气的终点

Went to wash my wounds just now. Thank God, I dont have to wait that long. The moment the nurse took out the bandage, my tears just stream down. Not because it hurts, its because its so heartaching to see your own leg to be in this way.

More over, I'm a girl, everyone wants to be perfect. Now, I guess, I'm not anymore..

I've been well recently. Went to Queenie's 21st Chalet, had lotsa fun, drinks, food, etc.. Went to work the next day, I fall, and hurt myself.. Will be on 1week MC. I hope that there woont be any scar left behind. :(









Thank YOU for giving me a cold shoulder, when I need you the most.

Thank you for all those care you've give me for the past 1 week.

And lastly, thank you for loving me.




I had a lot to say was thinking all my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

This time, I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right

I'm sorry I'm bad
I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you care, I love how you sound
and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

Its been long since I've update. Well, perhaps just busy and tired with work, moreover computer crash. (sorry bro if you're reading this)

Anyway, right now at my friend's place using computer, there's so much events coming. Like yesterday went to my staff birthday, Wednesday Queenie 21st birthday and follow by S&K gathering. Now I wonder should I go down?

Perhaps I should to catch with them, perhaps I shouldn't, just to avoid people around.. Sigh, I dont know.

How's work?

Its like doing every single thing the same everyday. Just a matter of shift. And yeah, great people working with. It makes me want to go to work more. And sometimes things just went wrong, and I get tired, negative thoughts just keep flashing by, that makes me wanna give up working.



But I know, I won't.



2 more days, and will be 1st year that I work at Cotton On.. (:




Shall update when I have the time and when I have my friend's labby to use.. Bug me thru phone then.



Chaos.

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