Does Dreams Come True?

2010-01-09T02:07:00.002+08:00

Unhappy. Still feeling upset recently.. About.. Life I guess.

Been very down. Been crying like a cry baby. Edmund's issue, we didn't call it an end. Right now, I don't know what's the status now. But after a big cry(at last) I felt so much better. But still, don't know what's my next step. I don't like to see the him right now.. Everyday, just wasting his time.. I really don't know what to do to make things better.

We did try to get back, but I just felt that, he's still the same he. Didn't give much support with the things I do. Those pains right now, is just like how bad it was, when Terence left me.

Caught in the middle, not knowing where to go, what to do. Trying to find things to make myself busy. Go out with friends till late, so that when the moment I get home, I will just sleep, and "charge my battery" for the next day.. All these been going on for the past 1week. And right now, I'm really tired..

Was on break today with one of my workmate. Talking about family, which she started the topic. She start talking about "grandma loves.." and for a moment, my mind went blank.. Memories just starting to flood back.. And I realised, I lost my grandma back then..

Its been really awhile since I last pay my respect to her. When will be the next time that I can afford to do that? And will I cry like what I did back then when I been there?

I dont know what am I typing right now.. My mind total went blank...

I'm tired. I hope I be able to sleep..

2010-01-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

Its really been awhile..

Happy be-lated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Been busy I guess. Sales is everywhere. So dead tired. Especially Christmas that week. Only off on Christmas. As for New Year, off on Eve and New Year Day. And off again tomorrow.

I guess, life's being good. Just get my hair color done. Well, it contains.. 4different color. Oh well. Manage to sit there for close to 4hours without moving my BUTT.. It really kill. =( I swear, no more next time. Anyway, after sitting there for so long, the color turn out only manage to see 1color. Damn sad. But still ok lah..

How I ended my 2009 was a damn great thing. A news broke out to me on 31st Dec. THEY FINALLY DO SOMETHING! Can't talk much about it though, but I'm freaking happy with the way they end my 2009.. HAHA..

Anyway, went Dbl O on Eve, didn't really have much fun. It was pack, ultra pack. Hot, and everywhere you go, people vomited, drunk, pushing around. Gosh.. I didn't expect that its so pack! If I know, I would have go somewhere else..

right now, I would say that somehow or rather, my life is in a mess. A big mess. Not knowing what I want still. And this simply just suck big time.. Should I go for it? Or should I remain the way I am? OMG.. Its making me so sick, and tired somehow or rather. Feel like giving up everything. And restart all over again. Just like playing game......

I wish I could, but I know, whatever I face now, I gonna have a solution.. And right now, the solution is.....

I don't know.

Perhaps, someday I will know..

2009-12-16T23:55:00.002+08:00

I'm so tired suddenly..

I don't know what's on my mind right now. Is like 2009 ending soon.. And what I've actually been doing? Wasting away all time that I have for the past 1month. Seriously, I guess, I'm just having too much fun.

Relationship with Edmund? Yeah, we end it. Or perhaps I was he one who end it. I guess, even if there's a turning back, I won't go back. Because of the things that we said to each other, really nasty, painful, and it simply sucks.

I would say, those time that I spent with him for the past 10months, I really enjoy myself. (other then those time that we quarrel.) We do things together. Meet up almost every day.. Not getting sick of him. Remembering that the time whereby he asked me to be his GF at Mac, Tampines. Shouting so loud to make me feel embarrassed in front of my friends. Haha..

To the first time that we quarrel.. Those sucky words that I tell him off.. Till the last one.. Which eventually he did sincerly asking for forgiveness.. I felt it, I'm touch by it.. But things just won't be the same..

He's no longer the Edmund I know. Drinking and wasting him life. No goal for him to goal for.. I just feel bad, that maybe I ruin his life. Or perhaps, he knows what FUN means.. He detest me going clubbing, drinking. But he's doing it righht now.

Sigh.

Right now, other then the recent one. That very friday that I got myself dead drunk. Totally lay flat at Double O. I'm glad that my friends were there for me.. To help me up.. But eventually, it was my Bro, and his friends that carry me home. I felt so sucky after that.

Why am I doing all these to myself? Why am I hurting myself? Is this what I really want?

I'm happy not about the break up. At least I'm starting to see a wider vision of my life. But I'm still goal-less.. I guess... I need some sense of direction in my life..

I'm glad that some friends of mine, manage to share with me the things that's going on with them.. What are the things that went wrong for them, and how they manage to pull thru it..

Right now, I hope that, 2010 will be good for me.. I know it will be... (:

2009-12-16T15:31:00.001+08:00

A wink... 2009 ending so soon..

2009-12-08T01:20:00.002+08:00

I'm tired suddenly.. Simply, everything..

Moodless with doing things, no intention of going anywhere. Not even to club, drink, coffee session, and even work. So much things are running around my head, but seriously, I've no idea what am I thinking.

About relationship? About career? About life?

Perhaps..

I just wanna stop thinking, and making everything ok back again. But sometimes, all these emotions are taking over me. And I can't help but think again. But till now, nothing come into conclusion..

I wish I can stop everything.. And go back to the happy Ebel that everyone see.. Like what my friend shared, "whenever someone tried to be very happy, keep laughing all that, eventually, at the end of the day, that person will get very emotional. Because, finally the mind stop, and think..."

Right now, I'm trying my best, not to think of anything.. Anymore..

2009-12-04T03:22:00.003+08:00

Christmas is coming...

I've been reading Terrance's blog. And realise, perhaps I should have one wishlist too.. Will someone bless me with that!? (:

1) Someone gonna bless me with a trip to Sanui Beach Resort & Spa. It's at Thailand!
2) Gucci Sunglasses (238145 J0740 2310)
3) Gucci bage (229850 FU49R 1000 or 211975 FAF4X 9769)
4) Gucci watch (238145 J0740 2310)
5) Omnia Pro / Blackberry
6) More Midnight Mimosa (though I've just purchased 8bottles of it from ebay, but Victoria Secret already discountine it! I need to stock up!)
7) More CASH! I'm planning of Europe trip in 2011!
8) More Kino vouchers! So I can shop at there till I drop!
9) A Christmas tree at home. Its been awhile since I've seen Christmas tree at home. I guess I can only recall it when I was youung. :(
10) Everyone to be happy!

Right now, I don't want all these.. I just want someone to be there for me, to make me happy....

-edited on 0018hr 17th Dec09

2009-12-04T03:09:00.002+08:00

Finally.. At last.. I'm feeling tired..

I don't know why am I feeling so tired this entire week. I guess is due to the VM changes. Its a major one. Being busy for the past 3days.. Lucky I'm on off tomorrow! (:

The VM change actually for other stores not much changes, for Hougang, the Rubi's sections and the ladies sections gonna swap, sales wall as well.. Its hell tiring. And worst, racks being shifted as well.. Have guide line to follow, eventually, someone in the store ain't following the guide line that being past down..

I really hate it whereby I have to be the one doing all the changes.. Did a floor plan for that person, including writting down the sections of how the VMs go, but eventually that person still made mistake with it. Ended up, I gonna be the one doing it.. Over again..

Did the Men's VM on Wednesday, all by myself. Gone thru with that person on Wednesday evening, eventually today when I step into the store, the VM still the same. Other then the fixtures being swap, the rest of the walls for ladies, is how I look like when I left the store on Tuesday night.

It really disappoint me.

Moreover I added more staffs for that person, but task not being done. Is it because its too hard to understand? Or simply that person doesn't have any sense of urgency? Or simply don't care?

I don't know.. Didn't have a chance to talk to that person, perhaps another day. Most likely I gonna see that person next week or so..

As for plan tomorrow, I guess, gonna get my hair cut. Meet my GF for coffee.. Talk about lifes, catching up with one another.. I've so much things to do, and I've no time!!

And I'm really really tired.. I wish that my off days are more.. So that I can rest more.. And I'm really looking forward for a holiday soon!!

Argh! I need a break!

2009-12-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

Finally I feel like typing..

Recently been on those "ok terms.." Well, not always the case that I only blog about those unhappy things, although recently been thru lotsa shits.

Well, finally manage to draw a line within us. And we manage to clear things up(I hope) and yeah, till the extend that friends also can't be. I guess, things will be better in this way. Whatever gonna happen next, I believe, I shouldn't be blame. Because there isn't a need for me to be pointing finger at.. Pushing all those faults to me.

Perhaps, part of it, might be my fault. For unable to forgive him. Those friends that we have in common, keep telling me forgive him, cause he really had change. But to me, whats the point? Whereby the previous time when we quarrel till that bad, he should have change. Not until now..

He's ruining his life right now, and I know. I feel bad to make him the way he is now. But is that anything I can do? I did forgive him, but the fact is that we can't get together anymore.. He did touch me with the efforts that he put in, (I'm still a human, I still have feelings..) but there will still be scars around. How can I forget about those things that hurt me so badly back then?

Call me a loser that don't even bother to try. But like what one of my bud shared, women always bear grudges. Yes I agreed. But, I guess, those emotional hurts that I've suffered, makes me tired.. And make me don't want to try anymore..

Its 1st Dec right now.. I've been playing for the past 1month or so.. Party, drinking, all sorts of things that make me "escape" for that moment. At least right now, I get to do all sort of things I always love to do. Been clubbing once a week, drinking whenever I could(but not to the extend that I get drunk.) coffee session with my friends that I seldom contact.. Doing catch up with them.. And right now, waiting for the best time to get myself tanned.

These are all the things that I always love to do. People always say, "a leopard never change its spot" which I agreed. Though he always keep pressing me down in every single way, after we broke up, I'm still back to the way I am, the way that I used to be..

Bro being worried about ruining myself and gettiing to waste those money that I shouldn't be spending, or whatever stupid things that I can do. But eventually, I'm still here, breathing, and doing well.. At least, I still cherish my own life.. But certain people doesn't.. Oh well, they might as well give their lifes to those who struggle to survive... Why, in the world, its never fair?

I finally get tired of having to play almost everyday.. Right now, I just hope that I will sleep well and eat well.. Recently being taking to little food till the extend that I feel that I've lost weight.. (eventually I think I didn't..)

And its close to 2am now, I guess I gonna go sleep.. Good night world..

2009-11-15T13:52:00.002+08:00

Everyone been asking "Hey Ebel, you alright?" Seriously I'm really fine. Just that I guess, a little too much of fun. Went drinking for 2days straight, clubbing on Saturdays.

Went Butter with Jo last night. The music was not really that nice compare to the previous time I went with Elina they all.. Wanted to go Dbl O, but too late to choose. Well, at least I had fun last night.

Well, the previous time I update my blog, alot of friends somehow or rather contact me back. Seriously, I feel so bless that I have you guys as my friends. (: Especiall Belle.. Came all the way to Hougang just to give me a big hug. Thanks dear, you're really sweet. (:

I've nothing to do today, I guess, I gonna just take a nap and sleep. I'm super sleepy..

2009-11-09T22:47:00.001+08:00

Its really been a BIG while since I last update my blog.. Reading through, found out that been complaining lotsa shits. But still gonna complain here..

Life been bad and rough for me these past few months. After Plaza reopen for trade, I lost it.. I've been transfer to Hougang. It was a big blow for me. From a big shop, to a neighbourhood store. Well, start to get use to the facts about it. It aint that bad after all..

Its only that the time travel I can't predict. But other then that, everything seems fine.. The good thing is that the food is cheap. Customers are fun, cleaner auntie is good, and transport fee really go down..

Not long after I got that, recently I just broke up with Edmund.. Oh well. Don't ask why. Being treating very badly towards myself. Get wasted at Dbl O. Get my bro so worried.. Like what I said in my FB, after 22years I then start to realise that my bro is someone who is icy outside, but deep down is warm...

He dried away my tears when I cry. Asking me to stand up from where I fall. Whateve nasty things that Edmund said to me during the quarrel, he doesn't mean it because when someone is angry, he/she will tend to say alot of things that doesn't mean it. But my bro doesn't really know what's going on with us.. He just stand beside me, hugging me to cry..

Think back, my bro is really an ass.. Didn't expect my sis to tell him that we already over. Get myself stuck at Bugis with my PS crews, not knowing should I go St James with them.. Ended up my bro said "everything will be on me, just go Dbl O with me and have fun.."

Of course, I went. Get myself really drunk, cried out real bad, and him, which I didnt expect, drying away my tears, hug me and said "everything will gonna be alright.. just take it as a lesson learn.."

Well, its been a week being alone. Everyday just hide at home. Perhaps just avoiding everything that happen. Keep making myself busy by doing nothing, or doing the things that I like., Example watching tv..

At times feel alone, wish that Edmund will be with me doing things together. But thinking back, perhaps it will be better now. Too much quarrels ain't gonna help with the relationship.

Went to Downtown East just now, manage to catch "My sister keeper" I weep so badly. Realising that no matter what happen, kinship is more important then anything in the world.. Thats when I realise that no matter how shitty and idiotic my bro is, he's still my brother. And I love him for who he is.. And of course, my younger sister. As long as she doesn't irritate me, everything will gonna be alright..

Just manage to pamper myself with little present. Bought myself a labby. And a 0.3c ring. I'm happy. But my mum said "don't because you're angry, you spend money.." But I know, this thing will gonna stop soon. And I know, the sunshine that I'm always looking for, will be there after this raining season.. And I know, I will be fine..

2009-09-04T17:44:00.000+08:00

its so tiring. reach tioman like 4pm. did nothing much.unload stuffs then went for swim.had seafood last supper.its really amazing.the food is really awesome.

went for hiking just now. hell tired.took about 1hr plus to reach the other beach. went to mini tiny waterfall.had some swim,took a speedboat back. too tiredto walk back.now sitting down,using wifi. (thankful there's wifi here) and yeah, wait, waiting for dinner. and then,we've no ideawhats the next plan.

went to fish just now,caught damn big swordfish. i'll upload the photo when i come back SG. bb, i think you'll wanna come here. cause uou can fish all day, no need buy bed. we've on the spot. just fish for bed. haha.

alright,gonna go wash up and have dinner. (:

2009-07-24T16:49:00.000+08:00

i hate it when i'm alone,waling around aimlessly.no idea what to do, where to go. sigh. i'm pretending to be ok, looks ok, but deep down, i doubt so.

recalling when grandma was at my place when my uncle and his family were oversea. that sence was realLy like the movie from Jack Neo. Grandma sitting there helplessly, watching into space,walking upand down of my house,whereby im at the room playing pc. i wish i could turn back time to that period of time.

she went to the kitchen and pour a cup of ice water, i was really angry at that point, and i scolded her.she pour away and walked back to the living room, and i head back to room, she went back again, doing the same thing.i scolded her again. i was at the boiling point at that time. i didnt mean to do that. sorry grandma.

i wonder is there ice in heaven? cause grandma love to have ice water and sweet drinks. she loves beers too.

sigh

i miss grandma cooking. especially hakka dishes. :(

i hope i'll feel better as time goes by. today is the 7th day since she left. i hope she's doing fine.

i miss you grandma.

2009-07-22T23:10:00.000+08:00

another day just pass like that. i hate doing nothing. trying so hard to make myself busy, but i cant. things just keep coming cross my mind when i'm abit free. i dont like, i really dont like.

i hate the way i'm behaving right now. so helpless. dont know what to do. head been aching real bad. panadol doesn't seems to help at all.

bf been great,trying to accompany me,making me feel better. whereby i can cry freely infront of him. aint afraid of shame. his presence just make me feel so much better. he tried not to make me think of the fact that grandma is gone, he really tried to make me laugh. but i guess, he know that all these laughters from me are fake one.

my face is in real bad shape. lots of pimples or perhaps dirts, but i aint gonna care. without contact lens to work, no image at all. no sense of dressing,because all these doesn't make any different to me at all.

sigh.

no matter how much i'm hoping that grandma will come back, no matter how hard i wish that time will turn back, everything will still be the same.. perhaps, i should just learn to let go of these facts.

i miss you, grandma.

2009-07-22T16:22:00.000+08:00

its my break time now. using hp to online. things aint getting better. grandma keep coming round my mind. its not easy. bf keep asking me to learn to let go.

recalling those time when i was young,how she used to tie my hair,making sure i look the best at school. she's always here with me, bringing me everywhere she goes. buy my favourite breakfast. asking me every night if i wanna have hot milo before i go to bed.

she aged as years go by. from daily routine to weekly, and now, i'll never get to see her again.

she always said that i'm naughty,always run around,she had a hard time trying to locate me. my bro and i, went to some school to play,she walk one big round, the whole of bedok south just to find us.she worried that we might lost or what.

recalling that last sunday,just a normal day of dinner with her. she had her favourite sharkfin, she ate alot that night. i thought her appetite get better but i was wrong. i didnt know this just happen so fast.

mum called telling me that my beloved grandma pass away. tears just helpless keep strolling down my cheeks. i felt so helpless. and i dont know what to do. i rushed back, and saw grandma at the coach. her feet turn white and cold. that moment,i know what grandma already left us.

i cried to myself. and i wanna be strong. the moment i saw her, i dont know what to do. the grandma that i love,already made her way to heaven to find grandpa.

but i know what she's with grandpa now, watching us as we grow.

pains will always be around, and love towards them will be strong. but i know, they will never ever leave me.

R.I.P. grandma
00-00-1935 - 17-07-2009

i love you.

2009-07-21T02:26:00.001+08:00

R.I.P. grandma. You'll always be in my heart. Finally you can join grandpa in Heaven. I love you..

2009-07-05T03:34:00.004+08:00

Its been awhile again.. Its 330am now, and I'm still here. I've just get to surf net. Really doing nothing much, other then the song, keep playing around my hear. The song that shop always play, and everyone in the shop been singing along etc etc..

Been living well, doing well. Health getting better either. Was down with very bad flu, cough, sore throat. And what's next? Fever. Sounds so damn like H1N1. But its just a normal flu etc.

Was pretty scare at that time, moreover I'm in town, get to interact with tourist more. (Maybe higher chance) Oh well, I'm really fine now..

Just feeling a little hungry now.. Nothing much happen these few weeks, just get my house painted. I guess, next week will be my room turn to get paint. At least its better, where by its not HOT PINK.(I detest PINK)

Thanks to BF for coming my place to help my parents with painting the house. He's tired, can tell, but he really put in 100% with it. Never get to see him get so serious before.

Hmmmm... This relationship been going on for 5months. Didn't do much things. Less shopping(but I manage to get 1 Gucci wallet *HEE HEE*), less tanning. Still movie-ing, like most of the fridays/saturdays night. Fishing, MJ-ing, slacking. Travel. (Next up place, TIOMAN!!!) Sounds boring, but its not! I never really like fishing and prawning. ITS BORING CAN! But with BF around, things just turn the other way round. The laughter from him never makes me bored.

We've been meeting everyday through out the relationship(only 2times whereby he's working night shift, and the other time whereby we quarrel), almost doing same thing every weekend, but I never get bored!

We've been thru thick and thin. Under the sun and under the rain(due to taking bike) but I'm really thankful he has been here with me. Walking with me thru ups and downs together. Though most of the time I upset him alot, he'll still hold onto my hand and continue walking with me.

Will update soon, I promise..

PS: This song doesn't imply anything. I'm just falling in love with it. (:

Can't wait until your arms are wrapped around me tight, all night, every night. We'll watch the stars turn into the morning light, right there side by side. The things you say, the little things you do, make me come, make me go ohh ohh. I need you close, I'll be home soon. And when I get back, I'm gonna stick like glue.

I gotta get back to where I never feel alone, back to the best and only love I've ever known. To the familiar face, that smile, you make me laugh until I cry, where I'm in love, cause you're my honey.

I'm running on back to you, I love what you do to me baby. The touch of you makes me go crazy, I figure there's only one thing to do, I gotta get back to you. I need you to whisper in my ear, and tell me the things that I want to hear. The moment that I got here boy I knew, I've gotta get back to you.

2009-06-01T02:15:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile again..

I guess I'm well, just tired that all. BF's grandma pass away. After work, head down to the wake to accompany him. Hoping that my presence will make him feel better. And I hope I did. Monday I heard the news from him. I felt so lost, whereby I don't know what to do. Moreover converting the shop to sales. New VM, mark downs etc. Its killing me. And that week before, I only get to have 1 off day. So its really tiring.

That Monday night, I didn't manage to get some rest. I guess its because I over work myself, or perhaps, I didn't get to see BB. Its really weird whereby I didn't get to see him at all. All the way till Wednesday, head down to the wake, still till 1plus, head home, shower and rest. The next day repeat the same thing again.

Stress. Just stress. Hoping that things are doing well for everything. Ain't sure how does the boss think of my side, but hoping that things are really well.

I'm just tired. I wanna have a holiday. I dont know why so fast craving for one, but I just wanna have one. Its like I gues I've over work myself in some ways, sometimes I don't even have time for myself. Just like now, whereby I enjoy blogging, but now, I'm stuck with wanting what to blog.

Sigh.

night world.

2009-05-18T12:56:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile..

Was down with Flu, Fever recently. On Thursday was like MC-ing. Resting at home.. Sat till today was off day. Did nothing much. Just stay at home slack, BB's place. Oh yeah, I head to TTSH on one of those resting day, due to grandma hospitalise. Well, glad that she's getting better.

Its heart-aching to see her being hospitalise. Was like celebrating Mothers' Day with her, last sunday, and she was hospitalise like on Tuesday. She lost so much weight within 1week. Its only 1 week since I've seen her.

I've been hook up by prawning. Although I don't like that last time. But right now its nice. Whereby we've nothing to do in the middle of the night. 4of us, BF, Joanna and Zhong Yue will head to Pasir Ris interchange there and start prawning. For like 2hours or more. Before that we're so into playing lan. And before that? I guess, MJ..

Well, life now being good. Though at Plaza Sing seems far. At least I wont bother my BF and say "BB why you never bring me to town for shopping?" There was once when he wanted to head to town, ended up I told him off "I don't feel like going Town.." He was very surprise. And saying "Next time don't say I never bring you go ok.."

I wonder whats so nice about town? Hmmmm.....

Ever since we've been together, I've not been clubbing, drinking. Well, that's good isn't that? At least I won't hurt my lung.. Haha. We've been doing crazy things together.

Happy moments always end so fast.

Well, just get to see a friend used to being so closed to me blog. Seeing how her/his life being doing. So much things been happen. And I reaise its been awhile sine we last meet up and spoke. Abit weird to see both of us doing like that.

If you're reading, my mum been asking about you, like how things going on for your side. And sincerly, hoping you're doing fine and good. (: Take care my dear. You're always the dearest to me.

2009-05-07T01:08:00.002+08:00

Been MIA-ing for awhile. Was kinda busy with work and personal life. Haven't been online for like almost a month. Ain't able to blog, or check mails, or perhaps reading friend's blog.

Life still doing alright. Too much things to handle recently. Work especially. Too much work load, too much expectation from Regional above. If I'm unable to even handle Plaza Sing, I guess, I'm not worth to be a store manager.

Too muh things too talk about, doesn't feel like blogging anyway.

Night world.

2009-04-02T11:51:00.003+08:00

For a moment, I felt so much pains within myself. I've left Tampines Mall. And I guess, I left for good. I didn't expect people around me will do this type of things to me. I dote them like my own kids, I treat them as adults. I don't expect them to do these type of hurtful things to me.

Well, I'm now at Plaza Sing, where I started when I just join Cotton On. Actually plan to keep everything down to myself. But instead, I need some "moral" support with the things I've been doing. Or in fact, things doesn't seems to be moving well for my side.

Anyway, just came back from Redang with E.t. 4days 2nights there. Its fun, just that the journey there is a HELL KILLER. I rather go to Phuket since everything there seems to be the same.

I need something that really motivate me. For some moment, my heart hurts, and tears just roll down my cheek without me knowing..

2009-03-26T13:19:00.002+08:00

Its being long since I've blog. Well, no time, not much things to blog about. Things has been doing well for my side.

I'm going on a holiday later. I really hope that everything will be doing good over there. And I hope that I enjoy myself to the fullest, whatever unhappy things that happen all these while, I will learn to let go.

Perhaps, its time for a new changes.

2009-03-04T23:44:00.002+08:00

I didn't know things will get out of control.

I'm like so tired. These 2days at shop, seriously is killing me. First was 55cartons, plus tons of HORRIBLE customers, and worst, VM change. So does today. Although today only 15cartons, but it took me forever to get it done. I'm tired, physically. And mentally wearing out.

Was hoping that someone will be there for me (physically) yesterday, but turn out that someone was busy with washing she/his bike. And joke with me telling me that I miss that someone too much. I kept quiet, hide at a corner and weep. Hoping that someone will be accompanying me for dinner, waited till like almost 7pm, ended up I went for dinner alone.

Anyway, that was yesterday.

And today, that someone was busy fishing, a slow SMS came along for the day. And ended up I was busy at store, and that someone still busy fishing. Called that someone when I was having break, but that someone seems so busy with her/his friends. We didn't exhange much conversation, and I felt so alone for that moment.

Time pass, Queenie and Joshua came down. Asking me to play MJ whereby they said that yesterday I already agreed to play. (Well, I can't really recall if I did agree to play.) I've no choice but not to meet that someone. Ended up that someone got piss. I just humble down and apologise. Seeking for that someone's forgive-ness.. And, I get back nothing, but a "ok... bye..."

I was piss. Of course I am. If not, its not Ebel.

Reach home, hurried MJ, finish around 930pm. Text that someone a couple of times, asking if that someone finish his/her fishing.

No reply.

Asked again if wanna meet.

No reply still..

A SMS from that someone asking if I did call that someone, I replied, "No."

A phone call from that someone, ended up quarreling over it.

You said that you're tired, and wanna head home to rest just because of fishing and lack of sleep. You said I don't understand that you're tired.
You said that 3times in a row I fly your kite because of my friends. You said that I didn't understand how you feel.

Well, I didn't argue back. (I'm so closed to tears right now..)

Seriously, I don't know why that someone gets angry or perhaps a little upset about it.

*My point of view*

Since the first day that we've been hanging out, do I get enough rest and sleep? Everyday, wake up rush to work, after work, meet that someone till pass 1am. Its a daily thing-ing. I didn't even say anything. Even though I'm working morning shift the next day.

I guess its not really fair whereby I put it in this way. But I'm really tired.

That someone don't like to play MJ anymore. Why must force that someone to play whereby he/she doesn't like to play? And what's wrong with me playing and he/she fishing? And we meet after that? I know its my fault whereby this morning I told that someone that I will meet he/she after I finish work.

Who should I reject? Whereby both side I will hurt. Why it cant be a win-win thing? I play my MJ with my friends, and I meet that someone after that? And why is that someone so angry about it? And pushing those blames to yourself?

---------------------------------

Perhaps, things shouldn't meant to be in the first place.

I don't know what am I talking, but all I know is that, I'm really tired.

From To Leave Duration State
26/3/2009 27/3/2009 Annual 2 APPROVED

2009-03-02T12:13:00.004+08:00

Went SG flyer last week with E.t. Had fun there. A great expierence that I have. The 30mins is really worth, and of course thanks to Cotton On for giving me those tickets to enjoy. (:

---------------------

I'm kinda down. =( I just weigh myself. And I realise that I'm like 2kg heavier. It might be small issue to guys, but girls do take note of their weight. I'm so down till the extend that I cried. How silly can I get? And... I'm running out of words...

2009-02-25T11:49:00.004+08:00

Did plan for holiday, but due to all of us are working in different lines, its a little hard for us to arrange all on AL on the same day. Eventually, the trip was postpone again. =(

I'm alright. Things are moving well. Boss came down, he didn't say much things about the store, at least things are moving well. A couple of friends came down, especially Shawnie. Whereby he stay at JURONG. Not forgetting Chalene and Donna.

Things are alright with me and E.t. He's not that kind of romantic guy, either is he sweet. We don't have anything in common. He loves gaming, whereby I really hate it. I love shopping, whereby he totally hate it. But we MJ! Haha. We've been like meeting each other after my birthday week. Which eventually both of us just came out for supper, movie etc.

I won't say that ain't romantic guy = not a good guy. Eventually he find his own way just to make me smile. (Although I'll get sick when he start to share his lame jokes.) That's the reason why I like him. Hmmmm... He don't waste money on unnecessary things just to please a girl. And eventually this is what he did.

We went to archard at Downtown East, East Coast Park just to do all these. Eventually somehow or rather I get addicted. HAHA.

Everyday did the same old thing, if I'm on the afternoon shift, supper at some where, will slack, and talk regarding things that happen on that day, and that's it. If I'm on morning shift, we'll meet for movie, and dinner. If not, his place or my place. Is like everything thinging. But somehow, I enjoy doing all these.

I won't deny the fact that we did quarrel a couple of times due to misunderstanding. But this silly guy here is the one that I didn't argue back, or even raise my voice at. I don't know why. Perhaps just change somehow..

And yeah, I'm happy right now. (:

PS: Miss Chan, I miss you. (:

2009-02-19T00:17:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of work. Simply just tired of work. Everyday waiting for the time to finish work.

Off today, stay at home a few hours make me go crazy. Wanna go sun-tanning, but too tired. Stay at home, slack, eventually, fall asleep. Head to city, did window shopping, head back to east, meet E.T, Queenie, Joshua, Zhong Yue and Joanna. Eat, slack, talk cock.

Looking forward for April, that's when I start to relax. Intending to plan a short trip. Will that happen in March? Its still a question mark. Right now, I wonder, what should I do next? Is there anymore goals in my life to achieve?

2009-02-15T14:16:00.004+08:00

Happy Valentine's Day.

Well, cut my hair some time ago. Which look real short. And yeah, I had fun last night. (: Thanks E.T

Its not romantic at all. After work, waited for him for like 1/2hour at TM. Head for dinner at Long John? Ha, seriously, every where is PACK. Even Bali Thai(Which usually have no people.)

Walk around, Gary called. Ended up 4 of us went to catch movie at Century Square. Headed to his place, thats when I start to smile. (: Whereby I didnt expect him to do anything at all for Valentine's Day. Because, its just another day(to me.) I guess, I gonna start to celebrate Valentine Day.

This silly boy draw that Pooh Bear till 5am in the morning preparing all of this.. (:

2009-02-09T00:22:00.002+08:00

How I wish that the time will stop right now. And tomorrow won't come so fast. And today won't end that fast.

E.T going to work tomorrow.. Boo hoo. I bet I be bored lah'

Saturday was fun. Went to meet up with S&K peeps at Kelvin & Justina's place. Celebrating their baby 1year old. Though giving a damn black face, but still ok lah. Went to Downtown East meet up with E.T's and his friends. Which also my friends. Bowling etc..

And right now, I'm kinda tired to open my eyes. And I shall rest.

And I know this post is boring. Tomorrow is another hard day. :( It will NOT be the same as before.

2009-02-08T02:50:00.002+08:00

How's life? I believe everyone waiting for me to blog about this. Well, personally, there's good and bad.

Well, bad was that I GOT CURFEW. Yes at freaking 22years old. Parents got real piss with me recently. For coming back home on average 4am. Well, that's great because at least I gonna have enough sleep. Bad because I've lesser time spending outside with E.T

Things ain't doing well for my side over at career path. Its getting harder to please the bosses. Not being motivated at work. Moral damn low. Everything seems to get into my way. What's worst was that whatever my staffs do wrong things at the wrong time, I will be blame.

No matter how much effort I've put in, it doesn't work.. Right now, I seems that half of my soul are inside the coffin, its only my body thats keeping me strong. Its not a good year for me right now, but I believe that harvest will be here soon.

Well, someone will be coming over to so-called help me with the shop. Train up everyone there, including me. It "motivated" me in some way by making me more down. Perhaps to the bosses up ahead, "Ebel is not doing well. She needs help."

How long can I be able to endure all of these? Seriously, I'm tired. Will there be some support or break that be able to bring me up again?

E.T being great, by able to meet me everyday, and never fail to make me laugh. I'm glad that at least there's someone out there who appreciate me. I never get sick of his lame/cold jokes. At least, I smile.

Oh well, perhaps selling floor is no longer in my blood. I guess, I will take another path. Its just a matter of time.

Its late, gonna turn in. Night world.

2009-02-06T11:25:00.002+08:00

Tired. Just tired. Falling sick. Real badly. Still gonna drag myself to work. I hate it. :(

2009-01-31T15:12:00.005+08:00

Happy New Year.

Another year just past like that. I'm like 24 according to Chinese year. Gosh, makes me feel so old. Kinda happening this year. Too much games, MJ etc...

Eve was at home with my parents, having normal dinner, head out. Kinda surprise that this year doesn't have any drinking. Went to Gary's place for MJ session. Didn't play though. Was just there watching them play. Met up with Queenie and the rest at Mr. Prata, had some prata, and head home at like 5am.

1st day of CNY woke up at like 8plus for breakfast. And went back to sleep. Head out for visiting at my mum's side at noon, Queenie, Joshua and Edmund came over my place for MJ session. After not long, head to Ed's place for card games again. And together to his friend's place. Reach home at like 5am, yes again.

2nd day of CNY, even worst. Woke up by my aunt, stay at home, chit chat with my cousins etc. Nothing much to do, head out in late evening. To Downtown East. Manage to catch something. Ha. It wasn't Pooh Bear though, but I like it. Well, at least we manage to catch something.

3rd day of CNY, was at shop the morning, meeting with Regional. In the end, packing of storeroom etc.. Stay there since 730am, all the way till 1pm+. Reach home, head to Ubin with my family. Did nothing much over there. Other then some interesting thing was like picking up Saga seeds. Manage to pick up like 404 of them. Had mosquitos bite, but I had fun..

And here I am blogging. Nothing much really happen, but all these while I had fun. All thanks to E.t for accompanying me all these while.. =D

Cousins with granny.

Cousins.

At KTV during CNY. Song's birthday.

Will update soon, I guess.

i miss you.

2009-01-22T17:40:00.003+08:00

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
And I'd never get confronted for it
Cause they'd stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a girl even just for a day
I'd get out of bed in the morning
And take forever to get ready
Complain to my friends
As if they got a man
They talk about you cause they're jealous
And I just stay and listen to it (I should get rid of them)

If I were a girl
I don't think I'd understand
How it feels to love a boy
I swear I'd be a better woman
I'd listen to him
Cause I don't know everything
I would always try to tell him that he needs to treat me better
Like I don't gotta change at all

If I were a girl
It's a little too late for you to come back (I don't)
Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that? (I don't)
If you thought I would wait for you,
You thought wrong (I did wrong)

But you're just a boy
And you're just a girl
You don't understand
No you don't understand
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
And you don't listen to him
You don't care how it hurts (you don't care how I feel)
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
Cause you're taking him for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
And you're just a girl

2009-01-22T03:36:00.005+08:00

Its been a long time..

Its been long since I've update my blog. Well, been busy with doing nothing as usual. A big THANK YOU for everyone getting me presents, SMS-ing me birthday wishes. :D This year will never been so great without you guys party-ing with me at Dbl O and of course MJ-ing at my place.

~~And thanks to some people out there ruin-ing my day off.~~

Well, I've been great recently(I guess), at least friends out there accompany me almost everyday just to make sure I'm okie. Well, not really not okie, but still okie.

16th Jan, work morning shift. Suppose to end work at 530pm, ended up I left shop 630pm. Was kinda piss with Iggy but ended up, the shop surprise me with birthday cake, and yes, I weep. I'm touch.

Head to Bugis with ZhiLing. Slack there, bought a dress for CNY, and head to Town to meet Queenie. And drop by Desmond's shop to get my stuffs. Went to Double C after that. Had a couple of drinks, and thanks to Carol for getting me another "cake" that's made of "ham ji peng" with candle on it. Haha.

Get wasted, head home and sleep.

Saturday woke up at 10am, met Terrance and came over to prepare the steamboat. MJ-ing. Slacking. Talking. Thanks to Terrance & GF, Queenie, Joshua, Xin Dai, Zhong Yue, Joanna, Winson, Ming Hui, Edmund, Gary, Javier, Kai Juan, Afiq, Marcus, Si Jia, Michelle, Hong Li, Jessica, Wei Teck and Jennifer for coming over.

Shower, and head to Double O.

Thanks to everyone being there. (:

I had fun this year. I hope it will be a smooth year ahead. (:

Wil try to update soon. If not, closed for good..

2009-01-11T23:56:00.002+08:00

6more days to 22..

Seriously, I guess its just another day. Right now, feel like cancel-ing ever single thing that I've been thinking, or perhaps friends that organise. Well well well.. A so-called house party at home, follow by some MJ session, then hit to club, drink my ass off. Get wasted, and head home. That's the plan. Yeah, thats the plan.

Somehow or rather, I feel like locking myself at ??? place, think thru all these shit I've been step on, or perhaps the things that I've cost myself to be in this stage.

~~Its all over, tomorrow will be a better day.~~

And I hope so.

Was passing thru East Coast yesterday, so much memories just start flooding back. All thanks to YOU for making me so EMO for no reason. And yah, I be fine, I know.

Just hate those things that happen right now.

2009-01-04T15:23:00.005+08:00

Its been a long time...

Well, get to meet up with Queenie after XYZ months not seeing her. Went to drink at some random place at Downtown East. Did lots of funny things which makes us real stupid. Recalling those time that we had together, calling our friends just to disturb and stuffs. Went rounding together or whatever, met up almost everyday at Corner. Wow. Its been long since I've been doing that..

The Black & The White.

Well, at least I enjoy. And I had fun that night. Though its some drinking session, but at least, I did catch up with her.

-------------------

Last night, went supper with Ming Hui at Jalan Kayu. Its real long since I've step there for prata. Ate there, and went rounding with Zhong Yue & Joanna. During rounding get to saw Wei Jie, and glad to see that he's doing fine and good. Anyway, rounding seems a little too much. Whereby there's 30bikes at least and a couple of cars that go round Orchard, City etc.. Ended up we head to Seletar Camp there to slack..

Reach home around 3+, shower, and pack my room till like 6am?

I'm really tired. ~~Perhaps its not physically tired, its mentally.~~

And now, gonna continue with packing.

13more days to 22..

2008-12-31T22:59:00.001+08:00

Hinder – Without You

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something's changed
You've been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Called you up cause it's been long enough
And you said that you were so much better
We have done a lot of growing up
We were never meant to be together

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it's taken its toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Cause something changed, you were acting so strange
And it's taken its toll on me
It's safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine,
Without you
Without you
Without you
Without you
I just wanna be alone tonight,
I just wanna take a little breather.

2008-12-31T22:32:00.005+08:00

Goodbye 2008, Hello 2009. Goodbye beautiful memories..

2008 seems a hard year for me, I'm glad its over. Hoping that 2009 will be a better year. It so quite at home. No one is at home. Listening to the stupid songs that make me so EMO, but I'm glad that I'm going out for some fresh air later.

Well, I said it was a hard year due to work path doesn't seems so smooth, but I'm glad that I did get what I want back then. Finally being a Store Manager of one of the awesome stores in Singapore. So glad that the boss of Cotton On recongise all our hard work. (Good job guys)

Have a wonderful team back in Parkway, glad that I didn't give up back then. I finally reap what I sow. (Or whatever you call that) I'm really glad. Finally get a stable career that I always wanted to have, and such a lovely environment to work have. Get a store SO NEAR my place.

Oh well.. Just being happy and contented.

I hope I will enjoy to the max later, and welcome 2009 with a new me..

Well, next year this date, what will I be blogging?
Getting married?
Getting promoted to Regional Manager?
Or perhaps,
nothing?

2008-12-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

Its my off day..

Suppose to be doing roster, going down to chalet, enjoy myself. But I didn't. Need nothing today. Just plainly stare into space. Hoping I will find the mood to get myself to do roster.

But I didn't. There goes my off day..

2008-12-27T01:36:00.004+08:00

I know I should be resting, but I didn't.

A phone call from you, my heart sank. Asking me where am I, ended up I told you I'm home, and you hang up. A year ago, we were like drinking our lungs out at Double C. This year round, I guess, I cant even remember when did we last drink together? Its just so memorable back then. Those laughter that we have.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't thinking much, I wish I didn't change too much till some of you can't even recongise me. At times I wonder, have I change to a better person? 2008 is ending what have I done for this past one year?

Yes I did want to become a store manager back in 2007, right now I got it. Am I contented with what I'm having? Twice a promotion in 3months, am I not happy with it? I wish I am, or in fact, I think I am.

Sigh.

I've change to some cold ass, that doesn't even give a shit to anyone. Go around hurting people that doesn't appreciate me, those things that I've done for them. What have I got in return?

Nothing.

Oh well, I don't know why am I putting things in this way. Perhaps something just cross my mind and make me wanna cry. Or perhaps, Tampines Mall staffs are making me so heartache............

I don't know lah'

----------------------------------

At times, I felt that, I didn't did my part as a store manager, or perhaps people doesn't even respect me at all. Back in Parkway and Wisma, I was damn strict. People get scare of me, but at the same time they respect me.

Things ain't the same at TM. I wasn't that strict. People take me for granted. Take my words as nothing, as though I'm nothing in the store. All I want is things get done and stuffs.

Things have been going on from bad to worst. Regional expect more from me, shop to turn out well and stuffs. Without having a very supportive 2IC how am I gonna hold onto the whole shop?

I'm a human too. I can't carry the whole load all by myself. Its only a matter of time that I fall....

I'm tired... And I know I shouldn't cry. Because cry admit defeat. But I know, it makes me feel so much better.

~~How I wish I didn't request transfer to TM..~~

----------------------------------

All I know is that, this song, still lingers on me badly.

我討厭　陰天的風　冷得那麼刺痛
只有你　能夠撫平所有的寂寞
昨天的風箏在角落
被誰丟到了路口
我很不想讓你找到離開的理由

每一夜　閉上眼睛　我看到了惡夢
你微笑　但是旁邊的人不是我
天空切開一道裂縫
直接割到我心中
不想裝作脆弱　也不想愛得懦弱

其實我非常愛你不想失去你
難道我沒有權利說我不願意
你給了他的吻　雖然只有餘溫
可知道我多渴望抓住你的心

我知道他很愛你你怕他傷心
我每天假裝開心害怕你離去
可不可以任性　求求你不要去
藏在我心裡　最後一句　其鴦還愛你

可不可以任性　求求你不要去
藏在我心裡　最後一句
其實還愛你

2008-12-27T00:48:00.002+08:00

I'm still waiting....

1) Pay day.
2) AWS.
3) Someone who can bless me with X1. (HEE HEE)
4) A right time to take a break.
5) My 22nd birthday.

Talking about birthday, is like less then 1 month I'm turning 22. OMG. That day is coming so soon. I've zero idea how am I suppose to celebrate it. Perhaps just ask Terrance to help me prepare food at my place, a few of us gather and MJ together(Haha) if not, a chalet which Gary gonna help me with it. We've been talking about chalet thing for close to a month, till now, still no news. :(

If not, gonna go for a holiday.. To ??? AWS is coming next month, which means I've additional cash. And seriously, gonna get myself X1(or any kind heart person gonna bless me? I'm still wishing!) with the AWS money and I guess, by then, not enough cash for any trip.

Perhaps, just get myself to Genting, :( or maybe Thailand, yes like again. Kinda tired with Bangkok cause most of the time is only shopping. Or perhaps get myself to Phuket again. Or maybe some island that I can relax myself and really have a break.

Oh well, say is say. By then, will I be able to get a break?

*Smack* Coming back to reality. Gonna catch some sleep. Fever is coming :(

2008-12-25T18:03:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas. (:

First of all, thanking everyone that bless me with presents. Haha. Really appreciate you come all the way down to pass me.

I had fun last night, though was hell tired. After work head down to my friend's place for celebration. Though ain't close with the rest, but at least I had fun and, didn't get drunk. In fact, knock out not long after I start drinking.

Trying to endure the tired-ness, but in the end, still gonna admit defeat. Haha,and right now, I gonna catch some sleep, before I really start to become some panda.

2008-12-23T11:00:00.002+08:00

Haven't been resting well since TM opening. Busy, hell busy over at TM. Tired, of course tired. On average only manage to sleep like 4hours per day.

Off day yesterday, but turn out go down to shop to do POS training. After which, head up to catch movie. And head home. Been sleeping since the moment I step home till this morning. This is how tired I get.

Gonna go prepare now, and yeah.. Another tired week ahead.

Merry Christmas in advance. (:

2008-12-17T21:16:00.003+08:00

I'm ultra contented..

Manage to set up a store on my own today. Get it done, from nothing to something. I never so happy before. I'm really very happy. Though today was a ultra tiring day, but when I see the store was done, I'm like jumping around and stuffs. I'm ultra happy can?

I didn't resign. Just that I transfer. Over to somewhere so close to my place. TAMPINES MALL. Tomorrow will be the first day, hopefully things will turn out well. And I know it will!

A new challage for me, and I know, I will be AWESOME :D

It still hurts to leave all of you at Parkway, but I know, I will be fine soon. Really appreciate you guys come down all the way to help me with the set up, and really thank you JAVIER for that Honey Red Tea. It really brighten my day up. (: Thanks Afiq and Kai Juan. Love you guys LOTS! :D

2008-12-16T01:23:00.002+08:00

I detest arguements.

One of my friend got shock when I call he/she today. He/she was like saying I was busy with my "new friends" where by I don't have? Have he/she ever stop and step into my shoe whereby I'm always the one asking he/she out? I get sick and tired with asking.

We've been knowing each other like for close to 2years. Why can't this time round, you are the one asking me out? Yes you will. Only at times when you need the company to drink, to slack or to pour everything out to when you've no one. Am I your last resource?

I guess so..

Is this the way that friendship should be? There's always one party giving, and one party taking? Perhaps that's how relationship work out, but when you give too much, you get tired. At times, I wanna take too.

I don't know lah.

--------------------------

Was talking over the phone with YOU just now. I know you don't like me to smoke, why you kept asking me how much sticks I smoke today? Even if I lie, you don't take my words, and doubting me by asking "You sure you're smoking so little?" And if I tell you the truth, you're like "why must you smoke so much?"

Tell me what should I answer you?

I felt the conversation uncomfortable and wanna hang up. Ended up, we're having a little arguements over it. I just wanna calm down, when I feel better, we will talk things out. But I don't have the chance to calm down, till I tell you off. I don't like it.

Why must we argue over this little things? Overall, I don't like to being control.

I'm tired. I wanna sleep.. Now..

2008-12-16T00:56:00.001+08:00

It sounds so true..

You are always alert and keenly observant. You are not truly satisfied with your everyday status and you are seeking fresh avenues which can give you the opportunity to prove your worth. You feel that there are still many barriers that stand between you and recognition - but one by one you will overcome them. Your tenacity is your one good point - like an English Bulldog, once you take the bite, you will seldom let go.

Being a likeable person you get on well with neighbours and friends. You don't need anything to 'Rock your boat'. You want to 'love' and to be loved'.

There are times of everyone's life when 'compromise' is the name of the game and this is the time, so you have no alternative but to forgo some pleasures for the time being. You are capable of achieving satisfaction through physical activity.

You are frustrated and stressed. You appreciate the finer things in life but at all times you appear to stay aloof, critical of everything and everyone about you. You will not be carried away by your emotions and you refuse to trust anyone or any situation unless genuineness and integrity can be absolutely vouched for. Therefore, you keep a strict and watchful control on your feelings as you must know exactly where you stand at all times. You demand complete sincerity as a protection against your own tendency to be too trusting.

Matters are not all that they would appear to be and you are critical of the existing conditions which you feel are confused and disorganised. You are therefore looking for a modus operendi which will simplify the situation so that you will be able to see the 'trees in the woods'.

click here

-------------------------

I'm tired. I don't know why am I so tired and restless these few days. Like tomorrow gonna be my 3rd off days in a row. What have I been doing these few days?

Sat night went out with Parkway crew to eat, slack, announcing the news to them. Some of them broke down, in fact, I almost did. When I look at their stun looks, it hurts so badly.

Sun went to watch bball at Simei, follow by movie, slack at Pasir Ris Park with drinks. Reach home like 3plus.

Today woke up like 12plus, went to Downtown to eat, and came home. Went out again, MJ with Javier, Kai Juan and Gary. Surprising I won like $10. Cab home, and I'm here blogging.

-------------

Cruel to the eye, I see the way she makes you smile. Cruel to the eye, watching her hold what used to be mine.

Why did I lie? What did I walk away to find?

Curse me inside, for every word that caused you to cry. I left the one I was looking to find.

Out of my mind, nothing makes sense anymore, I want you back in my life. That's all I'm breathin for.

I can't breathe easy, can't sleep at night. Till you're by my side, no I can't breathe easy. I can't dream yet another dream. Without you lyin next to me, there's no air....

2008-12-15T15:54:00.004+08:00

I'm simply tired. Stress are pilling up. Right now, even before I open shop, had a little arguements with my 2IC. I don't know how things gonna work out later..

Is just that the previous SM that's she had didn't pass the message across to me.. Oh well..

I just wanna be alone tonight, I just wanna take a little breather. Cause lately all we do is fight and every time it cuts me deeper.

Cause something's changed, you've been acting so strange. And its taking its toll on me. Its safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave.

Called you up cause it's been long enough and you said that you were so much better. We have done a lot of growing up, we were never meant to be together.

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday, without you, I'm seein myself so differently. I didn't wanna believe it then. But it all worked out in the end, when I watched you walk away. Well I never thought I'd say. I'm fine,without you. I just wanna be alone tonight, I just wanna take a little breather.

2008-12-12T20:38:00.002+08:00

I know I won't cry and I know I be strong.

Suppose to be my last day on Thursday, but lucky got delay. Tomorrow will be my last day. Everyone thought its just a normal dinner, but I guess, no one reading here, other then Javier.

Time pass by, I don't know how long will I be able to endure everything. This time round, this is a big blow for me. Now then I start to realise that Parkway belongs to me. Part of me don't want to stay, but I know, in terms of work, I have to move on.

This time round, I've zero idea how am I suppose to break the news to them, but I know, I will be fine... (I hope..)

The store manager taking over me, is someone who I think they'll love, and I know she'll do a much more better job then me. Jia you..

As for now, BYE BYE, gonna go out for dinner with my parents. I don't know how are they gonna nag at me again. I know, I'll be fine....

This upset, won't be lingers around for long.. (I hope)

2008-12-10T20:29:00.004+08:00

The long waiting day has arrive. Finally, I get out of Parkway.

Today is like my last day there. Though its not offical announce to the Part timers that stick with me since the first day, I didn't break the news to them at all. I don't know how am I suppose to take it or how am I suppose to break the news to them.

Saturday will have one last dinner as a group with them. And I hope, I won't weep..

(:

------------

If someone gonna bless me with this phone, I guess I will marry you. HAHA. Its Sony Ericsson X1 by the way. *drool

2008-12-07T20:17:00.002+08:00

你已静悄悄的离开我还假装没事
我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了

Dream, still dreaming.. Wake up, I gotta to wake up.. Seeing things, pictures that I don't want to. For this moment, my heart aches badly. Just like having something been so damn sharp been poke thru my heart. And it bleed.. And soon, I will bleed to death..

And that's when, I learn to give up, learn to pretend not knowing anything....

I'm fine, just felt emo that's all. (:

Happy birthday bro. (:

2008-12-07T15:40:00.005+08:00

wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up

Perhaps its time to wake up from where I thought I will always be happy, where I always thought that things will turn out fine, perhaps I should have just get out of the "comfy zone" and start to get a life.

Should have start getting a life long ago. Perhaps things wont turn out the way it should be. Or perhaps sometimes shouldn't have online so much so that I wont see the things that I shouldnt have see. Or shouldnt want to know. Then I guess, I will be much more better now.

And to that SOMEONE out that went tagging my blog, I guess I know who are you. If you know me well enough, you shouldn't have say these, it just simply hurts. (:

I'm craving for this so badly. :(

I regret.

Porky Lee. Who never fail to fight with me since Sec 1. Who never treat me like a woman. I miss those time that we have REAL FIGHT. WHAHA

2008-12-06T13:20:00.003+08:00

I give up.

Benn having fever for the past few days. Trying so hard to find someone who can accompany to see doctor, but in the end, I travel there by myself. Thankful that Terrance came down with me. He's so shock to see how pale am I, how fragile that I am.

I guess I gonna collaspe anytime.

After all these few days of thinking, I finally realise that by holding something that you know doesn't belong to you anymore, will only give you more pains. This is when I realise I've to give up.

I give up trying. I simply just wanna give up trying..

1.
There's this friend of mine whom I always wanted to get close to, to let him feel that he's not alone, ended up being rejected over and over again. I'm sick of trying. I'm always picking up your call when you're upset, where by when I need someone the most, were you there? Don't call me when you're feeling depress, cause I had enough.

2.
All these while I've been holding onto something that I never wanted to let go. But I guess this time round, I give up waiting. Give up waiting for miracle. If things are mine, it will be mine. Why am I so stubborn holding onto it? Where by I will get myself more pain?

3.
To be a better store manager. So what if I'm a store manager whereby everyone so scare of me? Scare of me is not something that I want. What I want is people who respect me. Agreeing with me that I'm worth the "store manager" pay. I'm just praying that the time that I left at Parkway will be a much more memorable one.

Tears are starting to stream down my cheeks. I've no idea why am I sobbing. Perhaps these few days of resting at home making me turn insane.

(Thursday came home rest, friday see doctor. Saturday here am I stoning. Sunday off day cum my brother birthday. Monday PH off. 5days of resting, I hope I have enough of rest.)

能不能不爱了因为爱太痛了我痛得快死了却无法把你忘了能不能不爱了爱情它太痛了我痛得快死了却无法把爱割舍我不能睡

2008-12-04T23:25:00.002+08:00

I finally knock out.

Was having fever since last night, went to work today, feeling damn seh still. Head home like 3pm. Thankful bro came down and fetch me. Reach home, took panadols and knock out. With thick blanket and warm jacket..

A nice sleep afterall.

Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better.

And yeah, recently a friend of mine, ended him relationship with the GF. Or the other way round? I was there for him. (Over the phone) Wanted to make my way down to his place, but he didn't allow. Tried to ask him out, but failed. I hope you're fine.

All I want you to know is that I care. (:

2008-12-03T22:13:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. I'm just simply so tired.

I need a break, off day please come soon. And I know, the seed that I've been planting has turn to something real good.

Harvest is coming soon.

not that i didn't loved you, i just couldn't overcome the obstacles

2008-11-26T22:09:00.005+08:00

I guess this post gonna be long, and I guess, a little dry.

I give up trying..

I've been strong, trying so hard to be a better person, a better in charge, a better shop mangaer, a better friend, the list just goes on..

Recently didn't sleep well, eat well. Just get tired so easily. Friends being telling me that I look real horrible. Comparing to the past, its not like the me that they know back then.

Its been a stressful week, I guess.

I put so much effort with the shop, perhaps get recongise by Country Manager, people recongise my hard work, respect me, things and task get done within time frame. I train up a good team. From zero team work, right now, everyone work as a team.

I'm still hoping that I'm thinking too much.

Team mates birthday, I went down to celebrate with them though I'm REAL tired, real restless. After full shift head down to attend, midnight head home. No matter how broke am I, will always figure ways to buy them present. Though I'm not working on Sunday, I bought them cake, to celebrate etc.

I'm not saying all these impress everyone whose reading.

One of them actually wanted to resign. Which I did ask why, and what cause he/she to resign. The reason stop me and I wonder. Did I behave like that when I was around that age? No time for myself due to work, friends, family, hobby(back then was clubbing.)

I fight for that person to stay, which my regional doesn't allow me to. Her point of view was why must I have someone who does care about the distance travel, and someone who doesn't really commit alot of shifts? Or perhaps, at times, telling me the shifts that he/she want?

I didn't agree with her. (Though back then I will agree with my regional, I rather hire someone new, and train up all over again.)

I argue with her, this and that. I back my staff up. Which I've zero idea why. Perhaps I'm just being too protective towards all of them. Every single mistake they made, I will try to cover them up. Including, latness. Which I can never stand that back then, over shot break time etc.

Right now, I stop, and question myself. Have I change?

Tears just stream down when I know about some stuffs.

The staff that I've been protecting all this while,(the one who wanna resign) did organise an outing. Everyone was invited. Except me.

I'm upset not because of not inviting me. I'm upset, because I wonder, all these while, I've been protecting you, is this what I should do? Just like a mother protecting her children? Is this how you take me for granted?

Another staff came telling me that I wasn't invited was because I was being roster that day.

And I choose to keep everything to myself. Weep last night, and I hope I did feel better. I wish that time will stop, and at least that makes me feel better, and when I did, time continues to move.

-------------------------------

Cotton On has this news letter that being pass around world wide. Which looks something like this.

This section is about super star and stuffs that the regional wrote.

I'm real close to tears when I found out that my name was there!

I hope its true, and I hope I really did a great job.

-------------------------------

Is there anything or something that can makes me feel so much better?

2008-11-24T09:54:00.002+08:00

My leg is getting so much better. Right now, I guess have to wait till the scar gets better.

Its gonna be a busy week ahead. 2meetings in a row, and lucky I get my weekend off. And it will great that Dec have so much PH. Christmas, Hari Raya, and of course, New Year, which is up coming January.

Right now, my shopping list is MacBook and Sony Ericsson X1. Anyone wanna bless me with that. (:

Gonna prepare for work, and there goes my day..

2008-11-23T13:49:00.000+08:00

im just tired.. i wish i could sleep forever..

2008-11-18T14:45:00.003+08:00

Last Christmas I spent with you at Double C, last New Year I spent with you at my house.

This year, who am I gonna spend with? Will I be a loner at home? Or will I be hanging around Boat Quay with my friends or who-so-ever?

I'm sitting here all by myself just trying to think of something to do. Trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself that you're not the one for me. But the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me. You know the holidays are coming up I don't want to spend them alone. Memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own

I know it's not the smartest thing to do we just can't seem to get it right. But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight one more chance tonight.

I'm sitting here trying to entertain myself with this old guitar. But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you, oh please, baby won't you take my hand we've got nothing left to prove.

Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did, and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids. And I didn't mean to give you chills, the way that I kiss. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did. And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did.

2008-11-18T12:35:00.002+08:00

The first time I heard this song, I weep very badly.

你的回话凌乱着在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽甜蜜散落了
情绪莫名的拉扯我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌假装没事了

时间过了走了爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了
说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
(我都还记得)
开心与不开心一一细数着
你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得

你不等了
说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了
放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

2008-11-14T03:46:00.002+08:00

You've been in my life and I never plan, growing old without you.

Shadows bleeding through the light, where a love once shine so bright, came without a reason.

Don't let us go tonight, love's always not black and white, bruised and battered by your words, dazed and shattered and it hurts, haven't I always love you?

I would have change the world, if I have the chance, you won't let me. Treat me like a child, throw your arms around me, please protect me.

When I need you, you're almost here and I know that's not enough. And when I'm with you, I'm closed to tears.

Cause you're only almost here.

2008-11-12T14:04:00.002+08:00

Was reading my post, and realise that I didnt share about how I fall. I fall down, not from bike. Alot of people ask me how come I accident, was it from bike? I repeat, its from a fall.

Went to work that day. 7th Nov 08, morning shift. Pretty tired due to Queenie's chalet. As usual, doing opening alone, opening of stocks alone etc.. 11am+ saw one of the rack was empty, went in to dig for stocks. Got the stocks, walk out of the store room, and I hit a tub, and I fall.

I landed on top of it, at the edge of the tub it crack, and cut my skin. There's this lady that rush over to help me up, asking me if she can do anything. Blood just stream down, and I felt so helpless. She help me up, and hold me towards the counter, and I call my regional manager.

Eddie heard me crying, rush down. Candy heard Eddie's conversation, chat with me over the phone until Eddie came down. At that point of time, my mind just went empty, and dumb me still continue with opening of stocks etc.

Eddie reached, ask me to go toilet to wash the wounds. Without knowing anything I just walk towards the toilet. Tons of people saw the cut, NONE OF THEM HELP ME UP. This is how mean Singaporeans are. Some even point at my leg, and start shaking head etc.

Went to hospital after that, did basic dressing, and head home.

And thats all..

2008-11-12T11:59:00.001+08:00

Just a photo. Nothing to said/type.

2008-11-10T11:51:00.001+08:00

雨淋湿了天空灰得很讲究
你说你不懂为何在这时牵手
我晒干了沉默灰得很冲动
就算这是做错也只是怕错过

在一起走分开了走
是不是说没有做完的梦最痛
迷路的过后我能承受
这最后的出口在爱过了才有

你说我不该不该
不该在这时候说了我爱你
要怎么证明我没有说谎的力气
请告诉我暂停算不算放弃
我只有一天的回忆

能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的怀里你不用太多失眠
如果你想忘记我也能失忆
能不能给我一首歌的时间
把故事听到最后才说再见
你送我的眼泪让它留在雨天
越过你划的线我定了勇气的终点

2008-11-10T10:49:00.001+08:00

Went to wash my wounds just now. Thank God, I dont have to wait that long. The moment the nurse took out the bandage, my tears just stream down. Not because it hurts, its because its so heartaching to see your own leg to be in this way.

More over, I'm a girl, everyone wants to be perfect. Now, I guess, I'm not anymore..

2008-11-08T13:56:00.004+08:00

I've been well recently. Went to Queenie's 21st Chalet, had lotsa fun, drinks, food, etc.. Went to work the next day, I fall, and hurt myself.. Will be on 1week MC. I hope that there woont be any scar left behind. :(

Thank YOU for giving me a cold shoulder, when I need you the most.

Thank you for all those care you've give me for the past 1 week.

And lastly, thank you for loving me.

I had a lot to say was thinking all my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me want to die

This time, I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days
You get older and blame turns to shame

Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right

I'm sorry I'm bad
I'm sorry you're blue
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you care, I love how you sound
and baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

2008-11-03T21:59:00.002+08:00

Its been long since I've update. Well, perhaps just busy and tired with work, moreover computer crash. (sorry bro if you're reading this)

Anyway, right now at my friend's place using computer, there's so much events coming. Like yesterday went to my staff birthday, Wednesday Queenie 21st birthday and follow by S&K gathering. Now I wonder should I go down?

Perhaps I should to catch with them, perhaps I shouldn't, just to avoid people around.. Sigh, I dont know.

How's work?

Its like doing every single thing the same everyday. Just a matter of shift. And yeah, great people working with. It makes me want to go to work more. And sometimes things just went wrong, and I get tired, negative thoughts just keep flashing by, that makes me wanna give up working.

But I know, I won't.

2 more days, and will be 1st year that I work at Cotton On.. (:

Shall update when I have the time and when I have my friend's labby to use.. Bug me thru phone then.

Chaos.

2008-10-21T14:41:00.003+08:00

I'm back in SG. Really tired. But it was so fun over there.

Upload afew photos. Shall update the rest soon.. Right now, I need my bed badly..

The hotel that I'm staying with. Sugar Palm. The service there is real awesome. Other then free internet, there's also Gym room, free suana, steam room, and even rental DVD for free. How awesome can it get? (:

The beach. Known as Kata Beach.

Thats all for now.

2008-10-18T23:06:00.004+08:00

Right now at the so call internet cafe, surfing for free. That's nice isn't it? And yah, doing nothing much today.

Reach here like 3plus(SNG timing) and check in and stuffs, went for lunch cum dinner and follow by spa. Tummy aint feeling well. All thanks to my gastic. But thankful I'm feeling much more better now.

The sad thing is that, THERE ISN'T ANY NIGHT MARKET HERE. That's why I'm sitting here, typing all these, blogging, surfing and stuffs. And the internew connection is DAMN slow.

MSN unable to sign in.. BOO-HOO..

I guess that's all, and hopefully able to update tomorrow..

Cheers.

2008-10-18T12:32:00.001+08:00

Goodbye Singapore....

I hope I've hell lots of fun over there.. Take care all my friends. (:

Shall update when I'm back, if not, update little bits of memories over at Phuket..

2008-10-17T23:44:00.002+08:00

Sometimes in life, when things happen, you then realise that you're at wrong.
But often, there isn't any turning back especially when you lost something/someone that you really love.

請不要分了以後還記得親吻過的承諾
妳的永久？已不屬於我
默默低頭那時我很多話哽在喉嚨
妳的笑妳的快樂或許我愛太多想太多
我能感受他比我適合
愛放了手我偽裝冷漠
逼妳先說分手

請原諒我原諒我不成熟
不愛妳是藉口好讓妳離開我
請原諒我好想自私將妳佔有
妳的寂寞就給我承受　
換妳過更好的生活

請不要分了以後還記得親吻過的承諾
妳的永久？已不屬於我
默默低頭那时我很多話哽在喉嚨？
妳的笑妳的快樂
或許我愛太多想太多我能感受
他比我適合愛放了手
我偽裝冷漠逼妳先說分手

請原諒我原諒我不成熟
不愛妳是藉口好讓妳離開我 nono
請原諒我好想自私將妳佔有
妳的寂寞就給我承受　換妳過更好的生活

愛過恨過哭過也笑過
親吻過妳的脆弱
其實我比誰都要懦弱
原諒我必須假裝愛錯
別讓時間逗留我怕說不出口誒
原諒我沒有解釋太多
心痛別無所求徹底忘了我
愛原來有舍得

I hope after this holiday, things will get better. And I hope, I'll be happy smiling..

Phuket, here I come. (:

2008-10-12T23:34:00.001+08:00

Perhaps I'm wrong. I hope, I dont regret with the things I said, and the things I do..

Its been long since I cried, this time round, I did..

2008-10-11T10:51:00.002+08:00

I feel so unappreciate. Being a fool once, never twice. Now I know the whole thing, I've seen a clearer picture of what type of person you are, and I won't turn back.

Was like planning to go drinking/clubbing/movie what-so-ever just to enjoy myself. Ended up, a phone call from your friend telling me that you guys met an accident. Push away everything, and make my way down to hospital.

You didn't want me to, either can I rest assure that you're really fine, which you doesn't sound okie to me. The moment I saw you, you seems ok, just depress. I didn't know by being there, I get some emotional hurts.

You speak less then 10sentence to me. No eye contact, no nothing. Thankful enough that I'm not that dumb to buy you that Porter bag whereby my friend said that its not worth.

Well, I guess you're to depress to talk to me, more over that's your car. You asked me to reach home, give you a text, I didn't, either did you call..

Good game Ebel. Game over.

2008-10-10T12:17:00.002+08:00

Grandma discharge from hospital last night. At least now, things get better for her. I'm glad that friends keep occupied me, trying their best not to let me thank so much. Work seems alright, other then I've another open door.

Is it a passion or my dream job? I don't know. I'm afraid that if I take up the job, I will regret. I don't know.. I'm just too tired of thinking..

This song, just make me weep..

你的绘画凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散乱了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呐
伴你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了

一开始的不快乐
你用卡片拭写着
有些爱只给到这真的懂了

怎麽了你累了说好的幸福呐
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一叙说着你在不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呐
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着要怎么停呐

2008-10-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

This song keeps playing in my heart over, and over again. I don't know why, but it makes me feel so down.

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯时间在旁闷不吭声
寂寞下手毫无分寸不懂得轻重之分
沉默支撑跃过陌生静静看着凌晨黄昏
你的身影失去平衡慢慢下沉
黑暗已在空中盘旋该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端无法存活在真实的空间

想回到过去试著抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气
想看你的看的世界想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起就能感觉甜蜜
想回到过去试著让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知还来不来得及
想回到过去

思绪不断阻挡著回忆播放
盲目的追寻仍然空空荡荡
灰蒙蒙的夜晚睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单已躺在身旁

沉默支撑跃过陌生静静看着凌晨黄昏
你的身影失去平衡慢慢下沉
想回到过去

I'm so tired, I'm looking for my holiday that's coming soon. Not sure if Xindai manage to get her days off, and not sure where are we heading to. I just realise that its been ages since I last travel.

I'm tired. Mentally tired. Ain't sure when will I fall. But I know that will be soon.

Its grandpa death anniversary on Thursday, its been 5 long years... I realise I miss you, grandpa..

And I miss you too..

A phone call from you, will be able to make me smile.. (:

2008-10-01T01:23:00.004+08:00

I've been down. Real down. Its like my tears gonna fall off anytime..

Glad to bump onto Jo and Augie this evening at Vivo. Had a little catch up with them, both of them claim that I lost alot of weight. I look pale, tired, wear out blah blah blah..

Tired, indeed I am.. I'm like running out of breathe to breath, too little time for me to rest, not much of food intake..

I'm running out of idea about what to blog, and I'm tired...

三公分陽光　三公分空氣　堵在眼前　像一面玻璃
擋住了你表情　剩下只有腳印

一直向前走　走不完距離　一直向後　退不出回憶
很高興有心事　幫我困住自己

你頭髮上淡淡青草香氣　變成了風才能和我相遇
你的目光　蒸發成雲　再下成雨我才能夠靠近

我懷裡所有溫暖的空氣　變成風也不敢和你相遇
我的心事　蒸發成雲　再下成雨卻捨不得淋溼你

感謝我不可以　住進你的眼睛　所以才能　擁抱你的背影
有再多的遺憾　用來牢牢記住　不完美的所有美麗

感謝我不可以　擁抱你的背影　所以才能　變成你的背影
躲在安靜角落　不用你回頭看　不用珍惜

I realise its not you who never try to understand me, its me, who never even bother to try to understand you.......

You'll always be my baby..

He said "I know that when you're sick you don't like to take medicine, but it will help and don't stress over yourself and take care of yourself. Thanks again I once felt the happiness you gave me and I really miss it. Take good care of your mom and don't drink too much next time. Cause I will not always be there to save you again. Love you always.."

And guess what, tears just fall. I always thought that he's just someone around me that dote me and love me. Someone that I feel comfortable with. And I didn't realise that, this time round,

I'm hurt, deeply hurt.

He's here, always here. Never too far away from me at all. Just that I always flare up at him, he humble down, and let me flare up every single thing. He can take my attitude, my mood swing and everything, I realise that I take him for granted..

And I'm sorry

It's my fault I didn't love you enough.

2008-09-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

Didn't you want to hear the sound of all the places we could go
Do you fear the expressions on the faces we don't know
It's a cold hard road when you wake up
and I don't think that I have the strength to let you go

There goes my ring
It might as well have been shattered
and I'm here to sing
about the things that mattered
about the things that made us feel alive for oh so long
about the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong

And someday, I promise I'll be gone
And someday, I might even sing this song
To you, I might even sing this song, to you
and I was crying alone tonight
and I was wasting all of my life just thinking of you
So just come back we'll make it better
So Just come back I'll make it
better than it ever was

Maybe it's just me, couldn't you believe
that everything I said and did, wasn't just deceiving
And the tear in your eye, and your calm hard face
makes me wish that I was never brought into this place
I want it all, don't leave right now
I'll give you everything

2008-09-24T10:52:00.001+08:00

I know I be fine. The storm of mine will be over soon. Stay strong Ebel..

I didn't know by working too much OTs will cause us to quarrel.
I didn't know by meeting less will cause too much misunderstanding.
I didn't know by putting too much in career will cause the break up.
I didn't know by giving each other too much space, we take things for granted.

Grandma hospitalis yesterday. She's fine, not too much of worries. I realise its been long since I've seen her. The last time was like CNY, and its then I realise that she age so much.. Till I hardly could recongise her.

That's when I stop, and I really realise that I've been putting too much time on work. Mum keep wanting me to visit grandpa back then, its always work, friends, bf, sleep that keep stopping me from going to find her. I guess, sometimes, its too late to realise everything.

Bro leaving this monday, and I hope that everything will be fine. Can tell that mum is very upset about it. I don't know how long I can endure everything, but I know I'll be fine.. (i hope)

2008-09-18T23:35:00.002+08:00

Finally..

The sales started, getting real tired as days pass.. Off on tues, get back to shop. (like again.) Thankful its only a few hours. Head to dental after that, forget to bring retainer, gonna come back another day. Seriously, its like wasting my time.

Head to sentosa get myself some tanned, and head for window shopping. Baby pick me up at night, head to 85 for dinner, and then to Changi. Suppose to be like watching planes pass by, turn up, he's PSP-ing, and I fall asleep.

How great I am.. Haha.

Eddie called me on Monday, asking me to spare him 5mins.. Turn up, and YES I MADE IT!

Finally I promoted to SHOP MANAGER of Parkway! Damn happy lor!

And yah, I need to sleep..

2008-09-14T22:14:00.002+08:00

I'm still breathing, still doing.. okie I guess.

Been away for Wisma for 1week. And yeah, I'm still staying at Parkway till.. I don't know.

Been so tired. Really very tired. Was on off on Thursday, had shop meeting in the morning, head to Sentosa by myself, get tanned, and yeah, out of there, Vivo shop, and Friday, morning shift, conversation.

Sales started on Friday. Reach shop at 730am, change VM, fixtures everything all by myself. Get things done by noon. And what's worst, Eddie came down. Change so much things, and ended up, I stay till 1130pm. Thats like 16hours of work.

Indeed tired. And I cab home.

The next day, woke up late, like 1130am. Whereby I suppose to reach shop an hour later. Shower, and yes, cab again. Reach shop at 1240pm. Busy, busy, busy. Rush here and there. Get things done, Nigel(Cotton On owner) came down that day. Was a bad day though. Zhiling was on off. And I run the shop. Not enough staffs, shop over messy. Worst still, I break down.

But I'm glad that things turn out better then I expect. At least he said "Hey, you did a great job." And I relief. I'm so glad that things turn out the way that it suppose to be. And yeah, I'm happy.

Chatted with Jayden, Eddie, Ming Ming outside shop for like 1hour or so. And that day, I finish at 12am.. Another shag day. I wonder, how long more can I endure? Its not mentally tired, its physically tired..

And I thought, you'll understand me.. But you didn't..

2008-09-08T23:32:00.003+08:00

First day at Parkway. Seriously, almost dead there. So much things not sort, so much things like.. Its totally in a MESS. Helpless. I don't know where to help. Things say over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, no one gets in the head.

I wonder how long more can I endure.....

Anyway, cut my hair on Saturday.(thanks Andy) Follow by head to Wisma to pick up some stuffs and head over to Parkway. Was there looking at this big shop. So many new staffs, yet I can't even let them know "hey, nice to meet you. I'm Ebel, your ASM." I'm like a stranger, and I just walk pass them.

Gave instructions for one last time, and and glad that things go in the way.. And, with a smile, I walk out. I wonder, how long will I walk out of here.. How long more will I go back.

Part of me don't want to go back, because I wanna fly alone. I'm so cosy for so long, its time for me to move on.

Part of me want to go back, because of my team mates, the surrounding, the everything.. And I... Dont know.

Sigh.

2008-09-06T02:43:00.000+08:00

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

2008-09-04T22:13:00.002+08:00

So much things are at my head. Somehow or rather, I feel that

I'm alone.

Though baby being here for me 24/7. Trying his best to cheer me up, but afterall, I'm the one who walk through this life all by myself.

Mum suffer minor depression. I feel so helpless. Somehow, I don't know what to do. Thankful enough, at least I have a friend, who face the same issue as me, stand with me firmly. Help me, at least, makes me stronger.

Mum never ask about what I want for food when she knows that I'm at home. Maybe because since young, she doesn't dote me at all.(Thats my point of view) But recently, she keep asking me what I want for dinner.

She never allow us to have chips, especially LAYS. Because its expensive, and not healthy, and it help us GAIN weight. But recently, she bought so many packets and store at home.

(And of course, I finish it.)

She gets real tired as days goes by. Tired until she didn't have the energy to nag at us, or even wait for us to come home. There was once, about 12+(midnight) she called me, with a sleepy tone, asking me where am I?

I told her I was with Marcus, and with the worried tone of voice, asking me where's my sister. I called my sister straight, and she said she did inform mum that she will be home late due to watching midnight.

I wonder, what's on mum's mind?

The moment I came home, check on her, she's on her bed. The next moment after I came out from shower, she's not on her bed. It really freak me out. And I realise that she's sleeping on the floor.

I question her last night, she said, she doesn't like her bed anymore. She prefer sleeping on the floor. Sometimes, she came over to my room, with her pillow and blanket, within 10mins, she get out of the room, saying that we're too noisy. Whereby me and my sister didn't speak at all. And she head to my bro's room to sleep.

The next morning, I found her sleeping at her own bed.

I don't know how to help. I feel so helpless. I weep when I think about what happen at home. Its affecting me so badly.

Receive a call from my regional this afternoon. (Wasn't feeling well the moment I step into shop. Puke out all my medicine after I took it.) Yes I'm sick. And I really detest that.

Informing me that I be transfering over to Parkway for 2weeks the most. Just to train up all the staffs over there. Turn that shop to be as awesome as Wisma. Because I've the potential with doing that. And seriously, I don't know why I feel damn down when I hear the news. Its a good thing isn't it? Maybe because I'm over sensitive towards these type of things, or perhaps, Parkway had too much beautiful memories? Because the current Cotton On shop, is the previous Samuel & Kevin outlet.

I hope I will do a awesome job.. And right now..

I wanna weep.

2008-08-29T22:56:00.003+08:00

At times I wish certain things should not happen. Or perhaps, happen another time. Just like yesterday.

Head to airport after work. Reach there, waiting for him to come out for dinner. While was on my way, I did call his shop countless time, I did SMS him, no repond. Till the time that someone pick up the call, telling me he's already out buying food.

And what a reply from him telling me that he forget that we suppose to meet up for dinner. Of course I was freaking angry and I just walk away. And I head home. Reach home at 7pm, slept at 8pm, all the way till this morning around 10am.

Head was freaking heavy, I guess is because of the rain I caught yesterday. Called him to wake him up, not much words exchange and just hang up, And I did make the effort of asking him wanna eat later on, words exchange began harsh on one another. In the end, right now, I'm staring into space. I'm hungry. Freaking hungry. Not taken any single food today.

One mintue was telling me that sunday full shift, next was telling me that having dinner with his brother. Seriously, I don't understand, and I told him that. He didnt even reply with the correct thing, and trying to piss me off. And he said those nasty things that make me real nasty..

And... I dont know what the fcuk is wrong. I'm so fucking PISS!

2008-08-26T14:25:00.002+08:00

I'm afraid. Afraid of losing something thats so dear to me in my life. I wanna say goodbye, so that it wont be having so much aches to see those tearful goodbye.

I'm alright, I'm good. Just having some XYZ thinking. I don't know what's wrong. I only know I'm tired, wanna rest, but afraid of so much things.. I need a break.

2008-08-21T22:20:00.006+08:00

Awards night on monday. MADNESS again. Drink, drank, drunk. I'm a real sobber then. Had too much of drinks, till Marcus was real pissed with me. Sent me home and then cold war began. But I'm glad that things are better right now.

Went to work after 5days of MC. Extract my last wisdom tooth last wednesday. Its a week now, and things doesn't seems so fine.. ( I guess have infection towards it.) Anyway, went back to work, I stress myself up alot. Whereby 5days of rest, I went back shop, BLANK.

I guess its all personal stress.

With "black, long face" head towards Alley Bar. Madness began. Start the ball rolling with beers, mixer, anything and everything. Mix and had so much fun. And the most funny thing is regarding the awards that we're getting. The Offical And Unoffical awards. And I got myself one.. HAHA.

And I'm surprise that, sometimes, or infact most things, there's always a turning point.. (: I'm glad that, we're begining to be back like before. PHOTOS!

RJ, Candy. Outside Wisma, before heading towards Alley Bar.

Wisma Team.

Candy & Sandy. Yes they are sisters.

Eddie. My regional.

Xiao Jing.

Steven.

Estee.

Van. She look real pretty that day!

My buddy! Jayden. Who they call Kongfu panda.

Daniel, the BOSS!

Ignatius!

Not forgetting you, Vivien. (:

Rabia, Candy.

The awesome 4. (:

Lastly, my multi-task award. LMAO.

I'm sorry, its out of place, cause I was wasted when snapping the photo. Haha!

It actually says,
Multi-talent award. (Smoke a lot, drink a lot, eat a lot)
"Cotton On would like to commend you on your natual talent. Some people smoke a lot, others drink a lot and some eat a lot. We are fortunate to have someone on our team that can do all 3. Nice One!

2008-08-17T15:44:00.004+08:00

MADNESS. Seriously, I've not been so WASTED before. I PUKE! And that sucks. Really. Oh man.

Went to You Bar yesterday. Not bad, nice lady boss there. But seriously, its for adults, or perhaps, uncles and aunties. HAHA. Was with Jason and Ming Hui. 2jars, 1 and half martel. You Bar closed at 230am, head to Boat Quay for drinks again. Where else?

Double C. Drink another 2jars. And, game over Ebel. I puke, and thankful I didn't make any funny things out. Was very sobber, but still good enough to know what am I doing. Really insane.. Martel with tigers, over and over again. Drink my heart out.

And yeah, I promise no more next time..

Half way thru.

Gone case.

2008-08-15T01:17:00.003+08:00

Its been ages since I've update the blog. For a moment, I just wanna blog. Wanna pour out things.

And for this moment, I realise I've not been attending service for like weeks? Or perhaps months? I've lost count on how many weeks that I've been missing service. And what's worst is that I miss out FOP(Festival Of Praise) AND I WONDER WHY!?

Right now, I don't know why, was looking at my friend in church profile, and thats when I realise cellgroup already expand, so many new faces, looking at cellgroup's blog, make me realise so much changes..

I miss God, I miss church, I miss my first love with God..

So much things.. So emo right now... I wanna weep..

I know, You will be here with me, to comfort me all night long..

2008-08-13T01:52:00.001+08:00

Does this sound meaningful to you? Cause it is to me. (:

To love & lost is better than not having to love at all..

Ending a relationship is just like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream.

We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else. We have to admit that love doesn't give us the license to own a person. This is what love means...sacrifice.

Often times we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesnt mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them,
but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them.

Deep in my heart, I'm suffering, knowing that I've lost you. On the outside, I'm living, pretending that I've forgotten you.

A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty.

How can I promise you forever when tomorrow is so far away from me? How can I dry your tears when I have a bleeding heart inside of me? How can I ever forget you when your name is etched so deep within me?

They say no matter how dark the night is, the sun always rises again. I say lost love makes one realize that no matter how bright the day is, the sun will always set again.

A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling. And the most painful thing is, no one really hears it, except you..

Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?

2008-07-19T10:54:00.002+08:00

Went to Double C last night alone. After work though. Had a jar and left. Anyway, not much of stuffs to blog about. Really very tired these few days. And finally get my weekend off.. I'm like hoping, I have somewhere to go, something to do. Seriously, I hate weekends off. Every where is crowded with people. But at least, weekend is the most shag place, and yeah, I get to slack at home.

And I guess, right now, I gonna catch some sleep.. And...... Might be continue..

2008-07-15T13:31:00.003+08:00

I wish I could open up your heart, and take a good look.

Seriously, I've no idea what's on my mind, what do I really want. Everyday is like the same thing that happen. Just that I ate different food, wear different clothes, meet different customers everyday.

Everyday wake up at 1015am, shower and leave house at like 11am. Take train to town, and start work. Break time is always at 4pm, and then, sign in at 5pm. Work till 10pm, close shop, EOD(End Of Day) leave shop. And that's it.

Throughout this July roaster, to be frank, I'm afternoon shift all the way. Its only Wednesday that I'm on morning shift. I was the one who planned it, and yah.. Maybe because afternoon seems to be busier and stuffs. Or perhaps, I just can't face the fact that I've no where to go after my morning shift.

Well, starting to get a life now. At least I meet a bunch of new friends and everything. And I hope, right now, YOU will also get a life. You let me go, don't be like yesterday, coming down to my area, it ain't helping.. (: Because, I've learnt how to let go. So must you.

爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会等于收回
我却还在等待着谁能出现

伤伤伤伤了几回
也曾经为爱憔悴
爱情好人总比坏人狼狈
我却还是学不会狠心对谁

男人男人多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼
女人女人我答应做个好人
我答应用我一生来换你的快乐一生

男人男人多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真让我不必再心疼
女人女人我答应做个好人
不会再让我(你)心疼一等再等
你就是我等的那个人

男人男人
女人女人
多么希望你是对的人

Once upon a time there was an island where all the feelings lived. Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all the others, including Love.

One day it was announced to all of the feelings that the island was going to sink to the bottom of the ocean. So all the feelings prepared their boats to leave. Love was the only one that stayed. She wanted to preserve the island paradise until the last possible moment. When the sland was almost totally under, Love decided it was time to leave. She began looking for someone to ask for help.

Just then Richness was passing by in a grand boat. Love asked, "Richness, Can I come with you on your boat?" Richness answered, "I'm sorry, but there is a lot of silver and gold on my boat and there would be no room for you anywhere."

Then Love decided to ask Vanity for help who was passing in a beautiful vessel. Love cried out, "Vanity, help me please." "I can't help you," Vanity said. "You are all wet and will damage my beautiful boat."

Next, Love saw Sadness passing by. Love said, "Sadness, please let me go with you." Sadness answered, "Love, I'm sorry, but, I just need to be alone now."

Then, Love saw Happiness. Love cried out, "Happiness, please take me with you." But Happiness was so overjoyed that he didn't hear Love calling to him.

Love began to cry. Then, she heard a voice say, "Come Love, I will take you with me." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she forgot to ask the elder his name. When they arrived on land the elder went on his way. Love realized how much she owed the elder.

Love then found Knowledge and asked, "Who was it that helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "But why did Time help me when no one else would?" Love asked. Knowledge smiled and with deep wisdom and sincerity, answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

Have you understand how great my love is?

2008-07-15T01:45:00.001+08:00

Don't wanna close the door
Don't wanna give up on it
Don't wanna fight no more
We'll find the way around it
Where's the love we had?
We can make it last

So tell me what it's for?
If there's no winner in it?
Nobody's keeping score,
Let's start from the beginning
Can we make it last
Where’s the love we had

Do I gotta stay in the cold of night
Till the morning light
Do I have to say
I will let you get away

What I gotta be,
Tell me what you wanna do
Cause I can't live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can't go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?

2008-07-13T01:42:00.000+08:00

Ming Hui

Rachel

Thats all. Too lazy to upload the rest.

Was at Double C again last night. Sobber till now. I'm glad that you came down and fetch me home. Thanks. *lurves. Really apprecaite everything you do..

2008-07-06T16:00:00.002+08:00

Went to Double C last night after finish work. I had so much fun. Really. Though its a little disappointing that some of them didn't turn up. But I have fun. Drink, sing, games, laughter and even tears..

Saw a familiar face there. Was expecting more, but I know they won't be there. Talk to that familiar person, told me so much things. He help me to sing that song that someone used to sing. I weep when I heard that. And I can't help but cried.

Photos will be upload soon..

如果你眼神能夠為我　片刻的降臨
如果你能聽到　心碎的聲音
沉默的守護著你　沉默的等奇蹟
沉默的讓自己　像是空氣

大家都吃著聊著笑著　今晚多開心
最角落裡的我　笑得多合群
盤底的洋蔥像我　永遠是調味品
偷偷的看著你　偷偷的隱藏著自己

如果你願意一層一層一層的剝開我的心
你會發現　你會訝異
你是我　最壓抑　最深處的秘密

如果你願意一層一層一層的剝開我的心
你會鼻酸　你會流淚
只要你能聽到我　看到我的全心全意

聽妳說妳和妳的他們　曖昧的空氣
我和我的絕望　裝得很風趣
我就像一顆洋蔥　永遠是配角戲
多希望能與妳　有一秒　專屬的劇情

你會鼻酸　你會流淚
只要你能聽到我　看到我的全心全意

2008-07-03T02:10:00.002+08:00

I'm at the post where I always dream about it. Right now, stress are pilling, and I can't even stand strong. Who will be there to hold me, and give me a hand? Whatever I do, it doesn't seems to please someone out there. Its either I didn't hand over properly, or either I didn't do a awesome job.

So much things are on my head. I don't have a strong senior to support me, everything has to be done by myself. I'm a human too, I need my rest, I need my time for my own. Why must I give up so many things just for the shop. In the first place, is there anyone out there who appreciate all the things I've done? The effort I put it?

If I could, I rather give up the rank I'm having right now. Sometimes in life, people will make mistake, I only mislead once. Whereby crowd control me. And turn out, you gave a piece of me. Make me so upset, make me feel so helpless and worthless. Make me wanna give up everything..

When are you people gonna appreciate me again?

2008-07-01T13:45:00.002+08:00

I used to love Tuesdays and Fridays. But right now, its Tuesday. And seriously, I don't like this day anymore. Roaster for July already out. Another 4weeks of BORING tuesdays to go.

Sigh.

Wanted to go tanning, but then.. Its cold out there. Not much sun. Might as well stay at home. Wanna catch some sleep.. But then.. so much of noise all around. Seriously, I'm bored like fcuk.

---------------------------------------------

Its goodbye for us. Thank you for being so nice to me for the past 7months. Appreciate every single thing that you've done for me. Thank you for loving me back and every single thing. Spend time with me when you can, trying so much to compromise to me, my attitude, my stubborn-ness, my demanding and every single thing. Its goodbye, no longer see you later..

I aint sure when will be the next time I see you, either will I know when will be the time I get to see you down the streets, or maybe around my area. Been to your area once, didnt get to see your dad's car, go to the place where I know I will see you, but I know.. Fate has play us out.

I hope one day, I will see you at my area one more time. I miss you

goodbye my dear.

2008-06-27T01:50:00.003+08:00

Was wondering..

So what if I have a career? But on the other hand, I give up on friendship?
So what if I have alot of clothes but doesn't have the time to wear them?
So what if I have alot of friends, but none of them are true?
So what if I have a perfect family but doesn't have warm?
So what if I have alot of time, but no one to spend with?
So what if I'm rich, but I'm never happy?
So what if....

2008-06-24T16:37:00.002+08:00

I'm too lazy to blog anyway. Or perhaps, there's nothing to blog. I just wanna wake up from my nightmare soon. How long more are we gonna stop playing hide-and-seek? How long more are we gonna hide from one another? Do we still have our 65years old deal with us still?

i miss you..

如果你眼神能夠為我　片刻的降臨
如果你能聽到　心碎的聲音
沉默的守護著你　沉默的等奇蹟
沉默的讓自己　像是空氣

大家都吃著聊著笑著　今晚多開心
最角落裡的我　笑得多合群
盤底的洋蔥像我　永遠是調味品
偷偷的看著你　偷偷的隱藏著自己

如果你願意一層一層一層的剝開我的心
你會發現　你會訝異
你是我　最壓抑　最深處的秘密

如果你願意一層一層一層的剝開我的心
你會鼻酸　你會流淚
只要你能聽到我　看到我的全心全意

聽妳說妳和妳的他們　曖昧的空氣
我和我的絕望　裝得很風趣
我就像一顆洋蔥　永遠是配角戲
多希望能與妳　有一秒　專屬的劇情

你會鼻酸　你會流淚
只要你能聽到我　看到我的全心全意

2008-06-15T17:58:00.002+08:00

Had my weekend off. Both weekend, and here I am slacking in front of the computer. Maybe because I just wake up not long.

Anyway, went to cut hair yesterday. Had lunch with Andy, then head down to Kimage. Get my hair done, and was out with one of my ex work mate to celebrate his birthday. Met him at City Hall, went to Asia Kitchen to eat. Catch "Kungfu Panda" at Suntec. I was like a kid there. Laugh my ass off. Seriously, worth catching.

Slack at town. Was between Wisma and Taka, thats when I took my PSP out and start gaming. Was there at like 10pm, after a surprise for him. Famous Amos cookie cake. He was so shock. With the face of his, almost close to tears.

Slack there an hour, I guess, he's really piss. Cause I didn't tell him any single thing. Time up, head to KTV beside Swenson. I told him I was there to collect things from my friend, and he was beside me, I drag him in, HE REALLY GOT A SHOCK.

Every of the S&K staffs there wish him Happy Birthday. Had fun though. Special thanks to Zen for helping me to organise it. And yeah, had fun. Drink, sing, laugh, PSP..

Left there at like 3am plus, slack at void deck till 4plus. And head home. The idiotic thing is that someone lock the door, and I had to call my poor brother to open the door for me.

And yeah.. I had fun last night. And I guess, he too..

Happy 21st birthday dude. (:

2008-06-10T11:28:00.002+08:00

I know I have not been blogging for ages. Seriously, being very lazy. Off day just slack at home and rot to death. HAHA.

I've finally made my way up in my career path. Early this month was promoted to 2IC(Assistant Shop Manger) at Wisma. (: Seriously, I'm waiting for the moment to get my way up to SM.. Hmmm.. Its not easy being a 2IC.

Its only like a week or so, but I've so much stress. Weekends is like crazy. Sales, crowds, stocks. What's worst is that not enough stocks over at the selling floor. Oh yeah.. I stress till my weekend sleepness just burnt by staring at the ceiling.

I hope I can get my sleep later..

2008-05-28T14:33:00.003+08:00

I've been weird. Real weird recently. I admit, I'm trying to get away with some people, or infact everyone. I've been really no life recently. After work, go home. Wake up go work. And today, my off day. I'm at home. Surfing net? Not really. Keen with going out? I doubt so. Its so sunny just now, I don't even bother to get myself of the house.

Its not that I don't have friends to chill with, perhaps I'm just.. I don't know. Wanna stay away from everyone.. I admit in terms of emotions, I've broke down. Physically wise, I'm really tired. I need a long, long break. Yes again.

GSS is here, yes sales is good. Till I don't have the time to breathe. My legs hurt badly, my eyes are full with blood shots. Not enough rest? I doubt so. I've been home these past few days after work head home. Resting on bed. But I just can't sleep. Till like 4am or so?

I finally slept so early and so long yesterday.. And right now, emotions are over me, and I wish, I could stop the world from spinning and I really need a break..

I know I will stand from where I fall. Its only a matter of time.. Meanwhile, just leave me alone.

2008-05-28T13:53:00.000+08:00

I remember the days we spent together, were not enough. And I used to feel like dreaming except we always woke up. Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much. Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up, I need your loving hands to come and pick me up and every night I miss you, I can just look up.

2008-05-26T21:13:00.002+08:00

I dream fast, and I fall fast.. Everything just happen so fast. Within days, I'm lost. Till I don't even bother to dress up to work. Not even wearing contact lens. For the past few days, I'm like that..

No matter what happen, I know, I have to stand strong and hold onto whatever I can hold onto. Everyone that know what happen been telling me to let go. But I know that, that day will never come, until.. I don't know.

Still friends with her?

Nope. We're just passer-by. Went to take my stuffs from from her. All she ask is asking her friend to pass to me. Wonderful. Don't even bother to come and say hello. What else can I ask for from her? Saw me at Boat Quay, just walk pass me, and give me a fcuk-up attitude. Just because I was with her previous BF?

And hello, for you info, is him who ask me to go drink, and I was there because I care for him. Knowing what happen between them and stuffs. Just wanna be a listner cause he was there for me when I'm down. Oh well..

Everything seems like my fault, no matter what I do, no one seems to appreciate. Maybe because of my charater I guess.

I wanted to give up so much things, but I know everything need time..

A moment to remember, being left at Boat Quay in the middle of the night. So closed to midnight. I was there, weeping. Just because I said those things I shouldn't have said. Flare up at the wrong time whereby we're smiling and laughing moments ago. I regreted? Yes I do. I know, somethings things broken, are hard to meant back. Even if it did, there will be scars. Well, I just hope that time heals everything.

李圣杰 - 擦肩而过

我爱着谁爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁能够把我让我变不对
你不会累但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见只能够靠感觉

你听我说你不要这么做
你不要看着我说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见只能够靠感觉

就算未来有多少错至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过

我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过

You sent me some parts of the lyrics, but I want you to know that 你不是擦肩而过. i love you.