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ramblings of a young adult

Hinder – Without You

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something's changed
You've been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Called you up cause it's been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it's taken its toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it's taken its toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009. Goodbye beautiful memories..


2008 seems a hard year for me, I'm glad its over. Hoping that 2009 will be a better year. It so quite at home. No one is at home. Listening to the stupid songs that make me so EMO, but I'm glad that I'm going out for some fresh air later.

Well, I said it was a hard year due to work path doesn't seems so smooth, but I'm glad that I did get what I want back then. Finally being a Store Manager of one of the awesome stores in Singapore. So glad that the boss of Cotton On recongise all our hard work. (Good job guys)

Have a wonderful team back in Parkway, glad that I didn't give up back then. I finally reap what I sow. (Or whatever you call that) I'm really glad. Finally get a stable career that I always wanted to have, and such a lovely environment to work have. Get a store SO NEAR my place.

Oh well.. Just being happy and contented.


I hope I will enjoy to the max later, and welcome 2009 with a new me..


Well, next year this date, what will I be blogging?
Getting married?
Getting promoted to Regional Manager?
Or perhaps,
nothing?

Its my off day..


Suppose to be doing roster, going down to chalet, enjoy myself. But I didn't. Need nothing today. Just plainly stare into space. Hoping I will find the mood to get myself to do roster.



But I didn't. There goes my off day..

I know I should be resting, but I didn't.

A phone call from you, my heart sank. Asking me where am I, ended up I told you I'm home, and you hang up. A year ago, we were like drinking our lungs out at Double C. This year round, I guess, I cant even remember when did we last drink together? Its just so memorable back then. Those laughter that we have.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't thinking much, I wish I didn't change too much till some of you can't even recongise me. At times I wonder, have I change to a better person? 2008 is ending what have I done for this past one year?

Yes I did want to become a store manager back in 2007, right now I got it. Am I contented with what I'm having? Twice a promotion in 3months, am I not happy with it? I wish I am, or in fact, I think I am.

Sigh.

I've change to some cold ass, that doesn't even give a shit to anyone. Go around hurting people that doesn't appreciate me, those things that I've done for them. What have I got in return?


Nothing.


Oh well, I don't know why am I putting things in this way. Perhaps something just cross my mind and make me wanna cry. Or perhaps, Tampines Mall staffs are making me so heartache............





I don't know lah'


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At times, I felt that, I didn't did my part as a store manager, or perhaps people doesn't even respect me at all. Back in Parkway and Wisma, I was damn strict. People get scare of me, but at the same time they respect me.

Things ain't the same at TM. I wasn't that strict. People take me for granted. Take my words as nothing, as though I'm nothing in the store. All I want is things get done and stuffs.

Things have been going on from bad to worst. Regional expect more from me, shop to turn out well and stuffs. Without having a very supportive 2IC how am I gonna hold onto the whole shop?

I'm a human too. I can't carry the whole load all by myself. Its only a matter of time that I fall....

I'm tired... And I know I shouldn't cry. Because cry admit defeat. But I know, it makes me feel so much better.

How I wish I didn't request transfer to TM..


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All I know is that, this song, still lingers on me badly.


我討厭　陰天的風　冷得那麼刺痛
只有你　能夠撫平所有的寂寞
昨天的風箏在角落
被誰丟到了路口
我很不想讓你找到離開的理由

每一夜　閉上眼睛　我看到了惡夢
你微笑　但是旁邊的人不是我
天空切開一道裂縫
直接割到我心中
不想裝作脆弱　也不想愛得懦弱

其實我非常愛你不想失去你
難道我沒有權利說我不願意
你給了他的吻　雖然只有餘溫
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心

我知道他很愛你你怕他傷心
我每天假裝開心害怕你離去
可不可以任性　求求你不要去
藏在我心裡　最後一句　其鴦還愛你

可不可以任性　求求你不要去
藏在我心裡　最後一句
其實還愛你

I'm still waiting....

1) Pay day.
2) AWS.
3) Someone who can bless me with X1. (HEE HEE)
4) A right time to take a break.
5) My 22nd birthday.

Talking about birthday, is like less then 1 month I'm turning 22. OMG. That day is coming so soon. I've zero idea how am I suppose to celebrate it. Perhaps just ask Terrance to help me prepare food at my place, a few of us gather and MJ together(Haha) if not, a chalet which Gary gonna help me with it. We've been talking about chalet thing for close to a month, till now, still no news. :(

If not, gonna go for a holiday.. To ??? AWS is coming next month, which means I've additional cash. And seriously, gonna get myself X1(or any kind heart person gonna bless me? I'm still wishing!) with the AWS money and I guess, by then, not enough cash for any trip.

Perhaps, just get myself to Genting, :( or maybe Thailand, yes like again. Kinda tired with Bangkok cause most of the time is only shopping. Or perhaps get myself to Phuket again. Or maybe some island that I can relax myself and really have a break.

Oh well, say is say. By then, will I be able to get a break?




*Smack* Coming back to reality. Gonna catch some sleep. Fever is coming :(

Merry Christmas. (:

First of all, thanking everyone that bless me with presents. Haha. Really appreciate you come all the way down to pass me.

I had fun last night, though was hell tired. After work head down to my friend's place for celebration. Though ain't close with the rest, but at least I had fun and, didn't get drunk. In fact, knock out not long after I start drinking.

Trying to endure the tired-ness, but in the end, still gonna admit defeat. Haha,and right now, I gonna catch some sleep, before I really start to become some panda.

Haven't been resting well since TM opening. Busy, hell busy over at TM. Tired, of course tired. On average only manage to sleep like 4hours per day.

Off day yesterday, but turn out go down to shop to do POS training. After which, head up to catch movie. And head home. Been sleeping since the moment I step home till this morning. This is how tired I get.

Gonna go prepare now, and yeah.. Another tired week ahead.


Merry Christmas in advance. (:

I'm ultra contented..

Manage to set up a store on my own today. Get it done, from nothing to something. I never so happy before. I'm really very happy. Though today was a ultra tiring day, but when I see the store was done, I'm like jumping around and stuffs. I'm ultra happy can?

I didn't resign. Just that I transfer. Over to somewhere so close to my place. TAMPINES MALL. Tomorrow will be the first day, hopefully things will turn out well. And I know it will!

A new challage for me, and I know, I will be AWESOME :D










It still hurts to leave all of you at Parkway, but I know, I will be fine soon. Really appreciate you guys come down all the way to help me with the set up, and really thank you JAVIER for that Honey Red Tea. It really brighten my day up. (: Thanks Afiq and Kai Juan. Love you guys LOTS! :D

I detest arguements.

One of my friend got shock when I call he/she today. He/she was like saying I was busy with my "new friends" where by I don't have? Have he/she ever stop and step into my shoe whereby I'm always the one asking he/she out? I get sick and tired with asking.

We've been knowing each other like for close to 2years. Why can't this time round, you are the one asking me out? Yes you will. Only at times when you need the company to drink, to slack or to pour everything out to when you've no one. Am I your last resource?

I guess so..

Is this the way that friendship should be? There's always one party giving, and one party taking? Perhaps that's how relationship work out, but when you give too much, you get tired. At times, I wanna take too.

I don't know lah.

--------------------------

Was talking over the phone with YOU just now. I know you don't like me to smoke, why you kept asking me how much sticks I smoke today? Even if I lie, you don't take my words, and doubting me by asking "You sure you're smoking so little?" And if I tell you the truth, you're like "why must you smoke so much?"

Tell me what should I answer you?

I felt the conversation uncomfortable and wanna hang up. Ended up, we're having a little arguements over it. I just wanna calm down, when I feel better, we will talk things out. But I don't have the chance to calm down, till I tell you off. I don't like it.

Why must we argue over this little things? Overall, I don't like to being control.





I'm tired. I wanna sleep.. Now..

It sounds so true..


You are always alert and keenly observant. You are not truly satisfied with your everyday status and you are seeking fresh avenues which can give you the opportunity to prove your worth. You feel that there are still many barriers that stand between you and recognition - but one by one you will overcome them. Your tenacity is your one good point - like an English Bulldog, once you take the bite, you will seldom let go.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.



click here




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I'm tired. I don't know why am I so tired and restless these few days. Like tomorrow gonna be my 3rd off days in a row. What have I been doing these few days?

Sat night went out with Parkway crew to eat, slack, announcing the news to them. Some of them broke down, in fact, I almost did. When I look at their stun looks, it hurts so badly.

Sun went to watch bball at Simei, follow by movie, slack at Pasir Ris Park with drinks. Reach home like 3plus.

Today woke up like 12plus, went to Downtown to eat, and came home. Went out again, MJ with Javier, Kai Juan and Gary. Surprising I won like $10. Cab home, and I'm here blogging.

-------------

Cruel to the eye, I see the way she makes you smile. Cruel to the eye, watching her hold what used to be mine.

Why did I lie? What did I walk away to find?

Curse me inside, for every word that caused you to cry. I left the one I was looking to find.

Out of my mind, nothing makes sense anymore, I want you back in my life. That's all I'm breathin for.

I can't breathe easy, can't sleep at night. Till you're by my side, no I can't breathe easy. I can't dream yet another dream. Without you lyin next to me, there's no air....

I'm simply tired. Stress are pilling up. Right now, even before I open shop, had a little arguements with my 2IC. I don't know how things gonna work out later..

Is just that the previous SM that's she had didn't pass the message across to me.. Oh well..




I just wanna be alone tonight, I just wanna take a little breather. Cause lately all we do is fight and every time it cuts me deeper.

Cause something's changed, you've been acting so strange. And its taking its toll on me. Its safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave.

Called you up cause it's been long enough and you said that you were so much better. We have done a lot of growing up, we were never meant to be together.

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday, without you, I'm seein myself so differently. I didn't wanna believe it then. But it all worked out in the end, when I watched you walk away. Well I never thought I'd say. I'm fine,without you. I just wanna be alone tonight, I just wanna take a little breather.

I know I won't cry and I know I be strong.


Suppose to be my last day on Thursday, but lucky got delay. Tomorrow will be my last day. Everyone thought its just a normal dinner, but I guess, no one reading here, other then Javier.

Time pass by, I don't know how long will I be able to endure everything. This time round, this is a big blow for me. Now then I start to realise that Parkway belongs to me. Part of me don't want to stay, but I know, in terms of work, I have to move on.

This time round, I've zero idea how am I suppose to break the news to them, but I know, I will be fine... (I hope..)

The store manager taking over me, is someone who I think they'll love, and I know she'll do a much more better job then me. Jia you..


As for now, BYE BYE, gonna go out for dinner with my parents. I don't know how are they gonna nag at me again. I know, I'll be fine....

This upset, won't be lingers around for long.. (I hope)

The long waiting day has arrive. Finally, I get out of Parkway.

Today is like my last day there. Though its not offical announce to the Part timers that stick with me since the first day, I didn't break the news to them at all. I don't know how am I suppose to take it or how am I suppose to break the news to them.

Saturday will have one last dinner as a group with them. And I hope, I won't weep..


(:


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If someone gonna bless me with this phone, I guess I will marry you. HAHA. Its Sony Ericsson X1 by the way. *drool





你已静悄悄的离开 我还假装没事
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了

Dream, still dreaming.. Wake up, I gotta to wake up.. Seeing things, pictures that I don't want to. For this moment, my heart aches badly. Just like having something been so damn sharp been poke thru my heart. And it bleed.. And soon, I will bleed to death..


And that's when, I learn to give up, learn to pretend not knowing anything....



I'm fine, just felt emo that's all. (:



Happy birthday bro. (:

wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up

Perhaps its time to wake up from where I thought I will always be happy, where I always thought that things will turn out fine, perhaps I should have just get out of the "comfy zone" and start to get a life.


Should have start getting a life long ago. Perhaps things wont turn out the way it should be. Or perhaps sometimes shouldn't have online so much so that I wont see the things that I shouldnt have see. Or shouldnt want to know. Then I guess, I will be much more better now.


And to that SOMEONE out that went tagging my blog, I guess I know who are you. If you know me well enough, you shouldn't have say these, it just simply hurts. (:

I'm craving for this so badly. :(


I regret.



Porky Lee. Who never fail to fight with me since Sec 1. Who never treat me like a woman. I miss those time that we have REAL FIGHT. WHAHA


I give up.



Benn having fever for the past few days. Trying so hard to find someone who can accompany to see doctor, but in the end, I travel there by myself. Thankful that Terrance came down with me. He's so shock to see how pale am I, how fragile that I am.

I guess I gonna collaspe anytime.

After all these few days of thinking, I finally realise that by holding something that you know doesn't belong to you anymore, will only give you more pains. This is when I realise I've to give up.

I give up trying. I simply just wanna give up trying..

1.
There's this friend of mine whom I always wanted to get close to, to let him feel that he's not alone, ended up being rejected over and over again. I'm sick of trying. I'm always picking up your call when you're upset, where by when I need someone the most, were you there? Don't call me when you're feeling depress, cause I had enough.

2.
All these while I've been holding onto something that I never wanted to let go. But I guess this time round, I give up waiting. Give up waiting for miracle. If things are mine, it will be mine. Why am I so stubborn holding onto it? Where by I will get myself more pain?

3.
To be a better store manager. So what if I'm a store manager whereby everyone so scare of me? Scare of me is not something that I want. What I want is people who respect me. Agreeing with me that I'm worth the "store manager" pay. I'm just praying that the time that I left at Parkway will be a much more memorable one.



Tears are starting to stream down my cheeks. I've no idea why am I sobbing. Perhaps these few days of resting at home making me turn insane.


(Thursday came home rest, friday see doctor. Saturday here am I stoning. Sunday off day cum my brother birthday. Monday PH off. 5days of resting, I hope I have enough of rest.)











能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了 我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了 能不能不爱了爱情它太痛了 我痛得快死了却无法把爱割舍 我不能睡

I finally knock out.

Was having fever since last night, went to work today, feeling damn seh still. Head home like 3pm. Thankful bro came down and fetch me. Reach home, took panadols and knock out. With thick blanket and warm jacket..

A nice sleep afterall.



Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better.



And yeah, recently a friend of mine, ended him relationship with the GF. Or the other way round? I was there for him. (Over the phone) Wanted to make my way down to his place, but he didn't allow. Tried to ask him out, but failed. I hope you're fine.

All I want you to know is that I care. (:

I'm tired. I'm just simply so tired.

I need a break, off day please come soon. And I know, the seed that I've been planting has turn to something real good.






Harvest is coming soon.















not that i didn't loved you, i just couldn't overcome the obstacles

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